Chapter Ten

 

“My goodness, I know the weather out here is changeable, but I’ve never known it to change this fast.”

“Aye,” said Mac with one of his more mysterious smiles. “‘Tis a fine day for a drive out on the plains, lass.”

Grace glanced up at him from the pot of hot fat in which she was frying doughnuts. He looked extremely self-satisfied, as if the weather were somehow his doing. She laughed. “Don’t get any ideas in that canny old head of yours, Alexander McMurdo. Mr. Partridge and I are only trying to mend some fences.” She frowned. “We had more words the day before the Merchants rode into the yard.”

Mac raised his eyebrows. They were full and white and looked like the wings of a bird when he did that. “Did ye now?”

“Yes.” Grace shot him a glance. She felt guilty about having pursued Noah that day and forcing him to talk to her, especially now, since he’d been so kind to Maddie on her birthday. Maddie wore her new locket everywhere, and she was very careful with it. Grace sighed over her doughnuts. “I think perhaps I was too hard on him. A little bit. Maybe.”

“You? Grace Richardson? Hard on a fellow?” There went Mac’s eyebrows again. Grace grinned at his expression of incredulity.

“Yes. Can you believe it of me? I actually butted into the poor man’s business and tried to pry his problems out of him. I thought that if he talked about them, he’d feel better, you see.”

“Tish, Grace, a crime, that.”

Grace laughed. “Well, it wasn’t very nice of me. After all, his problems are none of my business. But the poor man! He needs friends, Mac.”

“Aye, lass, he does, and ye’ll be a good one to him.”

“Do you think so?” She was pleased to hear Mac’s opinion on the matter. It made her feel not quite so much like a nosy Parker and a bully.

“Aye, I do, if he can let himself accept ye.”

Vaguely troubled by Mac’s qualification, Grace lifted a doughnut out of the pot with a big slotted spoon. She laid it on a piece of butcher paper to blot up the excess grease. “He wants to buy Frank’s land, you know.”

“Aye.”

“I wish you hadn’t shown it to him.”

“And why not? D’ye think he’ll steal it from ye?”

She gave a startled laugh. “Heavens, no! But I know he thinks I’m being merely stubborn in not selling it to him. He told me it would be too difficult for me to work the land by myself. He got rather huffy about it, actually.”

“Mayhap the lad’s right, lass. Runnin’ a homestead in the territory’s a hard business, ye know.”

“Mac!” She was so alarmed by his words that she nearly dropped her spoon. “That land is all I have left of Frank. It was Frank’s legacy to our children—child! I can’t give it up!”

“Don’t take on so, lass. I’m not faultin’ ye for your desire to cling like a bulldog to that land o’ yours. But, lass, Frank’s dead. He’s been dead these two years and more.”

Feeling betrayed, Grace bowed her head. Tears filled her eyes. “I know that. Do you think I can ever forget?”

“Nay, lass.” Mac came over to her and patted her on the shoulder. “But ye might consider movin’ on one of these days.”

She sniffled and felt foolish when she had to pass the back of her hand over her eyes to wipe away her tears. She must have pressed too hard because stars swam before her eyes for a moment. That had been happening a lot since she came to live at Mac’s wagon yard. Those sparkling dots were an odd, not unpleasant, phenomenon. Mac’s words filled her heart with dread, though.

“What do you mean, I should think about moving on? Do you want us to move? Are we a bother to you?” She didn’t want to get in Mac’s way. He’d been their most compassionate friend ever since she and Frank had moved out here. If he was tired of having her and Maddie living with him, Grace wasn’t sure she could survive. She might have to move back to Chicago, and she didn’t want to do that, because it would mean giving up.

He chuckled softly, and she felt better immediately. “Nay, lass, I don’t want ye to be movin’ on from here. But one of these days, ye’ll have to move on from Frank. Ye know it in your heart, Grace.”

She lifted her head and peered at him keenly, not best pleased by his assessment of her situation. “I’m not sure what you mean, Mac. If you think I’ll ever forget Frank, you’re wrong. I loved him.”

“Aye, lass, I know that. And he loved you. You and your Frank had a happy life together. It was a mortal crime when he was taken from ye so tragically. But ye have your Maddie, and ye have your health. Ye’re a lovely woman, Grace Richardson. There’s many a man as would be proud to take care of ye both.”

Now Grace felt doubly betrayed. “I don’t want another man.”

Mac shook his head. “I know that, lass, and I’m not sayin’ ye should take another husband merely to make your life easier. But I do think it’s time ye opened your eyes and gazed about you.”

She shook her head, unable to respond.

“Frank loved you, Grace. And he loved your little Maddie. He wouldn’t want ye pinin’ over his memory all your whole life long. He’d want better for you than that, lass.”

Every one of Grace’s senses rebelled. She whispered, “No.” Even thinking about taking another husband made her heart ache. That would be deserting Frank, being false to his memory. She’d loved him more dearly than life itself.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Mac,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”

His smile conveyed deep understanding. Grace knew he understood; that’s why his conversation this morning troubled her so much. She and Mac had talked hundreds of times about her marriage and her goals. Mac knew what she aimed to do; she couldn’t comprehend why he seemed to be turning on her all of a sudden.

“Ah, lass, I’m not turnin’ on ye.”

Blast! Every time he did that, he startled her. She managed a tiny, tense smile. “There you go again, Mac, reading my thoughts.”

He chuckled. “Forgive me, lass. I didn’t mean to make ye sad.”

She shrugged. “It’s all right. I guess I’m a little touchy on the subject of Frank and marriage.”

“Aye. A little, I’d say.” He chuckled again and walked over to the back door.

When he flung it open, Grace saw Noah Partridge walking up to the door hand in hand with Maddie. Her mouth fell open in astonishment. It looked as if Maddie were leading Noah, whose face held an expression of absolute befuddlement, as if he couldn’t quite figure out how he’d come to be holding a child’s hand. Grace expected he’d had little to do with it. Maddie was a determined creature. The little girl saw her mother and waved. Grace waved back.

“Mr. Noah and I put the saddle and bridle on Old Blue, Mommy! We’re going on a picnic, Mac!”

“Aye, lass. Your mother told me. She’s making some doughnuts to take along wi’ ye.”

“Doughnuts! My favorite!” Maddie’s eyes lit up as if Mac had promised her the moon and stars.

Watching her daughter, a quick, unexpected shaft of defeat pierced her heart. Mac was right. She wasn’t being fair to Maddie, keeping her out here in the territory where even the promise of a doughnut was exhilarating. Her daughter deserved better than what Grace could give her by herself. Maddie looked so happy walking along, hand-in-hand with Noah Partridge. She deserved a father. Playmates.

Maybe Grace should consider remarrying. At the notion, her blood ran cold.

Then she realized what Maddie had said. “Old Blue?” She looked a question at Noah, who shrugged uncomfortably.

“Mac said he thought Miss Maddie might like to ride by herself today.”

Grace whirled on Mac. “Mac! Maddie can’t ride well enough to sit a horse by herself.”

“Calm down, lass. Old Blue isn’t rightly a horse, ye ken. He’s an old, placid mule, and he’s as gentle as a summer breeze. I’ve led Maddie around the yard on his back countless times.”

“But—but this is different.” She was beginning to feel outmaneuvered and overburdened, as though they were all ganging up on her.

“I’ll lead her, Mrs. Richardson.”

She frowned at Noah. “I think it would have been appropriate to ask me first, Mr. Partridge.” Her voice sounded strained to her own ears.

Noah looked at the ground at his feet. She didn’t get the feeling he was abashed so much as annoyed. Irked in her own right, she snapped, “She’s only a little girl.”

“I’m six!” Now even Maddie sounded indignant. “I know how to ride a horse, Mommy.”

Grace expelled a heavy breath. “Very well,” she said ungraciously. “But you must promise me you’ll be very careful, Maddie. Never let go of the saddle horn, and do everything Mr. Partridge and I tell you to do.”

Maddie’s face lit up like Christmas. “I will, Mommy! I already promised Mr. Noah I would.”

Hmmm. Grace eyed Noah, who nodded without smiling. She entertained an odd, unpleasant feeling that she’d just been unreasonable. Still, Maddie was her daughter. It was up to Grace to protect her and guide her actions, not Noah Partridge or Alexander McMurdo. The suspicion that she was jealous of Maddie’s affection for these two men paid her brain a brief visit. She didn’t thrust it aside, but she was awfully irritated that it sounded like the truth.

Well, there was no getting around it. Maddie was riding Old Blue, and there was obviously nothing Grace could do about it. Feeling besieged, she muttered, “I’ll finish packing the lunch.”

“I’ll help you, Mommy.” Maddie let go of Noah’s hand, pranced to her mother’s side, and gave her a huge, happy smile. Grace felt much better about the day than she had only seconds earlier.

# # #

Noah couldn’t remember the last time he’d held a kid’s hand. Maybe he never had. He’d always tried to stay as far away from Julia’s baby brother as he could because he’d been such an ill-behaved child. Now he was a dead ill-behaved child. Noah wasn’t sure he’d been enough of a brat to warrant that fate—but then, the war hadn’t played favorites.

He hadn’t wanted to hold Maddie’s hand, either, but she’d given him no choice in the matter. She’d latched onto him like a clamp. Unless he’d wanted to shake her off and hurt her feelings—which he didn’t—he’d had to go along with her. He was surprised he hadn’t resented it more. Blamed kid presumed too blasted much. She bothered him. Just because he’d given her that stupid locket, was no reason for her to take advantage of his good nature—not that he had one.

That being the case, he couldn’t account for the desolation he felt when she let go of his hand and went to her mother’s side. He shook his head, told himself he thought to damned much, and realized Mac was grinning at him. He frowned and turned toward the stable.

“I’ll go saddle up a horse for Mrs. Richardson.”

“You do that, lad.”

Mac’s chuckle followed Noah out of the house and into the stable.

Yet the day was fine, Noah actually felt almost human for a change, and he couldn’t hang onto his irritation to save his life. In fact, when he, Grace, and Maddie waved good-bye to Mac and set out through the big double gates of the wagon yard, his heart felt lighter than it had in years.

He watched little Maddie Richardson like a hawk. He’d already annoyed Maddie’s mother once this morning. He didn’t aim to earn her eternal enmity by letting her kid fall off that mule and hurt herself. He needed Grace Richardson. He needed her because he wanted her land. He kept reminding himself of that last part since it had a tendency to slip his mind.

It was because Mrs. Richardson was so damned appealing. That’s why he kept forgetting. It had been so long since Noah’d had occasion to appreciate human attractiveness that he’d forgotten how difficult it was to concentrate on other things in its presence. Even with that silly calico sunbonnet covering up her hair and shading her face, she was as pretty as a picture. In fact, he almost wished his old friend Bobby Garfield was here. Bobby had been a fine portrait painter. Until he’d had his right hand shot off in the war.

Noah wished he hadn’t remembered that part.

In order to dispel the mood generated by his depressing recollection, he cleared his throat and spoke. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about the mule, Mrs. Richardson. Mac and Maddie said it would be all right for Maddie to ride Old Blue. I thought they’d already cleared it with you.” That sounded like he was making excuses, and Noah mentally chided himself. “I should have asked you first anyway.” There. That was better.

Her smile lit up his insides. “I’m the one who should apologize, Mr. Partridge. I’m just so used to doing everything for Maddie, it—surprised me when the two of you took the decision about transportation out of my hands.”

“Didn’t mean to usurp your responsibility, ma’am,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be silly.”

Grace laughed, a silvery, tinkling sound that feathered over Noah like a benediction. He even shut his eyes for a second and let it seep into his pores, imagining that her laugh could help cure what ailed him.

Fat chance. He didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet.

She took the burden of keeping the conversation going from his shoulders. “Did I hear Mac right when he said your family’s piano and organ business was lost during the war, Mr. Partridge?”

Noah’s insides cramped immediately. He made a valiant effort not to double over in his saddle with pain. He told himself that this was no time to be letting his soldier’s heart play mean tricks on him, which did about as much good as his lectures to himself ever did. After he caught his breath, he said, “Yes, ma’am.”

She shook her head, and he could see her genuine sympathy. “I’m so sorry. How did it happen?”

His cramps were easing up some, but Noah still wasn’t sure he could talk much without groaning. “Burned to the ground.”

“My goodness. Did you lose many instruments?”

“All of them.”

“Oh, dear. How tragic. Do you know how it happened? Was it during a battle or something?”

Noah glanced sideways and saw her clear blue eyes wide with questions. Damn. She wanted an explanation.

Well, hell, maybe it was time. He could experiment with Grace Richardson, who seemed to have a warm heart. She’d already told him she had a crazy uncle. Maybe she’d understand if he had a fit when he tried to talk about what had happened to him.

He licked his lips and took an experimental breath. No cramp. Good. “Um, yes. I know how it happened. It wasn’t in connection with a battle.” There. That hadn’t been so hard.

“Oh.”

Noah darted another glance at her. She was frowning, puzzled. He couldn’t make himself elaborate. Maybe if she asked him outright, he could force himself to explain.

“I’m sorry. That must have been awfully hard for your family.”

He nodded again, unwilling to trust his voice to work right.

Maddie’s voice piped up. “How did it happen, Mr. Noah?”

He jerked in his saddle. Even though he held Maddie’s mule’s lead rein, he’d forgotten the girl was there was there, her eager little ears picking up everything the adults in her life had to say.

Once again, Grace took the lead. “It’s not polite to pry into other people’s business, Maddie.” She gave a short self-conscious laugh. “Although that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, isn’t it? I suppose we’re both just curious, and I guess curiosity is a human failing. But I think Mr. Partridge doesn’t like to talk about it, Maddie. It must have been a terrible thing for him to come back after having endure the deprivations of war and to find his family business in ruins.” She smiled compassionately at Noah, who swallowed hard.

Maddie’s big blue eyes, as round and pretty as those of her mother, radiated sympathy. “Is that what happened, Mr. Noah?”

He licked his lips. “Er, no. Not exactly. It was afterwards, you see.”

“Afterwards?” Grace’s eyes looked like deep blue pools under the shade of her sunbonnet. Lordy, he could get lost in those eyes of hers if he wasn’t careful.

He nodded.

“Was it an accident or something?”

“No, ma’am, it was deliberate.”

“You mean someone burned those pianos on purpose, Mr. Noah?” A perfect imitation of her lovely mother, Maddie’s indignation on his behalf might have made him smile under other circumstances. “Who’d do a thing like that?”

Who’d do it? His neighbors. The people he’d grown up among. Unsure if he could make himself tell the truth, Noah remained silent for a long time. He knew it was too long a pause to be polite. The clop-clop-clop of the animals’ hooves kept time to the thudding of his heart. His brain was in a scramble. He didn’t know what to say. Everything he thought of sounded too harsh.

After several tense moments, Grace said, “I think Mr. Partridge feels very sad about it, Maddie. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it.” Grace gave her daughter a sweet smile. When she glanced at Noah, he read pity in her eyes and hated it.

“I fought for the wrong side, Miss Maddie. Most of the folks in Falls Church hated me. I was the only one left in my family after the war, and my neighbors burned me out when I opened up for business.”

Brutal, brutal, Noah Partridge. Why did you say it that way? Why didn’t you soften it for six-year-old ears? He shook his head hard, wishing he could live the last minute or so over again. He’d just keep quiet, whether they thought he was being rude or not.

“Oh, my!” Grace gaped at him, horrified.

“That’s mean, Mr. Noah. That’s mean and—and—and beastly.” Maddie was clearly outraged on his behalf. He appreciated her very much in that moment.

In spite of himself, he grinned. “I thought it was pretty beastly myself, Miss Maddie.”

“Just a’cause a body don’t like what you like doesn’t mean you can burn his things.” Maddie glared around as if looking for the perpetrators of Noah’s tragedy so she could give them a good hot lecture.

“I agree with you there, ma’am.” She was damned near as cute as her mother. Nice folks, Grace and Maddie Richardson. Maybe if he’d lived around them instead of the folks in Falls Church, his life would have been easier.

“What do you mean, you fought on the wrong side? What side did you fight on?”

Grace gazed at him in open curiosity. He could tell she was appalled, too. Well, when you looked at it objectively, his family’s fate was pretty appalling. Hell, it was even if you didn’t.

“I fought for the Union, ma’am. I thought I was being noble.” His cynical words and caustic laugh sounded a discordant note in the peaceful autumn morning air.

“Humph. Well, I’m from Illinois, and if you ask me, you fought on the right side, Mr. Partridge. I can’t even imagine people being so callous and unreasonable as to burn you out because they didn’t approve of your choice during that awful conflict.”

“I had a hard time imagining it myself, ma’am.” Lord, he hadn’t believed he could still sound so bitter.

“Hmph. I know animosities ran high, but that’s carrying things much too far.”

Noah nodded his agreement.

“Why, that war tore the whole country apart. I suppose it’s not surprising things like that happened, although they’re awful. Simply awful. The things people do to each other!”

“Yes, ma’am. I couldn’t agree more.”

“Of all the nerve!”

Noah saw Grace’s hands knot into fists around her reins.

“Of all the nerve!”

Maddie sat on Old Blue as if she had a poker strapped to her back. She looked every bit as incensed on his account as her mother did. The two Richardson ladies made a fine Greek chorus. Noah was glad they were on his side.

“I appreciate your sympathy,” he said, and meant it.

“I can’t believe the ghastly things people can do to each other.”

“Me, neither. I can’t b’lieve it neither.” Maddie nodded firmly. Cute as a button, she was.

“That sort of thing is why Frank and I decided to move to the territory, Mr. Partridge. Emotions were running so high before the war. He didn’t want anything to do with it. I mean, it was bad enough that people hated each other because they had a difference of opinions, but they wouldn’t let each other rest in their own beliefs. They had to be arguing all the time over who was right and who was wrong. Neither Frank nor I could tolerate it, and we decided to get out.”

Noah nodded. Although he didn’t see that Frank Richardson had benefited much from his neutrality—he was dead, after all—he could understand his sentiments. If anything like that happened again, Noah’d be inclined to take off too.

“How come people fight wars, Mommy?”

Both Noah and Grace turned to stare at Maddie. Noah didn’t know about Grace, but he thought that was an interesting question. He wished he knew the answer. He nodded to Grace, silently letting her know that it was her turn. Maddie was her kid; she could answer the tough questions.

“I—I don’t know, Maddie.”

Noah thought she’d skirted the issue a little too patly. When she glanced at him to gauge his reaction, he lifted an eyebrow to tell her so.

Little Maddie tilted her head to one side, as if she were mulling over her mother’s non-answer. “But there must be a reason.”

Grace sighed audibly. Noah’s lips twitched into a grin again. When he looked at her this time, he saw her mouth the words, It’s your turn.

Great. He’d always wanted to offer answers to ponderous philosophical questions in language a six-year-old could understand.

Well, hell, why not? “Sometimes people have different ideas about how the world should run, Maddie. In the southern states, the economy was based on an agricultural system that depended on the labor of slaves to keep it going.”

“But slavery is bad!” Maddie looked up at him, righteous outrage on her piquant face.

“Lots of folks would agree with you on that issue, Miss Maddie. I know I do. But it’s hard to get folks to change their whole way of life because other folks—folks who live hundreds of miles away—think it’s wrong.”

“You din’t live hundreds of miles away, and you think slavery’s wrong too.”

He couldn’t argue that one. He nodded, ceding the point and wondering what to say now. Maddie didn’t give him a chance.

“‘Sides, slavery is wrong! How come they wouldn’t change if something’s wrong?”

Ah, the mind of a child! Noah could hardly remember a time when things had been all black and white to him, his entire life had been gray for so long. Too long. Much too long. He sighed, contemplated explaining the economic implications in changing a system that had been working for a hundred years and more, and decided it was too big a job for him. Like Maddie’s mother before him, Noah opted for the easy way out. “Well, I reckon I wondered the same thing, Miss Maddie. That’s why I joined the Union army. That, and because I didn’t want the nation to be split in two.”

Maddie swiveled in her saddle and peered up at her mother. “We were for the Union army, weren’t we, Mommy?” Noah held his breath, fearing for her safety. But she was a good little rider, and she didn’t so much as wobble.

“We believed in the Union cause. Yes, dear.” Grace’s voice was so benevolent, Noah wished he could bottle it and take it out on those occasions when he was feeling particularly crazy.

“And the Union won, didn’t it, Mr. Noah?”

Now Maddie’s clear gaze was upon him, and Noah bit off the retort he’d been about to spout. He’d been going to say that no one ever won a war, but Maddie was too young and innocent to understand that. He compromised. “Yeah. I guess.”

Maddie didn’t like his equivocation. She turned back to her mother. “We did win, didn’t we, Mommy?”

“Yes, dear.”

“How come Mr. Noah said that, then?” She cast an accusatory glance at Noah, who sighed.

Grace smiled at her daughter. “I think Mr. Partridge is trying to tell you that the cost of war is very high, Maddie, and that even when one side emerges victorious, the losses of war far outweigh the benefits, both financially and in human suffering.”

“Yeah,” Noah said. “That’s right.” He wondered if it was. Then he decided that he really, really didn’t want to think about the war any longer.

The weather was lovely—at least thirty degrees warmer than it had been for a week or more—he was actually enjoying the company he was in, and the war was long over. At least for most people, it was. If it occasionally paid Noah visits at inopportune moments, it wasn’t doing so now, and he didn’t want to chance inviting it in.

“So, where are you leading us, Mrs. Richardson?”

She gave him one of the smiles that went through him like a tiny ray of sunshine and warmed his cold insides. “I thought it was time you saw the lakes, Mr. Partridge. There are several of them a few miles off. They’re quite pretty, and they’re very deep. I believe some of Mr. Chisum’s cowboys have tried to find the bottom of a couple of them by tying lengths of rope together and dangling them in the water, and no one’s hit it yet.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “They sound awfully deep, ma’am.”

“Indeed, I expect they are. Although Mac says they’re probably fed by underground streams, and the current moves the rope, making them appear deeper than they actually are.”

“Makes sense.” Hell, Noah reckoned the rain water had to go somewhere. It sure didn’t stick around on the surface out here. This land was as hard as flint. Like him. He was liking it more and more every day.

“Yes, it does. Anyway, the cowboys have taken to calling them the bottomless lakes. I don’t know about that, but I do know that they’re pretty, and they’re deep, the fishing is good in them, and Maddie loves to wade in the shallows.” She glanced up into the blue, blue sky. “And the weather’s warm enough today for some wading.”

“Yes!” Maddie’s face beamed up at him like sunshine.

“Maybe we can catch some fish for lunch.”

“Maybe so.”

Grace heaved a big sigh. Noah glanced at her, wondering if she was upset about something. She looked happy, though, her clear eyes gazing about with eagerness, and he guessed maybe her sigh had been one of contentment. It seemed odd to him that anyone would be content in his company. He liked the idea, though, and he looked around too.