I haven’t seen so many policemen about the Homes in the last few days. I wonder if they think we’re safe now as nobody’s been killed for a while. But that doesn’t make any sense. They should only have fewer policemen about once they capture the murderer. I don’t know why they haven’t arrested anyone. Maybe they don’t care about us because we are kids without parents, so they aren’t bothered that we are being murdered. If it was outside they would care; someone’s parents would make the police do something. But in here, nothing. They send some police around for a few days, ask a few questions and then go back about their business. How many more of us have to die before someone is arrested?
After school, I decide to go and see Eadie. There’s no one waiting for her and no one in her office so I just walk in. She looks happy to see me. She’s reading some papers but puts them aside when I appear and gives me a hug. She asks if I’d like a cup of tea and I seem to be getting a taste for it so I say yes. She says she was hoping I would come by as there was something she wanted to talk to me about.
I freeze. I immediately think it’s something bad and I can’t take any more bad news. She sees this and tells me it’s nothing to be afraid of and she’ll explain all shortly.
We go to the small kitchen near her office and while we wait for the kettle to boil she asks how my day was. I tell her about Clara Dee. I say I am becoming good friends with her – not best friends, as I will never have a best friend again, but definitely good friends. I tell her about what we are working on at school and the marks I’ve been getting.
She offers me a biscuit, which I take, and we go back to her office. When we sit down, she fixes me with a look and I know what she is about to say will be serious.
‘How do you feel about adoption?’ she asks.
I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about adoption, so I smile and shrug.
‘Because there is a couple who might be interested in adopting you. They seem like lovely people. Would you like to meet them?’
‘I think so,’ I say.
‘You don’t have to, you know.’
‘I know. Well … aye, if you say they’re nice.’
‘They are. I think you will like them. I think they could be great for you.’
‘I didnae think anyone would want to adopt a twelve-year-old. People want to adopt babies, not kids my age, once we’ve already gone wrong.’
‘You haven’t gone wrong.’
‘Naw, that wasn’t what I meant, I meant before we’ve got personalities.’
‘Maybe that’s true, but maybe there are people out there who don’t want the trouble of bringing up a baby. Maybe there are people who think, We don’t have children, perhaps we could help someone who can be helped, who deserves to be helped.’
‘You think I deserve to be helped?’
‘Lesley, I can’t tell you anything, I can only guess at someone’s motivations, and I can only suggest the child that would benefit most. I haven’t put forward any other children to the couple. Do you see what I am saying, Lesley?’
‘Aye … I think so.’
‘Good. Now, this isn’t straightforward, adoption never is, but the first step is that you are interested. The second is whether your natural mother is agreeable. I hope you don’t mind, but I have already talked to her and told her how good this could be for you and fortunately she has agreed in principle.
‘The next step would be to arrange a meeting for you with the couple to see if you still want to go forward with it.’
By the time I leave to go back to the cottage I am excited by the idea. I am also scared; what if they don’t like me? What if they are strange, or religious, or strict? Still, it’d probably not be any worse than being in here. Maybe something good will finally come of this summer.