July 5, 2013. 2:55PM.
Cleo's Crib.
Cleopatra
My vision was blurry as I began to wake up. I saw Messiah still where I said he can sit at which was on the mini loveseat a few feet away from my bed. He was staring at me.
“What?” I said sitting up and touching my face thinking I had slob on it.
He laughed and said. “You’re just so beautiful.” He was still staring at me like the toy he wanted as a kid but had never gotten. I turned towards the closed window trying to hide that I was blushing before thanking him.
Then there was silence. Only the volume on the television on low and the air conditioner could be heard. Why does he treat me like he cares? Like I am the goddess he never had? We haven't had any sexual encounters in any way and yet, he seems like he is so interested in me. True, I only had three including my uncle but he doesn't count because he molested me. I wouldn't be taken advantage of again. I'm not stupid. He only wants that one thing and then he is going to leave.
As I continued to think deeply I heard Messiah's voice.
“Cleopatra?”
I finally answered him after a few minutes. “Yes?”
He looked at me up and down. “You okay?”
“Yes, why do you ask?” I said looking over at him.
“Because I've been calling your name for the last three minutes and you didn't respond.” He said looking worried.
“I'm fine. Just was thinking about something.” I said moving towards the edge of my bed.
“What was it?” He asked.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“What was it?” He repeated.
“Nothing! Why do you even care?” I explosively asked.
“I care. I care for you.” He said sitting beside me at the edge of my bed.
“What do you want from me? Why do you even care so much? Yo-,” I said getting cut off.
He greeted me with a soft kiss upon my lips. I didn't kiss back but I didn't stop him either. Swinging my legs back and forth from my queen sized bed, I fiddled with my brown furry teddy bear that my big brother gave me for my birthday when I turned seven.
“I'm sorry,” he said lowly.
I finally said nonchalantly, “Nah, don't be. I'm glad you did.” I couldn't dare look over at him even though he was so close. I felt his minted breathe breathing on my neck.
“Cleo, don't lead me on. You know I got feelings for you and I am pretty sure you got feelings for me. It ain't like we just met. We’ve known each other since the second grade.” He whispered as if he didn't want the walls around us to know what he was saying. I didn't want him to move. I wanted him to stay beside me.
I didn't say anything, I just wanted to collect my thoughts. I felt him walk past me. “Messiah, I really do care for you but I just need help finding my emotions. You just came back in my life and these old feelings just revealed themselves. You know what I’ve been through as a little girl and that just kind of messed me up. I would really like to take this to a different level but I know your reputation from back home. If ima be with you I don't want to be no side leg. I want to be the main chick. Just give me time to think this over.” I said with my head in my hands.
“I understand.” He said before exiting my room and shortly after I heard the door slam shut.
************
I want you close to me
I know you probably can't see it
My feelings is tucked away
In its hidden place
The location is unknown
You was once close
And I didn't want you to move
I wanted you to stay right beside me
Maybe even hide me in the warmth of your love
I want you close to me
Close enough where I could smell your sweet cologne
Somehow the warmth let me know I wasn't alone
I'm a broken vein that was disconnected from its heart
I was given a path but I didn't know where to start
Given a choice but no purpose