Chapter Nineteen
Traveler
Her photograph doesn’t do her justice. Arden spoke of her beauty, and he was right. She is remarkable. Even decades of isolation and being constantly on the lookout hasn’t stolen the light she emits. She isn’t looking at me with maternal love, nor is she seemingly proud at this moment. Her stare is icy, and she is immediately lacking the warmth I let my heart believe she would have for me. I knew bringing Johanna here would be a risk, but I’m running out of options. Jaqueline Romanoso is my only hope.
“Traveler—what have you done?” she asks, turning her head to Johanna. She pauses, looking between the two of us. She takes a step in our direction, and I instinctively move my entire body in front of Johanna. Mother or not, I won’t let anything, or anyone hurt her. Jaqueline stops dead in her tracks, and the smooth skin between her eyes creases in confusion.
“It’s been twenty-seven years. I quite literally moved Heaven and Earth for you. I do not understand your current actions, considering what you know of your father’s fate, but I will be getting a hug before we discuss it.” She juts her chin out defiantly, and a tear slides down her cheek.
Johanna has been clinging to the back of my shirt. I feel her grip loosen, and she lightly nudges me toward Jaqueline. I take a small step toward her, and within seconds my mother’s arms wrap around my neck. I hear her small sniffle in my ear as I embrace her. We stand together like this for a moment before I feel her let go and ease away. She is wiping her face with the back of her hand, but she isn’t smiling.
“I was prepared for anything. The pent-up anger for leaving you, the questions you must have about me and your father. But this,” she says, throwing her hands toward Johanna. “This I did not expect.”
“Johanna. Not this,” I correct her. She looks at me with disappointment, but also with a hint of understanding. She, after all, should understand the most. I exist because of it.
“Well, no use in hiding her behind you like a bad report card. I’ve missed my opportunity to scold you like a mother, but you can at least introduce her properly. Honestly, after everything I hope Arden has told you, surely you don’t expect me to cause you or her any harm.” She narrows her eyes at me, folding her arms across her chest.
Without my prompting, Johanna steps out from behind my wall of protection and briskly walks past me. She’s too quick for me to pull back. She stops a couple of feet from Jaqueline and reaches her hand out. “I’m Johanna Martin.” I don’t have to see her face to know Johanna’s words are coming out from behind a smile.
Jaqueline peeks around Johanna and raises her eyebrows at me, seemingly surprised by Johanna’s bravery. “Indeed, you are. Jaqueline Romanoso.” My mother’s fingers wrap around her hand, and I notice Johanna quickly pulls it back from the static charge. I don’t hesitate to jog to Johanna’s side and protectively slide my arm around her waist. My mother looks hurt by the gesture, but I find myself more concerned with Johanna’s safety than my mother’s feelings.
“I know you were expecting to have Traveler to yourself. If you will excuse me, I’m going to set up a picnic lunch for all three of us. I’ll give the two of you a chance to talk.” She smiles and begins walking toward the Jeep. It takes everything in me not to go with her, to watch over her. I don’t trust Jaqueline, and the situation has me on edge. I watch her make her way to the car and open the hatch.
“She’s lovely,” Jaqueline chimes, quietly breaking my spell and bringing my attention back to her.
“Yes.”
“Then why would you do this to her?” Her tone is heavy with disappointment. I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes.
“Because I can’t stop loving her. You tell me how,” I say with raw emotion. I run my hands over my head.
“Walk with me.” She takes a few steps in the opposite direction, waiting for me to follow.
“I am not letting that woman over there out of my sight.” I point toward Johanna, making myself very clear.
Jaqueline looks at me, not speaking for a moment. “Most people would say you look like me. The dark hair, the green eyes…but those people never laid eyes on your father. They never saw the way his forehead creased when he was worried, the way his mouth curved at the side when he looked at me. His voice. You are his ghost.” She smiles for the very first time.
The revelation throws me off, and I can only blink back at her. “Who was he?”
“He was my everything.” She shrugs her shoulders. “His name was Travis. You’re named partly after him, and partly for the way we found one another.” Again, she offers me a small smile. As a child, I had often wondered why my mother would have chosen such an odd name. That it had to mean something. I feel a small stitch start to form around the hole the questions had left in my heart.
“I was on an assignment in Georgia when we met. He was strikingly handsome, protective, gentle, loving. He had a way of stripping back all the seriousness of my personality. We were constantly laughing and smiling.” There’s a distant look behind her watery eyes. I can see her playing the memories back in her mind. “And he died because of me. Because I couldn’t leave him.” Her voice suddenly falls flat and even.
I look up at the clouds. “I can keep her safe,” I say, trying to convince myself and Jaqueline.
“I thought I could do the same. Until I couldn’t.” Her voice breaks at the gravity of the words. “They found out about me. About what I can do and how their machine and their stupid clock was useless to me.” She pulls back the olive-green cuff of her sleeve and exposes her glowing wrist. “Once my particles charged that first time, I never needed the machine again. They realized they couldn’t bring me back, even if they tried.” She shakes her head and looks off to the side. “I thought they were impressed with me. That they were pleased to have such a talented agent. I had no idea Authority had started to follow me. I was careless. They murdered him.”
“It wasn’t—” I begin, but she holds her hand up to silence me.
“They wanted to imprison me. And what do you think they would have done once they discovered my abilities far exceeded what they originally thought? If they couldn’t keep me in a prison cell, do you think they would have let me live?” she begs, trying to reason with me. “No, Traveler. They would have executed me. But not before finding out about you. They would have picked you apart. Studied you. I couldn’t lose the both of you. And everything—all of it, you’re throwing it away. You’re repeating the same mistakes.” She’s so full of frustration, that the white-blue light trapped in her fingertips momentarily escapes, searing the ground beneath us. We both stare at the charged ground.
“I won’t let that happen to her.” I kick the dirt up in the air, creating a cloud of dust.
“Then enlighten me, son. What’s your grand plan? How do you intend to stop what we both know is coming?”
A small cough behind me makes us both startle. I whip around to see Johanna standing there. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. It’s ready.” She motions toward the lunch she has prepared. Her face is pale, and I can tell she heard everything.
“Baby—” I begin.
“No,” she says, holding her hands up. She walks in between Jaqueline and me. “This is your mother. Twenty-seven years, Traveler. The last time she laid her hands on you, you were the size of Trey. She’s sacrificed everything for you, and this moment is tainted now because of me.” Johanna stares at the singed ground. “Jaqueline, please accept my apology.” She looks at my mother. “This should have been your moment with your son.”
“The circumstances are not your sole blame, Johanna,” Jaqueline says, giving me an angry look. “Your atoms are his, and his are yours now. Love is stronger than science, and I’m assuming the same difficulties I had in staying away from Traveler’s father are present in this situation as well?” she asks. “You shift to her whether you mean to or not. Am I right?”
“Yes,” I confess.
She closes her eyes and uncrosses her arms from her chest. “And that will never change. If there is a level of control that exists to keep you from one another, then I surely never discovered it. You are connected. A bond so strong that your bodies pull together like an invisible magnet placed in the universe.”
We all stand quietly in the forest, unsure of where to go from here. It is Jaqueline who breaks the silence first. “I’m assuming the two of you have no clue what to do next. And if you don’t have a fool-proof plan, then you’re both going to end up dead,” she adds, walking away from us and toward the blanket Johanna has spread in the grass. “Well, come on, I’m not formulating this big idea alone and on an empty stomach. We need to figure out who is going to sacrifice everything they know for the other,” she yells, peeling back the foil of a sandwich.
Johanna and I look confusedly at one another. “I don’t think she likes me.” Johanna frowns and takes off after my mother, while I’m left standing here full of bewilderment.
Johanna places herself on the opposite side of Jaqueline so that I may sit between the two of them. Jaqueline picks up the sandwich on her plate and begins nibbling at the edges. “So, which one of you started this God-awful mess.” She points between the two of us.
“Look. You don’t approve, and I can’t pretend that I don’t understand why. But this isn’t going to change. I love her.” Johanna puts her hand over mine, trying to silence me.
“I think what Traveler means to say,” Johanna starts, as she curves her nail into the cuticle of my pinky finger, prompting me to jerk my hand back, “is that we both started it and that yes, even after knowing everything, we still choose each other.”
“Well, it’s a damn good thing. It can’t be helped now anyway. No matter where you are, and no matter how much time has passed, he will always shift back to you. They could try and send him to Taiwan, and Traveler would still wind up wherever you are. As long as you are breathing, that is. I can’t explain it, but it was the same with Travis and I, until he was removed from the timeline completely.” Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Johanna’s confused expression.
“Travis?” she asks.
“That would be Traveler’s father. Too bad neither of you can meet him. He was murdered because we fell in love,” Jaqueline says, carefree, and with a sarcastic tone as she pops a pickle in her mouth.
Johanna looks at my mother and then back to her lap. “I’m sorry. Traveler told me about his father.” She allows several moments of silence to linger in the air. “But I’m not sorry for loving your son. And like you’ve said, it can’t be helped now, so instead of blaming him and hating the situation…help us. What can we do?”
Jaqueline throws her food down on her plate. “Are you willing to give up your entire family and everyone you love to go live in 2365?” Johanna stares at her, unable to speak.
“Enough,” I bark out.
“He can’t keep going back and forth to you, Johanna. They will send him on assignment and notice within seconds he isn’t anywhere near where he’s supposed to be. And what happens to him then? He will be caught and imprisoned. And then they will come looking for you. And no one will be able to help you. Or anyone else who might know Traveler’s little secret.” Her warning explodes in the air around us.
“I said enough!” My voice echoes off the mountainside. “She isn’t giving up anyone for me. That’s not an option.” I stand and pull Johanna up by the hand along with me. Johanna has lost too much, she has sacrificed more than anyone should, and I’ll never be the man who makes her give up all that she has left.
“Listen to me, son,” Jaqueline says, on her feet now. “I would do anything to keep you safe and alive. But I won’t aide you in committing suicide. And that’s exactly what this is. My mistake was in not choosing your father before it was too late. I thought I could have both. I should have stayed with Travis, and never looked back. Make your choice, Traveler. But you’d better make it while it’s an option.” She reaches out to me, holding my hand.
“What are you saying?”
She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a cell phone, showing it to me. “Do you have the cell phone Arden gave you?” she asks. I jog to the Jeep and retrieve it. She takes the phone from me and I can see her thumbs working. “I saved my number for you. If you are in this century, and you need me, if you need anything, that is how you reach me. Try it.” I send a text with the word ‘test’ to the number saved under “Mom,” and within seconds I hear her phone buzzing in her hands.
“Look at me.” I pull my gaze up from the phone screen and stare at her. “I love you, and I have always loved you. Whatever you decide and whatever you need from me, it’s yours.” She holds her phone up for me to see. She reaches up on her tiptoes and places a kiss on my cheek, then turns to Johanna. “I wish there had been someone to warn me about what would happen to the man I loved,” she says solemnly. The tears in Johanna’s eyes are her only response.
Jaqueline turns her back to the both of us and walks into the woods. We stand there together unable to speak, and unsure of ourselves as we watch her fade into the hills of the forest. A bright blue light casts its shadows down from the trees, and in an instant, it vanishes, taking Jaqueline with it. She truly is a powerful creature to invoke her particles to bend at will. It’s been twenty-seven years since she’s seen a shifting chamber, and she still has the ability to come and go through time as she pleases. It leaves me awestruck, and curious as to what power she has passed down to me.
“Traveler?” Johanna calls from beside me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and pull her close to my side. “What are we going to do?”
“Right now, we are going to grab everything and get out of these woods in case anyone saw her light.” I start toward the blankets and untouched food lying on the ground. It’s already late afternoon, and I have to get Johanna back home and myself to Arden by eleven p.m. I’m comforted knowing Jaqueline can’t communicate with Arden. He will have no knowledge of what happened here.
We gather everything up and throw it in the back of Johanna’s Jeep. We hastily pull out of the woods and onto the highway,as the sun is dipping below the mountain tops. I reach over to Johanna and take her hand. She’s shaking.
“It doesn’t matter, baby,” I say for lack of better comfort. I’m not even close to feeling certain about where we go from here, but I do know Johanna is scared. And it’s my job to make her feel safe.
“How can you say that? Weren’t you listening to her, Traveler?” I can feel her staring at my face, but I can’t bring myself to look at her. “If we keep this up, you could die. If they found out, they would throw you in prison or worse, execute you.” She’s on the verge of hysterics.
“Then what, Johanna?” I ask, as the pounding of my heart reverberates through my body.
“I love you too much to be what kills you.”
“And I love you too much to stay the fuck away. You think I want this? I heard Jaqueline loud and clear. How do you think I feel knowing I’ve put you in this much danger?” I slam my hands on the steering wheel.
We drive in silence for what feels like hours. I see the sign welcoming us back to the hellhole of a town she lives in. The people here ready to crucify her at one wrong step. We cruise by the hospital, and Johanna looks up at the windows to where her family is. I could never take her away from them. We pass by The Great Outdoors, her store that she loves and is so proud of. The Jeep climbs to the mountain top, and we hike our way to the bluff where I first knew I was falling in love with her. Neither of us have spoken a word, afraid of what the other might say.
We break the tree line and the wind instantly catches her hair, brushing it back from her face. I grab her hand and lightly kiss her wrist. Her eyes are glazed over with tears, and I brush one away from her cheek with my thumb. “I love you so much it physically hurts,” I admit, holding my chest with my hand. “I’m going to tell Arden to suspend my assignments until we figure this out. It will be okay.”
“Traveler, I want you to stay away,” she says, and it’s like a hammer slamming down on my chest.
“No,” comes out of my mouth, and I’m shaking my head. “Johanna, we can find a way.” I start to protest, but she places her hand on my chest to stop me.
“It’s for the best.” It seems like she has already made up her mind.
“The best for who? I know you love me. Just take a second. It may not happen right this minute, but we can figure out a way.” I grab her face, holding it in my hands. I lean down and kiss her lips, suddenly terrified and not knowing when or if I’ll ever make my way back to them. She kisses me back, and there is no denying the passion and love we have for one another. I don’t understand what she’s trying to do? I pull back and look into her eyes. “Stop trying to protect me. Let me fix it.” I’m aware it sounds like I’m begging.
“I mean it, Traveler,” she begins, tears now flowing down her face. “Stay away from me. I’m done.” She’s backing away, and all I can do is stand here like a wide-eyed idiot.
“You don’t mean that.”
“If you won’t stay away for yourself. Then stay away for me. Enough people have died and sacrificed for you. Make it worth it by living,” she says, with an emotionless expression. It feels like dying as I watch her turn away from me and disappear into the woods.