As Jay drummed his fingers on the hard plastic seat of the SCAT shuttle, he couldn’t help but reflect on the path the Lord had shown him. Here he was, sitting beside his eldest son near their new home, on the coast of Florida. Furthermore, they were both on their way to go courting. Courting by his son’s side!
Jay had never pictured that happening. Ever.
As the shuttle made its way through the streets of Sarasota and people got off and on, he glanced out the window and tried to tell himself that he had no reason to be nervous. He was a grown man. He’d survived all kinds of things, from Evelyn passing away to all three boys having chicken pox together to Mark breaking his arm when he was thirteen.
He could take a woman out on a date.
“You okay, Daed?” Ben asked.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“No reason.” Smiling he added, “Well, no reason besides the fact that your right hand is gripping the rail like we’re on a roller coaster and you’re about to fall off. And your left hand has been tapping the edge of your seat. Loudly.”
Immediately, Jay clasped his hands in his lap. Ben had been right, he’d been holding on for dear life, in the metaphorical sense. “I guess I’m a little nervous,” he admitted.
“You’ll be fine, I promise. Emma likes you. I saw the way she was looking at you the other night.”
There was no way he was going to ever admit how happy Ben’s words about Emma liking him had made him. “It’s just a walk and supper. We’ve shared several meals together now.”
“That you have. You’re going to be fine.”
“And if we realize we don’t suit, that’s not gonna be a problem.” Best to keep expectations low and all.
“It won’t be a problem. You will suit each other fine. You already suit each other fine.”
“Maybe you are right.”
“I know I’m right. All of us have noticed that there’s something special happening between you and Emma Keim.”
“All of us? You mean you and Mark?”
“And William. And Tricia. And I think, even Lena.” Grinning, Ben stretched his hands out in front of him. “We’re all counting the minutes until both of you know it, too.”
“Great.”
Discovering that Emma and he did suit each other well was actually what he was most afraid of. If that happened, he’d have to think about another date. And then, maybe even a future. And what then? It was one thing for their kinner to be all right with him taking Emma out every now and then, but surely their children would react differently if they thought things were about to change drastically.
Would Emma’s little girls ever be okay with the idea of sharing their mother?
Suddenly, his collar was way too tight. He pulled on the fabric around his neck. It didn’t stretch a millimeter, of course, but the action did somehow make him breathe a little easier.
Ben noticed. “Daed, quit worrying so much.”
“Do you think William was being truthful when he said he didn’t mind me doing this?”
“I do.”
“Really? Because his acceptance kind of took me off guard, if you want to know the truth.”
“Really, Daed. I’m sure. William is not upset.”
“Wait a minute. How come you sound so sure about this?” For the first time Ben looked a bit hesitant. “Ben, what do you know that I don’t?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I know William misses having a mother.” He swallowed. “We all do, of course. But me and Mark had Mamm for a lot longer than he did. Plus, William is kind of sensitive. He needs a woman’s ear from time to time.”
Jay thought about that and realized his son was exactly right. For the last few years now, Jay hadn’t been giving Will as much attention and care as the young boy needed. First he’d been looking after Evelyn, then mourning her passing. Then had come all the planning and preparation for their big move to Sarasota, and lately Jay had needed to spend every waking hour getting the farm up and running. Besides all that, there were the simple chores of everyday life that took up so much time: laundry and grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. That left little quality time for him to spend with his boys. But while Mark had taken it in stride because that was his nature, and Ben was more than ready to be an adult, little William had been floundering.
“Maybe I should be spending more time with Will instead of with Emma.”
“Daed, not to be mean or anything, but Will don’t need more of you. He needs a mother.”
“Maybe if I go courting, I should be looking for a woman who doesn’t already have a bunch of kinner.” Not that he had ever even looked at another woman twice before he’d met Emma.
“Daed, William likes Emma. He likes going to her haus every afternoon.” Flashing a smile, he added, “He likes all of those little girls, too. We all do.”
The comment reminded him of just how cute those girls were. And so different from William, Mark, and Ben! “Little girls are sure silly.”
Ben smiled. “Yep. And they squeal.”
“And cry easily, I’m learning.”
“But that Annie is so cute, Daed. The other day she wanted to hold my hand. And when we said good-bye, she asked for a hug.”
“They’re sweet girls, for sure. No matter what happens with Emma and me, I am glad that we’ve gotten to know them.”
Ben looked at him in appreciation. “Gut for you, Daed. You are ready at last.” Chuckling he added, “And it’s a gut thing, too.”
“Why is that?”
Ben stood up as the SCAT bus stopped with a small jerk and quiet squeak of brakes. “Because we’re here,” he said before he led the way out.
As Jay hurried to catch up with his boy, he had a feeling he was behind him in more ways than one.
WHEN HE WAS ALMOST at Emma’s doorstep five minutes later, Jay paused and closed his eyes. Lord, help me have the strength to follow my heart, he prayed silently. Help me not let doubts and worries overtake a glad and hopeful heart.
Figuring that was good enough—and since the Lord was probably about to send out a swarm of bees to hurry him along—Jay knocked on Emma’s door. When she opened it, he was struck by two things: one, her bright orange dress made her lightly tanned skin look even prettier than ever and her eyes look even bluer than they usually did.
And two, she’d been crying.
“Emma, what’s wrong?” he asked, walking right in and shutting the door behind him.
She bit her bottom lip. Obviously, she was trying to keep it from trembling. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s obviously something. What is it?”
“When I dropped off the girls at my parents’ haus, they worried that I was encouraging the girls to forget their father.”
“That couldn’t be further from the truth. Seeing someone new doesn’t erase the past.”
“I agree.” She bit her lip. “When I tried to explain that I needed to do something for myself, they ignored me.”
He couldn’t imagine how anyone could ever find fault with the way Emma conducted herself or raised her daughters. He couldn’t name a woman who led a more Christian life. “I’m sorry, Emma.”
“Jah. Me, too.” She swiped at a tear. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
Jay knew some men would have had all the right words for her. But all he could think of doing at the moment was holding her in his arms. “Come here,” he murmured as he gathered her close. When she slowly wrapped her arms around his waist, and then, with a quiet sigh rested her head on his shoulder, he knew he hadn’t felt anything so special in a very long time.
When her tears finally subsided, she pulled away. “Oh, I bet I look even worse!”
He thought she looked very sweet. “Nope. You still look pretty.”
“Really? Because my skin gets all splotchy when I cry.”
To be honest, her skin was splotchy. But that didn’t bother him any. He liked the fact that she’d leaned on him for comfort. In fact, there was little about her that he didn’t find enchanting at the moment.
“Do you want to talk about things or go?”
She looked at him in wonder. “I didn’t ruin everything? You still want to go?”
“Of course. And I’m not letting you back out, either. We both have waited quite some time to go out to supper. We’re not going to let a couple of grumpy parents derail our plans.”
Her lips twitched. “They weren’t exactly grumpy. More like mighty determined to get me to see things their way.”
“I can be mighty determined, too, Emma,” he said, realizing that all of the doubts he’d shared with Ben had vanished the moment she’d shared her worries. “Go wash up and let’s go.”
After looking at him a good long moment, she nodded and walked to the washroom.
He sat down on the couch next to Frankie, who was reclining with two feet stretched out in front of him. “Beagle, you are a couch-hog. Move over.” Frankie yawned, gave him a small look of disgruntlement, then curled into a beagle ball.
“I’m ready.” She led the way outside, a tentative smile on her lips. She was happy again. And he’d helped her get there.
“Gut. Let’s go then.”
Ben had been right. They did suit. They suited each other well. Very well, indeed.
“DO YOU FEEL DIFFERENT, now that you are an engaged woman?” Ben asked.
Tricia was cuddled against her fiancé’s side in front of the fire pit on the inn’s back patio. They’d been sitting that way for the last hour and Tricia hoped she’d never have to leave. It was so rare for them to have any time completely alone.
Tricia thought about Ben’s question before replying. “I suppose I feel a little different,” she said at last. “I know I feel happier than I can ever remember being. I think I feel a little bit more grown-up, too.” She was now thinking about her future by Ben’s side. She’d gone from being centered on herself to focusing on Ben’s needs. Instead of making plans with only her wants in mind, they were dreaming about their future as a married couple.
“Our meeting today with the preacher went well,” Ben said.
“I agree. Though Eli has seen us together at church a couple of times, I thought he might try to convince us to break the engagement. Or, at the very least, postpone things.”
Ben grunted. “I would have been really upset if he had asked us to break up.”
“Me, too.” Stretching her bare foot toward the fire, she added, “Instead, he simply wants us to pray about our future.”
“And to be open to the possibility of talking more with him about our relationship.”
“That wasn’t a difficult thing to promise,” Tricia decided. “I want to talk to you about marriage and your goals.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Only my goals?”
“Well, my goals, too. And all my questions.”
“Sounds like you’ve got lots of them.”
Tricia heard the amusement in his tone and she supposed she didn’t blame him. She did sound a little anxious. “I do have questions, but what I am most concerned about is making sure we’re secure in our faith and our future together. Especially since we’re going to say our vows near the end of October.”
Especially that. Because nothing was going to prevent her from following through with those plans. She didn’t care if they had no decorations, no fancy luncheon, nothing but time to pray and make promises to each other. She wanted to be Ben’s wife in a month’s time.
“We will be,” he promised. “By the time we say our vows, neither of us will have a bit of doubt that we’ve made the right decision.”
Hearing him say the same things she was thinking made her relax and cuddle a bit closer.
“So, are you nervous about your family arriving on the bus on Saturday?”
“Jah, but not as nervous as I thought I’d be.” When he merely looked at her and smiled, she added, “Ben, I realized that I have started worrying less about what will make them happy and more about what will make me happy.” Looking into his blue eyes, she said, “You make me really happy.”
“Gut,” he said simply.
Another moment passed as they gazed at the dancing flames before he added, “I’m happy, too. I have a new sense of purpose and something to look forward to. I knew proposing to you and planning a wedding would make me happy, but I kind of didn’t expect to feel so free.” He shook his head. “I would have never imagined that tying myself to another person would make me feel lighter. It’s like all my burdens about the future have been lifted.”
Tricia knew exactly what he meant. Now that she’d found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she felt like a tremendous weight had been taken off her shoulders. In its place was a sense of security stronger than anything she’d ever known.
“After Beverly told me they were coming, I went down to the kitchen and called my mamm.”
He chuckled. “And?”
“And after she quit asking me if I’d lost my mind and started listening, she told me about a cartoon she’d once seen,” Tricia said. “It had a picture of a perfectly straight arrow and beneath it said, ‘our plan.’ Then, right below it was another arrow that was twisted and full of bumps and valleys. That caption said, ‘God’s plan.’”
He grinned. “I like that. It’s fitting. As much as we might want things to go the way we think they ought to, the reality is that the future is out of our hands.”
“I thought it was fitting, too. And at first, I only compared the differences between the two lines, but then Mamm pointed out where they ended . . . at the same place.” She paused. “I think she was trying to remind me that life is full of hills and valleys and twists and turns. But in the end, the Lord wants us to achieve our dreams. He wants us to be happy.”
Ben nodded. After a moment, he said, “I can’t tell you how hard it was to watch my mother get weaker. I hated to see her suffer. I prayed with everything I had that she would get stronger and recover. Get healed by a miracle. But it was God’s wish that she go up to heaven early.”
This was the most he’d ever shared about how hard his mother’s illness had been for him. She was so proud of him for opening up to her. She hoped she would always be worthy of that trust. “Maybe we were never meant to meet in Ohio but to meet here,” she said softly. “Maybe we had to go through our own trials in order to appreciate the happiness that we’ve found in each other.”
He smiled. “I’m glad the Lord gave me you, Tricia. And at the perfect time in my life.”
“I feel the same way,” she said as she laid her head on his shoulder and enjoyed the feel of his strong body against hers. If she closed her eyes, she was sure she could hear his heartbeat, steady and sure. She never wanted the night to end.
A few minutes later, he shifted and pulled away from her. “Tricia, as much as I want to stay here with you, I think I need to go. The shuttles don’t run all night, you know.”
“I know.” She got to her feet, hating to say good-bye but finding comfort that in just a month their late-night farewells would be a thing of the past.
Reaching out, he brushed a finger along her cheek. “I’m going to be at the farm all day tomorrow, which means I won’t see you until you bring your parents over to my house in the evening.”
“I know.”
“Are you sure you won’t change your mind and have me be by your side when the bus arrives? Mark and William can work the market without me.”
“As much as having you there would comfort me, I think I need to face them by myself. Plus, if they say anything mean, I don’t want you to hear it.”
His expression hardened in the flickering light. “If they say anything mean to you, I want to be there to make sure they stop.”
Tricia knew he would, too. Ben was used to looking out for his brothers and he’d already shown her that he was the type of man who looked out for his fiancée. He wouldn’t be happy if her parents made her cry.
“Let’s keep things the way we have it. I’ll bring them to your house at five o’clock tomorrow. We’ll grill chicken and sit in your kitchen and talk.”
“I’ll see you then. But first, let me do this,” he murmured, just as his lips brushed against hers.
She closed her eyes, wrapped her hands around his neck, and gave herself over to his touch and his kisses. Now, this, she thought, was one of her most favorite parts of being engaged.
One of her most favorite parts of all.
TRICIA AND BEN WERE kissing again.
That had been a mighty close call! Beverly quickly stepped back and turned around. Thank goodness she’d had the foresight to peek through the back door’s window before pulling it open and reminding Ben of the time. Just imagining how awkward it would have been for all of them . . . It would have been worse than awkward.
Beverly decided to wait a minute or two. Or five. Ben needed to catch that shuttle but she didn’t want Tricia to think she was spying on them. Hopefully, they were simply kissing each other good night. With great, um, enthusiasm. It certainly was becoming obvious that Tricia and Ben were very much in love. It was also obvious that she had completely misread their situation. She’d been looking at Tricia through her own fears and worries.
But now she was realizing that what was happening was meant to be. Surely no couple as happy as they were could be making a mistake.
Suddenly she felt not just alone but lonely. And maybe a little envious. Oh, she wasn’t jealous of Tricia’s romance, but envious that she didn’t have anyone in her life that she was as close to. Except, maybe, Eric.
Just then the back door squeaked. Realizing that they were about to come inside, Beverly sat down abruptly on the chair by the phone.
“Aunt Bev, what are you doing, sitting down here in the dark?” Tricia asked.
She turned the light switch on the battery-powered lamp. “I, um, was thinking about calling Eric.”
“This late?”
“Jah. I had forgotten how late it was. That’s why I’m sitting here. I decided not to call.”
“Um, okay,” Tricia said as she slipped her hand in Ben’s. “Well, I’m going to walk Ben to the front door.”
“All right. Good night, Ben.”
“’Night, Beverly.”
Feeling even more foolish, Beverly opened the drawer under the phone and pulled out a pen and paper. Since it was too late to call, she decided to give in to temptation and write Eric a letter. It wouldn’t quite ease the ache she was feeling, but it wouldn’t wake him up, either. That was something, she supposed.
WHEN THEY’D GOTTEN OUT to the sidewalk, Jay had pulled out a sheet of paper listing a couple of restaurants that were within easy walking distance but were outside the heart of Pinecraft. They had ended up having Italian food. Emma had wanted to take the SCAT and dine someplace where it was unlikely that they’d see anyone she knew.
And they hadn’t.
Therefore, instead of feeling like she and Jay were being observed, they were able to simply enjoy each other’s company. Instead of wondering what the gossipmongers would say or rush to tell her parents, she’d focused on herself and her feelings and slowly let down her guard.
And they’d talked. Oh, how they’d talked! About childhoods and school while eating Caesar salads, about hobbies and what they’d done during their rumspringas, while eating far too much of the chef’s delicious baked ziti. They’d talked about favorite foods and foods they hated as they split a decadent plate of cheesecake with a fresh strawberry sauce.
And as each course came and went, Emma found herself opening up even more. She laughed a little more easily, shared more personal stories. And she listened to Jay a little more closely. She soaked in every sweet look and kind gesture.
Now, after taking the SCAT bus back to Pinecraft, Jay was walking her home down Kaufmann Avenue. She felt flirty and giddy. Found herself smiling whenever he glanced her way . . . and discovered she couldn’t seem to stop gazing at him. None of this felt especially mature or anything like the behavior a mother of three should be exhibiting! Actually, she felt just like one of the teenagers she saw off in the distance—light and carefree.
“You’ve gotten quiet all of a sudden,” he said. “Did I talk your ear off?”
“Not at all. I guess I was simply thinking about what a nice time I had with you tonight.”
“I enjoyed myself, too.” He looked like he was tempted to add something more, but he said nothing else. “You’re easy to talk to. I, um, shared more with you tonight than I have with anyone in the last year.”
“I feel the same way. I was actually hoping you didn’t think I was talking your ear off,” she admitted, “or that I’d revealed too much about myself.” Maybe she’d told him too many stories about being a single mother.
“I liked hearing all of it from you.”
“It’s been a long time since anyone wanted to know so much about me.”
He smiled. “That’s the price of parenthood, I guess. It’s never about us anymore. It’s about the kinner.”
“It’s always about the kinner,” she agreed. “And that is as it should be. Though sometimes . . .”
“Sometimes it is nice to remember that there is more to us than just being someone’s father or mother.”
“Exactly.” She was glad he understood.
But as she looked around, she realized they were just steps from her house. After all that worrying and fretting she’d done, her date was finished and she felt slightly empty. “I canna believe it’s over,” she murmured.
“What is?”
“Our date.”
He held out a hand to help her up the steps. She liked the way it felt in hers, liked the way he seemed to enjoy her touch as much as she enjoyed his. “I’m sorry it’s over, too. But maybe we’ll do it again sometime soon?”
“Are you asking me out again?” She really hoped he thought she was merely teasing.
“Jah, though it seems I’m doing a poor job of it. Will you go out with me again?”
“Yes.”
“What about your parents? Are you willing to go up against them again?”
Until that moment, she hadn’t been sure if she was strong enough. But now she knew she wasn’t going to let anything stop her from having another night like this. “I’m willing. They are going to have to find a way to accept my decision.” Just as she was going to have to find a way to convince them of it.
He smiled as they walked up the steps, her hand still securely clasped in his. When they reached her front door, he held out his hand for her keys. She handed them to him and stood quietly while he unlocked the door. Then she felt a moment of panic. Did she invite him in? Did he expect to kiss her good night? Would he be shocked if she actually did kiss him good night?
His expression was warm as he watched her. “It’s okay, Emma. All I’m going to do is say good night to you right here.”
“You knew what I was thinking?” She wasn’t sure if she was mortified or extremely relieved.
He nodded. “As clearly as if you were saying it out loud.” Folding his arms over his chest, he grinned. “I know what you were thinking because I’m pretty sure I was thinking the same thing.”
“Which was?”
“That I don’t want to leave you yet. I would love for you to invite me in, but I’m afraid every one of your neighbors is watching quietly from their windows. I don’t want to do that to you.”
Feeling a little sheepish, she said, “I fear you are right. My neighbors are wonderful, but they’re not exactly afraid to be nosey, either.”
“I don’t want tonight to end because I like being with you. But the only remedy I can think of for easing our unhappiness is to make plans to see each other again. Will you go out with me again soon?”
“Jah,” she answered. She didn’t know how she was going to manage it but she would make it happen.
“I’ll see you soon, then.” Reaching out, he ran a finger along her cheekbone. “If we weren’t likely being observed, I’d try to kiss you good night. Would you let me?”
There it was. That gentle flirting again. It made her smile . . . and made her want to flirt a little bit back. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“If I told you all my secrets you’d have no reason to want to see me again.”
“You would be wrong about that, Emma. I would want to see you soon, even if I knew every one. Gut naught.”
“Gut naught, Jay. Danke.”
With one last lingering smile, he turned and walked away.
And when she went inside, she could practically hear the pounding of her heart.