Only the back of the stage is lit. Sounds of sea, gulls, passers-by, arcade machines. A Young Man is standing slouched against a railing, his back to us. He sips from a can of Sprite and scratches his arse. Four teenage girls – Hayley, Anna, Jo and Lauren enter and stand in a huddle. Hayley walks up to the oblivious Young Man.
Hayley Hallo.
The Young Man turns to face her.
Hayley Mmmm. You are.
Young Man Sorry?
Hayley Seriously gorgeous. We saw you from the wheel.
She is centimetres from his face, smiling, leaning in for a kiss. The Young Man leans back, tries to look round her at her still huddled friends. Suddenly, on impulse he puts his arms around her and gives her a kiss.
Anna Woooo!
Jo More.
Hayley angles for a proper kiss. The Young Man drops his hand for a fistful of thigh, lifting her skirt. The huddle of girls moves in and engulfs them, as their mouths meet. A furious mass of DMs and flying fists. The Young Man collapses groaning. Jo has his wallet. The girls run off. Hayley returns and crouches by the prostrate Young Man. She stands up and kicks him in the head.
Lights down.
Lights come up, front left. Daniel (twenties) and Glyn (thirties) are playing darts. Daniel in a suit, Glyn in a police uniform. Across the dartboard a pin-up of a woman, which has obviously been there for some time. The bull’s-eye is her cunt. Daniel is the better player.
Glyn Carol’s twisting my arm to invite you to dinner this week.
Daniel Ah … very busy I’m afraid.
Glyn Gemma’s crazy mad for you, it’s over with Josh from tumble tots. Says she’s going to marry you for ever and ever.
Daniel Friday.
Glyn Friday evening, yeah.
The Young Man wanders in holding a blood-covered hanky to his face.
Glyn Hallo.
The Young Man groans. Daniel pushes the dazed Young Man into a chair by the desk. He picks up a huge sheaf of papers.
Daniel So tell me about it.
Lights up back of stage.
Hayley and Anna are standing by a wheeled shoe rack, prominently marked with huge red and white sale stickers. Anna is plastering them with more stickers.
Hayley Bali.
Anna The Azores.
Hayley No. Bali. Listen.
She produces a page torn from a travel brochure.
‘Bali – The Morning Of The World. Dramatic landscape, golden sandy beaches, a unique culture and some of the friendliest people you will ever be fortunate enough to meet.’
Anna Where?
Hayley Nineteen hours away.
Anna How much?
Hayley We’ve four hundred and twenty-three quid.
Anna That all? We ought to do more tourists.
Hayley (poking out her tongue) French?
Anna pokes out her tongue too and they move together in a mockery of a kiss recoiling at the last minute.
Hayley Ooooh, garlic!
Anna Look at these.
She holds up a pair of naff court shoes.
Hayley Seven ninety-nine, who are they kidding?
Anna Some sad slapper’ll buy ’em, and I’ll flog her some shoe polish and a pair of extra-long laces.
Hayley You’re hoping.
Daniel walks past the girls without them noticing him. He appears to have a number of items hidden under his coat. He walks to the front of the stage and sits down on a bed front right. Beside it is a long dressing table and mirror. Candles on the dressing table turn it into a kind of shrine. Daniel unbuttons his coat and lots of ladies’ shoes fall out on the bed. He takes a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, picks up the phone and dials the number.
Daniel (uncertainly) Is Rebecca … oh hello! Sorry didn’t recognise … Daniel, Danny. You gave it to me. You did! The arcade … ah you do remember. Thank you, that’s a nice thing to say. Stop laughing. I can’t hear you properly. Are you busy – homework? They don’t. Have you got time for a chat. I have, yeah. So, talk to me. I don’t know. What do you like! Can’t think? Hobbies … you don’t. Get a life! Tell me how school was today. I bet. Your parents then? Is he?
While he is chatting on the phone, Daniel takes off his shoes and socks, unbuttons and rolls up his sleeves, undoes and starts to slide down his trousers.
Yeah, mine too, at my age. That’s mums for you, Becky. You don’t, huh? What then? Reba … Reba! That’s really nice, really pretty, and sort of raunchy. You’re welcome.
He lies down and pulls the duvet over himself. The shoes fall on the floor.
Good one? A wild party. Hayley? Yeah, not the Hayley I know. Oh maybe then. That sounds like something she’d … No, no, just a friend of a friend of.
Knock on the door. Daniel jumps.
Someone at the door. I should be so lucky. No, have you? Boyfriend, I mean. Well, there is someone … no … no! Alright, her name’s Gloria. Yes she is, well, I think so.
Thumping on the door.
Shit. I gotta go, sweetheart. Take care. Yeah, let’s make it soon, babe. Must go. Bye.
Daniel does up his trousers, kicks the shoes under the bed and goes to the door. Glyn is there.
Glyn Thought I’d drop by –
Daniel I’m really very busy.
Glyn Got a girl down the nick – Whittaker. Hayley Whittaker. One of a little posse pulled in about the guy that got steamed on the pier. All innocent eyes and butter wouldn’t melt, except her. Said they could all go home, but she won’t go unless you come down and talk to her.
Daniel What aftershave are you wearing? Improvement on the usual.
Glyn Christmas present from Carol. If you’re gonna marry, marry one with class.
Daniel Tropical fish. Saw a tank and filter in the free-ad paper. Over here. Do you think?
Glyn Tina on the desk used to have some guppies and neons and things. So how do you know this girl?
Daniel Tina?
Glyn Whittaker, Hayley.
Daniel Her dad. Clay pigeons. Gotta do something about my hair. And this place’s a mess.
Glyn Wait till you have kids. Smells you won’t believe.
He comes right in.
I bet you even dust under the bed.
He checks and pulls out a woman’s shoe.
Daniel Sandra’s.
Glyn Recent?
Daniel No.
Glyn Don’t think I –
Daniel We keep in touch.
Glyn No hard feelings then? That’s nice. Are you coming?
Daniel In my pants?
Glyn To see this girl.
Daniel Girl?
Glyn Whittaker –
Daniel – Hayley. She just wants a lift home in a panda. You’re the man to give her one … in a manner of speaking.
Glyn I think it’s your truncheon she wants to feel.
Daniel (quickly) What’s she saying?
Glyn Come see.
Daniel Appointment, ten minutes, sorry.
Daniel Run her home. Say I said ‘Hallo’.
Daniel fetches his coat and goes out past Glyn. Lights up back of the stage. Jo, Anna and Lauren are gathered around the arcade machine. They make room for Daniel to sit on the stool in front of it. He starts to play the game. The girls put money in.
Jo Fuckin’ fast fingers.
Daniel Someone’s been telling stories. Shit. Crashed. Another life I’ve lost. So where’s Hayley this evening?
Anna Dunno.
Jo Jealous, Anna?
Daniel Another one bite the dust. Want a go, Lauren?
Lauren has been staring into the distance. She starts.
Daniel Come sit on my lap.
She does.
There.
He guides her hands on the controls.
Relax. Wait for it to start. There’re your lives. Still seeing Marty?
Lauren No, I –
Daniel Right concentrate! Left! Up! Here we go. Slowly. Watch out! Quick, jump! Jump again. Good.
Lauren You’re breathing in my ear.
Daniel Is my breath hot?
Lauren Yes. You’re licking …
Daniel I’m not. I’m not touching you, am I, Jo?
Lauren My ear feels wet.
Daniel It’s only my breath condensing on it.
Lauren Shit, you’ve made me crash.
Anna Don’t blame Danny. You’re just crap.
Lauren jumps off Daniel’s lap.
Lauren God, you randy fucker.
Daniel Excuse me.
Exit Daniel.
Anna Should we tell him?
Jo About our plan? No, he’s a pig. I mean, he’s a nice bit and all that, but he’s still a bastard whatever way you look at it.
Anna Fuckin’ pigs. Hayley won’t tell him anything.
Jo Course she won’t, fucking kill her.
Jo takes out her flick-knife.
Anna Call that a knife? Hayley’d have that off you in seconds.
Jo Like to see her try.
Jo takes up a combat position.
Lauren Daniel’s coming back.
Jo puts the blade away.
Jo (to Daniel) Better, darling?
Daniel sits down. Lauren slides back on to his lap.
Jo You only have to ask. I’ll always give you a blow.
Daniel You’ll be the death of me.
Anna You want to come round Thursday night. Mum has to work. We could watch a film or something, have a nice time. I’ll take care of you.
Jo I’ll be there too. Like a little orgy, darling?
Daniel Wish you’d all talk to me like you used to.
Lauren Tell you all our secrets?
Daniel You don’t trust me.
Lauren squashes his nose with her finger.
Lauren Cos you’re a pig.
Daniel A big pink one.
Jo Show us.
Anna Come on, darling.
Daniel Want to get me arrested.
Jo Yeah.
Daniel Talking of which do you really think I don’t know what’s going on.
Jo Pig.
Daniel This pig don’t squeal, so don’t you think you might trust me a little? You used to, and I never let you down.
Anna I don’t trust anyone now.
Jo What you don’t know won’t hurt you.
A car alarm goes off, distant.
Anna Let’s put him to the test. Shall we?
Daniel nods.
Jo One, two, three …
Jo, Anna and Lauren sprint off. After a moment Lauren returns to Daniel. Sounds of the girls yelling, laughing and kicking a car, windscreen smashing, etc., offstage.
Lauren Jo and Anna are so immature sometimes.
Daniel They’ve sent you back to keep an eye on me.
Daniel It doesn’t matter.
Lauren On a Tuesday, after school if I’ve been, I go to the rec. You know that little wooden shelter in the middle. I just sit there and smoke or something. You ought to come by … God, are you listening, Danny?
Daniel Do you still go down the gym?
Lauren Three nights a week. The whole gang do. You could meet us down there sometime. Feel my muscles.
He feels her upper arms.
It’s a jungle out there. Survival of the fittest and all that.
Daniel Are you eating OK, Lauren?
Lauren My hips are still really big.
Daniel Lauren, you are not fat.
Lauren Fuck off.
Daniel wanders along to the place by the railings where the Young Man stood before he was attacked. Daniel takes up the same position.
Daniel You think I don’t know everything that goes on? What’s Hayley’s ‘plan’?
Lauren Ask her.
Daniel I will. Where are the Azores anyway?
Lauren Up your arse.
She pinches his bum.
Have you seen Hayley’s little book? She’s got all sorts of plans in there. Like dreams, only she always gets what she wants.
Daniel Always?
Lauren You better believe it.
She rubs her back up against Daniel’s.
I’m just warning you so you know.
Daniel Know what?
Lauren God, you’re stupid sometimes.
Lauren turns and leans on him. She strokes his hair.
Lauren You’ve gone quiet.
Daniel Do you know how many muscles it takes to smile? Sometimes it’s exhausting. I don’t want to smile any more.
Lauren Then don’t.
Daniel I don’t want to be touched any more.
Lauren Yes you do.
Daniel I don’t want company.
Lauren Oh sure.
Daniel I’ve applied for a job in Gibraltar.
Lauren What do you want to go there for? The sun? What about the Azores?
Daniel What about them? Is that where your family are going this year?
Lauren No. So when are you going then?
Daniel shrugs.
Lauren Don’t go, Daniel. I know it sounds soft and everything but we care about you.
Daniel hugs her.
Daniel You don’t know me.
He releases her abruptly and walks off.
Lights down back of stage. Lights up front of stage. Hayley is crouched at the front of the stage, one sleeve rolled up, bleeding cuts criss-cross her arm.
Enter Anna. Hayley quickly rolls her sleeve down. Anna sets a six-pack of beer down on the floor.
Anna Alright? What happened with the pigs?
Hayley Nothing. They wouldn’t tell Daniel I was there. I waited about half an hour. Wasted my time. Why wouldn’t they get him? I started kicking a chair about. Should’ve kicked somebody’s arse. God, why do those bastards look down their noses at us? Are they laughing? Do you think Daniel talks to them about us?
Anna Men always like to get together to slag you off. Men are the biggest bitches in the world. He was down the arcade earlier.
Hayley Doing what?
Anna Talking to us. Me, Jo and Lauren.
Hayley Watch Lauren, she’ll stab you in the back. What was he wearing? Let me build the picture in my head.
Anna Grey trousers, ecru shirt. Boots and his hair kind of wind-ruffled …
Hayley Was he wearing that smile? Oh forget him. I don’t want to know. I’m not going to see him again, ever. I hate him. How much did you spend –
Anna I don’t know.
Hayley Money that was to take us to Bali. You spent it on him.
Anna Only a few quid, Hayley. I’ll pay back every penny when I get my wages.
Hayley Let’s go out. Let’s spill some blood.
Anna Time of the month?
Hayley PMT. I feel angry. If I don’t hurt someone I don’t know what I might do.
Anna Shall we go on the pier?
Hayley No, he might be there. Let’s go to the precinct.
She fetches a rounders bat. She puts on her jacket and puts it up the sleeve of it. She makes up her face looking in a hand mirror. Anna brushes Hayley’s hair.
I look awful. I look like an old tart. I’m going to be sixteen soon – fuckin’ Jesus, that’s old. By the time I’m twenty, I’ll need a facelift.
She shakes up a can of beer.
Anna.
Hayley sprays the beer over Anna.
Anna You bitch!
Anna chases Hayley offstage.
Sounds of police sirens. Lights up back of stage. Glyn is setting out road cones around a dimly lit, apparently headless corpse.
Enter Daniel.
Daniel Jesus.
Daniel crosses himself.
Glyn Suicide driver. Going to have to scrape him up in a dustpan. My sixth stiff this week. They say life is cheap these days but it costs a fortune clearing up after the recklessness of youth. I reckon some of the innards and other bits we bag up, end up in the cat food. In America they have road-kill cafés – serve up flattened rats and stuff. Only one step from cannibalism – and why not?
Daniel takes off his shirt and throws it over the head end of the corpse.
Glyn Did they cough up for your dry-cleaning last week, Dan?
Daniel fetches some flowers. He lifts the corpse’s hand, places the flowers on its chest with the hand holding them in place. Glyn takes a piece of chalk from his pocket, starts drawing an outline around the corpse.
Glyn I wonder if seeing so many traffic snuffs and suicides is what’s making me impotent. Do you think? Had a blazing row with Carol last night, over nothing really. She says that I hate her dad. Actually I hate my dad. He wants to marry again. He’s seventy-one.
Daniel How’s Gemma?
Glyn She’s drawn you a picture, of a caterpillar with boots on floating in the sky. Must be something they put in their milk.
Daniel I won’t be able to make dinner on Friday. Double-booked.
Glyn picks up a road cone and holds it to his crotch, thrusting crudely.
Glyn Give her one for me, whoever she is. Anyone I know?
Daniel No.
Enter Hayley unobserved. She kneels beside the corpse.
Glyn Oy!
Hayley Where’s his head?
Glyn Can you get her out of it?
Daniel Come here.
Daniel takes hold of Hayley’s arm and drags her to her feet. He pulls her downstage.
Hayley You’re rough and ready tonight.
Daniel Take me home.
Hayley I don’t know where you live, you’ll never tell me.
Daniel I’ll tell you while you’re driving.
Glyn Danny …
Glyn Don’t happen to have another bit of chalk …
Hayley Driving what? I’m fifteen, I don’t have a car.
Daniel Well, go and nick one, can’t you? I’ll only be a few minutes here.
Blackout.
Front of stage left. A white-coated Doctor is talking to Daniel.
Doctor A week ago, Detective Sergeant McClune, you came to me for an independent medical examination required for a job transfer … I’ve been unable to satisfy myself, what I mean is I don’t think I can give you a clean bill of health without being completely sure that … the injuries you’ve sustained … in the line of duty have not caused any lasting internal problems …
Daniel So you want to cut me up to see how I manage to hold together?
Doctor I think a couple of X-rays and a barium meal will suffice. The radiographer can fit you in in half an hour. OK?
Daniel nods. He picks up an executive puzzle from the desk, turns and peers at it.
Doctor So … whilst on duty you’ve been shot once and stabbed three times.
Daniel Yeah.
Doctor How do you feel about it? Does it play a large part in your desire to leave these shores?
Daniel No, it’s nothing to do with that.
Doctor I think … I will also have to recommend a psychiatric report alongside the medical one. The kind of experiences you’ve had must’ve left some emotional as well as physical scars. Have you had much counselling?
Daniel shakes his head.
Doctor Do you often talk about what happened, with friends, loved ones, colleagues?
Daniel No, not really.
Doctor Do you feel comfortable talking about your injuries and how they were sustained?
Daniel Yeah.
Doctor The first one was the shooting?
Daniel Yeah.
Doctor How did …
Daniel (matter-of-factly) Pursuing a suspected TDA. Car stopped, asked the driver to get out. Took a gun from his pocket, shot me in the shoulder.
Doctor And then shortly after you returned to your duties, you were stabbed for the first time.
Daniel opens a tube of mints. He eats one.
Daniel Domestic dispute. I got between the husband and wife. She tried to lunge at him around me, lost her balance, grabbed her wrist but she stabbed me with a pair of scissors, almost severing my left nipple. Suppose it’s had some psychological effect in that it’s made me wary of scissors. Don’t get my hair cut as often as I ought to.
Doctor And then three months later.
Daniel A woman was brought in our nick, a vagrant, she was very drunk at the time. Because she was virtually comatose when they brought her in, they hadn’t bothered to search her. Got a bit stroppy, I had to help my colleagues restrain her. She had a flick knife and she stuck it through my arm.
Doctor Right through? … Oh yes, you showed me.
Daniel Third time? Early morning, went with a couple of colleagues to make an arrest. The guy’s girlfriend was screaming blue murder. It was quite funny really. Had the carving knife, standing there in a green shiny basque – old and fat, enormous tits though, you should’ve … anyway she says ‘I’ll stick it in, I “f”-ing will.’ ‘Do it,’ I said … and of course …
Doctor Right. Ah …
Daniel It didn’t hurt that last time. I was completely relaxed. Maybe that’s why. Left side again, quite low down. I watched her push it in and pull it out again. It felt … warm, that’s all, almost comforting, just a tiny twinge in the base of my spine … like … like I don’t know … I collapsed but I felt … I don’t know, relieved of my guilt, can you understand that?
Doctor Yes, yes … of course. The psychologist could see you Tuesday, Thursday maybe.
Daniel I’m very busy this week.
Doctor The next then, Monday?
Daniel Maybe I should ring you when I know what my shifts are.
Doctor OK, fine. All three stabbings by women. Do you think that’s affected your relationships … I notice you’re single, you’re a young man but do you think … er …
Daniel I haven’t become wary of women. I know what’s happened to me is unusual – violent attacks on police officers by women are statistically low and to happen three times to the same officer must put me in a somewhat unique position, but there it is. And … and they weren’t the sort of women I …
Lights up, back of stage. Hayley is scrutinising a car radio-cassette, recently ripped from a car, wires still dangling. Jo looks on.
Jo Is it any –
Hayley Fucking old junk.
Furious Hayley slings the radio off.
Here.
She gives Jo a couple of pounds.
Get yourself a copy of Which? Learn it all up. Which car stereo! Which TV! Which video! Don’t bring me any more shit! Which car was it?
Jo A white one.
Hayley shoves her. Jo shoves Hayley back.
Jo A white Micra.
Hayley You won’t find a halfway decent stereo in a Micra, you stupid slag. New jacket? You’ve tons of jackets.
Jo Old ones, crap ones.
Hayley That’s money that could’ve gone into our fund. That’s Bali you’re wearing on your back. Have you got the receipt? Get a refund.
Jo No way. I’m not walking round looking like a bag lady. I’ll need some nice gear for Bali. If it really is paradise I wouldn’t enjoy myself if my clothes were all horrible.
Hayley You won’t need a jacket in Bali. It’s boiling hot, you retarded cow!
Jo I haven’t decided if I’m going yet. First it was bloody Azores this, bloody Azores that, and now it’s Bali, Bali, Bali. Fuck Bali. I might want to stay here and get a job or go to college or something.
Hayley There’s a man. I know it.
Jo Well, there’s Marty.
Jo They split up last week so it’s OK.
Hayley grabs Jo around the throat.
Hayley You slipped in while the bed was still warm. Don’t you ever do that to me, not ever, Jo.
Jo Daniel?
Hayley laughs.
Hayley Still having the party Friday?
Jo Left it a bit late to get the drinkies.
Hayley We could do the offy now. Borrow Theresa’s brat and buggy. You should’ve bought a jacket with seriously huge pockets.
Jo takes a handful of chocolate bars out of her pockets. She gives one to Hayley. Hayley puts her arm around Jo, they walk off.
Lights on downstage.
Lauren is sitting on the bed listening to a personal-stereo. Glyn and Daniel burst in.
Lauren Shit! Get out! Mum. Mum! Did you let the pigs in? Hey, have you got a warrant? You can’t just come barging in, I might be undressed or something. Is that what you want to see? Are you some kind of perverts?
Daniel makes faces at her over Glyn’s shoulder. She winks at him. Glyn starts to look around the room. Daniel sits down on the bed.
Lauren You shouldn’t have come here. The neighbours’ll think I’m a grass. They’ll do our windows, they’ll trash Mum’s car.
Daniel Lauren, you’ve been identified as one of a gang involved in vandalism and theft from vehicles in the precinct.
Lauren Who said?
Lauren What’s, what’s he doing? He’s going through my things!
Glyn picks up a pair of shoes.
Glyn Do you have a receipt for these?
Lauren Expect I’ve chucked it out.
Glyn Expensive shoes.
Daniel Try ’em, Glyn, look nice with your little black number.
Lauren Got a friend, Anna, who works in a shoe shop, gets us all the seconds cheap. I don’t nick stuff, I’m not stupid.
Daniel picks up a pop magazine and flicks through it. He starts humming a hit by one of the bands. He picks up a make-up compact and, unnoticed, pockets it. Glyn hovers, awaiting instructions. Daniel indicates ‘go ahead’.
Glyn Think one of us ought to have a word with the mother?
Exit Glyn. Daniel flops out on the bed.
Daniel Hard day.
Lauren rubs his back.
Daniel To continue with our questions. Ahhh, what’s your star sign?
Lauren Aries, but I’m not a typical Arian …
Daniel Favourite film star?
Lauren Most fuckable? Johnny Depp. Aren’t you going to search me?
Daniel A woman officer has to do that.
Lauren You could pretend, couldn’t you? So why did you become a pig if you can’t mess around with female suspects? Seriously, Danny, why did you decide to become a policeman?
Daniel opens a packet of mints. He puts one between his lips and offers it to Lauren. She takes it in her lips.
Daniel I ought to make up a story about how my parents were killed by robbers, so I decided to avenge their deaths and … that’s how it all happened for Batman apparently. Or maybe he just liked dressing up.
Lauren opens a make-up compact and looks in the mirror.
Lauren He wanted a disguise. I can understand that.
Daniel is flicking through the magazine.
Daniel Look at her!
Lauren snatches the magazine.
Lauren She’s fat. You like fat girls? No, I don’t buy it. I can see through your bullshit if others can’t. I know what you’re trying to do, but I have been eating. I have. Not that it matters much. Fat or slim someone like me’s never going to look like that.
Daniel You’re much prettier than her.
Lauren Oh sure. But look at those clothes, you can’t find anything like that in our high street. And she can go anywhere dressed like that, all the best clubs and parties. What hope for me of a life like that? Hayley reckons it’s possible, that all it takes is money and she thinks we can make that kind of money. But I can’t see it, we’ve been talking about going away somewhere exotic for three years. When’s it going to happen? I’ve been offered a job at last. Washing up in a restaurant – crap.
Daniel You have to start somewhere, I suppose.
Lauren It’s no good starting somewhere that’s going nowhere. There’s nothing for people like us, nothing. I thought I was having Marty’s baby, but I’m not. If I had my first kid now while there’s nothing else on offer maybe I could get a good job when I’m older, too old for stupid youth schemes, old enough to get some respect. You haven’t got any kids?
Daniel You know I haven’t.
Lauren I don’t, even you probably don’t know for sure that you don’t – do you? Would you like to be a father, Danny?
Daniel No way, forget it, Lauren.
Lauren I wouldn’t name you on the forms, unless you wanted me to. You wouldn’t have to pay. Think about it?
Daniel No.
Lauren Is it because of Hayley? Are you in love with her?
Daniel No.
Lauren No? Oh my God! But you and her … I mean, you’re shagging her and everything.
Daniel I’m not shagging Hayley. Don’t look at me like that. Have another mint.
Enter Glyn.
Glyn Call for assistance, off-licence in the square.
Exit Glyn and Daniel.
Lauren Mum! Mum, I’m going out, all right?
Exit Lauren.
Lauren (off) Whoooo, hooo!
Back of stage, Jo and Anna are doing exercises as if in a gym.
Lauren (entering) Hey you guys.
Jo Hey yourself. Come to burn some of that fat off your thighs, Lauren?
Anna Guess what?
Lauren What?
Anna We’re in the money!
Jo You’d better believe it, darling.
Lauren sits down and starts doing sit-ups.
Anna Bali this autumn.
Jo One more lucky hit or a couple of smaller ones and we’re there.
Lauren That off-licence that was raided, hey that was never …
Anna motions a halo over her own head. Jo points both fingers at herself.
Anna Jo and Hayley are Thelma and Louise.
Jo We only went in there for a couple of bottles of plonk, but there was a nice guy on the counter, quite a looker actually … I acted thick about needing to choose some lager for Marty’s birthday. The guy came over and started telling me all about the alcohol content of Canadian this and New Zealand that …
Anna And the stupid prat left the till unlocked.
Jo We get outside and I say to Hayley, ‘Where’re the bottles?’ Usually you can see a few bulges. She hadn’t bothered about the vino, she’d got nearly four hundred in fives and tens.
Anna I’m going to go on the leg press. Keep count for me, Jo. Let’s blitz those flabby bits for Bali.
Front of stage. Daniel lights the candles. He puts a woman’s shoe on the dressing table as if on an altar. He takes a shoebox full of make-up and a mirror from under the bed and puts on lipstick.
Daniel picks up the phone and dials a number.
Daniel Hi, Carol. Is Glyn … OK.
He blows a kiss at his reflection.
Danny, yeah. Have you ever had to see a psychologist? No … for my job in Gibraltar, they want a kind of psychological profile. Probably because I’ve been carved such a lot.
He picks up pen and paper. He takes notes.
Just give short answers, what ‘yeah’ or ‘no’? And big pauses, what about that? I know it’s stupid but I’ve been getting myself in a real state about this. Yeah. Almost been thinking of dropping my application. I can’t explain. It’s just … it’s just, oh I don’t know, perhaps I’m just scared of what he might show me about myself. You wouldn’t? Yeah but you’re not like me, you’re a family man. You just think basically I’m overreacting and it’ll be nothing to worry about? Honestly?
There’s a knock on the door. Daniel wipes his mouth.
Hallo, someone at the door. Girlfriend? I should be so lucky. Probably my mum.
More urgent knocking.
Thanks, Glyn, yeah I do feel better about it now. Love to Carol and Gemma. Yeah, I’m disappointed at not seeing her too. Maybe next week, huh? Hope things are a little less hectic.
More insistent knocking on the door. Loud thumping on the door.
You can hear that? Breaking the bloody thing down. Kids messing around most like. I will!
Hayley (off) Danny!
Daniel covers the receiver to try to stop Glyn hearing Hayley.
Daniel Until tomorrow then. Bye.
He puts the phone down.
Hayley Danny! I know you’re in. Hey!
She continues to bang on the door.
Open the fucking door! I need to see you! I need to talk! Now! OPEN THE FUCKIN’ DOOR! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!
Daniel stays where he is.
Hayley I’ll stay here until you do. Have you been talking to Lauren? She’s lying to me, says you said things about me, about us. Did you talk to her? Did you? Just tell me. If you come to the door, or lean out of the window, I’ll go away. I’ll piss off straight away, Danny. That’s if you want me to. If you want I’ll come in. If you don’t answer I’ll sit here all night. Don’t think you’re going out anywhere, OPEN THE DOOR YOU BASTARD!
A Psychologist comes in and sits on the desk, front left.
Psychologist … for example, Freud believed that a fear of the dentist actually stems from childhood guilt about masturbating.
Daniel walks over and sits in a chair.
Psychologist But I think what I was trying to say to you is that we all have fears, all sorts of fears, both rational and irrational. I would be interested in knowing what fears you have, Daniel. I may call you Daniel?
Daniel is clearly ill at ease.
Daniel Yeah.
Psychologist (coaxing) What are you afraid of?
Daniel Ah … nothing … I mean, I don’t know.
Psychologist Death perhaps?
Daniel No. Not any more than anyone else.
Psychologist Physical pain? Suffering: spiritual, er, metaphysical. You know what I mean by …
Daniel Yeah. No, I don’t worry about things like that.
Daniel picks up a phallic-shaped desk toy from the top of the desk. He turns it in his hand, then hastily puts it down, self-conscious, anxious that it might tell the shrink something about him.
Psychologist Are your fears perhaps more abstract in their nature? Do you worry about letting others down?
Daniel Sometimes maybe.
Psychologist Of not living up to their expectations?
Daniel Yeah.
Psychologist Sometimes it’s like living a lie. You fear being found out … Being exposed …
Daniel (carefully) Maybe. No.
Psychologist You fear betrayal.
Daniel (quickly) Betraying myself … or being betrayed by others?
Psychologist You tell me.
Daniel I … I don’t know.
Silence.
Psychologist Well now, can we talk a little about your reasons for wanting to take this job in Gibraltar?
Daniel Sure.
Psychologist What makes you want to leave these shores, Daniel?
Daniel I’m sick of the rain. I went to Gibraltar on holiday once and liked it. It’s time for a change. Sometimes a thing crops up, the chance to take your life in a new direction, but it doesn’t happen often. I bore easily, like surprises, I want my future to hold something I can’t predict.
The Psychologist nods and smiles.
Daniel Do you believe dreams can be … premonitions?
Psychologist Dreams have always been seen to hold a significance, whether as messages, allegories or warnings. Freud, for example, and also Jung to an extent, subscribed to a view … that is they generally supported a notion which put forward the theory that –
Daniel But what do you think? … I mean, what’s your opinion?
Psychologist I’m interested in what you think.
Daniel I’m no expert, I –
Psychologist Dreams often focus directly on our anxieties and taboos. Things we may find difficult to face or examine in the light of day.
Daniel What things? You mean things like … I don’t know …
Psychologist Things like sex … and death for example.
Daniel Things that are going to happen?
Psychologist And things that have happened. Things we might, for one reason or another, want to forget.
Daniel Yeah. But the future …
Psychologist You’ve dreamt that your future lies in Gibraltar? Well, let’s hope so. I wish you every success with your application.
Daniel looks uncertain.
Daniel Is that it?
Psychologist Yes, I think so.
Daniel Oh … right … Thanks …
Back of stage.
Anna is pricing shoes on a rack. Jo is watching her.
Jo I don’t know why you bother.
Anna I’m going to get a better job soon.
Jo Supervising somebody else sticking labels on shoes?
Anna No … I’ve got plans, if we don’t get to Bali that is.
Jo Reckon we will?
Anna Hope so.
Jo Reckon we’ll ever see any of that money Hayley’s stashed away?
Anna What’re you saying? Hayley would fuck us around?
Jo She’d better not, darling. How long have you known her, Anna?
Anna Oh years really. We’ve always been friends. Hayley’s always been Hayley, you know – always had her plans.
Jo Has she? And what happened about them? Did they work out?
Anna Oh yeah … Sometimes.
Jo You trust her.
Anna With my life.
Jo Yeah? Well, supposing I said I don’t reckon her plans include us –
Anna That’s bullshit, Jo.
Jo Well, we’ll see, won’t we?
Daniel walks across, a bulging carrier bag of shoes half hidden under his coat.
Jo Would you look at …
Anna Naughty bugger!
They look at each other. A man in a suit and tie steps into Daniel’s path.
Jo Shit!
Anna Store-D, oh Christ. Hope he don’t think it was us.
The Store Detective takes Daniel’s carrier bag. Shoes cascade on to the floor.
Blackout.