Chapter 19

And it was, indeed, late in the morning when I woke up to the smell of bacon and toast. My first thought was one of despair, but I forced myself out of bed. As much as I didn’t want to get up and face the day, I knew staying in bed to think would drive me mad. I wandered out of my room, rubbing my eyes. Griff was in the living room, drinking a cup of coffee in front of the fireplace.

“How are you doing?” he asked, fixing me with a look of concern.

“I feel better now that I’ve slept, but that doesn’t change what happened last night. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that.”

“Someday it won’t be as painful as it is now,” he said, standing up and following me into the kitchen. “You can’t go back to the castle, Eilidh. It’s dangerous for you there.”

“I won’t go there except to pack up all my things,” I said. I helped myself to bacon and toast with jam while the water boiled for tea. There was a knock at the door as I was pouring the tea. Griff went to answer it and a moment later Sylvie and Seamus came bundling into the kitchen, each of them carrying a rucksack. I was astonished. I had completely forgotten Sylvie saying she and Seamus were coming.

“You really came?”

“We drove all night to be here with you,” Sylvie said, reaching out to wrap me in a big hug. I had held everything together until she did that, but once my face was buried in her shoulder, I became unglued, crying as though my heart was broken.

Seamus and Griff stood there awkwardly until I disengaged myself from Sylvie’s grasp, then I poured tea for the newcomers and we all stood in the kitchen talking.

“Have you talked to Maisie today?” Sylvie asked.

“No. Griff was going to text her last night to tell her to get in touch with him if she needed anything. And thanks for smoothing things out between us, Sylvie.” I gave her an embarrassed smile, glancing at Griff.

“Yes, thanks for that,” Griff added.

“I was getting right sick of waiting for you to do something about it, and he’s clearly too stubborn to do anything,” she said, smiling at both of us. “Now what’s the plan for today?”

“I have to go see Maisie, then I think I’m going to start packing my things to move out of the castle.”

Seamus offered to drive me over to Maisie’s house, but I wanted to go by myself. I had only been to her house a couple times, but I knew I could remember the way. When I pulled into her drive, I was relieved to see it full of cars. I had been so afraid Maisie would be alone. Working in the castle, it was hard to remember sometimes that she had friends and a life in the village, too.

I knocked on the door and a woman let me in. “How’s Maisie?” I asked. The woman wiped her nose with a handkerchief and pointed toward the back of the house.

“She’s back there. She’s holding up, but this has been a horrible blow to her.”

I made my way through clusters of mourners to the kitchen, where Maisie was at the sink, rinsing a plate.

“Maisie?” I asked tentatively.

She turned around slowly, then her face crumpled when she saw me. She came over to where I was standing and we held each other in a long embrace. The other people in the kitchen seemed to fade away and it felt as if the only two people in the room were Maisie and me.

She sat down at the table and held my hands. I cried like a child; I told her how sorry I was, how I knew the whole thing was my fault, and how much I would miss Brenda. She assured me through her tears that Brenda’s death wasn’t my fault—that the blame lay solely on the person who had committed this violent and horrible act.

She introduced me to the other people in the kitchen, mostly women. They were members of her church, she said. They were all very kind, and they murmured sympathetically when Maisie told everyone that I was the one who had been with Brenda when the paramedics arrived.

Maisie squeezed my hand as other people made their way into the kitchen to pay their respects. It seemed Maisie and Brenda had a lot of friends in the village and I was thankful to count myself in that group. I felt better after talking to Maisie and when I left about an hour later, my foremost thought was thankfulness for Maisie’s friends and family whose presence would be so essential to her in the coming weeks and months.

As my thoughts turned to the things I needed to do once I returned to the coach house, I couldn’t escape the jittery feeling that enveloped me. I knew I needed to go over to the castle to retrieve all my belongings, but I was anxious about going into my room. Would I even be allowed to go in? Would I have to talk to any of the family members? I drove up to the castle and wasn’t surprised to see police cars parked out front. I pulled my car into the parking enclosure. As long as there were police inside, there was no reason for me to be afraid to go into the castle. I could ask about getting my things and maybe one of the officers could wait while I packed everything in suitcases.

But as soon as I set foot in the front hall, I was accosted by noisy confusion. There were at least ten or twelve police officers heading in different directions. Sian was standing in the hallway holding André, who was screaming. Rhisiart and Hugh were arguing with one of the officers about access to the sitting room—Rhisiart and Hugh wanted to go in; the police wanted to keep them out.

Now that the attack on Brenda had turned into a murder investigation, the police would need to search every inch of the castle for any information that could lead them to the killer. They had apparently started in the sitting room and in my bedroom, as I discovered when I tried to go into my room and was stopped by one of the officers in charge.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“This is my room, but I’m moving out. I need to get my things.”

“I’m afraid you can’t get in here right now. We’re conducting a search and it’s going to take a while.”

I turned around, dejected, dreading the thought of having to come back to the castle again. The officer thought they might be done in my room by the next morning, so he suggested I return then.

I returned to the coach house to find Sylvie and Seamus working. Sylvie was on her laptop, working on a photo collage, and Seamus was online, doing research about a place he wanted to visit to do some painting. And though they offered to set their work aside to spend some time with me, I didn’t want to disturb them. I went into my room and found a book that looked interesting. I had just settled onto the bed to read when my mobile phone rang. It was Griff, with an offer to spend the afternoon horse riding through the woods where we had seen the fairy glen.

I accepted immediately, thinking a ride would tire me out and ensure that I slept through the night, but also thinking it would be nice to spend some time with Griff. It had been a while since he and I had done anything together.

I met him in the stables several minutes later. He had saddled Penelope for me and Caesar for himself. We rode side-by-side to the woods, through the fields in front of the castle. I looked back at the castle once. It was shrouded by fog, its turrets just barely visible through the white mist that covered it. It looked almost haunted, like a place out of the past where ghosts might roam. I would miss that beautiful old place and hoped that Rhisiart and Hugh and Sian wouldn’t ruin its charm and sodden its rich history.

But Griff was up ahead waiting for me, and it was time to ride with him and try to forget all that had happened to dampen my love for the old castle. I couldn’t forget Annabel or Brenda, both of whom had died within its strong walls, but I could try to push the memories of the violence and the pain from my mind.

“Shall we walk for a while, give the horses a rest?” Griff called, turning in his saddle to look at me.

“Sure.”

We slid down to the ground and walked a good distance into the woods, holding the reins so the horses would follow us obediently. Griff reached for my hand and I let him hold it in his, the grip sure and warm and steady.

We rode again before we came to the fairy glen, and this time the waters were rushing and swollen with recent rains. We sat down to talk when we reached the waterfall, tying up the horses near the stream so they could drink their fill.

I told him about my visit to Maisie’s house and how happy I was to see that she was surrounded by people who loved her, people who would help make the future a little brighter for her. He listened as I explained that I couldn’t get into my room to take away my belongings and made me promise that I would take either him or Seamus with me when I returned to the castle the next day.

Finally, as if reading my mind, he reached out and stroked my face with his finger and leaned in to kiss me. It felt right, just as it had before, and when he sat back and gazed at me, I knew with certainty that I couldn’t leave the village. I had to stay.

When we returned to the coach house Griff said he couldn’t come in. He needed to get back to the stables. I went inside and found Sylvie and Seamus still hard at work. Sylvie closed her laptop after a couple minutes and leaned back into the sofa with a sigh. “I saw you come up the walk with Griff. It looks like things are smoothed over,” she said with a grin.

“They are. Normally I’d be furious that you butted in, but I’m grateful for it.” I returned her smile and sat down next to her. “I’m not leaving. I’ve decided to stay.”

“In the castle?” The look she turned on me was one of confusion and shock.

“No, just in the village. I can’t stay at the castle any longer, but I realized when Griff and I were at the fairy glen that he means more to me than I even realized.”

“And it’s all because of me,” she said, winking and releasing a contented sigh. I pushed her arm and she fell sideways onto the sofa, laughing. Then she sobered. “Rhisiart called while you were out. He wants to talk to you.”

“Ugh. I wonder what he wants.”

“He didn’t say. Just asked me to tell you to come over to the castle when you got back from your walk.”

“I’m not going over there. I’ll call him, but I’m not going to talk to him face-to-face.”

“Good for you,” Sylvie said.

I dialed Rhisiart and waited for him to answer.

“Yes?”

“Rhisiart, it’s Eilidh. Sylvie tells me you called looking for me.”

“I did. I’d like you to come over here so we can get some things straightened out.”

“What things?”

“We need to discuss your salary going forward, what your duties are going to be around here when everything calms down and the police allow us back into the office.” He referred to the sitting room.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that, Rhisiart. I’m afraid I won’t be coming back to the castle.”

There was silence on his end. Then, “Did I hear you correctly? You’re not coming back?”

“That’s right. I guess you can consider this my notice.”

“Well. This is unexpected.”

“Are you serious? How can you expect me to come back to work in the castle when someone has been murdered in my bedroom? It’s time for me to find someplace else to work.”

“But you weren’t hurt at all.”

“Maybe so, but I think we all know that attack was meant for me. And I won’t stay around waiting for it to happen again.” I glanced over at Sylvie, who was listening to my side of the conversation. She pumped her fist in the air and I smiled.

“You’ll get a substantial raise if you come back to work here.”

“Rhisiart, you don’t understand. I’m not coming back.”

His tone changed from mere incredulity to hard and cold. “I don’t know who’s going to hire you around here now that your name is mentioned in connection with Brenda’s murder.”

Was he threatening me? “I’m not worried about that, Rhisiart. I have to go now.” I rang off and leaned back. “That call wasn’t what I expected.”

“What did you expect?” Sylvie asked.

“I don’t know, but not that.”

The phone rang. I looked at the screen—Rhisiart. “I’m not answering that.”

“The nerve of him.”

“Do you think Seamus will go over to the castle with me in the morning to get everything out of my bedroom?”

“Of course he will,” Sylvie said.

The evening was a quiet one. We watched a movie in the living room; it was a comedy. I think Sylvie chose it because she wanted to cheer me up a bit. As the darkness approached I had become more melancholy, weepier about Brenda. I texted Maisie to see how she was holding up, and she answered that the first night without Brenda had been hard. Her sister and brother were staying with her, though, so she had company.

Seamus was coughing during the movie, so much so that Sylvie told him to go into another room if he couldn’t stop bothering us with the noise. I felt bad for him. He excused himself to go into the kitchen every time he had a coughing fit, so he ended up missing parts of the movie.

So I wasn’t surprised when he was so sick the next morning that he couldn’t drag himself out of bed. Feverish and groggy, he staggered into the living room to ask me to wait for a few minutes. He said he would get dressed and walk me over to the castle.

“Seamus, you’re going straight back to bed,” I told him. Sylvie stood nodding next to me with her arms crossed over her chest. “Even if you went with me this morning, you’d probably collapse even before getting to my room.”

“I’m sorry, lass,” he mumbled, feeling his forehead. “Can we do it tomorrow?”

“Of course,” I answered. He turned and went back into the bedroom, coughing and moaning.

“I’m sure he’ll feel better tomorrow. He never gets sick,” Sylvie said. She went into the kitchen to make Seamus a mug of tea. I had gotten up that morning with a feeling of determination to get over to the castle and retrieve all my belongings, and a sickly Seamus wasn’t going to stop me. I pulled out my phone and called Griff.

But there was no answer, and my call went straight to his voicemail. I was in a quandary. I didn’t want to wait to get over to the castle, but I was a bit worried. Perhaps the police were still over there.

The answer came in a phone call from Maisie. She was in the castle, she said, packing up the few personal things she and Brenda had left there, and she asked me to come over to say goodbye. She told me she couldn’t work in the castle any longer after what had happened, and she was leaving as quickly as possible. I couldn’t say no.

I slipped out the front door of the coach house unnoticed by anyone. I hurried down the path leading to the front of the castle and stood looking at its magnificent Norman façade with sorrow and apprehension.

The massive front door creaked as I pushed it open. I stood in the main hall, listening for voices, sounds, anything that would tell me where the family members were. But I heard nothing. I made a beeline for the stairs leading down to the kitchen and I found Maisie in the warm, comforting space, packing a small bag with a few kitchen utensils and jars of vegetables she had brought from home after canning them herself.

“They don’t deserve all these canned goodies,” she muttered to me when she saw me standing in the doorway. “I brought them to share when Annabel was still alive, but I can’t abide the thought of those people eating them.” She looked upward, as if she could see Rhisiart and Hugh, Cadi and Sian as she spoke.

“I’ll miss you,” I told her.

“I’ll miss you too, my dear,” she said. “But surely you’re leaving too?”

“Yes. In fact, I’ll probably clean out my room upstairs while I’m here this morning. Have you seen any of the family about?”

“No. It’s been silent since I got here.”

“Are you going to be here for a little while?”

“Probably. I have to find Brenda’s personal things and pack them up.”

“All right. As long as you’re going to be around I’m going to head upstairs and pack up my things. It shouldn’t take very long. I have suitcases up there that I can fill.”

“I’ll be down here. I really don’t want to go back upstairs,” she said.

I went upstairs into the dim hallway and walked to my room, my footsteps echoing on the stone floor. I was as quiet as I could be, since I didn’t want to draw attention to myself if any members of the family happened to be nearby.

There was no police tape across my doorway, so they must have finished processing the scene. Good, I thought. I should be able to get out of here in no time.

I opened the door to my bedroom and was immediately taken aback by the visceral reaction of my mind and body to the sight of the place where Brenda had been so brutally attacked. My stomach lurched and I swayed, holding onto the door frame for support. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to return to my room.

But I had to get my things and go. Now that I was here, I wasn’t backing down only to have to come back the following day.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I closed the door behind me and took my suitcases from the closet, lining them up under the window. I began taking clothes and other belongings from the bureau and placing them into the suitcases, then I turned toward the nightstand to remove all my things from it.

It was then I noticed the door opening ever so slightly. I stopped and stood silently, hoping whoever was there would just go away. I chided myself for leaving it unlocked. I couldn’t go anywhere and I couldn’t hide—the person had probably heard me moving around in the room.