CHAPTER XIII - DON JUAN

 

 

 

A couple of days had passed since the incident with Netis, and Maheliah had barely spoken to me. It felt strange not talking to her, and I was desperate to ask her what was wrong, but I was afraid that she was angry with me for putting myself in danger, or worse, that she was upset about my connection with Netis. She had sounded so sad when she had spoken to Netis about my apparent affection for him, and about their broken bond, and I was worried that she thought he had replaced her with me, or that I had replaced her with him.

Of course, my relationship with Netis was completely different to the sibling relationship that they had once shared, but she did not know that. I hated the idea of her thinking that I would do something like that to her. I could never replace her with Netis, and he was certainly not trying to replace her with me. I just had to hope that she would eventually stop ignoring me and confront me about it or recognise that her jealousy was unfounded. I was desperate to go back to the way things had been before, but I was afraid to ask her directly – after all, she might be ignoring me for an entirely different reason – so I decided that it was best for me to just continue living my life as if nothing had happened.

Later that afternoon, I was lying on Netis’ bed, looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He was lying on his back next to me, his face peaceful, apparently lost in his thoughts. It was rare for me to see him looking so calm and relaxed, and I could not help but scrutinise his face. My eyes travelled from his forehead all the way down to his chin, noticing how soft the curve of his nose was, and how sharp his jawline was in comparison. The corner of his mouth tilted downwards, forcing his thin lips to protrude slightly in a soft pout. The more I gazed at his face, the more beautiful he seemed to become.

“Stop staring at me, it’s creepy,” Netis murmured, his gaze still fixed on the ceiling.

“I didn’t know you could see me. I thought I was being subtle,” I giggled, covering my face with my hand, trying to hide my smile.

Netis turned his face towards mine and smiled, gazing into my eyes.

“I should teach you how to be more careful then…”

Grinning, he rolled on top of me, tickling my arms and my waist with his delicate fingers. I tried to keep my laughs back, but it was impossible. This moment with him was so magical, so perfect. I wanted to preserve this happiness forever.

Ceasing his childishness, Netis looked into my eyes and smiled softly, caressing my cheek with his right hand and bringing his face towards mine. I filled up the gap between our faces and kissed him firmly, before raising myself up to sit on top of him. Netis ran his hands down my shoulders and my back, resting them softly on my waist as I lay my head on his chest. Taking one of my hands in his, he began to play with my fingers, tracing his other hand up and down my back.

As I lay on his chest, my breathing matching the beating of his heart, I began to wonder what his life had been like before I had arrived in Hagalaz. He was a fantastic lover, even from the first time I had recognised that, and I began to wonder how many women he had encountered before me. Sex was a novelty for me; I was learning with him, and I knew that there was probably a great deal I did not know. The desire and passion in his eyes made it clear that he enjoyed my company, but I was certain that I was not providing him with as much pleasure as he must have experienced from past lovers. Sitting up, I looked down at his chest, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Netis, may I ask you something? Promise that you won’t get angry…”

He took his hand from mine and lifted it to my chin, tilting my face to meet his gaze.

“Please don’t start talking about Earth again…” he pleaded, his expression troubled.

“Don’t worry, it’s not about Earth,” I reassured him, running my fingers over his chest.

His look of relief was instantly replaced by one of confusion. He looked at me quizzically.

“I… I was just wondering how many lovers you’ve had…” I murmured in a tiny voice, looking down again.

“Why did you think that question would make me angry?”

“I don’t know. It’s just… it’s a very personal question. I was worried that you might not want to tell me…”

“Will you get angry?”

“No, of course not…”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. There was no point in getting angry at him for what he had chosen to do with his body in the past. I just knew that, regardless of what his answer was, it would upset me. Imagining him having sex with somebody else was painful.

Netis remained silent. I looked up at him, trying to decipher his expression.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

“It’s not that. I just don’t know the exact number. I’m guessing it’s around one hundred, maybe more…”

“One hundred?” I exclaimed, my eyes wide.

“I thought you wanted to know,” he replied with a smirk.

“I didn’t expect a number that big!”

“I am fifty years old, Fada. I haven’t had that many lovers for my age.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Kings and warriors are expected to have many lovers. In some kingdoms, the king will have sex with a different woman each day. The ones who are the best lovers stay in his harem; the ones that are less good get replaced.”

“Wow… Don Juan would have loved to be a king in one of those kingdoms.”

“Him again…” Netis laughed. “Why are you so obsessed with this legendary seducer, Fada? You talk like you’re in love with him.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I just love the story. He’s an interesting character: ambitious, pitiless, and capable of obtaining anything, and anyone he wants. He’s a lot like you, in a way.”

“Is that really how you see me?”

“Well, that’s what everyone says about you…”

A look of sadness flickered across his face, and he closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath before opening them again. He smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes.

“Tell me his story then. I’d like to understand why you’re so fascinated by this man.”

“It’s quite a long story; I’ll have to tell you about him another day. You’re just trying to change the subject from our initial conversation.”

“You’re the one who started talking about your Don Juan.”

“He’s not my Don Juan, the only Don Juan I know is you!”

I began to laugh, and so did Netis, his smile restored to its usual brilliance. Pushing me gently, he turned us over, laying me down on the bed as he tickled me. Eventually, he stopped, lying on his back next to me.

“About our talk…” I ventured.

“You mean, about Don Juan?” Netis laughed.

“Stop it with Don Juan,” I smiled, resting my head on his chest. “I mean about our conversation on lovers. You’ve had so many, even if you don’t think so. But… have you ever been in love?”

I was looking at Netis out of the corner of my eye and I saw his smile vanish, that same sad sparkle returning to his eyes.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to…” I murmured.

Netis was not listening to me. He sat up slowly, moving to the edge of the bed, sitting with his back to me. When he spoke, his voice was smooth and calm, but full of pain.

“Yes, once.”

His words stabbed at my stomach, not only because of his sorrowful voice, but also because he had already loved another. I should not have been upset; I was in love with Angel, after all. But for some reason, knowing that Netis had loved someone else pierced my soul.

“What happened?” I asked in a trembling voice, trying to hide my emotions.

“She’s in love with another man…”

“Oh…”

I could not think of anything else to say. His words comforted me, and for that I felt instantly ashamed. He was in agony, and I could not bear to see him suffer, but at the same time, I was selfishly happy that he had never been with this woman, whoever she was. Wracked with guilt, I tried to distract myself with questions.

“What happened to her? Is she from Hagalaz, or another kingdom?”

“It doesn’t matter; it’s not a very interesting story,” he answered, in the same calm but painful tone, before looking deep into my eyes again. “Tell me about you now.”

“What about me?” I asked, surprised.

“Have you ever been in love? Except for Angel, of course.”

I stared at him, not sure how to answer. It should have been easy, after all, I had never connected with anyone on Earth. But his question made me think about how I felt towards him. Could I tell him? No, he would almost certainly have rejected my affection. And yet, I wanted him to understand.

“I don’t know… I don’t know if you would call it love…”

“Don Juan doesn’t count you know,” he laughed.

“Oh, come on! Would you shut up about your Don Juan already?”

“He’s not my Don Juan, the only Don Juan that I know is you,” he laughed, imitating my voice perfectly.

I felt like I should be laughing, but my smile vanished. He was right: he was the only Don Juan I knew, and he was also the man I was talking about. Netis stopped smiling, looking at me with compassion.

“Tell me about him.”

“It’s… it’s quite hard to explain. At first, I thought that it was just attraction, but I’m starting to think that it might be more than that. When you’re attracted to someone, your heart beats fast when you’re around them, but with him, it’s the opposite. He makes me feel calm. Content. At peace.”

“Are you sure you’re not in love?”

“I mean, I know what love is, but this feeling isn’t the same as what I feel towards Angel. It’s such a different feeling because he’s different…”

“Do you still feel this way towards this man?”

“Oh no…” I lied, hoping that he would not guess that I was talking about him. “I don’t know him anymore. But his hold on me is… was so powerful…”

“It sounds like love to me, Fada. I never imagined that you would talk this way about anyone but Angel.”

“Forget it, it’s too complicated to explain, you wouldn’t understand…”

Indeed, how could he possibly understand that I was in love with Angel but that I also felt this passion for him at the same time? I wished I could have told him that he was the man I was talking about; that he was the one who I felt this unique pull towards. But how could I? Our ambiguous relationship would have become even more complicated.

Netis was about to say something when a scream from outside the palace made me jump.

“Fada! Come back home now, I won’t tolerate seeing you in this palace anymore!”

The voice was Maheliah’s. My pulse sped. I was naked in bed with Netis, and Maheliah was outside, so close to us. Terrified that she would enter the palace and find me with Netis, I leapt out of bed and grabbed my dress, hastily tightening the back as best I could. Netis stared at me, frowning.

“What are you doing?”

“Didn’t you hear Maheliah? I have to go!”

Sprinting down the stairs, I found Maheliah standing at the back door of the palace, the guards preventing her from coming inside. When she saw me, her face tensed even more, and she grabbed my arm, trying to force me through an open portal. Netis appeared outside at the same time, naked from the waist up. Seeing his bare chest made me blush from embarrassment, and I started to worry that Maheliah would figure out what had just happened between us.

“Who gave you the right to come to my palace and shout at Fada like she’s some common slave?” Netis demanded furiously.

Maheliah released my arm harshly and walked over to Netis, looking up and down at his bare chest with anger.

“I do as I please, Netis. She won’t stay here with you any longer,” she answered in a grave voice, gritting her teeth.

“Who are you to decide what she can and cannot do?”

“I’m the one who’s been looking after her ever since she came to Hagalaz. I am her family. She’ll never be yours!”

Netis glared at Maheliah, clenching his fists, and though I was just as angry with Maheliah as he was, I still did not want Netis to hurt her. I remembered the burn of his rage all too well, and it was not a pain I would have wished on anyone, especially not Maheliah.

“Netis, please, calm down…” I pleaded, stepping closer to him, and laying my hand on his chest.

Maheliah immediately pulled me closer to her, glaring at Netis with a blind rage, before pushing me through the portal, closing behind her.

“Maheliah, what’s wrong with you?” I shouted, releasing my arm from her grip. “You can’t talk to me like that and order me around. I’m not your property.”

“I’m your queen! That should be enough for you to obey me without questioning my intentions.”

I was angry and confused; she had never used her status to force me, or anyone in her palace, to do anything before, so I did not understand why she was using it now. Distressed by her words, I ran upstairs to my room and shut the door, collapsing onto my bed. Maheliah had spoiled a magical moment between me and Netis; nothing she said or did could change that.

Lifting my head, I stared out of the window. Maheliah had spoken harshly to Netis, and I hoped that her aggression would not send him into an irrational rage. There was no reason for this to make him angrier than he already was. I felt so guilty for causing this rift between them; if their relationship had always been like this, I would not have felt so responsible, but with things as they were, I felt like everything that was wrong with this kingdom was my fault. Peace had become war; joy had turned to sadness; unity had morphed into bitterness.

Maheliah always spoke of the time before the war, before she had heard my soul call to her, and I dreamed of living in that happy, peaceful time. I knew that Maheliah regretted that things had changed so much, and though she had never said so, she was certainly angry with me for turning heaven to hell. A strange thought struck me. Unlike Maheliah, Netis never spoke of the time before, and never expressed a desire to go back to the way things were before my soul had called to them both. It seemed odd to me… surely, he regretted the loss of that peaceful time as much as Maheliah did? Then again, he was probably too busy staring out of his window and contemplating the future of the kingdom to be nostalgic.

Lost in my thoughts, it took me a moment to notice that something had changed outside the window. Leaving my bed, I walked over to take a closer look. Sure enough, a dark shape was moving towards the palace. Hypnotised by the contrast of the darkness against the white snow, I watched as the shape came closer, until I eventually realised that the shape was in fact hundreds of men and women, marching forth from Netis’ palace. Each of them held a dagger aloft, and I could hear their voices roaring, though I could not distinguish what they were saying. Netis was at the front of the crowd, his hand resting on the dagger that was tied to his belt. His jaw was tense, and there was a sparkle of madness in his eyes; he seemed even angrier than when I had left him an hour ago.

The reality of what was happening suddenly smacked me in the face, and I sprinted downstairs as fast as I could, hoping to warn Maheliah before it was too late. The palace was a hub of activity, and I realised that everyone was already preparing for the battle. Maheliah’s voice rang out over the cacophony, her words filling me with dread.

“Everybody in ranks, I want discipline! If it’s war Netis wants, war he shall have!”

Reaching the main hall, I saw everyone hurrying to form organised lines, all of them holding whatever weapons they could think to arm themselves with. I could not believe that they were about to fight against Netis’ warriors. He certainly had the upper hand in this battle, for most of those with military training had followed him when the siblings had parted ways, a year before my arrival in Hagalaz.

Darting my eyes across the crowd, I spotted Nalhya and Lilhya.

“What are you doing?” I shouted, running towards them.

“We’re getting ready for battle.”

“But you’re not warriors…”

“We’ve been training for the past year and a half for this, Fada.”

“But you’ll die,” I cried, on the verge of tears.

“If that is to be our fate, we shall do so with honour. We cannot disobey orders.”

A hand grabbed my shoulder from behind, and I turned to find Maheliah glaring at me, her two beautiful emeralds full of anger.

“What are you doing here?”

“I saw the warriors coming towards the palace, so I came downstairs to warn you.”

“We are already prepared, as you can see. Now go back to your room.”

“No, Maheliah. Please, stop this. Let me talk to Netis. I can reason with him—”

“Shut up,” she yelled, slapping me in the face. “I am still the queen. I make the decisions here. Now do as I say and go back to your room!”

I looked up at her in confusion, feeling betrayed. I could not understand why everybody was suddenly behaving this way. Maheliah and Netis argued all the time, why had this argument prompted a battle?

“Lock her up in her room and make sure she stays there,” Maheliah shouted to the guardians.

The two guards came closer to me and grabbed onto my arms, walking me towards my room as I screamed and struggled to get free.

“Get off me! Why should I be the only one kept safe? Why can’t I fight side by side with my friends? You have no right to shut me away, let me go—”

“Be silent!” Maheliah shouted.

I continued to struggle as the guardians carried me up to my room, hurt by Maheliah’s aggression. What had I done? Why was she acting like this? Launching me into my room, the guardians shut the door firmly behind them, and I could hear them putting something between the two handles to prevent me from escaping. I tried to open the doors nonetheless, even though I knew it was useless. All I wanted was to go out there and try to prevent this stupid battle. I knew that I could stop the fighting if I could just talk to Netis. Maheliah was making a terrible mistake by shutting me away.

Still pulling on the door, I heard voices coming from below the palace, and I ran over to the window, trying to see what was happening. Both armies were standing there, facing each other. Maheliah and Netis were in front of everyone else.

“You think you can come to my palace and take Fada without her permission?” Netis shouted furiously across the untouched snow between the armies.

“Might I remind you that you broke into her room in my palace and took her away without her permission only days after she arrived here?” Maheliah answered, in the same tone that she had used with me several minutes previously.

“That’s why I’m here, Maheliah. We won’t ever come to an agreement; neither of us are willing to compromise. This is the only way…”

Netis moved to the back of his army before Maheliah could answer, shouting to his warriors to start fighting. Maheliah instantly gave the command to attack, and the two armies ran forwards, screaming battle cries. Beneath raised daggers and thrown punches, bodies began to fall, the ground exchanging its white blanket of snow for a bloody red carpet.

I was trembling, helpless, unable to shift my eyes away from the massacre below. I had lived with these people for months now; I saw them every day. Seeing them fighting and dying was already unbearable, but knowing that it was because of me and that I could not do anything to stop it made it even worse. I hated myself. I had brought so much sorrow to this kingdom… I could not stay here, doing nothing, watching my people die.

I searched for Netis and found him standing behind his army, clenching his fists, his face expressionless. He was not even fighting, though neither was Maheliah, but at least she was supporting her warriors with kind words. I let my panicked eyes travel across the battlefield. The two guardians were fighting the guards who usually stood by the back entrance of Netis’ palace. They were all fantastic warriors, and nobody seemed to be winning yet. I saw Lilhya and Nalhya as well, back-to-back, protecting each other as always. It was terrifying seeing those two tiny beings fighting, yet it was nothing compared to what my eyes settled on a few seconds later. Right in the middle of the crowd was Angel, his movements so swift it was almost like watching a dancer at work as he deftly stabbed his dagger at Maheliah’s army. This battle was already horrifying enough, but seeing a man as sweet and kind as Angel fighting and killing people was painful beyond words.

Desperate to stop the bloodbath, I looked frantically around my room, trying to find something I could use to destroy my door, but I was in such a panic that I could not think. Staring at my dressing table, trying to gather my thoughts, I suddenly remembered the dagger that Maheliah had given to me. As a royal, I was meant to keep it on me at all times, but I could not imagine myself walking around with a dagger strapped to my thigh, hence why I kept it in the drawer instead.

Opening the drawer, I quickly grabbed the dagger, stabbing at my bedroom door over and over again. Finally, the thin wood fractured, and I dropped my blade, forcing my arm through the hole and grabbing the piece of metal that was holding the handles together. In my haste, I tore my skin against the splintered wood, but I did not care for the pain. I was too eager to escape my prison and stop the fighting.

Pushing the door open, I raced down the stairs and out of the main entrance. The battlefield looked even worse up close, and I was momentarily paralysed by the sight of so many dead bodies strewn across the ground. A movement to my left caught my eye, and I turned to see Angel battling against more of Maheliah’s troops. Taking a deep breath, I threw myself into the middle of the battle, wishing that I had kept my own dagger with me to protect myself. I was still running towards Angel when a man appeared in front of me, waving his fist in the air before throwing it down onto my shoulder. I fell to the ground, screaming in pain, as the man raised his other hand, holding his dagger high whilst looking upon me with beastly eyes. I had been close to death a few times since I had arrived in Hagalaz, but this time, I truly believed that death was coming for me.

The man lowered his dagger towards me, but before I could process what was happening, he was flung aside, the punch to his jaw sending him flying. Droplets of blood rained down on my face, and I looked up to see Angel, with the man’s dagger protruding from his right hip. His face was tense as he held his hand to the wound, and I stood to my feet, grabbing his falling body.

“Angel, no!”

He looked at me, opening his mouth, but his words were cut off by Netis and Maheliah, roaring at their troops to cease the attack. Everybody instantly stopped fighting, and Netis appeared by my side, frowning as he noticed my hand clutching my shoulder. He turned, the tension in his jaw visible for all to see, as he looked down at the man who had wounded Angel and me.

I could not see Netis’ expression, but the man looked petrified, cowering in fear as Netis stepped towards him. Reaching down, Netis grasped the man’s neck, his whole hand glowing with heat. The man desperately clung to Netis’ wrist, trying to escape, but Netis was too strong. The stench of searing flesh filled the air as the man’s face contorted in pain, his eyes wide with fear.

Terrified, I could only look on in silence, clinging to Angel as I tried to shut out the man’s screams of agony. Seeing Netis torture this man with the same hands that he had so tenderly caressed me with earlier that day filled me with horror, and despite his wound, Angel closed our embrace, sensing how petrified I was.

After a few seconds, the man’s arms went limp, and Netis threw him to the ground in disgust. Smoke drifted up from the man’s charred throat, and his eyes stared blankly up to the sky, unseeing. Trembling, I buried my face into Angel’s neck, my heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

“The battle is over,” Netis stated, his tenor voice booming across the battlefield.

Looking up, I saw him turn and open a portal, before ushering his warriors through, some of them supporting their injured companions, others carrying the dead. As they passed through, Netis turned to face Maheliah.

“Do not think that you have won, Maheliah. This war is not over.”

Maheliah gave her brother a dark look but did not answer. Turning his face towards me, Netis smiled sadly, but I could not smile back. He was nothing but a murderer to me now. Tears streaming down my face, I turned away, burying my face in Angel’s neck again.

I felt Angel look up at Netis as he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. Netis must have gestured that it was time to leave, for Angel lifted my face to look at him and smiled gently, kissing my forehead.

“I have to go now.”

Unable to speak, my body still trembling with shock, I watched as Angel stood upright and slowly limped towards the portal, pressing down on his wound.

“Wait! Angel, you’re wounded…”

“It’s okay, Fada. I’ll be all right.”

He looked back at me and smiled again, before disappearing through the portal. I stared after him, watching as Netis also stepped through the shimmering doorway, turning to look back at me with sorrowful eyes. Unable to break away, I continued to watch him, staring into his soul until the portal closed for good.

Blinking at the sudden brightness of the white-grey sky, it took a moment for me to remember where I was. The scene in front of me was like something out of a horror film, the snow saturated with blood, strewn with too many lifeless bodies. This battle had been more brutal than I could ever have imagined. Hearing footsteps behind me, I turned to see Maheliah walking towards me.

“How’s your shoulder?” she asked, in a soft, gentle voice.

“It’s okay. Angel was there to protect me.”

“Of course he was,” she replied, smiling sadly and stroking my hair.

I wanted to answer, but my voice was jammed by the sight in front of me. Nalhya was on the ground, sobbing, clinging to her sister’s blood-soaked body. Lilhya’s eyes were closed; she could have simply been sleeping, but I knew from Nalhya’s mournful cries that she was dead. I tried to run towards them, but Maheliah stopped me, pulling me into her arms and whispering gently that it was better to leave them alone. Clinging to Maheliah, I watched as Nalhya lay her sister’s body delicately on the ground, tears running freely down her cheeks. I saw her reach down and grab something, and before I could process what was happening, Nalhya had lifted her sister’s dagger high into the air and plunged it into her stomach, shrieking with pain as the blade passed through her.

“No, Nalhya, stop!” I cried out in a broken voice.

But it was too late. The dagger had done its job, and Nalhya’s body went limp, collapsing onto her sister’s corpse. I screamed, falling to the ground in despair, choking on my own tears.

My dear friends… they were gone.