KEITH’S ANGER MADE IT almost impossible for him to stand in one spot as he waited for Liz to open the door. He kept picturing Isaac and Reenie at the farm alone, imagining what they might be doing right now. And it made him want to hit someone.
When Liz finally appeared, he shoved his way into the house and tried to kiss her. He knew he was being too aggressive, but he couldn’t contain his frustration any longer. He was so sick of having no control over his life, no ability to bring what he wanted most back to him. If he couldn’t have Reenie, he’d take Liz. He couldn’t lose both families. Not for good! He’d paid his price!
But Liz turned her face away so that he couldn’t reach her lips and pushed on his chest until he finally let her go. “What’s wrong with you?” she breathed, her eyes snapping. She didn’t raise her voice—but he knew that was only because she didn’t want to wake the children.
“I’ve been humbled, okay? I—I regret what I did with every breath I take. It’s time to forgive me.”
She shook her head as though he’d just said something absolutely insane. But it didn’t sound insane to him. He couldn’t understand how Liz and Reenie, who’d both loved him so much, could turn their backs on him now. He spent half his time rambling around the empty house he’d shared with Reenie and his girls, marveling that he could suffer such a quick and immediate reversal.
“I’m afraid you don’t get to decide what I do or do not feel,” she said.
“But I’m available now, Liz. There’s nothing standing between us. I have no one else to worry about, no secrets. You could have my complete attention.”
“It’s too late,” she said.
“Why?”
She lifted her hands in a helpless gesture. “It just is.”
“I’ll be good to you. I’ll—I’ll make it so that you never have to think of Reenie again.”
“That’s impossible, and you know it. What you did has very far-reaching consequences, Keith. I can’t change that.”
He grabbed her hand. “You could forgive me.”
She pulled away. “Even if I could, you really want Reenie, not me. You’ve made that very clear.”
“That’s not true.” He feared she’d easily recognize that statement for the lie that it was, but he was desperate enough to use almost anything to convince her. At least he could live a semblance of the life he once knew if she’d come back to him. At least he could walk away from Reenie with a little of his dignity left. “I love you, Liz. Look at everything I gave you. I never bought Reenie a diamond tennis bracelet. I gave you a better house, paid for a part-time nanny—”
“I was working, too, Keith. Except for the bracelet, we bought those things.”
“I gave you more of my paycheck than I did her!”
“The question is why?”
“To make you happy.”
“No.” She shook her head. “To make you happy. You were trying to maintain a certain lifestyle, Keith. You were living your fantasy life, weren’t you? A nice house, a pretty wife, a nanny for the two kids, a membership at the club. You were taking advantage of the chance to be something completely different than you are when you’re here in Dundee. I think you got a kick out of putting on a show for our friends.”
“That’s not fair. I bought those things, did those things for you.”
“If you were thinking of me, what happened would never have occurred,” she said softly. “Now, I’m going to ask you to leave.”
“What?”
“I don’t want you here. You can call when the kids are awake, but don’t come over here again without permission.”
“I can stay as long as I please,” he said.
“No, you can’t. Isaac’s asleep down the hall. I’ll call him if you won’t go.”
“That’s bullshit,” he scoffed. “Your big bad brother isn’t even home.”
She lifted her chin but didn’t respond.
“Don’t you want to know where he is?” he taunted.
“Not necessarily.”
“He’s with Reenie,” he said. “Isn’t that a bitch? He’s probably screwing her brains out right now.”
“Get out.” Her hands curled into fists, and the loathing that filled her face finally registered.
“Forget I even came here,” he said. “When Isaac leaves, Reenie’s bound to realize what she’s throwing away. Then she’ll come back to me. You’ll see. And you’ll be sorry you didn’t act when you had the chance!”
With that he marched out and slammed the door. Part of him hoped she’d follow him, beg him to come back in so they could work things out. She used to do that kind of thing when they had a disagreement. But she didn’t. Instead, he heard her lock the door behind him.
* * *
ISAAC LAY on the floor with a pillow, staring up at the ceiling while trying to keep from touching Reenie, who had her head on his chest and was lying perpendicular to him. The fire flickered in front of them, crackling, popping, and smelling like smoke and sap.
“So they still speak French in Africa?”
They’d drawn the drapes in case Keith returned. The house felt warm, close and private, and although they were both relaxed, there was a subtle yet undeniable tension in the air—tension that came from restraint.
“Early colonization made a lasting impact on the whole continent,” he explained, allowing himself the small concession of playing with her hair.
“But I thought the people in Central Africa spoke mostly Bantu.”
“Many do—but there are a lot of different languages.”
Bailey had snuggled close to her body. She petted him as she spoke. “Do you know French?”
“Oui, je parle français,” he said with a grin. He was tempted to tell her a few other things in his second language—how beautiful she was, for one—but he knew she’d only press him for the interpretation. “And I can understand Bantu, but I can’t speak it very well.”
“So why must a biologist from America travel to Africa on behalf of the forest elephant?” she asked.
“They’re an endangered species. Seventy years ago three to five million elephants inhabited Africa. Today only about five hundred thousand remain. Roughly one-third are forest elephants. With so few left, it’s important to monitor them.”
“But with the human population growing, and the forest being destroyed, can monitoring really do any good?”
“You bet. It lets us know where they live and how they travel, so we can determine how much land must be protected to give them enough space. Also, a vet generally comes along and collects samples.”
“Blood samples? That sort of thing?”
“Blood, ectoparasites, feces, skin biopsies. That way we can create some baseline data and perform health assessments of the animals.”
Reenie lay quiet for several seconds, still petting Bailey. Isaac wondered if she was listening to the classical music she’d turned on, or thinking. “I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of the forest elephant before tonight,” she finally mused.
“Sometimes they’re called pygmy elephants.”
“Haven’t heard of that either. But Africa isn’t a very popular subject up here. I don’t know one other person who’s ever been there.”
“Typically when people hear the word elephant, they picture the savanna elephant,” he said.
“The big ones you see walking across grassy plains in the movies.”
“Exactly. At one time we thought there were only two types of elephants in the world. The African savanna and the Asian.” He wasn’t sure why he was going into so much detail. She probably didn’t care about the different species of elephant. But he was afraid the temptation to let his hands wander might get the best of him if he didn’t keep talking. “But when a DNA identification system was set up to trace the origin of poached ivory, we found that the forest elephant is actually a third species, as different from the others as lions are from tigers.”
“Do they look that different?” she asked.
“Definitely. Savanna elephants can be as tall as thirteen feet.”
“Forest elephants are smaller?”
“By quite a bit. The largest of the bulls might reach eight feet. They also have more rounded ears—” Reenie leaned up to take another sip of her wine and offered him a drink. He loved the half smile she gave him when he accepted her glass. It let him know she was feeling the same tugging awareness he was. He nearly reached up to bring her down on top of him so he could meet her mouth with his, but he knew a relationship between them was just too…impossible.
“You were saying they have more rounded ears,” she said.
“Right.” Isaac found it difficult to concentrate when he looked at her. He waited for her to relax against him again before continuing. “Their tusks aren’t curved like the savanna. They’re straight and thin with a pinkish tinge to the ivory. A forest elephant’s lower jaw is longer than the other two species, giving it a narrow face. And forest elephants are a few shades darker in color.”
“You love them,” she said, rolling over and propping herself up on her elbows.
He grinned. “They’re incredible animals.”
Her responding smile faded. “But they might not be around much longer because they’re losing their habitat, right?”
He sobered. “That, and because poachers kill them for their ivory.”
“Okay, let’s not go in that direction,” she said, and took another sip of wine. “Tell me what’s involved when a biologist decides to track a forest elephant.”
He folded his arms behind his head. “Well…we base out of Ouesso, in the north. From there, we move into and around the forest by boat or land rover, or we hike to different campsites, searching for elephants.”
Bailey lifted his head, licked Reenie’s hand, then rested his muzzle on his paws again. “How’s he doing?” Isaac said, changing subjects.
“Not so good,” Reenie said. “I’m afraid he’s not going to last much longer. I should probably have him put to sleep, but I’m hoping he can make it a few more months.”
He leaned toward her and cupped her chin. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s part of life,” she said. “One I don’t want to deal with, especially in the near future, but—don’t make me sad. We were talking about finding elephants.”
He dropped his hand before he could try making her forget about Bailey in more physical ways. “Right. Well, they might weigh twenty-five-hundred kilograms but they’re still very difficult to find.”
“You’re kidding. That’s over five thousand pounds. It’s hard to imagine something that big being hard to find.”
“The jungle is incredibly dense.”
“It must be. So what do you do when you come upon one?”
“I immobilize and anesthetize it so I can place a GPS telemetry collar on it.”
“A collar?”
His eyes focused on her lips. “You are so…”
“What?” she prompted.
“Gorgeous.”
She laughed. “You don’t think that’s stating things a little too strongly?”
“Hell, no.”
“I think you’ve had too much to drink.”
“Not by a long shot. Anyway—” he cleared his throat “—what was I talking about?”
“Collars.”
“Right. GPS collars. They weigh nearly thirty pounds.”
“Sounds like you have a fun job.”
He took a drink from his own glass. “It’s exciting. You never know when you’re going to find one.”
“If I ever had to face an animal that weighed over five thousand pounds, I’d want an army with me. Tell me you don’t take these elephants down all by yourself.”
“No. I have a whole team of scientists to help me. Last trip, there was someone from the Wildlife Conservation Society, someone from the Fossil Rim Wildlife Center, a veterinarian from the National Zoo, local trackers who were members of the Bambenjelle people, a Bantu-speaking Kaka—”
“Kaka?”
“Another local people.”
“That’s it?”
He moved her hair over her shoulder. “I also had a field assistant.” With whom he’d had a brief sexual relationship. But he didn’t add that. It was only relevant to him in that it had been a long time ago and was seeming more remote by the second.
“Still, it’s got to be dangerous,” she said.
“It’s worth it.”
“How close do you have to get?”
“To within fifty meters. The first bull I ever anesthetized was standing in a bai—”
“What’s a bai?”
“A big wet, grassy clearing in the forest. They go there to drink. Anyway, the water was about three feet deep, and I had to walk into it to hide behind a small bush so he wouldn’t know where I was when I shot him.” He chuckled, remembering. “As soon as the dart struck, he splashed water all over us with his trunk and body, drenching everyone. And the next three minutes felt like hours as we waited to see where he’d go.”
“Where did he go?”
“He ran to the water’s edge and into the forest, and we rushed behind him. Our Bambenjelle trackers led the way. We ran for fifteen minutes before we caught sight of him again. It was quite a chase.”
“And you’ve given up all that to work in Earl’s feed store?”
She spoke lightly, but he could tell there was something more serious underlying her tone. He suspected she wanted to know what he was really doing here, how long he’d be staying. He also suspected she’d already guessed the answer.
“I’ve recently improved my situation, remember?” he said. “I’ll soon be working at the high school with you.”
“But you could never really be happy with either job, could you?”
He sat up, finished his wine and stood. It was getting late. If she was still awake, Liz would be wondering where he was. “Probably not,” he admitted. He wanted to make love to Reenie, to wake up in the morning with her naked in his arms, to have breakfast together.
But he knew he couldn’t have a casual relationship with Reenie. She had three children. She deserved someone who could offer her a commitment.
And then there was Liz and Keith and the past…
“That’s what I thought,” she said.
He reached out and took her hands. “Reenie, if things were different—”
She pulled away. “Don’t explain. I understand.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
She grinned and managed a little shrug. “I don’t want to hurt you, either.”
Had she possessed a little less spunk, he probably could’ve walked away from her right then. But she had the spark of a fighter in her eyes, one that said she might be down but she was far from out.
Bringing her to him, he ran his hands up her backside, pressing their bodies tightly together. He was looking for a good excuse, anything that might let him bend his own rules a bit.
Her defiance offered him that.
He meant to lower his mouth to hers, to at least leave with a taste of her on his lips. Wise or not, he refused to begrudge himself such a small concession. But he’d underestimated her. Giving him a devilish grin, she turned her face away at the last second so that he barely caught her cheek.
“Good night,” she said, stepping out of his reach.
He hesitated for a second, wondering if she knew what she’d just done to him. He had a feeling she did.
“Don’t challenge me,” he murmured.
“Why not?” she responded flippantly.
“Because you already know what I want.”
“And?”
“Getting it wouldn’t be good for either one of us.”
“Maybe I’m tired of being good,” she said. “But I’ll respect your wishes. Good night.”
Before Isaac could even blink, he was standing out on her front stoop with the door closed firmly behind him. Maybe I’m tired of being good? If she wanted a torrid affair and was taking volunteers, he wanted to be the first in line. But—
Remember Liz. I should be happy the evening has ended so benignly.
Only he wasn’t happy at all. All he could think about was how hungry he was to feel Reenie beneath him.
He knocked.
When she opened the door, it was only by a few inches. “Did you forget something?” she asked innocently.
He pushed the door open wider. “Yeah, this.” Taking hold of her shirt, he pulled her to him, and kissed her, really kissed her. This time he didn’t give her the chance to turn away, but neither did she try. She put her arms around his neck and arched into him. One of them moaned; or maybe they both did. Then she parted her lips, letting him drink deeply, until desire burned through him like a good shot of whiskey.
When he finally let her go, they were both shaken and breathless. “Some people just don’t know what’s good for them,” he muttered, his eyes taking in her flushed face, her half-lowered eyelids.
“Are you talking about me or you?” she challenged.
He met her gaze. “Maybe both.”
“Then consider that kiss something to remember me by,” she said.
The door clicked closed once again.
Isaac frowned at the panel, then stabbed a hand through his hair. Damn, she was frustrating. Why couldn’t she simply agree that they had some type of powerful attraction going on that was better left alone—for everyone’s sake—and then leave it alone? Instead she had to make him feel as though he was missing out on something he might later regret.
Go home. Complete your grant applications. Get the hell out of Dundee. This woman could stand between him and the future he had scripted for himself. He’d never run into anyone else like her.
On the other hand, if she could take the heat, why was he the one backing away?
He pounded the door again. “There’s more where that came from,” he called. “But you’d better be damn sure you know what you’re asking for if you ever invite me back.”
Then he walked away.
* * *
LIZ WAS UP. Isaac could see the kitchen light burning through the front window when he pulled into the driveway, and sighed before letting himself into the house.
“Isaac?” his sister called as he closed the front door.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
She came to stand at the threshold of the kitchen, wearing an elegant cream-colored silk robe. She looked as though she’d been losing even more weight. She didn’t seem to be doing well in Dundee. She had no friends. Keith called her occasionally, but she was distant even with him.
Not that Isaac hoped she’d be warmer to Keith. He just wanted her to recover, be the person she’d been before Keith undid all the good of the past several years.
Somehow Isaac needed to get her to engage again. To care about people besides her kids.
“Have fun?” she said.
The strain in her shoulders and face told him she knew where he’d been. “Sort of. Why? Keith call?”
She watched him. “Stopped by, actually. He was furious.”
“He had no right to bother you.”
“I finally told him I’d have to call you out of your bedroom if he didn’t leave.”
“I’m sorry.”
She said nothing.
“I would’ve told you about Reenie myself. You know that, don’t you?” he said.
“You have the right to decide who you want to see.”
“I know, but…I can understand how you must feel toward her, Liz. I wish—” he shoved his hands into his pockets “—I wish I wasn’t so attracted to her.”
His sister opened her mouth, then closed it again and disappeared into the kitchen.
“Say it,” he said to her retreating back.
“Say what?”
He followed her to find that she was busy sewing the curtains she’d promised Mica for her bedroom. She spent all her time, when she wasn’t at the grocery store, working on projects that included her children or served them in some way. “Whatever you want to say. I’m tired of feeling as though you might shatter at any moment. Can’t we just—” he thought of Reenie and how honestly she faced the world “—talk frankly?”
“There’s nothing to say. You like her, I don’t.”
“You don’t really know her.”
“We’re not in the position to become good friends.”
He sat at the table. “I’ll be leaving for Africa soon.”
“Which is why I can’t understand what you’re doing. It’s not fair of me to expect you not to see her for my sake. But God, Isaac, what about her? As much as I hate her for the jealousy she inspires in me, as much as I hate her because Keith still wants her more than he ever wanted me, I know she’s been through a lot. Why would you get involved with her if you know that you’re leaving?”
“Because…there’s something about her, Liz. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“She’s the other woman in my life!”
“You don’t think I realize that?”
“Is she aware of how you feel?”
“She knows I’ll be leaving in a few months,” he said in lieu of an answer.
Only the sound of Liz’s scissors cutting through fabric broke the silence. Finally she said, “How do you think she feels about you?”
He shrugged. He was pretty certain Reenie would have made love with him tonight, had he handled the situation differently. But he didn’t volunteer that. There was honesty, and then there was stupidity.
“Is she over Keith?”
“She acts like it.”
“Keith said the girls are in Texas.”
“She told me the same thing.”
Liz set her scissors down and straightened. “Isaac, I—”
“What?” he said.
“You told me you wanted me to say what was on my mind.”
“Go ahead.”
“Since you’re leaving Dundee soon anyway, could you just…stay away from her?” she asked. Her expression turned beseeching. “Please?”
He stared at his sister, wondering why he found agreeing to her request so difficult. His libido had to be the problem, right? What else could it be? He and Reenie had very little in common other than having a close connection to Keith, which wasn’t a favorable thing. She was still recovering from her divorce. She had three children. The word commitment might as well be stamped across her forehead.
When he considered all those factors, he thought he could overcome his physical desire. “I’ll make you a deal,” he said at last.
“What?”
“You quit calling Dave Shapiro, and I’ll stop seeing Reenie.”
A frown creased her brow. “You know about Dave?”
“I knew there had to be some reason you waited for the phone bill every month, snatched it out of the pile and paid it before I could.”
“We just talk like friends. It’s nothing, really. He—he gives me something I need right now, Isaac, that’s all.”
“Reenie felt pretty necessary to me tonight, too,” he admitted. When he remembered her and that kiss, she still did.
“Did you sleep with her?” she asked, her eyes widening.
“No.”
“Good,” she said. “If I fall for Dave, it isn’t as though he’s going to love me back. They’re both dead-end relationships.”
“So we have nothing to lose by giving them up.”
“Right.” She finally nodded. “Okay.”
* * *
REENIE HAD WANTED to arrive early, so she could get a good seat for Caldwell Elementary’s Annual Talent Show and be settled before Liz or Isaac arrived. But she’d forgotten her video camera and had gone home for it at the last minute. Now Liz and her brother were already standing at the back of the multipurpose room, and Agnes Scott, who was in charge of the talent show this year, was addressing the audience.
“The children have worked so hard. I think this will be one of Caldwell’s best talent shows ever. When I first held the auditions…”
The place was packed to overflowing. Almost immediately, Reenie removed her lightweight black jacket and slung it over one arm. The weather was cool and mellow, a perfect spring evening, but it was stifling inside. Especially because a few folks still turned to stare when she and Liz were in a room together. She hated the extra attention, wished people would mind their own business. But she couldn’t escape it tonight. Jennifer would soon be on stage doing a cheer she’d choreographed herself. Angela would perform a tap-dance routine. And Isabella would be singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”
“Reenie!”
Reenie glanced up to see Keith waving at her. He’d told her he probably wouldn’t be coming, that he had to drive his dad to Boise for a doctor’s appointment in the late afternoon. Evidently he’d managed to get back in time.
I’ve got a seat for you right here! he mouthed, pointing to the chair next to him. But Reenie didn’t want to sit there. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say about Isaac coming to her house last Friday. Keith had tried to call her several times already, had even stopped by the farm again after Isaac had left that night, and then the next day. But she’d managed to brush him off with the threat that she’d call Gabe if he didn’t leave her alone. Gabe might be in a wheelchair, but no one messed with him. He could make people back off with a single raised eyebrow.
Wishing her mother wasn’t away with her father, getting ready for a fund-raiser in the Panhandle, she held up her video camera and motioned to tell her ex-husband she had other plans. Then she hurried across the room and stood against the wall. She felt Isaac’s eyes on her as she moved, but refused to look at him. She could also feel Liz’s cool disdain.
The lights lowered and a spotlight illuminated the stage as two kindergarteners came out to do a magic trick. They stuffed one scarf into a hat and pulled out a whole string of them in many different colors. Afterward, they made a ball disappear and reappear using various cups.
Everyone clapped when they finished. Then Mica came out in a pretty dress and black patent leather pumps, walking with the perfect poise of her mother. “I’m going to play Moonlight Sonata by Ludwig van Beethoven,” she said into the microphone and headed for the piano someone had rolled into the center of the stage.
Reenie put her video camera down. Angela rarely talked about Mica anymore—when she did it was with a certain amount of respect—but Reenie didn’t see any need to make Mica part of her family’s permanent record of this event.
Still, as Mica situated herself on the piano bench, Reenie began to feel very ungenerous. Mica was no different from any other child; Liz was no different than any other woman. They had suffered, too. Probably just as much as Reenie and her children, maybe more.
With a sigh, Reenie raised her camera again and pressed the record button. She was going to fight the jealousy, overcome it, she decided. Surely she could be a better person than she’d been.
Mica played strictly from memory, and not some simplified version of the sonata, as Reenie had expected. The piece was obviously very difficult, yet the girl didn’t miss a note.
When she finished, the audience erupted in enthusiastic applause. Reenie held her video recorder with her legs so she could join in. She even found herself smiling broadly. What an amazing child. Angela had mentioned, here and there, the kind of test scores Mica always received. Evidently, Liz’s daughter had a number of talents.
Smiling shyly, Mica bowed and walked offstage, and Reenie couldn’t help looking back at Isaac. She expected him to be accepting the accolades of those around him. She can really play…Wow, is she only eight?…I’ve never heard such a young girl master the piano like that… Certainly Liz was smiling proudly and responding to those around her. But her brother had his arms folded and was leaning against the wall—looking directly at Reenie.
When their eyes met, Reenie felt her stomach lift as though she’d just been swept into the ocean by a particularly strong wave. What had happened last Friday seemed to play between them—the hours of comfortable companionship, the images he’d painted of Africa, the kiss at the door, even his final comment: There’s more where that came from. But you’d better be damned sure you know what you’re asking for if you ever invite me back.
They hadn’t contacted each other since, but the attraction hadn’t fizzled. If anything, it had grown stronger. She could tell he wanted to be with her now as badly as he had then. And she wanted to be with him every bit as much.
“What are you doing?” Keith snapped.
Reenie blinked and pulled her attention away from Isaac to see her ex-husband looming over her. “Nothing, why?”
“You’re staring at Isaac.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Who were you looking at, then?”
“Nobody. Stop it,” Reenie said. “I’m happy for him and Liz, that’s all. Mica did a great job.”
“You’re happy that Mica did well?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Of course, but…” Keith’s expression grew tortured. “You don’t care about me anymore, do you. You want Isaac.”
“I don’t want anyone.”
“He loves his work, Reenie. He loves being free to spend months at a time in Africa. He won’t stay here with you.”
“Like you did?” she said, unable to resist the barb.
“Like I’m willing to do now,” he said earnestly.
“You’d better sit down,” she said. “You’re making it hard for people to see.”
“He won’t treat you right, Reenie.”
“I can worry about myself, Keith.”
Mrs. Devonish, one of the teachers at the school, made her way over to them. “Keith, do you mind?” she whispered. “You’re disrupting the show.”
With a final frown for Reenie, he nodded and moved away, and Reenie went back to videotaping what was happening onstage, wondering if Keith could be right. Did she want Isaac? Since last Friday, she’d watched her AOL account religiously, hoping for a response to the e-mail she’d sent him, thanking him for taking her home and telling him she’d had a good time. She’d begun to look for him or his truck almost everywhere she went. And the unhappiness she’d felt about having him work at the high school had changed into something much more akin to excitement. She knew he wasn’t long-term boyfriend material, but a girl deserved to have a little fun, didn’t she?
Isabella came out and began to sing her song. As usual, every r sounded like a w. “Somewhere over the wainbow, dweams come twue…”
Reenie couldn’t help grinning as she watched proudly. When Isabella came to the end of her song, Reenie applauded wildly. Then her thoughts returned to Isaac. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t avoid the truth. She’d be a fool to get involved with Liz’s brother. With the farm and her job and her girls, she had more than she could handle already. The very last thing she needed was a quick fling with a man who’d soon be flying off to the jungles of Africa.