The Great Kidnapping of Dave Larson
Below is a series of blog posts where Dave Larson went missing. Later, it was discovered he was kidnapped. Later on, I sue Dave for pain and suffering. Hope you enjoy the posts in this section. To this day, these are still my favorite.
***
“Local Farmer Goes Missing” (An Article Written by Joseph Connealy)
(Posted on April 17, 2012)
I decided to try something different today. I’m going to let Joseph Connealy write a newspaper article. For those of you who don’t know, Joseph Connealy was the hero in A Husband For Margaret. Joseph Connealy is a reporter in Omaha, Nebraska, which is where the Larson family happens to live. So I thought it’d be fun if he took the angle to investigate the strange sudden disappearance of Dave Larson.
“Local Farmer Goes Missing”
April 18, 1885
Dave Larson: last seen going to the barn.
David Larson, or Dave as family and friends call him, hasn’t been seen for over a month following a rather heated and lengthy debate with Ruth Ann Nordin, his author, over character rights. His disappearance took place shortly after he formed the Characters for Better Treatment Union (CBTU).
“It’s not like Dave to be quiet this long,” Joel Larson, his brother, said. “Despite how he is in the books, he’s one of the biggest whiners around.”
“I wouldn’t call it whining,” Tom Larson, his other brother, said. “I’d say he states his concerns in a high-pitched voice.”
“Even so, it’s nice to get a break from him. Wherever he is, I hope he stays there for a while,” Joel said.
In an effort to dig deeper into the disappearance of Dave, I went to his residence located just north of Omaha where Mary, his expectant wife and mother of Isaac, Rachel, and Adam, was in the barn. “I don’t know where he is,” she said. “He went out to plow the field a couple weeks ago but never came home. I hope Owen can find him. I’ve been worried sick, and his children miss him.”
I wanted to ask her more, but she had to tend to the fields and hurried me out. My next point of contact came with Owen Russell, the deputy under Sheriff Meyer. He has promised he’ll be vigilant in looking for Dave.
“I’ve started asking around to see if anyone has seen him. So far, we have nothing to report, but I’ll keep searching,” Owen said.
Though there seems to be no foul play, the deputy will be interviewing those who might have some information on Dave’s whereabouts.
One such person was his author. “No, I don’t know where he is. Frankly, he was becoming a pain. Always yapping on about something he doesn’t like that I’m doing. Maybe he went off to write his own book. I can only hope his characters are giving him the same grief he’s given me,” Ruth Ann Nordin said.
“I don’t understand who’d want to do such a thing,” Lord Roderick, hero in The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife, said. “I really wanted to join the union, especially when I learned the author is rewriting my book, a change which will make me seem like a jerk. I agree with Kayla. We need to do something to help protect characters from the abuse authors put them through. And all in the name of a better story! I’ll tell Ruth where she can stick her ‘better story’–”
For the sake of keeping this article on topic, I decided to see Kayla, the tree nymph who wanted to join the CBTU.
“All I wanted was to join his Union and help him in his cause, and his wife acted like I was out to take her husband. What man can resist a nymph? You wouldn’t by chance be looking for love, would you?” Kayla said.
For the record, I politely told her I am happily married. Afterwards, I managed to hunt down Richard, the often-forgotten Larson brother.
“I’m often-forgotten because Dave keeps taking the spotlight from everyone else,” Richard said. “If it weren’t for him, my story would have been written long ago. I hope he doesn’t return until my book is done. Can you ask Ruth what the title of my book is going to be, and tell her to get started on it already? I won’t give her the grief Dave does, and I won’t complain with whatever direction she chooses to take my character, unlike the self-important Lord Roderick.”
“I resent that,” Lord Roderick said.
“Can I say something?” Sally Johnson (maiden name “Larson”) asked. “My husband is a judge. If there’s anyone who kidnapped my baby brother, he’ll bring that creep to justice.”
On a final note, if anyone has seen Dave, please send a letter to the Omaha Evening World, c/o Joseph Connealy.
Photo credit:
Dave gone missing: ID 3303849 © Yuri_arcurs | Dreamstime.com, image purchased 11/28/2011, no longer available
***
Owen Russell Interviews Suspect #1: Ruth Ann Nordin
(Posted on April 19, 2012)
Owen Russell (deputy): Where were you on March 9 when Dave Larson went missing?
Ruth Ann Nordin: I can’t believe you’re bringing me in for questioning.
Owen: Please answer the question.
Ruth: This is stupid. I’m the author. What would I have to gain by getting rid of my most popular character?
Owen: You have the perfect motive for kidnapping Dave Larson. He was trying to rewrite Isaac’s Decision and created the Characters for Better Treatment Union.
Ruth: Even if he tried to sabotage my work, I wouldn’t get rid of him. He’s one of my most popular characters, and contrary to what people might believe, he’s one of the easiest characters to work with when it comes time to writing the actual book.
Owen: If he’s such an easy character to work with, why did you tell Joseph Connealy in his news article, “Frankly, he was becoming a pain. Always yapping on about something he doesn’t like that I’m doing. Maybe he went off to write his own book. I can only hope his characters are giving him the same grief he’s given me.” Sounds like a perfect motive for kidnapping him. So, where were you on March 9?
Ruth: Oh let’s see… I was probably laughing with Stephanie Beman about Kayla, who had just sent Dave that fan letter. Only a brainless nymph would agree with Dave’s stupid union idea.
Owen: That’s not true. I hear other characters such as Lord Roderick were considering joining it. If Lord Roderick had joined, he would have gone on strike and you wouldn’t have been able to write The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife.
Ruth: As I recall, I have to rewrite over half the book anyway, so it might have been better if he had gone on strike.
Owen: But you didn’t realize you’d be rewriting it at the time.
Ruth: No, I didn’t. But then it’s hard to know how the final story looks when you’re moving scenes around, deleting scenes, and adding scenes… Until you go back and reread the thing from start to finish, you can’t know how it all comes together.
Owen: Would you say you had a lack of focus while writing the first draft of that book?
Ruth: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
Owen: Could that be because you had Dave locked in your basement and got distracted by his demands to be freed?
Ruth: You’re grasping at straws. If I had planned to get rid of Dave, then why did I come up with a third book, Forever Yours, which features him?
Owen: You stopped writing Forever Yours only 500 words into it. You didn’t even make it past chapter 1. I see you even took it off of the Works in Progress column on the right side of this blog.
Ruth: Yes, I did remove it for the time being. The book isn’t ready to be written yet.
Owen: And could that be because you kidnapped Dave?
Ruth: Oh good grief. Of course not. I just wrote To Have and To Hold. I might love to work with Dave in a book, but I need a break. That doesn’t mean I kidnapped him. I even sent everyone in Forever Yours a memo about it. This happened long before March 9, by the way. February 10 was the last day I wrote in it. If I was going to kidnap Dave, it would have happened before March 9.
Owen: Or so you say. Do you think this decision to put Forever Yours aside is why Dave created the Characters for Better Treatment Union? I notice the post where he interrupted Lady Roderick to make the announcement for the union took place on March 6, just three days before his disappearance. And on March 11, you made the public statement that Forever Yours was on hold. And March 11 is very close to March 9 when he disappeared.
Ruth: But I had decided not to pursue it back in February.
Owen: So why did it take so long to make the announcement?
Ruth: Because I had other things on my mind.
Owen: Like kidnapping Dave?
Ruth: You’re really getting annoying, Owen.
Owen: Hmm… It doesn’t take much to annoy you, does it?
Ruth: I’m through with this. I have Her Heart’s Desire to finish up. I’m in the last chapter now. I have no idea where Dave is. I didn’t kidnap him. For all I know, he’s off somewhere pouting and hoping we give him a lot of attention because he craves it. I think this is all a ploy.
Owen: We’ll see. In the meantime, don’t leave town. I need to be sure I can contact you.
Ruth: *rolls eyes* Oh goodie. *runs off to write Her Heart’s Desire*
***
Owen Interviews Suspect #2: Joel Larson
(Posted on April 22, 2012)
Owen: Where were you on March 9 when Dave Larson went missing?
Joel: I was tending to an ailing man.
Owen: Where does this man live?
Joel: On 13th Street. Is this important?
Owen: It could be. How long were you at this man’s residence?
Joel: *sigh* I don’t know. Maybe half an hour.
Owen: Did you see other patients that day?
Joel: I made another house call to a mother whose son had an upset stomach.
Owen: And where does she live?
Joel: On Mayberry Road.
Owen: And how long were you there?
Joel: Probably half an hour. Is there a point to this?
Owen: Actually, there is. You left Doctor Adams around 9am and didn’t make it back until almost 4pm. Being at the two places you mentioned took a total of an hour, and you took a horse to them. It would have taken you about an hour to get from 13th to Mayberry. So you were gone for seven hours and can only account for two of those hours.
Joel: I also picked up more medicine and supplies.
Owen: And how long did that take?
Joel: About an hour, but I also had to eat, give my horse a chance to rest, and help a lost family find a relative’s house.
Owen: Why didn’t you mention all of this earlier?
Joel: Because I was thinking of work when you asked about my day.
Owen: I notice that Dave lives just north of Mayberry.
Joel: So?
Owen: I also notice, even with all the things you reported doing that day, you have a good three hours unaccounted for.
Joel: Well, you’re asking me to think back to things that happened over a month ago.
Owen: It’s suspicious you don’t remember more of that day. The only people I talked to who can vouch for your story are Doctor Adams, the sick man, and the woman.
Joel: You’re a dork. If you already talked to them, then why are you asking me these questions?
Owen: To see if your story matches up. But I can’t explain where that missing time comes in.
Joel: Well, I already told you where I was that day. Now that we’ve wasted my time, I need to help the doctor.
Owen: Not so fast, Joel. We’ve just established that you have no solid alibi for that day. What I want to examine is motive. You, probably more than everyone else, can’t stand Dave.
Joel: That’s not true. It’s not that I can’t stand him. It’s that he likes to steal the spotlight from every other character.
Owen: Which is why you kidnapped him. With him out of the way, you could finally achieve the coveted spot of the most popular hero Ruth Ann Nordin has ever written.
Joel: No, I didn’t kidnap him. Even if Dave never was in a book, I wouldn’t be the favorite hero. Sure, some like me the most, but given the amount of books out there…
Owen: So you’re planning on kidnapping all of the heroes so you can accomplish your goal? You’re beginning a life of crime as a serial kidnapper?
Joel: What is wrong with you? A serial kidnapper? I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous. Has your job gone to your head?
Owen: I just need to cover all my bases.
Joel: Yeah. *rolls eyes* Sure.
Owen: But the fact remains, you’re glad he’s gone. In Joseph Connealy’s article, you said you were glad he’s gone and called him the biggest whiner around.
Joel: That doesn’t prove I’m the kidnapper, though it might prove I’d thank the kidnapper when I find out who did it.
Owen: Maybe. Maybe not. But don’t leave town, Joel. I’m keeping my eye on you.
Joel: I’m soooo scared. *shakes head and leaves*
***
Owen Interviews Suspect #3: Mary Larson
(Posted on April 24, 2012)
Owen: Where you were on March 9?
Mary: I was looking for my husband.
Owen: When was the last time you saw him?
Mary: That morning at breakfast. He went to the fields to plant corn, and I haven’t seen him since.
Owen: Did you have a fight?
Mary: No. It was a morning like all the others. I fed him before I woke up the kids.
Owen: So when did you discover he was missing?
Mary: Isaac went out to help him in the barn and said he couldn’t find him. We went out to see where he was, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Owen: Could he have been in the fields?
Mary: No. His horse was still in the stall.
Owen: Maybe he took another horse.
Mary: Everything was where it belonged.
Owen: Are you saying he never made it to the barn?
Mary: I don’t know if he did or not. The last time I saw him, he left the house. I went upstairs to wake up the children.
Owen: Did he say anything that might explain why someone might kidnap him?
Mary: Well, he was going on and on about the Characters for Better Treatment Union. He was drawing up banners and making flyers. He was worried someone might try to stop him from going through with it.
Owen: He was getting some support, especially from Kayla and the characters from Stephannie Beman’s books.
Mary: *frowns* Yes, I remember her.
Owen: You don’t sound happy.
Mary: Why should I be? She was flirting with him, and she sent him a risqué picture of herself. I didn’t think that was appropriate for a woman to do to a man who’s already married.
Owen: Well, to put things in perspective, Kayla is a tree nymph. She flirts with every man she comes across, and she’s been known to send out suggestive pictures to them.
Mary: How do you know this?
Owen: I did background checks on everyone.
Mary: Including me?
Owen: I had to. It’s nothing personal.
Mary: If you say so…
Owen: Do you think Kayla kidnapped him?
Mary: Is she one of the suspects?
Owen: Actually, she is. I plan to interview her next.
Mary: Oh. When you talk to her, tell her to stop sending letters to my husband. I’m tired of getting them.
Owen: Is it possible you kidnapped Dave to keep Kayla away from him?
Mary: *laughs* No. That’s totally absurd.
Owen: The day before he disappeared, you came to this blog and said, “Ruth, I’m keeping an eye on the situation. I hope this thing with Kyala doesn’t become a big deal.” That comment was made the same day Kayla sent Dave a second fan letter.
May: You spelled her name wrong. It’s Kyala. Didn’t you notice that when you typed in my statement?
Owen: Fine. I misspelled her name. The correction is duly noted.
Mary: I wonder why no one else realized you misspelled it.
Owen: It doesn’t matter.
Mary: Sure, it does. She’s one of the suspects. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get her name wrong.
Owen: Do you think she kidnapped Dave?
Mary: *scowls* I hope not. I’d hate to think of what she might be doing to him.
Owen: It’s not like you to scowl like that.
Mary: Well, I don’t like her.
Owen: No one expects you to. Before I let you go, was there anything besides the union that was bothering Dave?
Mary: He didn’t like Ruth Ann Nordin’s plans to make him impotent in Forever Yours. He was planning to write a letter to Ruth’s readers demanding she throw out that subplot. He was planning to hack into her email and find their emails. Then he was going to hack into her WordPress account so he could make a blog post pleading for them to send a ton of emails to her inbox so she’d have to listen to him.
Owen: Wow. That’s pretty elaborate.
Mary: It really bothers him that he might not be seen as…virile. I don’t know what he’s worried about. We end up having seven children.
Owen: It’s a man thing. I was almost pegged with the impotency thing, and it sucked. Fortunately, in my case, it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. But anyway, who is taking care of the crops while Dave’s missing?
Mary: Richard is.
Owen: Who is Richard again?
Mary: Dave’s oldest brother.
Owen: I thought that was Tom.
Mary: So do a lot of people. Richard pops up once in a while, but no one remembers him very well.
Owen: While everyone remembers Dave.
Mary: I think everyone remembers all the other Larsons. It’s just because Richard hasn’t had his book yet, but that will be resolved when Ruth writes it.
Owen: Maybe reading it will help me remember where else he’s shown up in the Nebraska books.
Mary: He showed up at the jail on the day Irving Spencer showed up and you were found out in The Wrong Husband.
Owen: No way.
Mary: Yes, it’s true.
Owen: Let’s see, there was Tom, Joel, Dave, and… Oh, yeah. There was that fourth guy. He was pretty loud and obnoxious.
Mary: If he was so loud and obnoxious, then why don’t you remember him?
Owen: *shrugs* I don’t know. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism.
Mary: A survival mechanism?
Owen: It’s hard to explain.
Mary: *shrugs* Alright.
Owen: I think I have all I need from you. Go on back to your farm and make sure the kids are comforted while their father is away.
Mary: *nods and leaves*
***
“Outraged Author Storms Character’s Property” (News Article by Joseph Connealy)
Posted on April 26, 2012
Outraged Author Storms Character’s Property
by Joseph Connealy (April 26, 1885)
Ruth Ann Nordin as you’ve never seen her before.
In a bizarre turn of events, Ruth Ann Nordin has used futuristic technology no one understands to go into her laptop’s hard drive to go to the Nebraska Series. Upon last report, she was hiding in the back of Neil Craftsman’s wagon while he headed home from the mercantile.
“I didn’t even know she was there,” Neil said. “It’s a shame, too. I would have gotten her autograph if I’d known. Anyone who can get under Dave’s skin enough to drive him crazy is my hero.”
Fortunately, I was able to track down an eyewitness who saw her hitch a ride to the country. “At first, I didn’t know it was her. She looks nothing like her Facebook picture. But all that aside, she was definitely upset. I couldn’t make out everything she said as she got under the blankets in the wagon, but I definitely heard her say she was going to get to the bottom of this whole Dave Larson thing,” Sally Larson said.
Owen Russell and I took a trip out to Dave’s farm to investigate further. Upon our arrival, Ruth was going through the whole house where cushions were tossed aside and dresser drawers were pulled open.
An overwhelmed Mary and her three children were in the parlor in apparent shock. “I don’t know why she’s here,” Mary said. “She’s never come into her stories before. She’s usually dragging us to her time to talk to her.”
We didn’t find Ruth in the house. We, did, however find her in the barn, digging up hay from the loft. When I asked her what she was looking for, she said, “I’m looking for those plans Dave made. I read the interview Owen did with Mary. I refuse to let this rebellion continue. Dave will not send that email to everyone and demand I change Forever Yours to suit his agenda. I’m tired of all his whining and complaining. He is not the author. I am! I have every right to write the book as I see fit.”
After sending in for reinforcements to get her down from the loft, Ruth finally gave up going through the barn in her search for papers no one is sure even exists.
“She might feel guilty for kidnapping Dave,” Tom Larson said.
“I hope she did kidnap him,” Joel Larson said. “If so, then maybe she’ll put him in his place and he’ll stop being so bossy. I’m tired of going to his ’emergency’ meetings. Just because he’s not getting everything he wants, it’s not an emergency. The rest of us have more important things to worry about.”
“Right. Like cuddling with our wives,” Tom added.
“Or saving people’s lives,” Joel finished.
“I wasn’t even called into the last emergency where Dave was calling for another boycott on Ruth’s books,” Richard Larson said. “I had to show up unexpected, and had it not been for Tom asking about me, no one would have even known I was there. It sounds like all the other Larson brothers have been included in everything, and that’s not fair.”
“Sorry, Richard,” Joel said. “We assumed you and Amanda wanted to move back to New York, so we didn’t think you were interested in what happened in Nebraska.”
“Of course, I’m interested in what happens here, and no, Amanda and I aren’t moving to New York. We’ll never move to New York after what she went through,” Richard replied.
Not able to find the things she was looking for, Ruth ended up leaving but not before she vowed, “I’m sick and tired of Dave Larson’s irrational demands. I don’t care how much he protests. He won’t get his way. And he’s not really missing. He’s hiding somewhere to get some attention. This is all a ploy! Why can’t anyone else see it? He kidnapped himself!”
“It’s so sad when people break down like this,” Owen said after strapping Ruth to a wagon to take her back to town so she could go back to whatever portal she went through to get to 1885 Omaha.
We can only hope that Ruth gets the help she needs because without her, more of our books won’t be written.
Photo credit:
Ruth gone crazy: ID 13185186 © Alexander Mychko | Dreamstime.com
***
Owen Interviews Suspect #4: Kyala
(Posted on April 27, 2012)
*Thanks to Stephannie Beman for acting the part of Kyala in this interview!*
Owen: Where were you on March 9?
Kyala: Um…Probably at home. Though I might have been at the river with the other nymphs…Or possibly at Persephone’s…There is also the possibility that I was at Olympus. It’s such a social place, and there are so many characters mad at Stephannie right now so they are willing to join Dave’s Union. Why?
Owen: Because you’re suspected of kidnapping Dave Larson. Didn’t you get my letter that said I had to interview you?
Kyala: I got as far as you wanting to meet me, and I sorta skimmed the rest. It really wasn’t that interesting of a letter. Why would a kid napping have anything to do with Dave?
Owen: Not “kid napping”. I said “kidnapping”. As in, you took Dave off to some remote tree in the middle of nowhere where you can use him as your sex slave. You didn’t want to join his Union. You wanted to run off with him.
Kyala: Using him as my sex slave? Sounds fun. But I would have to say you have a far baser thinking when it comes to sex games than Dave would have. Do you have a wife by chance? *giggles and bats her eyelashes seductively*
Owen: I…Uh… That is to say… *clears throat* Don’t you bat your eyelashes at me, honey. Dave has been missing now for a month and a half. No one has seen him. He has a wife and children who depend on him. This is no laughing matter. Why are you chuckling? I can’t stress how serious this is.
Kyala: Serious to you, love. *winks* It’s not my responsibility to look after him. That’s what he has Mary for. If you ask me, he’s probably off to some drinking hall and is drowning out his woes for marrying a closet harridan and having seven children. I mean, what is wrong with you humans that you have to procreate like bunnies on a mission? Have one kid, raise it, and move on to the next kid.
Owen: When you’re mortal, you don’t have the luxury of waiting until one kid is grown up before having another. Dave wouldn’t drink away his sorrows, because he has none. He’s very happy with Mary. She’s been the light of his life. He is upset with Ruth for wanting to make him impotent in his next book, but since he only had three children at the beginning of that book and ended up with seven by the time Isaac’s Decision ended, then he obviously overcame that problem. So really, having more kids proved he was virile after all.
Kyala: Too bad for you mortals. It’s so much easier on everyone when there’s not a gaggle of children underfoot. But what does Dave having children have to do with his disappearance? Really, Owen, stay on track. *lets her dress strap fall off her shoulder, gives him a suggestive smile, and pulls the strap back up*
Owen: *averts eyes* I was just explaining that Dave did have some annoyances, but none of them had to do with Mary. I am wondering why this Union is so important to you. You have nothing to gain from joining it. Ruth isn’t your author.
Kyala: Whatever you think. I still say the poor man is miserable. But that’s not why you asked me here. Stephannie’s telling me to just answer your “damn” questions, whatever “damn” means. *sighs, sits down, and crosses her legs* So here are your answers. I wanted to join Dave’s Characters for the Better Treatment Union because I think characters should have equal rights. It’s not fair that authors get to play with our lives like gods and make us miserable just so they can sell the story. I want to be able to dictate my story, not sit there like a puppet having my strings pulled at my author’s whim. Dave had good points. Also, it didn’t hurt that he was good looking.
Owen: So maybe you kidnapped Dave to find out where he’s hiding his plans to form the Union? Maybe you’re going to form your own against Stephannie?
Kyala: I’m a nymph, Owen. I party. I have lots of sex. I join groups. I don’t plan anything past a few hours. It’s way too far in the future. Besides, it is so much easier to join his group than to make my own.
Owen: So you admit you’re forgetful?
Kyala: I wouldn’t say forgetful. Memory selective would be a better term. *giggles and leans forward, showing her cleavage*
Owen: Is, uh, *blushes and clears throat*, is it possible you chose to forget you kidnapped Dave?
Kyala: *shakes head and flips her hair over her shoulder* No, it isn’t possible that I would selectively forget that I kidnapped anyone. I would like to visit them until we tired of one another.
Owen: So you abducted Dave to get him away from his family? He was last seen going to the barn. Maybe you were waiting for him there.
Kyala: *sighs in exasperation* I like you, Owen. I really do. But really? I prefer my men ready *scans him up and down and winks* and willing. If you did your job better, you’d know Dave wasn’t interested.
Owen: *closes his laptop and stands up* I think we’re done for now. Don’t leave town…or rather, your tree. *hurries out of the room*
Kyala: What an odd human.
***
Owen Interviews Suspect #5: Richard Larson
(Posted on April 30, 2012)
Owen: Why are you smiling?
Richard Larson: Because I’m finally getting my own book, Wagon Trail Bride. At long last, my dream has come true!
Owen: We’re not here to discuss your book. I do find it odd, however, that you’re so happy considering your brother, Dave, is missing.
Richard: I’m sure he’s fine. One thing about fiction is that characters don’t get hurt. Well, not unless the author wants them to. But Ruth Ann Nordin is a romance author, and Dave is the hero in two of her books, so he’s safe. She doesn’t kill off heroes. Ever.
Owen: But still, I’d think you’d be concerned.
Richard: *shrugs* He’s an adult. He can handle himself.
Owen: Hmm… So where were you on March 9?
Richard: I was sending Ruth a proposal on why she should write my book.
Owen: And this took all day?
Richard: Yes. I was at this laptop the entire time. Well, I took breaks to eat and go to the bathroom, but does everyone really want the details on that? I don’t think so.
Owen: Maybe I do. How long did these breaks take?
Richard: Let’s see… I arrived at the library at 8am when it opened and didn’t have anything to eat until about 11am. It took me a while to figure out how to hook up to the wireless internet thing. That took a whole hour, believe it or not, because I’d never done it before. Then I spent another hour trying to figure out what to write in my proposal to Ruth.
Owen: I get the point. So you’re saying you were at the library until it closed at 8pm with the exception of a couple of trips to the bathroom and to go out to eat?
Richard: Yep. I had to prove to Ruth that my story would be a full-length novel. She has this thing where she doesn’t do short stories or novellas anymore. Something about people not being happy if she doesn’t write a full-length novel.
Owen: Can anyone vouch for the fact that you were in the library on that day?
Richard: Well, I did talk to Amanda on Skype to brainstorm what prompted me to marry her. There has to be some reason why I took her to Nebraska when I had planned to stay in New York. We finally came to a good conclusion and I wrote it down, but I had to prove how it could work.
Owen: I find it hard to believe that took all day.
Richard: It did.
Owen: Did you know Dave was last seen going out to the barn to start the morning chores?
Richard: That’s what Mary claims.
Owen: And that was approximately around six in the morning?
Richard: So?
Owen: You didn’t get to the library until 8am when it opened.
Richard: You’re really stretching on that one, Owen.
Owen: Am I? Or did I just prove that there are two hours where you don’t have an alibi?
Richard: Look, I understand you need to ask these senseless questions in order to have me as one of the suspects, but I didn’t do it.
Owen: But you’re glad that Dave isn’t around?
Richard: I never said I was glad he was kidnapped. Am I glad I don’t have to hear him yapping about stuff that doesn’t matter? Sure. Who isn’t? But I wouldn’t kidnap him to shut him up.
Owen: Would you kidnap him so you could get your own book? I notice since he went missing, Forever Yours got removed from the immediate writing list.
Richard: That’s a coincidence.
Owen: Is it also a coincidence that we’re all notified your story will be written and given a title and cover?
Richard: Yes. It is a coincidence. But it’s also proof that Ruth listens to her characters. She had no plans to write my story, but because I went through the proper channels and didn’t try to bully her on this blog like Dave did, I got results. Dave’s problem is that he tried to force the issue. You catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar. She’s not unreasonable if you approach her calmly and respectably.
Owen: I hear you sent Dave a letter telling him he’d better stop harassing Ruth or he was going to get what he deserved.
Richard: Yes, I did. I won’t deny it. But I never said I’d kidnap him.
Owen: Then what did you think he deserved?
Richard: Honestly? That Ruth not write Forever Yours.
Owen: And she’s not.
Richard: We already discussed that earlier in this post.
Owen: And now an opening popped up for your book.
Richard: Again, we already discussed that. Do you make it a habit of going in circles with everyone you interrogate?
Owen: I’m just trying to get to the bottom of this.
Richard: If you want to get to the bottom of this, then go find Dave. Stop bugging everyone else about it. Some of us have better things to do with our time than to figure out where Dave is. Like me. I am currently working on possible scenes in my book to send to Ruth in case she wants to use them. I don’t have time to worry about Dave. Dave will be fine. He’s a hero in a book. He shows up in other books. He’ll show up again on this blog sooner or later.
Owen: Your lack of concern really bothers me.
Richard: *shrugs* I can’t control how you feel about this. Do what you need to, but I’m working on my book. *turns away from Owen and types*
Owen: Don’t leave town, Richard.
Richard: *ignores Owen and keeps typing*
***
Owen Interviews Suspect #6: Dave Larson
(Posted on May 2, 2012)
Owen: While I can’t interview Dave, he is a suspect in his kidnapping.
Owen: There’s plenty of motive. He’s felt as if his author wouldn’t listen to him during the writing of Isaac’s Decision. Only an airhead character created by another author came out in support of his Characters for Better Treatment Union. He was told his third book would involve a subplot that disturbed him greatly. Perhaps one of these events wouldn’t have pushed him over the edge, but all of them together probably snowballed until he snapped. I’m not saying it happened this way, but it’s a possibility worth considering.
Ruth: Can I please leave prison so I can edit books featuring characters who actually appreciate me? Being in jail has delayed me in doing my work.
Owen: That’s what happens when you break into someone’s house like a lunatic.
Ruth: You and Joseph Connealy are so misleading. You two made it sound like you sent me back home, but you never did. I’m going to the judge on this one. I’m going to sue you for pain and suffering.
Owen: I was going to send you back to your home until you escaped right before I could take you through the rip in time conveniently located at the mercantile. Whoever heard of a portal in a store? *rolls eyes* But you wouldn’t quietly go back home. You escaped and ran right back to Dave’s place where I found you hiding in a haystack.
Ruth: I was napping. It was a long and stressful day for me. Plus, I don’t get much sleep at home with four kids and a husband who always want something.
Joel: Oh, let her go. She didn’t do it. If anyone did it besides Dave, it was Mary. You know what they say: it’s always the quiet ones.
Mary: What are you saying, Joel? That I’m dangerous because I’m quiet?
Joel: I’m just saying that out of everyone who was interviewed, you were the most agreeable suspect. You even sprung a few fake tears to gain sympathy.
Mary: And what would I have gained by having Dave gone while the farm needed tending to? Don’t you think my children miss him and ask for him? If anyone did it, it was you, Joel. You wanted to remove Dave because he annoyed you.
Joel: *scoffs* Puhleeze. If I was going to get rid of anyone, it would be Tom.
Tom: What are you bringing me into this for?
Joel: I don’t know. It’s just what I do.
Tom: I’m not even a suspect.
Joel: That’s not the point. The point is, if I were to kidnap anyone, I’d kidnap you.
Tom: I think Kyala did it.
Kyala: Me?
Tom: You had the perfect motive. You wanted Dave all to yourself and knew Mary would never allow you to have him. So you waited for him in the barn and seduced him with your musical pipe. Under your musical spell, he followed you to your island full of trees where you tied him up and have been breaking down his will in hopes he’ll stay with you for ten years until he comes to his senses and returns to Mary. Mary, in turn, will demand why it took him twenty years to return from the war at Troy.
Richard: Uh, Tom, you’re confusing the Pied Piper with the Greek myths of sirens and the book Ulysses.
Kyala: I like the way you think, Tom. Say, you’re kinda cute in a goofy sort of way.
Tom: *blushes* Oh, thanks.
Joel: Leave it to Tom to think “goofy kinda way” is a compliment.
Mary: I wouldn’t be too quick to accept the compliment, Tom. Kyala wants to be with every man she sees.
Kyala: I didn’t take your husband, Mary, so back off. All I wanted to do was help with the union. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. My mind isn’t always on sex, despite what people think about nymphs.
Richard: There’s no need for a union, and really, the only reason Dave wanted to get the union going was to promote his agenda. It had nothing to do with the rest of us. When Joel was forced to marry April against his will in Shotgun Groom, Dave didn’t care. When Ruth had Tom make a complete fool of himself in front of all the readers in A Bride for Tom, Dave didn’t care. When Sally was tricking Rick into spending time with her in Her Heart’s Desire, Dave didn’t care. When Jenny married the wrong man in The Wrong Husband, Dave didn’t care. Dave didn’t say a single word of protest until Isaac married Emily. After that, he wouldn’t shut up.
Joel: That’s true. We didn’t hear anything from him until Isaac’s Decision popped up. Until then, he didn’t argue with Ruth on this blog. And if someone didn’t stop him from the whole union thing, Richard would never have his book.
Richard: Are you saying I did it?
Joel: No.
Kyala: It sounded like it to me. I saw Richard go out to Mary’s house the evening Dave disappeared. It was about 9pm, if I recall.
Owen: Hmm… Why didn’t you tell me this sooner, Richard?
Richard: It was nothing. I was just going to ask Dave to bump back his book so mine could be written.
Owen: That’s still something you should have told me.
Richard: I didn’t think about it. Kyala, what were you doing at Dave’s place so late?
Kyala: I always do my best work at night.
Ruth: As fun as this is, I’m going home. The Earl’s Inconvenient Wife and Her Heart’s Desire won’t edit themselves. Get me out of here, Owen.
Owen: *sighs* Alright, but if I catch you at Dave’s property one more time, I’m arresting you for trespassing, and you’ll have to go before Judge Johnson.
Ruth: Oooh. I’m so scared. *rolls eyes*
Owen: You should be.
Ruth: Owen, you’re as scary as a teddy bear. I’m out of here. *leaves*
Tom: Well, I think I saw a teddy bear that went around killing people in a You Tube video once.
Joel: I think you’re thinking of Chucky, the killer doll.
Richard: Good grief, Tom. You’re getting everything mixed up tonight.
Joel: Now you know why I have to give him so much grief. He makes it too easy.
Kyala: Hey, guys. There’s a terrific party in the forest where my friends hang out. Want to come along?
Mary: I refuse to go anywhere with you.
Kyala: I wasn’t asking you. I was asking all these cute men. *winks at them*
Owen: I have to stick around in case Ruth runs back to Dave’s place.
Richard: I need to draft up some more scenes for her to use in my book.
Joel: I have to see if Doctor Adams needs my help.
Tom: Is this a birthday party with lots of cake, presents, and fun games like musical chairs?
Kyala: Not exactly, though we do have lots of music.
Joel: Oh brother, Tom. She’s a nymph. Nymphs like sex. A lot.
Richard: Don’t waste your breath, Joel. He still doesn’t understand what Sally and Jenny were talking about right after Irving Spencer arrived and Owen was in jail in The Wrong Husband. The rest of us understood the secret message Sally and Jenny were giving each other right there in the kitchen.
Joel: True. He’s hopeless.
Owen: It’s time we ended this post. We’re hitting 1300 words.
Joel: I didn’t realize we were being timed. Fine, fine. We’re out of here.
Owen: Tomorrow through Sunday, everyone will get a chance to say who they think kidnapped Dave Larson, and we’ll run a contest on it.
***
Time to Find Out Who Kidnapped Dave Larson!
(Posted on May 7, 2012)
If you guessed Mary or Dave as being responsible for the kidnapping, you were right. This is the way it happened:
Mary didn’t like Kyala writing Dave the letter and Mary was tired of Dave causing trouble, so Mary had two motives.
She talked Dave into hiding in the barn loft (Ruth got so close to catching him!). She convinced Dave that if he went missing, then people would talk about it and he’d finally be taken seriously. Now, Mary didn’t believe for a minute that anyone would take Dave seriously, but Dave believed it so he went along with it.
Did the ploy work? Well, for Mary it did. Kyala has grown bored of Dave and has moved on to another man. Dave has also given up on the Characters for Better Treatment Union because Mary’s about to give birth to Jacob. (Jacob is born in 1885.) Dave is going to be too busy with the newest Larson member to worry about the union, just as Mary planned.
Did the ploy work for Dave? Nah. No one takes him seriously. I know, poor Dave.