WADE HAD MADE them a nest. He piled up sleeping bags and blankets for them to sit on and burrow under, and he’d helped her put on so many clothes she felt like she was in her own personal cocoon. Snack was nestled down in the blankets, and it was snowing outside.
It wasn’t a perfect setup. Every once in a while, Wade had to get up and flap the tarp of their lean-to so the snow wouldn’t build up and take the whole fragile shelter down with it. But they were warm enough and mostly dry, and they had Mandy’s food and even flashlights. Lori was pretty sure that falling off a cliff in the wilderness had never been so luxurious.
Wade opened another of Mandy’s saddlebags. Sandwiches, muffins and fruit spilled out. “Have I told you how much I love your sister?” Wade asked, staring in awe at the loot.
“I swear she is the angel of food,” Lori breathed, reaching for a sandwich with her good hand.
Wade helped her with the wrapper. The painkillers he’d provided had taken the edge off, but her broken wrist still throbbed enough to make her eyes water. That was fine. Because she was alive. She was going to be okay.
“I just can’t believe that you’re here,” she said. “That you came to my rescue.”
She could feel him smile in the darkness. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I haven’t actually rescued you yet.”
“It’s a good start, though. So much better than it could have been.”
They were both quiet for a moment. The horror of just how bad it could have been was so big, Lori couldn’t even think about it without panic clogging her throat. She could easily have died, and she was glad she hadn’t.
Better not to think and just focus on the present. She nibbled on her sandwich, taking small bites because of her sore jaw.
“Are you going to tell me what you were doing out here?” Wade asked.
“I went to see where my mom died. I know it sounds morbid, but I just felt like I needed to. Like I never really had closure.”
“Did it help?”
She flushed in the darkness. “It helped a lot. I came to a big decision.”
“What’s that?”
She took a moment to sort it out in her thoughts. “I guess what I realized is that I haven’t been brave enough to reach for the life I want. Except for ranching. I made that happen. But all the other things that make life rich—friends, fun, really celebrating holidays—I think I’ve missed out on a lot of that.”
“So your decision is to have more of the good stuff?”
“Yup,” she said. “I want all the good stuff.” Including you, she wanted to add, but didn’t. It would be too awkward if he rejected her again, and they had to spend the night on the cliff together afterward.
“When I was in Afghanistan,” he said quietly, “I think I had a lot of similar thoughts. All I wanted was to come home and build this brand-new life for myself, full of all the things I missed so much. It seemed so simple back then, but when I got to the ranch and saw the mess there, and figured out that my brain wasn’t really working too well...it just got way more complicated.”
“Tell me something about when you were at war,” Lori said. “If you don’t mind.”
Wade was silent for a moment, and she worried that she’d been too intrusive. She was just about to tell him not to answer when he spoke.
“My squadron went on a mission up in the mountains. We parachuted in. Our orders were to clear out a small group of Taliban fighters.”
It sounded terrifying, and he was only on the first sentence. He paused. Lori set her sandwich down on the blanket, reaching out to touch his arm with her good hand.
His big, warm hand covered hers. “I was second in command. Our leader was killed on the way down. A sniper picked him off. Turned out they’d been expecting us. A few more guys in my unit were shot. My best friend was one of them. We hit the ground and hauled him into a cave. We hid there for hours. He died in my arms.”
Her heart ached for him. So much pain and fear in his curt sentences. “I’m sorry, Wade. That must have been devastating. How did you get away?”
“We waited until dark, then left the cave, and I radioed for a helicopter to pick us up. But it couldn’t come to our location or the Taliban would open fire, so we agreed to meet on the other side of the mountain. We slid on our bellies from rock to rock, up and over the mountain in the dark. And the whole time I was crawling, I was pretty sure I’d be shot any minute. So I decided I wanted to die thinking about the things I loved most. I thought of these mountains. The way they look in the early morning when that pink light comes over the valley floor and slowly hits the granite peaks. How the air smells like the pines. How great it feels to jump into one of the lakes in summer or snowboard down the slopes in winter. And I realized that this area—Benson, Marker Ranch, all these peaks and valleys—is my home. And that whatever happened to me growing up on my family’s ranch, whatever bad experiences I endured, they at least made me strong enough, and stubborn enough, to crawl up that Afghan mountain range.”
“You were brave,” she murmured. He’d been through so much horror. No wonder he was having such troubles.
“But it wasn’t just the mountains I wanted to come home to. It was you.”
“Me?” Lori’s thoughts whirled even faster. “Why me?”
“I was in love with you, Lori. All through high school. And I never forgot our night together.”
Her cheeks went hot. “Oh, that.”
“Remember how it came about? The way you found me so upset? I was hitchhiking out from town, remember? Right at the end of the school year. And I’d just found out that I was expelled, and I wasn’t going to get a diploma because I hadn’t passed enough classes. And you drove up, and I stuck out my thumb.”
She laughed softly. “I remember that. Of course I do.”
“You made me laugh and feel better about everything.”
“And then I agreed to meet you,” she said, wondering at her teenage self. How blithely she’d walked into that night, with no idea how it would change everything.
His grip on her hand tightened. “And you gave me the most amazing night. You were loving, generous. And even though I was a complete jerk when it came time to say goodbye, I cherished that night. Crawling through those mountains, convinced that I was going to die any second, that is what I thought about the most. Your beauty, your generosity, and what it was like to hold you and laugh with you. I wanted those to be my last thoughts.”
She was silent, trying to take it in. All those years, she’d hated him for leaving her, while he’d clung to what had been good between them. “I’m glad they weren’t,” she finally said.
He laughed. “Trust me, I’m glad, too. And by the time I got to that helicopter, I knew I was going to come back here and find a way to make this place my home. And somehow, I’d find a way to see you again.”
“But you didn’t see me. You got home, and you never told me you were here.”
“That’s what I meant when I said the reality of coming back was a lot more complicated. I must have driven up to your driveway a dozen times when I first got home. But my anxiety was bad, and I just couldn’t face you all shaking and nervous like that. I’d had this idea that I’d come home this confident soldier. That’s how I wanted you to see me. Every time I tried to visit, I realized I wasn’t that guy, and I just turned around and went back home.”
They sat in silence. It was so quiet Lori swore she could hear the snow falling on the rocks around them. If she ignored her wounds and the fact that somehow she was going to have to climb up a terrifying snowy cliff tomorrow, it was really peaceful. “If you had such a crush on me in high school, how come you never did anything about it?”
“You were gorgeous, smart, kind, talented Lori Allen. And I was Wade Hoffman, the local drug dealer’s son. I never felt good enough for you. Or imagined you would care about me.”
“That’s kind of the same thing you told me in the sheriff’s office.”
He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke, his voice carried a low note of intensity that carried straight to her heart. “I guess it’s my fallback excuse when I get scared that I won’t get what I want.”
“And what do you want?” she whispered.
He reached over and softly tucked her hair behind her ear. It was pitch-dark, but she could feel his warmth near her and it was pure comfort.
“I want you, Lori. For the rest of my life. I want you and our families and friends and kids. I want our ranches to thrive and I want cattle, horses, pets and adventures. I want to go to church with you, and I want to find my place in our town, and I don’t want to be so scared to reach out and make those things happen anymore.”
He leaned over and kissed her softly, carefully, on the lips. “I’m so sorry I was a fool. I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”
“I didn’t go far,” she whispered against his mouth. “I was next door the whole time.”
“I know I don’t deserve another chance with you. I know that deep in my heart. But I’m begging for one.” He pushed himself up off the sleeping bags and turned around awkwardly so he was on one knee. “Lori Allen, will you marry me? Once we get up this damn cliff?”
She giggled even though her ribs hurt. There was just too much joy inside her to not laugh. “Wade Hoffman, if you can get me up this cliff, in the snow, with my dog and a broken wrist and a bum ankle, you’ll be an even bigger hero to me than you are now. And I will be so happy to marry you.”
“Consider it done.” He kissed her sweetly, bringing a heat that had nothing to do with all of their blankets. And when he was done, she felt him smile against her lips. “Hey, I just thought of something,” he murmured.
“What?”
“All this snow. And it’s only November. Do you think the drought could be ending?”
Lori grinned. “It will certainly help,” she said, giving him a kiss on his lower lip. “It might even put some more water in that well of yours.”
His laugh rang out in the silent night, and Snack lifted his head out of the covers in alarm. “Well, I’ll be happy to share it,” he assured her. “And now, can you try to get some rest?”
He helped her slide down into the blanket nest, shielding her broken wrist and sore ankle with some of the extra clothing. And then he lay next to her, warm and solid in the dark. She thought about what he’d told her, about Afghanistan. And the long, complicated, sometimes heartbreaking path they’d taken to get to this moment. “Life isn’t simple, is it?” she murmured into his chest.
Wade kissed her hair. “Nope. And I can’t promise you simple. I’m not healed. I’m working hard at it, and I’ll keep working hard, but I’m not all better.”
“I’m done trying to make it all perfect,” Lori said. “I feel like I haven’t been brave enough to reach for what I want. But I know I want you, Wade Hoffman, PTSD and all. I loved you when you were the tough kid next door. I love you now, when you’re getting used to life after combat. And I’m sure I’ll love you when you’re just a peaceful old rancher with a bunch of grandkids on your knee.”
He laughed against her cheek. “And all the days in between?”
“We’re going to make them amazing. I’m sure of it.”
It wasn’t simple. It wasn’t perfect. But it was exactly what she wanted. Despite her aches and pains, Lori closed her eyes and welcomed sleep, knowing she was as safe as she could possibly be on a ledge halfway down a cliff in the wilderness with snow falling all around. Wade was here, and he’d brought ropes, and soon it would be morning. All they had to do was climb this cliff, this one last obstacle, and they could head down the trail toward home.
* * * * *
Read on for an extract from THE BALLERINA’S STAND by Angel Smits.