Chapter 10

A week of nasty weather kept them all inside. Karen concentrated on school work. She had let some subjects slide, she realized. She couldn’t bring herself to go to the football game on Friday night, but stayed home and watched something dumb on television instead. Kerr and her mother watched with her, and for a change her father was there. They pretended to be a family. Mom made popcorn, and served hot Dr. Pepper, but that didn’t turn it into a party. It was as if they were all there because they didn’t have anything else to do. They were good at pretending, though. They’d been doing it for years.

Karen and Kerr played a couple of games of backgammon while their parents watched the ten o’clock news. Then they all went to bed early, if not to sleep.

Karen was having trouble getting to sleep. To tell the truth, she was afraid to sleep. Before her last two dreams, she had always been a sound sleeper. Now, when she had fought sleep as long as she could, when she finally dropped off, she was sleeping even harder. She didn’t wake feeling refreshed, though. She still hadn’t remembered any more dreams. Not that she wanted any nightmares, but how was she going to identify her monsters if she had no shadow dreams?

Remember the two dreams you have recalled? her subconscious reminded her. No, no, she didn’t want to think about them, remember them ever again. She didn’t consider them dreams. They were a part of two strange and tragic experiences. She had written both of them in her journal to try to get rid of them. To some extent, it worked.

Saturday night, with the ball game over—another win—and no practice or early curfew for the team, her crowd went bowling. Kerr and Karen, Alysia and Bill, Kaziah and Easy, Lucy and Marvin. Danah was the only one from their psychology class not there. Karen had called and invited her, but she said if it was all couples, she’d feel out of place. Karen couldn’t think of a guy to invite for her, so she didn’t argue. With her negative attitude, Danah didn’t attract friends easily, and Karen didn’t feel up to taking on her social life as a project right now.

They acted silly, laughed a lot, while they bowled four lines. They played in teams on two lanes, competing with each other. Karen had Kerr as partner, but she noticed he kept sitting by Alysia every chance he got. He didn’t talk to her, just sat beside her. Now what was he up to? Kerr was a good enough bowler, but to everyone’s surprise, he bowled an exceptional two hundred game the last line. He danced and wiggled, showing off as he got closer and closer to the big win. A huge finish with four strikes in a row had him doing an Elvis-on-guitar imitation.

Karen hugged him, since it certainly made them the night’s winners. Kaziah gave him a big kiss and so did Lucy. Karen watched him move close to Alysia so she could follow suit, but Alysia slipped away and took Bill’s arm.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” she suggested. “We’ll treat Kerr and Karen, since they’re the big winners, thanks to Kerr’s dazzling finish. But not here. Too much smoke.”

Back in Evergreen—they had driven ten miles to Bergen Park to bowl—they all squeezed into a corner booth with a round table at Barbecue Bob’s. Kerr pulled Karen aside, making a point of sitting next to Alysia, and there was no way for her to avoid being sandwiched between him and Bill. Then Kerr put his arm around Alysia before Bill could make his claim. Somehow Karen ended up opposite him at the table, and she could see he was enjoying deviling Alysia. This was his way of making her miserable because she had refused to go out with him.

Karen didn’t mention it on the way home. She figured it would just make him worse. He’d find something else to do, forgetting Alysia, in a few days.

But he persisted in his behavior all week. It came to a head the next Saturday night. It was a beautiful, soft night. There had been fresh snow, and the nights were very cold, but this late afternoon still held warmth from the day’s sunshine. It was perfect skating weather. No wind, just a blue-gray-silver time as dusk approached. Karen missed Jesse, but she could think about him now without crying, just remember him and know she’d always miss him.

She and Kerr started off skating together. She relaxed and enjoyed moving around and around the rink. It was crowded, but Kerr was good at maneuvering them through the other skaters. She let her mind go blank and concentrated on gliding smoothly, matching her stride to Kerr’s. They were almost the same height, their legs almost the same length. Kerr had gotten about an inch taller than she this winter.

“You’ve gotten taller,” she said, actually just noticing it. “We’re no longer so much alike.”

He looked at her, a slow smile spreading over his face. “We can’t be alike forever.”

“I’m glad you’re finally realizing that.” She pretended to tease, but she was serious.

“Let’s try a few dance steps,” he suggested. They’d worked on routines before, but not seriously. Both much preferred sailing around in a couple’s skate position.

For a few minutes they worked on tricks. Kerr never tried to lift her. Not that she was very heavy, but he needed a tiny partner, someone like Alysia, for that. They performed the other steps they knew in rhythm to the music that blared from loudspeakers around the lake. Karen noticed that people were watching them, but she didn’t care. She was used to it by now.

They all broke for chocolate in the warming hut. Laughing and talking, they also teased and poked.

“Skate, Alysia?” Kerr asked, gliding up behind her as they went back outside.

“Oh—no, here comes Bill.” Alysia turned him down. They often switched partners, but it was obvious that Alysia didn’t want to skate with Kerr.

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He skated behind her and Bill for a short time, then came up behind Bill and pushed him slightly. “Cut,” he called out, grabbing Alysia’s hands while Bill turned her lose to catch his balance.

Alysia could either make a scene or skate with Kerr. She skated with Kerr. Karen skated up and stopped beside Bill. “You can settle for second best.” She held out both hands in a crossed position.

Bill took them and they pushed off. “What’s with Kerr, Karen? He keeps pestering Alysia. She hasn’t complained about it to me, but it’s obvious to anyone who’s watching. She may have to stop being nice to him. Because he’s your brother, I’d hate to have to punch him out.”

“Don’t, Bill. Try to ignore him. He can’t stand for anyone to tell him he can’t have something. I guess I’d have to say he’s pretty spoiled, and that I’ve helped make him that way. Mom and I have always catered to his moods and his demands. It was easier than having him throw a tantrum when he was little, or pout when he got older. He’ll finally get over it.”

“But meanwhile, he’s being really obnoxious. It’s hard to ignore.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you need to punch him out. He has to learn sometime that he can’t always have his way. I don’t know if Alysia told you that Kerr asked her out. I put the idea into his head, but that was before she started going with you. She turned him down, of course. She really likes you, Bill. I doubt if Kerr even wants to go out with her now. But he’s still angry, and he likes to pester people.”

They finished talking about Kerr and made another sweep around the rink. Bill had something else on his mind.

“I miss Jesse, don’t you, Karen?”

“Yes. Sometimes I miss him so much, I think I can’t stand it.” Karen nearly stumbled, but Bill tightened his hold on her.

“His dying was not only hard to accept, it was hard to figure. I’ve talked to the coach about it because I was having trouble handling it. Mr. Harbrace said he talked to the surgeon. The surgery he did on Jesse was only to relieve some pressure from the swelling. The doctor said Jesse should have recovered nicely. One of the nurses said he had regained consciousness and was sleeping, a good sign that he was okay. No one involved with the case can say what happened to worsen Jesse’s condition. That makes it even harder to accept as far as I’m concerned.”

This was the first medical report Karen had heard about Jesse. She hadn’t wanted to know anything about it after Jesse died. The news didn’t make her feel any better. In fact, it made her feel worse just as she was starting to heal.

“We’re going to win the championship for him, Karen.” Maybe Bill realized he’d said too much, set back some progress Karen was making. “I’m sorry if I opened some fresh wounds. Forget what I told you.” Bill stopped them in front of the hut.

“It’s okay, Bill. I guess I needed to know what you’ve told me. But it does make it harder to know that Jesse had such a good chance of recovering and then didn’t.”

They were distracted by Alysia’s trying to get away from Kerr. She had pulled them to a stop, but Kerr was trying to force her to keep skating.

“Kerr, I want to stop. Now, let go of me.” She jerked away from him and skated toward Bill and Karen.

“I wasn’t ready to stop.” Kerr followed her.

“Well, I was. Will you let me alone?” Alysia hardly ever lost her temper, but Kerr had pushed her to her limits.

Bill swung between them. “You heard her, Newton. Leave her alone. She’s my girl.”

Kerr’s face turned bright red. “She was going to go out with me before you butted in, Jergens.”

“I was not, Kerr. That’s all in your head. You never even asked me to go with you. And if you had, even before Bill and I started going steady, I would have said no. I don’t care if you are my best friend’s brother, you don’t have any claim on me, and I don’t even have to keep being nice to you. So leave me alone, comprende? Understand? Have I said it plainly enough? You don’t seem to respond to hints.”

Bill didn’t have to hit Kerr. Alysia’s words were like a slap in the face. Karen had seen that kicked dog look before. Maybe now he could go off and sulk and get over Alysia’s refusal to date him.

She felt like crying, crying for Kerr, for herself. It was hard not to feel guilty that Kerr was like this. That she and Mom had spoiled him, knowing the rest of the world wouldn’t. As she watched him skate off the wrong way across the ice, dodging people or pushing them aside, her heart went out to him. He was unhappy, and she couldn’t make it right for him as she always had. This time, Kerr was going to have to take some responsibility for making things right for himself.