Valerie felt his heart shattering before she saw it flash in his eyes. That deep, gut-wrenching ache that hit him like a fist. She didn’t want to hurt him. In fact, that was the last thing she wanted. Her own heart longed for him, her body instinctively lurching toward him as though the space between them was an unbearable burden. She wanted to go to him, to caress his face and coax back the handsome smile that made her heart flutter. She wanted to stroke the pain away, take the disappointment and the dismay into her arms and carry them off to lighten the weight on his shoulders as he gazed at her, hurt.
But she needed to know the why of the thing. Always had, just like when she questioned their desire to maintain control of Wolf Woods. Rushing into a situation without thinking through the obstacles and possibilities was foolhardy. She knew that from painful experience. Still, before the word had fully spilled from her lips, she realized how cruel it sounded.
“That sounded harsh,” she said softly. “I only meant that, despite our feelings, I’m not sure how this… thing between us can work.”
“What are you talking about? We work great together. Don’t you think?”
Her heart crumpled at the pain in his voice. “Of course I do, but you can’t deny the facts, Zeke. You’re a wolf. I’m a human. I don’t need to read Werewolves for Idiots to know that your kind and mine don’t really intermingle. Right?”
He remained mute, a muscle in his jaw twitching his answer.
“On top of that, you’re an alpha. But guess what? I’m not afraid to say that I am too. Maybe not the furry, lick your own ass kind, but I’ve led a lot of men into some very dangerous situations. We’re both dominant, independent people. How could that possibly work out in the long run? We’d fight all the time, and I don’t want that.”
Zeke dropped his gaze to the hand he was holding, his thumb contrasting against her richer skin tone. His touch felt like heaven, but his despair leaked through his skin and into her soul.
“Love can overcome all of that,” he said quietly and then met her gaze again. “I love you, Val, and I know you have feelings for me.”
Reaching over with her free hand, she let her fingers caress the side of his face, tracing the line of his strong jaw and reveling in the roughness of the morning beard he hadn’t had time to shave.
“Of course I do. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone, to be honest, but love is just a feeling, not a fix-all. I’ve seen and lived through enough in my life to know that it isn’t always enough.”
“Then what else is there? What could possibly be a more powerful force than love?”
“Belonging,” she answered easily. “Finding a place in this fucked up world where you belong and making it yours. I’ve never belonged anywhere. Not at home. Not at college. Nowhere, except for the military. I joined a gigantic, structured family. They made a place for me when no one else—except Chloe—would. They gave me a place that felt more like home than anywhere else I’d been, and in exchange I gave them everything I have. It’s the closest feeling to belonging I will ever know.” She took a deep, bracing breath before continuing. “And that’s why I’ve decided to go back.”
Zeke blinked in surprise. “You’re… you’re going back? What, today?”
“Not today. I mean I’m re-upping my contract as soon as I get back. It’s where I belong. They’ve done so much for me.”
“I love your loyalty, Val, but you don’t owe them anything,” he countered fiercely.
Val gently pulled her hand from his, her heart shattering at the moment of separation. “I owe them everything, actually. I’ve sacrificed a lot to get where I am. Besides, where else am I going to fit in, Zeke? Here? In Tremble? Where literally everyone thinks I’m some kind of loose cannon psycho?”
“I thought you were on leave. What’s the rush?” he asked, changing tactics.
“I am, but my CO wants me to return and I’ve decided to go.”
“Why?” Zeke asked softly. “You say the why of a thing is the most important thing. So… why?”
“I told you, Zeke. The Army is the only place I belong. Kind of. At least, I fit in there more than anywhere else. And all the discipline and hard work keep me busy.”
“You mean they keep you distracted from being alone,” he grumbled.
“Zeke, please…”
He sat up and pulled her up to face him. “You could belong here, you know. With the Soren pack.”
Val rolled her eyes. “Sure, I’ll just run down to the Halloween aisle at the supermarket and buy myself a werewolf costume. I’m sure no one will know the difference.”
“I’m serious, Valerie. I mean it. There’s a way you could belong here. All you have to do is accept me as your mate,” Zeke explained slowly. “And then I can give you the bite.”
“The bite, as in…?” she trailed off, raising an eyebrow.
“You know, the bite. The one that will turn you into one of us. Then nobody could deny where you truly belong because it would be here. With me.”
“Oh, it’s just that simple, huh?” she said, pushing off the ground to stare down at him. “You think the moment you sink your fangs into my neck everyone around here will decide they don’t hate my guts after all?”
How gullible did he think she was? He was just clutching at straws for anything to get her to stay. If that wasn’t bad enough, she was almost tempted because despite her hard as steel exterior, the idea of spending the rest of her life nestled in Zeke’s embrace didn’t sound half-bad.
“You know, Zeke, if it was just a matter of the townsfolk, like the mayor or McNish, I could deal with it. I didn’t reach the rank of captain because I wanted people to like me. But what about the members of your pack? Levi and those two old guys hate me. I already have one dysfunctional family back home. I don’t need another.”
“They’ll change their minds,” Zeke insisted, but before he could continue, she cut him off.
“No, they won’t. How can you suggest I’ll feel like I belong knowing one of my fellow pack members betrayed me?”
Zeke jumped up and turned away, burying his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. He was angry, that much she could intuit, but she knew he wasn’t angry with her. He was still pissed off at Levi, and she couldn’t really blame him. If she’d had a subordinate go behind her back like that…well, there would be hell to pay, and she suspected Zeke already had a suitable punishment in mind for Levi.
“Besides,” she said, holding her ground and not going to him, despite every cell in her body screaming to do so. “Isn’t there something kinda sorta super important you’re not mentioning?”
Turning to face her, Zeke furrowed his brow and tilted his head to one side, looking every bit a curious dog. “What?”
“The bite?” She waited for him to fess up, but he still looked confused. With a pointed sigh, she gave up. “Chloe told me all about it, Zeke.”
His eyes narrowed and he took a step closer. “What did she tell you?”
“A lot more than she was supposed to, obviously, but I’m talking about how when a werewolf bites a human, it’s almost always fatal. If you supposedly love me so much, how could you be willing to risk my life like that?”
Zeke’s skin went from tanned to pallid in the space of a heartbeat. “Valerie, if you think I’d ever intentionally hurt you, you’ve got me all wrong.”
“Then set me right,” she said, crossing her arms defiantly, daring him to tell her she was wrong. “Tell me what piece of this puzzle I’m missing.”
“Fate.”
She winced at his flat, confident tone. “I don’t believe in fate.”
That hadn’t always been the case. When she was a kid, she’d thought her fate would be for Prince Charming to come and rescue her from trailer park hell. It hadn’t taken long for her to realize that if she wanted to get out, she’d have to do it on her own. No one would swoop in on a white horse, no long-lost aunt would bequeath her a bajillionty bucks, no one would save her… except herself.
Zeke nodded his understanding. “I understand as a human, you might not. But for wolves…”
He edged closer as he scratched the back of his neck, and as much as Val wanted to go to him, she couldn’t risk getting too close or his presence would overwhelm her own good—as questionable as it was—sense.
“Chloe was right,” he said, his gaze almost pleading. “But it sounds like she gave you the ten thousand-foot overview and left out the finer nuances. If I went and bit a random human, then yes, they’d probably die. But if that human was my fated mate, she would have a painless transition into a wolf and we would rule the Soren pack for as long as we lived.”
She squinted at him, grinding her jaw so hard it popped. All of this was just too much. “You’re telling me no one’s ever gotten it wrong before? That every time some random wolf thinks a human chick is his mate and he bites her, she’s survived?”
“Shifters are half-human, so yeah. There may have been a few cases of mistaken identity here or there, or maybe a wolf went feral and claimed a human female in desperation. But those are rare, Val.”
“Rare,” she snorted, taking a step back to put more distance between them. Her emotions bubbled close to the surface, causing her to nearly choke on her words. “I probably have a better chance of surviving a firefight in a hot zone.”
As soon as the words fell from her lips, images from another firefight flashed in her brain. Blasts of light and sound, shouts in the distance and far too close for comfort, blazing heat that singed her flesh and freezing cold that gripped her heart.
She stumbled backward another couple of steps, pressing her fingertips to her temples, trying to will the memories away. They refused to obey. Instead they hurtled at her like a surprise punch in the face. Her vision blurred from the onslaught, and then she was back in Afghanistan. The grass under her feet turned to hot sand. All the air left her lungs, leaving her hunched, weak and dizzy.
Clutching at the knowledge this was only another flashback, Val squinted her eyes shut and clutched at her chest. The thundering hooves she heard was really her heart pounding a million times a second. If she could just get one good, deep breath…
“Valerie?” came a voice through the ether of her panic attack.
She couldn’t reply. Her lungs had deflated and refused to work any longer, as if breathing was just too much trouble. Something wet dripped on her hands, and she managed to peek open her eyelids enough to see clear liquid. Touching her cheek, she was shocked when her fingers came away glistening with moisture.
Tears?
The last time she’d cried had been the summer between fifth and sixth grades. She and her friend Jenny Watson had argued, and Jenny had called her the ugliest word in the world. That word. She’d run home crying, knowing her mother would cuddle and comfort her, maybe even call Jenny’s mom and ream her out. But as soon as Val had sputtered out what had happened—between great, gasping sobs—Good Ol’ Mom had grabbed Val’s shoulders and given her a hard shake.
“Get hold of yourself, girl,” Gretchen Logan had snarled past the ever-present cigarette between her lips. “People are assholes, and kids are the biggest ones of all. Them and politicians. You best get used to it or life’s gonna chew you up and spit you out.”
Perhaps not the best advice, but the best her mother had ever managed to give her. Valerie eventually grew thick skin that rude or racist comments bounced off—they may have stung, but they never penetrated—and she never cried again. Not even when…
Sobs rolled over her like the concussion from a grenade. She’d kept it all in for so long, pretending she was fine and refusing to look the monster in the face. But the floodgates had opened and there was no holding back now.
Her knees buckled under the weight of it all and she was falling. Then strong arms caught her. Zeke’s arms. She struggled against him, not wanting him to see her so weak, so fragile, wanting to prove her strength.
“Shh,” he murmured in her ear as he held her tight to his chest. “I’m here, my love. You’re safe.”
Somehow, she’d gone from standing to lying on the ground, cradled in his arms as he stroked her face, her hair, her arms, reassuring and comforting her like no one ever had. His soft whispers were like a light in the dark and she followed them up, up, up until she was back in the present moment.
That’s when she really let loose. Clutching at him, she wept for everything she’d lost, everything she’d never had, and everything she would never have. All of the grief and guilt, her nebulous place in the world, her feelings for Zeke—they all collided inside her to create the perfect storm of tears.
Valerie Logan, who had walled off her emotions and built a fortress around her heart, was a blubbering mess. But she didn’t care. For the first time in her life, she let herself be vulnerable, really vulnerable. Zeke wouldn’t think any less of her for it. She knew that without reserve.
Besides, the longer she cried, the lighter she felt. It wasn’t as if a single crying jag would fix all her issues but allowing someone else to help carry the burden turned out to be exactly what she needed in that moment.
As her sobs lessened and her tears dried, she simply enjoyed the warmth of Zeke’s body and the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart. Pushing back, she looked into his face to see how he was handling her breakdown. He was as still and calm as a tideless pond, his eyes full of soft understanding.
“You can tell me,” he said and then quickly added, “if you want.”
God, she’d talked about it so much, yet never really at all. Only official reports and debriefings. Only the facts, never the emotions. Even the rest of her squad had remained tight-lipped when it came to their feelings. They were soldiers, dammit. Shit happened.
“Get used to it or life’s gonna chew you up and spit you out,” she muttered under her breath as she nestled back in the crook of Zeke’s arm.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing.”
They sat like that for a long time while Valerie decided what, if anything, she would tell him. In the end, it boiled down to a simple question: What did she have to lose?
“Afghanistan,” she began with a heavy sigh. “Can’t say much, but… I lost a good man on a mission, a young man. Barely out of boot camp.”
She waited for him to try and fix it, to say they were in a war zone and people died in war zones, to insist it wasn’t her fault. War sucked, and she’d better get used to it or life was going to chew her up and spit her out. But he didn’t. He listened silently and waited silently, giving her the freedom to say and feel whatever she wanted.
“I made the call to go in, and it was the wrong call. I couldn’t have known… Bottom line, he was under my command. He was my responsibility, and I led him to his grave. His parents had to bury their only son because of me.”
“What was his name?”
Val smiled sadly. “Jack Armstrong. Such a good name. Don’t you think? Strong, like the kind of guy you’d like to sit around and have a beer with, or maybe go to a game. And that’s exactly who he was.”
Zeke’s embrace tightened almost imperceptibly, but he said nothing. It dawned on Val that Zeke was a warrior too. A different flavor, to be sure, but he was nonetheless. Whether he’d had anyone die during his time as alpha didn’t matter. With wolves, it was bound to happen eventually. From what Chloe had told her about blood feuds and rogue wolf packs, it sorta came with the territory.
Sliding his hand down her arm, he entwined his fingers with hers, his thumb brushing the fleshy part of her hand softly, sending all sorts of very pleasant sensations skittering up her arms.
“Valerie,” he said, his hot breath whispering against her ear, “I’m not going to try and stop you from leaving. But I do need you to know if you stay here with me, if you can bring yourself to accept that fated mates do exist in the form of us, you will belong.”
She shook her head. “Levi—”
“Levi will be punished for his foolish action against my guest, but you have to remember that you’re not a member of the pack yet. If you decide to join me—join us—he and everyone in the pack will be bonded to you through me. The claiming bite won’t just change you. It will change everyone a little bit. You will be part of our family, and Levi and the elders would die to protect you, their alpha mate.”
It all sounded too good to be true. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, I’m going to play my last card,” he said, a smile in his voice. “You and Chloe? You’d be sisters.”
She twisted around to grin up at him. “You should have led with that, dummy!”
He dropped a kiss on her nose and cradled her face in his hands as his eyes searched hers. “I just have one question. Do you love me?”
Panic seized her chest for the blink of an eye and then subsided just as quickly. The instinct to run at any talk of love had been ingrained long ago and was hard to break, but…he was worth it.
“I think so?” she answered tentatively and then dropped her defenses entirely. “I’m quite sure, actually. I have no idea about this fated mates thing, though. Is what I’m feeling any different than regular old love?”
“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure,” he said. “Have you ever fallen as deeply in love with someone over the course of just a few days before?”
Val caught his gaze and held on for dear life. “I’ve never actually been in love before. Ever.”
Zeke’s face split into a big, satisfied smile. “Me either. Not like this.”
“Don’t get all cocky, fella,” she teased, poking him in the chest.
“I wouldn’t think of it. Okay, so close your eyes and imagine leaving Tremble behind, leaving me, and going back to the Army. How does that make you feel?”
She did as he asked and then quickly popped her eyes back open. “Like my insides are being pulled out through my mouth.”
“Same for me. Times a million. Valerie, I’ve never been surer about anything in my entire life. You’re my fated mate, Val. I know it, my wolf knows it, and I think deep down you know it.”
“Promise?” she asked, almost in a little girl voice.
“I promise. Once you accept the bite, you will become one of us. One with me. You’re already amazing, but the bite will change you. It will make you stronger, faster, more in tune with nature and with your new pack. And with me. Will you accept it, Valerie? Will you accept me as your fated mate?”
Val stood on the precipice and looked over the edge. It was a long, long way down. But she knew with every beat of her heart, Zeke would catch her.
Fear still niggled at her, but she was no longer sure what she was afraid of. Certainly not death. She’d stared the bastard in the face more times than she could count. Some might be afraid to lose contact with their friends and family, but her family sucked, and it seemed all of her true friends were wolves. So, if fears of dying or losing her family weren’t holding her back, then whatever was trying to keep her from living the life she really wanted could go suck a dick.
“Oh, hell yeah.”
Zeke’s smile turned into a grin and he tipped his head back to howl like a lunatic. “Damn, you’re going to be one bad-ass wolf.”
And just like that, everything became crystal clear. This was really happening, and Val could no longer hold herself back. Twisting around in Zeke’s arms, she pushed him to the ground and lowered herself so her mouth hovered a millimeter above his lips, their warm breath mingling so intimately. Flicking her tongue against the seam of his mouth drew a prolonged moan from him, making Val smile with primal need.
“Let’s do this!” she said, before capturing his lips in a fierce kiss.