They couldn’t have asked for a better day. Blue sky stretched from horizon to horizon decorated with marshmallow clouds. The sun blazed down, offset by a gentle wind blowing in from the sea. Lizzie sat on a bench at Taronga Park Zoo and marvelled at the view across Sydney Harbour. “This place must have the best view of any zoo in the world.”
Caden slid in beside her. "Looks like things are going well," he nodded in the direction of Gerald and Luke. Gerald gave Luke his full attention while Luke picked out an ice cream.
"He's trying really hard." Lizzie smiled. "Making up for poor performance as a parent."
Caden grunted, a sound of the unconvinced. "He better not break Luke's heart."
"I'll see to that." Lizzie put a hand on Caden's thigh and he covered it with his own. They had made love only once, the air between them charged with sexual energy seeking release.
Caden surveyed the view. They had travelled by ferry across the bay. Luke had been beside himself with excitement. Not only was it the first time he had ever seen the sea the ferry represented the first ever boat he'd encountered also. Caden rubbed a thumb over the back of her hand. She watched him in profile looking for a sign of what he might be thinking. The situation had to hurt, had to stir up all kinds of unpleasant feelings, yet he revealed none of them to her.
The sound of Luke's laughter reached them on the breeze.
"Luke seems to like him," Caden muttered grimly.
"Yes he does. Of course he doesn’t know Gerald. He's just a jovial old man with ice cream money." The need to reassure Caden was strong.
Caden shrugged. "Gerald is his grandfather, a link to his mother."
"So are you."
"It’s different and you know it." He turned his dark eyes on her and she glimpsed the depths of his sorrow.
"We'll work something out," she whispered. "I promise."
"I just don’t understand why Angela didn’t nominate a guardian. She goes to all this trouble to provide financial security for Luke but not a guardian? Doesn’t sound like her at all. Are you sure there's nothing in the will? Did you read it through properly?"
Lizzie bristled. "I'm a lawyer Caden, may I remind you. I read contract documents for a living. What's a will if it’s not a contract document? And this one involves my family. Of course I read it properly." Her secret grated on her heart.
"Fine," he sighed returning to the view.
“You can read it for yourself if you like.”
Before Caden could answer Luke came racing down the path. "Look Caden, I've got bubble gum flavoured ice cream." His grin reached from ear to ear. "Can we go and look at the meerkats now?”
"Sure thing, little mate." Caden ruffled Luke's hair and Luke grabbed his hand pulling him off the bench.
"Come on!" The pair of them moved off and Gerald fell in beside Lizzie.
"He's a lovely little boy."
"He certainly is," Lizzie agreed.
"I really do want to make this work. I want to make it up to Angela. I know she wasn't happy. We never understood her, didn’t get her."
Lizzie nodded not trusting words.
"Maybe we can do better with Luke," Gerald continued. “Rectify our mistakes.”
Maybe they could. Was this what Angela hoped for when she gave Lizzie the awful job of deciding her son's fate? That their parents would redeem themselves through her son? Her eyes sought Caden in the crowd. He stood a good head higher than everyone else. Taking Luke from him would break his heart. What would that mean for their relationship? Would he be able to forgive her once he knew it had been her decision? And what about Luke? How would he feel being taken away from the only home he'd ever known? None of these questions were new. She'd spent hours grappling with each of them in turn. The difference now was she'd run out of time. She had no choice but to make the hardest choice of all.
"So where's Angela's will?" Gerald spoke with feigned nonchalance.
Lizzie let the silence stretch between them before finally answering. "In a safe place."
"Caden's got it, that bastard!" Gerald's animosity towards the younger man was never far from the surface.
"Actually he's never seen it."
"Then who has it?"
Lizzie wanted to tell him it was none of his business, that he couldn’t manipulate this situation to suit his own needs. "I told you, it’s in a safe place."
"So you've read it." It was a statement rather than a question.
"Yes," she said simply. Sooner or later he'd know the truth anyway.
"Who does she give Luke to? There must be some instruction."
"She gives Luke to me."
"To you!" Gerald stopped walking in surprise. He put a hand on her arm halting her mid-stride. "Why you?"
"Why not?" she asked, annoyed at his surprise. "I can take perfectly good care of him."
"Of course you can," Gerald hastily backed up. "I'm just surprised that’s all. The two of you had little contact over the years."
Lizzie hesitated telling her father the truth. Angela had given Luke to her in a way. She'd given him into her care for the time being. Lizzie had become the gatekeeper to Luke's future. Didn't hurt for her father to be on the back foot for a moment.
"When are you coming back to New York?" He broke the silence.
"No idea. When we get this mess sorted out." She watched Luke as he excitedly pointed out the meerkats to Caden. They both laughed at the little animals antics. Maybe they could arrange for Luke to visit Caden once a year? The situation might work. Luke needed to know his family and he needed to be exposed to the world. Living in the Outback isolated him too much. Watching him discover Sydney and all the delights a city had to offer convinced her of that. Still, the question of Caden hovered. She sighed. Someone's heart was going to be broken and she was the one to do the breaking.
"Dad, I haven’t been entirely honest with you." She turned to Gerald searching his face for confirmation she'd made the right decision. "Angela gave me the task of finding the right guardian for Luke. I am to decide who gets to raise him."
Gerald's eyebrows shot skywards as he processed the new information. "You'll do the right thing and pick family of course." Again it wasn’t a question.
She looked back at Luke, her heart heavy. Lizzie had wanted to have this conversation with Caden first. Had she picked her family over Caden? The words would not pass her lips. Something held her back. She needed to tell Caden first. She owed him that much.
"A decision is in hand," she said brightly linking her arm with his and gently pulling him along. "Let's concentrate on having a nice day." The beaming grin on Gerald's face indicated he believed he's won custody. Let him think so if it made for a pleasant day. It might be the last Caden and Luke shared.
Three hours later Lizzie paced up and down her hotel room gnawing on her fingernails, nerves clawing the pit of her stomach. She’d arranged for Gerald to spend some time with Luke so she could speak in private with Caden. She stopped in front of the connecting door and closed her eyes. Now or never. Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door before pushing it open. “Hello?”
Caden was sprawled across the bed, one hand behind his head and the television on softly in the corner. “Hi.” His eyes lit up at the sight of her. “I was hoping you’d pay me a visit.” He patted the bed next to him. “Come and join me.”
Lizzie throat constricted so tightly she feared she wouldn’t be able to speak. Wringing her hands together she stepped closer to the bed.
“What’s wrong? Is it Luke?” He sat bolt upright ready to leap into action.
“No… and yes,” she said miserably. “I have to tell you something and I know you’re going to be really angry when you hear it.”
Caden stilled, all warmth retracting. “Yes.” His careful tone told her he was braced for the worst. And that’s what he was going to get.
“Angela did make provision for Luke’s guardian, well sort of.”
“What do you mean?” He narrowed his eyes and the stubborn set of his jaw told her she was about to pass the point of no return with him.
Sweat broke out at the nape of Lizzie’s neck and the back of her hands prickled. “She asked me to choose a guardian.” Lizzie closed her eyes waiting for the explosion which must follow. But there was nothing. She opened one eye cautiously. Cold eyes stared at her from a stony face.
“You knew this all along?”
She nodded. “I didn’t know how to tell you and things were… different between us when I first found out.”
“And did Thelma know about this too?”
“Oh no! I really don’t think so. I mean, I don’t know exactly …”
He crossed his arms, his eyes shuttered. “So are you here to tell me your decision?”
“That’s just it! I can’t make one. Every time I see you and Luke together I think yes, this is how it’s meant to be. Then I see my Dad trying so hard and I think maybe he deserves the chance to make things up to Angela. Maybe that’s why she asked me to do this so I could be sure Dad and Mother were ready.”
“I see.” The cold emanated off of him in waves.
“Please understand. This is super hard for me,” she begged. She was losing him, she could feel it.
“Hard for you?” Here it came, his anger. At least she could deal with anger instead of this icy façade, impossible to crack. “I’m losing my son, Elizabeth. Neither you nor your father even knew the boy existed a month ago and here you are claiming him. What gives you the right?”
“Blood?” she ventured knowing the minute the word left her lips it was the wrong thing to say.
“Yeah and look where blood got the Langtrees so far. Good job. A fractured family who can’t stand each other. Great legacy for Luke don’t you think?”
She couldn’t argue with him there. “Everyone deserves second chances don’t you think?”
“Only if there is a genuine desire to change. Do you really think Gerald is going to be any different when you get back to New York? The first thing he’s going to do is put Luke in a boarding school. The novelty of having a small child around will wear off very quickly. You mark my words.” Caden’s voice trembled with anger but he did not raise his voice.
“I told you I haven’t made a decision yet.” Not entirely true.
“So when are you going to make this decision?”
“I’m trying too! It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. What if I get it wrong?” she wailed, fear pushed down on her.
“Only time will tell. Angela picked you to do this so you’d better do it.” He was unforgiving.
Lizzie sighed. “What about us?”
“What about us?”
Why did he have to be so frustratingly stubborn about this? “If I chose Dad then…”
“What happens to us?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
Caden drew a long breath and let it out again. “I really don’t know Lizzie.” Weariness dripped from his voice. “Let’s just get through this and then see where we’re at. Luke might need you in New York and if that’s the case then you should be there.”
She nodded, dropping her chin to her chest so he wouldn’t see the tears welled her eyes.
“I think I’ll head back to Kirrkalan.”
“What?” her head snapped up.
“The station won’t run itself. I need to be there. You can let me know your decision when you make it.”
Lizzie stared at him uncomprehendingly. What was he really saying? The closed expression on his face told her everything she needed to know. She was on her own. “When are you leaving?” she whispered pushing down the storm of emotion threatening to break.
“Might as well be today. I’ll tell Luke goodbye.” It was as if he was sculptured from ice! “Now if you don’t mind, I need to pack.”
Dismissed she backed towards the door. There were so many things she wanted to say, needed to say, but the words wouldn’t form. She grabbed the door handle a physical pain gripping her heart. “I love you,” she said as she closed the door behind her.