CHAPTER 31

Out on Caitlin’s tiny back deck, Parker stood before the barbecue grill, struggling to recapture the happiness he’d felt at being with Caitlin again. Yet after hearing about Dakota, his thoughts kept going to Madison. Weekends were the best party times in Dakota’s view. He’d usually taken Madison during most weekends, though officially the agreement was every other week, so what would Dakota do with Madison now?

He reached for the spatula and flipped over the steaks. His breath curled white into the cold air.

“How’re they coming?” Caitlin asked, slipping through the partially open glass door.

He smiled at her appearance. She’d changed from her customary suit to black pants and a snug cream-colored top. Her hair was down, and she looked so inviting that it was all he could do to remain moping at the grill.

“Nearly there. Just a bit more on the first side again.”

She looked out over her small back yard, which was still an expanse of dirt, the moonlight reflecting from her blue eyes. She was beautiful. But he needed to keep his distance. After last night, he couldn’t trust himself not to kiss her and scare her away. Every physical instinct told him they had something special, something he should act on immediately. But his mind knew that was not the way it worked. If he wanted more with Caitlin, more than a few weeks of casual dating, he had to wait.

Wait until what? He wasn’t exactly sure. Wait until she fell in love with him? Until she was sure? Until the case was over?

Although his decision to wait had seemed so simple—even noble—last night and even this morning when he’d bought the flowers, now he was no longer sure. His hopes of proving to the world that Madison was in danger were swiftly being shot down, and that brought him closer to acting. He must save Madison one way or another, and for the moment that meant not letting things go too far with Caitlin. He didn’t want to hurt her. She wasn’t just a beautiful face anymore, but a woman whose every word thrilled him. A woman who tenderly took care of her sister, a woman who ferociously went after what she believed to be right. A woman with dreams that seemed as unattainable as his own. That was why he’d pulled back last night when she’d hesitated, and why he wouldn’t touch her now. She deserved more, but he couldn’t allow his growing feelings for her make him unwilling to do what might be necessary to save his daughter. He knew Dakota, and he knew what had happened in the past.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Caitlin’s arm brushed against his coat.

That if I kiss you again, I’ll never be able to leave. He forced a grin. “My thoughts are worth way more than a penny, but I was thinking about your lawn. I know a guy who delivers sod. Gather a few neighbors, and in an afternoon next summer, you’ll have a nice place for Amy to play.”

“I’ll ask you for his name then. Next summer.”

It wasn’t a question, not quite, but he wished more than anything that he could promise to be there to help, to arrange it all. He could lay the sod himself in a few hours. Instead he only said, “I think the meat is ready.”

“Great. Let’s go in.”

His thoughts were jumbled. This scene—a man, a woman, and Amy acting the child—was so . . . right, and yet wrong because Madison wasn’t there. Parker ate quickly, wondering what he could do to get himself away. He’d been wrong to come here, wrong to assume he could pursue a normal relationship with a woman as classy and beautiful as Caitlin. There were too many consequences for both of them. He raked a hand through his hair.

“You’re going to pull all your hair out.” Amy grinned at him, much in the way that Madison would have. His heart ached.

“Your phone,” Caitlin said. “Isn’t that your phone?”

He grabbed it quickly. “Hello?”

“Daddy?” Madison’s voice came loudly across the line.

“Hi, baby. Are you okay?”

“Ricky is crying and crying and Mommy’s in the bedroom. She won’t answer the door.”

“Okay, sweetheart, don’t worry. It’ll be okay. Just stay on the phone.” He covered the receiver. “It’s Madison. She says her brother’s crying, and she can’t get Dakota to answer the door to her bedroom.”

“You can’t go over there. We’ll have to call the police.” Caitlin reached for her phone. “Or at least Sally.”

Madison was speaking again, and Parker tried to focus on what she was saying, but her words were abruptly cut off. There was a brief flurry of noise, the phone dropping to the floor, and then a terse woman’s voice. “Parker, is that you? I told you not to call here. You have no right!”

Parker thought quickly. He didn’t want to give Madison away by admitting that she’d been the one to dial his number. “I wanted to talk to you,” he lied. “But Madison said her brother was crying and that you weren’t around.”

“I was right here,” Dakota snapped. “What did you want?”

“To let you know there’s going to be a hearing tomorrow, about visitation.”

“I know, and I’m going to fight you on it.”

“Please, Dakota. I just want to see her. That’s all.”

“Leave us alone.” She hung up.

Parker stared at the phone a few seconds before shoving it back into his pocket.

“I’m sorry,” Caitlin said.

He shrugged. “It’s okay.” He looked at his nearly empty plate. “Thanks for letting me barge in, but I’ve got to go now.” He pushed back his chair and stood.

“You don’t have to go.” She arose and stepped close, too close, driving his thoughts away from Madison.

“Yes, I do.” He looked back and forth between Caitlin and Amy, who watched him with her wide green eyes. For a moment he wanted to weep for the woman Amy might have become. Or was it for himself and Caitlin? Definitely for Madison. She was paying for his poor choices. If only he hadn’t been a rebellious idiot growing up. If only he’d been more like his big brother.

He shut his eyes briefly, pushing away thoughts of Vincent. He strode toward the door, and Caitlin hurried after him.

“Parker, you can’t do anything about this. You can’t go over there. If you’re still worried, I’ll call Sally and have her send someone, but you have to remember the restraining order. If you have any hope of gaining visitation rights tomorrow, you must not violate that. I’m speaking as your attorney, and as your friend.”

“Friend?” He smiled, hoping that would take off some of the mockery he’d injected into the word.

“Yes,” she said softly.

They stood staring at each other for a long moment. Parker wanted to lose himself in her. He wanted a normal life.

He forced himself to look away, to open the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” His voice was gruff. Glancing back, he saw her nod, her lips slightly parted, her tongue wetting her bottom lip. She didn’t look at all like his lawyer. With a groan, he reversed his step, coming so close to her that they were almost touching. He kissed her, cutting off the kiss before she had time to respond properly. Knowing that if he held the contact a second longer, he wouldn’t be able to remember that he was first and foremost a father. Within seconds he was out the door and jogging to his truck, feeling Caitlin’s gaze following him.

He drove to Salt Lake and parked two blocks south of Dakota’s house. He slipped out of the truck, going on foot from yard to yard. The many evergreen trees and the overgrown shrubbery with dead leaves still attached lent themselves to subterfuge. Soon he was in the back yard, careful to keep to the far side and to not make any noise that would alert the dog next door. From his vantage point, he could look into the large kitchen window, glowing with warmth in the dark night. Madison was at the table eating something. Her brother was in a high chair nearby. Dakota wasn’t in view, but he sensed movement off to the side.

The air was so cold it bit into his lungs, but that wasn’t what brought the tears to his eyes. He slumped against the huge trunk of a bare tree, weak with relief. She’s okay.

The sound of a car interrupted his thoughts. Probably the boyfriend. Sure enough, the new car Caitlin had told him about turned into the driveway, pulling to the side of the house where the garage should have been, if the owner had built one. He watched as the big man walked to the side door that led into the kitchen. It hurt to know that another man could be with his daughter when Parker couldn’t.

In minutes Parker was back in his truck, but he didn’t start the engine. Looking out at the dirty remains of the snow on the road, he cried.