72

The first thing I notice is the smell of bleach. I was in the woods but now I am somewhere with bleach and strong soap.

I open my eyes and the room is very white. It hurts to look at it. Something has happened. I am in a bed in the hospital.

I’m not injured, nothing seems to hurt on my body, I haven’t been beaten, I am lying in a bed with the sheets tucked tight, holding me in.

I look to my right and Mrs Paterson is sat on a chair and is holding my hand.

‘Are you all right, dear? Are you back with us?’

I nod.

‘You had a little episode, Lesley. You collapsed and we brought you to the hospital.’

I nod again.

I hear the squeaks of a trolley going past in the corridor outside.

We sit and don’t talk for a while.

‘Have you had anything to eat or drink today? The doctors think you may be dehydrated. There’s a sandwich and a glass of milk here for you, and they have given you a sedative, too, to help you relax.’

I nod.

‘Lesley, you have had an awful lot of terrible things happen to you this summer and I guess we didn’t notice how much, what with your mum and the adoption, and Morag, and now Eadie going. It’s a lot for anyone to take in.’

‘But the Super? Does he know where I am?’

‘He helped carry you here, Lesley. Mr Gordon is not a bad man. Believe me, he is the last person who would have done all the things you said. You thought it was Mr Taylor – I know it was you who told the police about him; I found the first version of your letter in the rubbish – then you thought it was Mr Sharples or Mr McAdam. You even thought it was Mr Paterson at one point? And now you think it’s Mr Gordon. Lesley, you have to realise that this is something you can’t work out. It’s not a maths puzzle to be solved. The world doesn’t work like that.

‘Sometimes you just need your brain to go quiet for a bit, not let it rule you. You are a special girl, Lesley, with a special mind that will help you do many things in life, but remember it works for you; you don’t work for it.’

‘Yes, miss.’

She squeezes my hand.

‘They have said you can have this room on your own for the next couple of days, so you don’t have to be on the ward with the other children. I need to go back to Cottage 5 now but you just take your time. Rest, sleep, let yourself slow down.’

I nod.

‘And eat that sandwich, all right? I want you back to your old self in a few days’ time. No rush, but we want the old Lesley back.’

I think I want that old Lesley back too. I was happy before this summer. Well, not always happy but I wasn’t always scared, and I had Jonesy and I would give anything to feel like that again.

Mrs Paterson gets up and leaves and I take three bites of my sandwich, drink some milk and stare out of the window at the tops of the trees.

I feel myself getting drowsy again and close my eyes.