Chapter 15

I had stopped listening to Rhisiart. The background noise of the pub faded into a murmur of hushed sound as I focused on the blood rushing in my ears. I knew I cared for Griff, but the extent of my feelings for him suddenly hit me when he looked away, pointedly ignoring my presence in the pub with Rhisiart. I hated to think I had upset Griff, and I was sick to think I might have ruined the very young, still-fragile relationship I was building with him.

“Are you even listening?” Rhisiart cut into my thoughts with a frustrated question.

“What?”

“Did you even hear what I was saying?”

“No. I’m sorry, something caught my eye and I got distracted.”

“Yeah. I saw him, too. I don’t know what you see in him, Eilidh.”

I couldn’t explain my feelings to Rhisiart, nor did I care to. My relationship with Griff was none of his business, and I cursed myself thinking that my “date” with Rhisiart, agreed to solely so Maisie and Brenda could attend Annabel’s funeral service, could spell heartache and disappointment for me. And for Griff, too.

“This would be good material for a book,” Rhisiart was saying, “if only I wrote sappy romances.”

I gave him an angry look. “Rhisiart, please don’t be so callous.”

“He’s nothing but a stable boy, Eilidh. You can do better than that.”

“Rhisiart, I’ve had enough. I’m going back to the castle. You can’t make statements like that about other people, and especially about other people I care for. Are you taking me back, or am I going to find someone else to give me a ride?”

“Find someone else,” he said, examining his fingernails. “Maybe your boyfriend would like to take you back.” I was so angry I couldn’t even answer him without sputtering and embarrassing myself, so I stalked away from the table and headed straight for the front door of the pub. I didn’t look at him again, nor did I look in Griff’s direction to see if he had noticed me leaving. I didn’t care—I just had to get out of there, away from my mistakes.

Once outside I whipped out my mobile phone and rang up Sylvie. She was shocked to hear I needed a ride home from the pub.

“What are you doing there? How did you get there? Are you drunk?”

“For God’s sake, Sylvie, I’m not drunk. I’ll explain everything when you get here. Can you just come and pick me up, please?”

“I’ll be there in just a couple minutes.” She rang off.

“What on earth is going on?” Sylvie asked when she pulled up less than ten minutes later.

I took a deep breath to think, to steady my voice, to calm down. “I came here tonight with Rhisiart.” She gasped.

“I can’t believe you would actually go out with him,” she said in a bewildered voice.

I explained the agreement I had made with Rhisiart in order to let Maisie and Brenda go to Annabel’s funeral service while she listened in silence. I couldn’t tell if her silence was disapproving or sympathetic or both. Then I went on to explain that Griff had seen me there with Rhisiart and had ignored me after that.

“Does Maisie know this?” Sylvie asked.

“No! And don’t tell her. She would be mortified to think I did such a thing so she could go to the funeral.”

“Couldn’t you have suggested some other arrangement?”

“Does it matter?” I shot back, then was immediately sorry for my tone of voice. I spoke more calmly after that. “The fact is that I made the agreement with Rhisiart, so it doesn’t really matter what I should have done. Now I have to live with the fallout, whatever that may be.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right,” Sylvie said, a note of contrition in her voice. “What can I do to help?”

“There’s nothing anyone can do. Hopefully Griff will listen to me when I try to explain why I was out at the pub with someone he hates.”

“He’ll understand, I’m sure.” I hoped with all my heart that she was right.

When we pulled up to the castle, with its forbidding façade and its missing matriarch, I felt a sadness that I couldn’t explain or shake off. I missed Annabel, I missed the happiness that used to reign in the castle, and I missed the cozy, contented feeling I used to experience every time I walked into the massive front hall.

I thanked Sylvie for coming to pick me up. I hugged her before going into the castle, feeling again an overwhelming gratefulness for her presence and friendship.

I stopped in the kitchen to see if Maisie needed help before going to my room for the night. She and Brenda were in a frenzy of activity, trying to get everything done before morning. I pitched in to help for a little while, putting canapes on trays and mixing ingredients for finger sandwich fillings, but it soon became clear that I was much better at moral support than at kitchen duties. Maisie thanked me for helping, but tactfully suggested that I get a good night’s sleep before the grueling activities of the following day.

Giving her an apologetic smile, I bid them goodnight and went to my room. I sat in front of the fire, trying to warm myself from the outside in, but found that there was still a cold nugget of worry in the pit of my stomach—worry that Griff might not understand why I was at the pub with Rhisiart earlier, if he even gave me a chance to explain.

Staring into the fireplace made me sleepy, and I finally went to bed and fell asleep without much trouble. The last thought that I had before drifting off was a happy one—Maisie and Brenda were going to get to say their goodbyes to Annabel in the morning.

But when I went into the dining room in the morning, Rhisiart was there. He fixed me with a cold stare. “I see you made it home last night. The stable boy stayed at the pub, so he obviously wasn’t the one who brought you back to the castle. Did you find some other willing man to help you?”

“That’s none of your business,” I told him. “Have you told Maisie and Brenda that they have time off to attend the funeral?”

“Ah, but they don’t.”

I wheeled around to glare at him, my mouth agape. “You told me you would let them have time off to attend Annabel’s funeral if I went to the pub with you last night. You broke your end of the deal!” I said hotly.

“And you broke your end of the deal when you left in a huff,” he shot back.

“Our deal was that I would go to the pub with you for a drink. I went to the pub with you and we had a drink. Sounds like I upheld my part of the bargain just fine,” I replied.

“You were supposed to come home with me, too, not leave me there looking like an arse while you found another ride back to the castle,” he seethed.

“That wasn’t part of the deal.”

“It was an implied part of the deal.”

“That’s ridiculous. You can’t do that to Maisie and Brenda. They’ve worked here for years, especially Maisie. She was Annabel’s friend.”

“Watch me.” He picked up the newspaper he had been reading and blocked out any view of me with it. I should have known he would pull such a stunt. I stalked out of the room without having anything to eat or drink.

I went downstairs to the kitchen in search of food that I could eat without having to look at Rhisiart. Maisie and Brenda were hard at work again. Though they shared a cottage in the village, they also had rooms in the castle, where they stayed overnight if the weather was especially bad or if there was a special event and they had extra responsibilities that kept them working late.

“Did you two sleep at all last night?” I asked.

“We each took a catnap,” Maisie replied, hurrying from the refrigerator to the counter with a jug of cream. “Brenda,” she ordered, “take this up to the second floor to Miss Sian’s room.”

“Why can’t she come down for breakfast?” I asked.

“She called for tea this morning. It’s no different from any other day.”

Brenda hurried out the kitchen door with the cream and I rummaged through the fridge looking for yoghurt, trying to stay out of Maisie’s way. I sat down to eat the yoghurt and a piece of fruit at the kitchen table, where I watched Maisie, admiring her efficiency and deft skills in the kitchen. I was just finishing the fruit when Brenda came back downstairs, breathless. Her face looked flushed.

“What’s the matter?” her mother asked.

“Miss Sian doesn’t feel well,” Brenda answered. “She wants a different kind of tea. Peppermint this time.”

Maisie rolled her eyes and rifled through the cupboard that was filled with different varieties of tea. She pulled out a tin of peppermint tea leaves. “Got nothin’ better to do today than wait on these ingrates,” she muttered. Then she gave me a sheepish look, saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that.”

“Don’t apologize on my account,” I said. “I agree with you completely.”

Maisie handed the tin to Brenda. “Give this to her and see if that satisfies her.” Brenda took the tea and scurried back upstairs. It made me angry to think that as hard as these two women were working, the family members in the castle were still making unreasonable demands on a day such as this.

But when Brenda came back to the kitchen, her hands shaking as she set her tray of unused tea things on the counter, her words tumbled out in a rush. “I think the baby’s coming early!” she exclaimed.

“Not today, of all days!” Maisie wailed. “How are we going to manage this?” She turned to me, her eyes pleading. “What should we do? You’re the manager.”

All thoughts of anger toward Sian and even toward Rhisiart dissipated in the face of the impending birth of Sian and Andreas’s baby. “Maisie, you go upstairs to Sian and call a doctor if that hasn’t already been done.” I looked toward Brenda, who shook her head. Maisie threw down the towel she had been holding and raced out of the room. “Brenda, you go upstairs to the dining room and tell Rhisiart what’s happening. Then find Hugh and Cadi and tell them. They’re going to have to decide who goes to the hospital with Sian and who represents the family at the funeral.”

Hugh and Rhisiart decided Maisie should accompany Sian to the hospital. Maisie wasn’t happy about the arrangement, since she felt someone with at least some small bit of fondness for Sian should go to the hospital, but Hugh and Rhisiart, in their typical thoughtless fashion, felt the most senior woman in the castle would be the greatest comfort to Sian in the hours before her baby’s birth. I had made such a mess of trying to get Maisie time off to go to Annabel’s funeral that I thought it best not to interfere with the brothers’ decision this time. And without her mother around to direct arrangements, Brenda was left to her own devices in the castle trying to ready the rooms and the food for the luncheon following the funeral. I was tempted to spend some time feeling sorry for myself, fuming that I had gone out with Rhisiart for nothing, but I decided to stay busy and help Brenda while the family attended the funeral. I knew Annabel would understand why I stayed behind rather than say a final public goodbye to her.

Brenda and I worked well together. I asked her to make a list of everything that had to be done before the guests began to arrive, then we divided the tasks and conquered them one-by-one. Maisie was in frequent contact from the hospital, letting us know that Sian was still hours away from giving birth. As this was her first child, it would likely be a long labor.

The morning sped along in a rush of activity and as Brenda put the finishing touches on the buffet in the dining room, Hugh, Cadi, and Rhisiart returned from the funeral. Brenda and I hurried to change into clothes more appropriate for the luncheon and we returned to the dining room to survey our work just as the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of the first guest.

After that, mourners arrived in droves to pay their respects to the family Annabel had left behind. Ladies from Annabel’s social clubs came with husbands in tow, long-time friends of Annabel’s sons came to offer their condolences, and people from Annabel’s church and from the village stopped by. Sylvie was there, too. My Aunt Margot had been unable to attend the funeral because she was battling bronchitis.

Griff was there, too, looking uncomfortable in a suit and tie. He stayed in a corner of the dining room, talking to one of the stable hands. I caught his eye once, but he quickly looked away, a frown turning down the corners of his mouth. I longed to go talk to him, to explain why I had been out with Rhisiart the previous evening, but I was so busy helping Brenda and talking to people who had come to express their sorrow at Annabel’s passing that I didn’t have time to talk to Griff in private.

During the luncheon Maisie phoned several times to let us know of Sian’s progress. The doctor thought the baby might come a bit earlier than expected and Maisie wanted to know who else might be coming to spell her and to offer support to Sian. Apparently Sian was weepy and upset that Andreas couldn’t be there with her, and as sorry as Maisie was that Sian was bringing a baby without a father into the world, she didn’t feel she was the right person to offer the comfort and support that Sian needed at such a critical time.

But who was the right person? The natural answer was Annabel, of course, but she wasn’t there to offer support, either. It would fall to another member of the family to be at the birth of Andreas’s baby.

In the end Hugh and Cadi were in the room with Sian when the baby arrived in the middle of the night, long after the guests had left the castle.

Sian had a baby boy, whom she named André. Through her exhausted tears the next morning, when the rest of the household went to visit her and the baby, she explained that it was too painful to name the baby Andreas, which was the name she and Andreas had decided on if the baby was a boy, so she chose a similar name—one that would suggest Andreas, but might not bring up such painful thoughts every time Sian spoke it aloud. She was sure her late husband would approve.

She let all of us hold the baby. When it was my turn I gazed at his tiny eyes and his wispy dark hair and thought of how Annabel had longed for a grandchild. My eyes filled with tears that spilled slowly down my cheeks when I thought of how Annabel would never get to hold her grandson, how she would never have a chance to redeem herself in the eyes of her sons as a caring, attentive grandmother who would do anything to protect her grandchild. If only she had lived a few more days.

I was the last one to hold André. After I handed him back to Sian it was time for her to rest. Hugh, Cadi, Rhisiart, Maisie, Brenda, and I all left the room quietly and went our separate ways. Hugh, Cadi, and Rhisiart said they were going into the village for breakfast. Maisie and Brenda were going to their home outside the village, and I headed back to the empty castle by myself.

As soon as I got back I rang up Sylvie. “Want to come over for breakfast? We’ll be the only ones here,” I added, knowing she wouldn’t want to come over if Rhisiart were around. She came over just a few moments later and we rummaged for leftovers from the funeral luncheon and ate around the cozy table in the kitchen.

“What happens now?” Sylvie asked.

I sat back in my chair. “I don’t know. No one has said anything. I don’t know if Sian will stay here with the baby or if she’ll go back to London. I wouldn’t be surprised by either. If Annabel were still alive, I think she would stay here because of the connection to Andreas. But with Annabel gone…”

“Do you think you’ll stay here?”

“I doubt it, but I don’t know where I’ll go. I really haven’t given it much thought. I suppose I should have been planning since Annabel died, but I just haven’t been able to.”

“Planning for what?”

“For the future. For whatever comes next,” I answered. “I’ll have to find a new job.”

“They haven’t asked you to stay on here?”

“No. And even if they do ask, I don’t think I want to,” I said. “They want to make lots of changes to the property and I frankly don’t know that I can work with any of them.”

“I think you’re right to want to get out of here,” Sylvie remarked. “That Rhisiart is no picnic to be around.” I nodded, absently popping a strawberry into my mouth and wondering what the castle would look like in a year’s time with the changes the family were talking about implementing.

“Heard from Griff?” she asked.

I emerged from my own thoughts and answered. “No. I saw him at the luncheon yesterday and he looked away like I was a sea hag.”

“I think he’ll come around. If he knows you at all he’ll figure out there had to be some good reason you were at the pub with Rhisiart.”

“He doesn’t know me very well—that’s the problem,” I said.

“I think you’re giving him too little credit,” Sylvie said. “Remember we talked about all the things you know about him without even realizing it? Well, all he has to do is give it a wee think and he’ll realize he knows more about you than he thought he did. And it’s all good stuff.”

I smiled at Sylvie, marveling at her ability to turn a dim outlook into a rosy one. “What do you want to do today?” I asked.

“Let’s go for a hike,” she suggested. “We could both use one, I think.”

I agreed quickly because I wanted to show her the place Griff had shown me—the fairy glen with its sparkly things and the clean, clear rushing water. “I know just the place,” I said. “We’ll have to leave now, because the last time I went I was on horseback and this time we’ll be walking, so it’s going to take longer to get there.”

Sylvie was eager to see the place I told her about. We packed lunches from the bounty in Maisie’s kitchen, then she went back to the coach house to grab her rucksack and I got mine from my bedroom. Just a few minutes later we were walking across the huge field in front of the castle, heading for the woods.

We talked the whole way. I shared Rhisiart’s tales of his visits to her house as a child and told her how much he enjoyed spending time with her family. She was happy to hear it. She could remember times when Annabel brought her sons to visit her family in Dumfries, Scotland, and she was pleased to learn that, as much as she didn’t care for Rhisiart, he had enjoyed his time with her family.

Then Sylvie said she had a surprise for me.

“What is it?”

“Seamus wants to come down to visit for a few days. I’ll go back to Cauld Loch when he goes.”

“I don’t believe it! When’s he coming?” I cried, already excited for his arrival.

“Well, since you’re obviously so anxious to see him, how about tonight?” she asked, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“You’re kidding!” I shrieked, breaking the silence in the air as we entered the woods.

Sylvie laughed, clearly pleased with herself for keeping the secret. “You’ve been so down and Seamus has been looking for an excuse to join our girls-only holiday, so I invited him and he’s on his way now. Do you suppose it’s okay with Rhisiart and the rest of them?”

“Who cares what Rhisiart and the rest of them say? I’ll talk to them if they dare to say anything.”

Her face turned somber. “Unfortunately, he can only stay for a day or two, then he has to return to Cauld Loch, and I have to go with him. Our shop assistant, the one who took your place, is sick and I need to get back to help out.”

“I’m sorry you’ll be leaving, but it’ll be wonderful to see Seamus.” I put on a bright smile so Sylvie wouldn’t know how disappointed I was that she was going home.

Seamus, big and burly Seamus, was beloved by everyone who knew him. Well, almost everyone—he had gone to prison once for hurting someone badly in a bar fight, even though he was defending himself, so I suppose there were people in his past who weren’t fond of him. With his wicked sense of humor and his artistic talent and his teddy-bear ways, though, one would never guess he had been in prison. And it was easy to forget his past when confronted with the man in the present.

Already looking forward to the end of the hike when I would be closer to seeing one of my favorite people, I led the way through the woods and pointed out some of the interesting things Griff had shown me on my first trip. When we reached the fairy glen, I found it every bit as enchanting as I remembered. The water tumbled over rocks and whooshed around eddies, cold and refreshing. I showed Sylvie all the shiny objects people had left behind, including the coin Griff and I had placed in the log. She was fascinated. She must have taken a hundred photos. With her talent and penchant for getting the perfect shot, I couldn’t wait to see her prints from the glen.

“Shall we go back to the castle?” I asked after we had enjoyed a leisurely lunch.

We returned through the woods the way we had come. The rays of sunlight that penetrated the trees slanted lower to the ground on our way back, and we hadn’t gone far when we heard a whinnying from up ahead. There was a bend in the path so we couldn’t see what—or who—was up ahead, so we slowed our pace just a bit.

I was startled to see Griff come around the curve in the path, riding Caesar. He pulled up short when he saw us.

“Hi, Griff!” Sylvie called cheerfully. I was relieved she had recovered herself quickly enough to say something. My embarrassment was already beginning to burn my face. I felt like a bird caught in a cage—I wanted to get away as quickly as I could, but Griff and Caesar were blocking the way forward and Sylvie was standing behind me and would surely prevent me from running back to the wood if I suddenly made a run for it. I had no choice but to stand still and bear the shame of being out in the woods where Griff had taken me so recently.

“How’s everyone?” he asked, no trace of warmth in his voice. It had always held a rich timbre for me, but now it sounded cold and distant.

“We’re just fine. Eilidh wanted to show me the place you took her—the fairy glen, is it called?—and I thought it was just beautiful. Thanks for showing it to Eilidh.”

He nodded. “You’re welcome.” He guided Caesar into the brush along the trail. “I’ll get out of the way so you can get back,” he said. He clearly didn’t want to stand around chatting. I knew I had ruined his afternoon, just as Rhisiart had ruined ours when Griff and I had visited the fairy glen.

We skirted Griff and Caesar and continued walking, this time in silence. Sylvie knew better than to talk to me just then. I longed to turn around to see if Griff was watching us leave, but I was in front of Sylvie and I didn’t want her to see my disappointment if he wasn’t looking. I was quiet for the rest of the way back to the castle, the excitement at Seamus’s impending arrival fading in the raw hurt of Griff’s brush-off.

But as we neared the castle, I could feel the excitement building again. Seamus was a good friend of Callum, and he would be able to tell me how Callum was doing in prison and what life was like for him now. I had a soft spot for my ex-husband, even though I wasn’t in love with him anymore, and I was eager for news of his well-being.

But Seamus texted Sylvie that he had been delayed, so we would have to wait a bit longer for him to arrive at the castle. He would stay in the coach house with Sylvie, obviously, but I knew he would love to take a look around Annabel’s home, too. I even looked forward to introducing him to Rhisiart and Hugh, just to see what he thought of them.

It was snowing by the time we arrived at the castle. Snowy days were my favorite days in Wales, and particularly at the castle, because the snow softened the military-style effect of the home’s architecture. Sylvie took out her camera and snapped a few photos as the snow began to fall more thickly, then asked if we could visit the gardens, where the fallen snow on the flowers and garden sculptures might provide interesting photo opportunities. Sylvie preferred sweeping landscape photography, but her interests were branching a bit as she was learning more about photographing small, close subjects.

We took our time walking through the gardens. Like me, Sylvie loved the snow. We wandered through the gardens, laughing as the snow fell and trying to catch the flakes. When she ventured near the wolfsbane I asked her not to take a photo of the plant that had become so hateful to me, and she readily consented.

She even climbed onto a wrought iron table to reach up and place her camera on top of a high stone fence that surrounded one of the gardens. She positioned the camera and used a remote control to shoot pictures from there. When she retrieved the camera and scrolled through the pictures, she gasped.