Chapter 1

March 20

It was another picture-perfect day in Charm.

The sky was pale blue, quietly complementing the acres of vibrant green farmland as far as the eye could see. Spring lambs had arrived. They were frolicking in the fields, their eager bleats echoing through the valley. The morning air was not too chilly or too damp. Instead, a hint of warmth teased, bringing with it as much hope as the crocus buds that peeked through the dark dirt of the numerous clay pots decorating cleanly swept front porches.

It was the type of morning that encouraged a person to go out walking, to smile. The type of day that reminded one and all that God was present and did, indeed, bestow gifts.

In short, it was the type of day that used to give Darletta Kurtz hope. A day like this should have made her happy, revitalized her. It should have made her want to pull out a pencil and one of her many notebooks and record the images she saw and list activities she wanted to do.

It was the kind of day she used to love and maybe, just maybe, take for granted.

But now, as she rested her elbows on the worn wooden countertop that had no doubt supported generations of postal workers before her, Darla could only silently acknowledge that another day had come. It was sure to feel as endless as the one before it, and would no doubt be exactly like the rest of the week.

It was another day to get through. A way to pass ten hours of expected productivity before she could retreat to her bedroom and collapse on her bed. Only then would she feel any sense of peace. Because only then would she be able to wait for oblivion. She’d close her eyes, fall into a peaceful slumber, and, hopefully, forget her reality for eight hours.

It had been ninety-nine days since her father died. Tomorrow would bring the one hundredth. It was a benchmark she’d never intended to look forward to. Wearily, she wondered if anyone else in Charm was anticipating the milestone as well.

Undoubtedly some were.

After all, her father hadn’t been the only man to die in the December fire at Kinsinger Lumber Mill. No, he was one of five. And though it wasn’t as if she’d ever forget that fact, there were many in Charm who took care to remind her constantly.

Just then, Mary Troyer pushed open the door to the post office. Darla braced herself.

“You have a lot of nerve, Darletta Kurtz, getting a job here,” Mary said as she slapped a ten dollar bill on the counter. “It’s bad enough that your family stayed in town. Most folks would have left in shame after what your father did. Yet, here you are, thriving.”

Each word hurt, as Mary no doubt intended for them to. Darla thought she would have been used to the verbal abuse by now, but it still felt as jarring as it had the first time. Mary’s son Bryan had died in the same accident as Darla’s father, and she took every opportunity to make sure everyone in town was aware of her pain.

Just as she had two days before, Darla did her best to keep her voice even and her expression impassive. “What is it you’ll be needing today, Mary?”

Mary’s cheeks puffed up before replying. “One book of stamps. The flags.”

Quickly she gave Mary the stamps and her change, taking care to set the money on the counter so their fingers wouldn’t have to touch. “Here you go.” Then—though she would have rather said something, anything else—she added the words she’d heard her boss say dozens of times: “Danke for coming in.”

Mary narrowed her eyes. “That is all you’re gonna say?”

It was obvious that Mary was itching for a fight. But no way was Darla going to give it to her. She’d learned at least a couple of things in the ninety-nine days since the accident at the mill.

And even though she might be wishing Mary to perdition in her darkest moments, she knew it was always best to turn the other cheek. “There’s nothing to say. Your mind is made up to be angry with me.”

“My ‘mind’ has nothing to do with the facts. Everyone in Charm knows that your father caused the fire at the mill. That fire killed my Bryan, Clyde Fisher, Paul Beachy, and Stephen Kinsinger.”

Standing as straight as her five-foot-two-inch frame allowed her to do, Darla added quietly, “You forgot John Kurtz, Mary. My father died too, you know.”

“All of us are struggling with our losses. Struggling to make ends meet with our men gone. But here you are almost every morning, standing behind this counter with a smile on your face.”

Though Mary wasn’t the first person to say such a thing to her—she wasn’t even the twenty-first—Darla still didn’t understand why she should bear the weight of her father’s guilt.

Especially since it had been proven that it hadn’t been just her father’s negligence that had started the fire in the Dumpster. A variety of circumstances had taken place, which, when combined, had created a powerful explosion.

A rag, dampened by a flammable liquid, had been tossed into a Dumpster filled with wood scraps and hot metal that had been left heating over the course of the day. In no time at all, the rag had burst into flames, igniting the pine kindling. Before anyone was truly aware of the fire, the Dumpster had exploded, causing the nearby wood stacks in the back warehouse to catch fire, too. Though the emergency sprinklers had come on and the fire department and ambulances had been called, five people had died and scores of others had been injured.

Without a doubt, it had been the worst disaster to ever occur at Kinsinger Lumber Mill, and everyone who’d been there was marked by the terrible tragedy.

After the accident, fire marshals had investigated and declared that it had been caused by a series of unlikely events: a rare sunny day in December, hot metal in the Dumpster, and a pile of pine that someone had discarded instead of turning into wood shavings—all set ablaze by one rag.

But no one person was to blame.

Furthermore, when Stephen Kinsinger’s son Lukas had taken over the mill, he’d publicly forgiven her father. However, the speech had done little to change the general feeling of anger and hurt that pervaded their village. It seemed that everyone needed a scapegoat. And her father had given them one.

Now, because John Kurtz was no longer walking God’s earth, more than a couple of people had transferred their pain and anger onto Darla and the rest of her family.

And after ninety-nine days of it, Darla was pretty tired.

Which was why, even though her words would likely fall on deaf ears, she stood up a little straighter and glared. “I’m merely doing my job, Mary.”

Mary’s blue eyes flashed with anger. “And what do you have to say about Aaron? He is still at the mill.”

Clenching her hands, Darla fought to remain calm. Her relationship with Aaron was both confusing and difficult. “I canna speak for my bruder,” she said quietly.

“Everyone says he is becoming a problem. Men have heard him fault the mill for your father’s poor judgment.”

“Any problem Aaron might have at work is between him and his managers,” she said as the door opened and several more customers entered. “Now, do you need anything else?” she asked, anxious to get to work.

“I do not. You know I only came in here to give you a piece of my mind.”

“And you’ve done that, Mary,” one of the men who’d just entered called out.

Finally looking away from Mary, Darla saw Lukas Kinsinger. She knew him well. Very well. Until recently, they’d been close friends. Now? She wasn’t quite sure what they were.

Mary turned to face him. “Lukas!” she exclaimed in a sickly sweet voice. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That seems to be obvious. I’ve been here long enough to learn that you’ve been berating Darla yet again,” Lukas Kinsinger replied. “I must say that I’m shocked.”

Mary stepped toward Lukas, who was standing with his arms folded over his chest. “Shocked?”

“I knew Bryan well, Mary. He would have been mighty upset to hear his mamm speaking so viciously to a woman who has never done one thing against you.”

Darla blinked, suddenly feeling on the verge of tears. It was good that at least part of their friendship remained intact.

“Do not speak to me of my Bryan,” Mary said. “He knew I was proud of him. He was a perfect man.”

“Forgiveness is a virtue,” Lukas said. “You should try it. It’s helped me with my grief.”

“I’ll forgive when I feel that justice has been served,” Mary retorted. But when Lukas said nothing, merely stared at her coolly, she darted outside.

With Lukas’s gaze now centered on her, Darla smiled.

She was about to speak when the front door opened again. Lukas stood against the wall patiently while she helped two customers who had been waiting behind Mary and the newcomer. When the room was at last empty but for the two of them, she walked around the counter.

“Lukas.”

“Hello, Darla.” His light blue-gray eyes remained serious though his lips curved into the slightest of smiles. “How are you today?”

“I am well, danke,” she lied. There was no way she was going to tell him just how difficult she was finding her life to be at the moment. He didn’t need her burdens, especially since he, also, was mourning the loss of his father. That had to be mighty hard, given that he’d already lost his mamm years ago. “What are you doing here?”

“Rebecca told me you got this job here two weeks ago. I wanted to see how it was going.”

Well, that sure came out of the blue. Her new job wasn’t worth him taking note of. At least, she didn’t think it was. “I am learning a lot,” she said, trying to dwell on the positive. “It’s a blessing, I think.”

His eyes narrowed as he stepped closer. The thick-soled work boots he wore made him tower above her more than he usually did. “It didn’t sound like this job was a blessing when I walked in the door. Mary said some pretty harsh things. Does that happen a lot?”

“Does Mary come in to give me grief? Jah.”

“I’m sorry about that. I’ll talk to her for you.”

He was now standing close enough to see that he had nicked his neck while shaving that morning. “Danke, but I’d rather you didn’t, Lukas. Mary’s anger with me isn’t your problem.”

“I think it is. She’s upset about the mill accident. Since I now run the mill, she’ll listen to me.”

Darla had no doubt that Mary would listen to Lukas. But then where would that leave Darla? She would still be seen as weak and helpless and that wouldn’t do. “Mary is upset and grieving. Sooner or later she’ll let go of her anger.” Well, she hoped so.

Lukas tilted his head to one side, studying her. “What about you? Are you still grieving and upset?”

She didn’t know how to answer that. They’d once been good friends—best friends. She should be able to converse with him easily. But ever since the accident, it felt like there was too much between them to ever speak easily again.

Lukas knew how close she’d been to her father. He’d meant the world to her. Surely, then, Lukas had to know how difficult life was now that her father’s reputation was tainted. Couldn’t he imagine how hard it was for her just to get through each day?

The accident that had killed both their fathers and three other men had created a chasm in their relationship that seemed impossible to bridge. Her brother Aaron was upset that pretty much everyone—even Lukas’s brother Levi—considered their father the main cause of the accident.

Then, of course, there was the latest disaster: Darla’s mother, after grieving and living in denial for weeks, had left their family almost two months ago. Now Darla and her six siblings hadn’t just lost their father—they’d lost both parents.

But there was no way she was going to share her sob story in the middle of her workday.

“I’m doing about as well as can be expected,” she murmured, thinking of their preacher’s last visit. He’d prayed with her and spoken of forgiveness. She hoped one day soon that his advice would ease her heart. Seeing as how no other customers had come in, she forced herself to continue their stilted conversation. Sooner or later things between them would ease . . . if they both tried their best. “And you, Lukas? How are you today?”

“Pretty gut this morning.”

“Truly? What happened?”

The smile that had been playing on his lips transformed into a full grin. “The lambs are out.”

“I heard them this morning. The Millers have a lively bunch this year.” She almost smiled back at him. Darla remembered how, even as a little boy, Lukas had loved the arrival of the spring lambs. Her daed used to ask him over just so Lukas could hold a newborn lamb from time to time.

One time he’d even spent the night at their house just so he could help her daed with the newborn lambs at daybreak. She’d been twelve to his thirteen and after seeing him dressed in only an old T-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms, she’d blushed for hours. Ack, but she’d had such a crush on him!

And just last year, she’d teased Lukas, saying that it was a shame that they no longer raised sheep because she would have enjoyed the sight of him holding a day-old lamb like it was the most precious thing on earth.

He stuffed his hands in his back pockets. “We should stop by the Millers’ soon. You know they won’t mind us visiting the lambs.”

Just like they used to do.

Darla looked at the door longingly, wishing another customer would enter, and Lukas would move on instead of forcing her to remember how close they used to be. And how differently they were now treated by everyone else. Without a doubt, Lukas would be welcomed with a pleased smile at the Millers’ farm. As for an appearance by her? She had a feeling she would be barely tolerated.

Knowing that made her sad. But since there was literally nothing she could do to change the town’s perception of her, she forced herself to act uninterested. “I don’t have time to visit lambs. With my new job, I am pretty busy, you know. Now, how may I help you?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he asked as he stepped a little closer.

His softly spoken question, laced with just the slightest bit of affection, made her flinch. She raised her guard. If she didn’t keep herself firmly in check she was liable to weaken and say something she would regret.

“Lukas, if you don’t need anything, I need to get back to work. I have a lot to do.”

“I understand,” he said quietly. “Fine. Give me a sheet of stamps.”

She moved around the counter, thankful to have a barrier between them. Feeling as if she were helping a random customer instead of someone she’d known for most of her life, Darla, placed the four choices on the counter. “Which design?”

He looked frustrated. “It don’t matter,” he said with obvious impatience.

Why hadn’t she simply handed him a sheet and taken his money like she had with Mary? He would be gone by now.

Lukas leaned forward slightly, bringing with him the faint scent of oranges. Lukas had always been exceptionally fond of oranges. He lifted his eyes to meet her gaze. “You choose. What do you think I should purchase?”

Again, it felt as if he was asking her things she didn’t know the answer to. Feeling awkward, she glanced at the four choices. One showed hearts, another had a rose design—this year’s wedding stamp. The third featured birds, and the final offering was the American flag.

“I . . . I don’t know which one you want.”

“I bet you do.” His voice turned teasing. Almost as if they were friends again. “Come on, tell me the truth, Darla. Don’t ya try to match the designs to the person buying them? I would.”

He was standing too close. She could smell the soap on his skin, feel the warm knot of interest that always formed in her belly whenever he was near.

She tamped it down and kept her voice polite and crisp.

“They’re simply stamps, Lukas. Just something to put on one’s bills.”

He stood up straight again, giving her space. “I suppose you’re right.” Staring at her intently, he added, “Some things just don’t matter like they used to, do they?”

Nothing did, but she didn’t dare go down that path. Some evenings it took everything she had to simply walk in her front door, bracing herself for Aaron’s anger and her parents’ absence. “That will be nine dollars and eight cents.”

He handed her a bill. “So, which ones did you decide to give me?”

She couldn’t play his game. It was simply too painful. She missed him, missed their friendship. But, try as she might, she couldn’t figure out how to move beyond the hurt. Unable to look at him directly in the eye, she pushed forward the birds. “Enjoy your day.”

A muscle jumped in his cheek. “Darla, what time do you get off today?”

“Four. Why?”

“I’d like to walk you home.”

Spending thirty minutes by his side was a bad idea. “Nee.”

“Come on,” he coaxed. “We could talk. Catch up.”

“Lukas, you came in here for stamps. Now you have them.”

“I don’t care about stamps.” He frowned at the sheet before him. “Plus, you know how much I hate birds.”

Against her will, some of the ice around her heart melted. “You are a man of superlatives. You always either love or hate things.”

Looking relieved that she was no longer glaring at him, he said, “If you don’t want me walking you home, how about I stop by tonight?”

Part of her hoped he would come over, but she was sure it would only open up another can of worms. “You canna do that.”

After shooting her a contemplative look, he fussed with the page of stamps resting on the counter. Far more hesitantly, he said, “You know, Darla, I thought it might do us both some good if we spent some time together. You know, like we used to do. It might help our families start to heal, too.”

She thought of her brothers and sisters. Thought of how stunned they would be to see Lukas, and how angry Aaron would be if he imagined Darla was renewing their friendship again.

“I don’t think you coming over is a good idea.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched. “I’ve told you—and everyone else—time and again. Our family doesn’t blame John for the accident.”

She knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Even Levi?” His brother had made no secret of his suspicions.

He brushed the lock of hair that had fallen across his brow away impatiently. “You know his temper. Levi is looking for someone to blame.”

She did know his temper. And though she wasn’t afraid he’d actually hurt her, she was pretty sure his words would be just as painful. “He ain’t looking for someone, Lukas. He’s found one.”

Something flashed in those beguiling silver eyes of his, something that looked suspiciously like a combination of agreement and embarrassment. Neither made her feel any better.

“I’m sure he doesn’t really think your father meant to do anything wrong,” he said at last.

That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? Her father had caused the fire. But her family, especially her brother Aaron, wondered if some standard safety practices had been ignored.

Aaron thought that the Kinsingers had been negligent in making sure the warehouse was kept clean and clear of debris. He wondered if, perhaps, they hadn’t been monitoring what was being thrown out into the Dumpsters. He said that the workers hadn’t been thoroughly trained about the dangers of the stain and paint thinner, but Darla thought this was a bit much. Their father had been a careful and hard worker at the mill for decades. Whatever had happened hadn’t been because he’d needed proper training from Lukas Kinsinger.

“I am so glad you, personally, aren’t blaming my father,” she said sarcastically. “Don’t you think we ever wonder how everyone in the mill is so sure that it was my daed who caused the accident?”

He drew back, standing tall and strong, staring down at her from his six-foot height. “What are you saying, Darla? That someone else tossed the rag into the Dumpster?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what are you saying?”

Why was he asking her that? All the optimism she’d been feeling vanished. “Why couldn’t he be only partially responsible? The Dumpster was too close to the building. And someone had discarded pine scraps inside it instead of following proper procedure.”

“You have no idea what you are talking about.”

“All I’m saying is that maybe—just maybe—my father wasn’t the only man responsible for five people’s deaths.”

“I’ve practically grown up in that mill,” he stated, his voice now as cold as his glare. “I run it now. That isn’t how things work there. We take care of the buildings and the men and the machinery. Everyone who works there is considered family.”

“My daed loved that mill, too. He wouldn’t have done anything foolhardy without reason.”

The skin around Lukas’s lips turned white. “You know, I came over here because I missed you. These last few weeks have been hard, really hard, for me.”

“For me, too.” Though, truly, “hard” didn’t begin to describe how devastated she was.

“I had hoped that we could move on. You and I have been friends for years. For most of our lives.”

“I haven’t forgotten. But we can’t erase what has happened. We simply can’t be friends now.”

He grabbed hold of the stamps and stuffed them in his jacket pocket, no doubt wrinkling them. “It was a mistake to come in here today. It was a mistake to feel sorry for you.”

So he hadn’t wanted to see her as a friend . . . he felt sorry for her.

Undoubtedly, he was thinking of his family’s reputation. The Kinsinger family was everything to a lot of people in Charm. They not only paid hundreds of people’s salaries but they had also somehow become models for proper behavior.

Now Darla knew that Lukas had come to find her because he’d wanted to do the right thing so the biddies sitting in the back of the church could whisper to each other how wonderful he was. Not only was he taking care of his family and the lumberyard, but he was good enough to reach out to the daughter of the man who’d caused so much pain and suffering.

Her heart was breaking, but she had to stay tough. If she didn’t, they were both going to say more hurtful words to each other and she didn’t know if she could handle that. It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact that she and Lukas couldn’t ever be close friends again. “Next time you need stamps, you should probably send in someone else.”

The look he gave her was so cold, it could have frozen her to the spot.

When the door closed behind him with the faint jingling of bells, Darla closed her eyes and tried to erase the pain. But just like the glory of the day’s sunrise, it was unstoppable. There were some things that were simply destined to happen, no matter what.