THE NEXT MORNING, Beth was still thinking about that oddly tender hug in Danny’s living room. She still fit under his chin—somehow, she’d wondered if she still would with all this tummy. She’d been a little nervous that he wouldn’t be able to make it work, a reflection of her own physical discomfort lately. She felt huge, so unlike her usual self. Her figure wouldn’t be the same after this, and she had no idea how she felt about that.
But Dan had managed to wrap his arms around her without any difficulty—he’d just leaned down and gathered her up in those strong arms of his, and pregnant or not, she still fit.
And yet, just before that hug, she’d been opening up more than she’d wanted to, telling him her fear of becoming just like Linda. She shouldn’t have said anything—it didn’t help—but it felt good to talk to him again. She’d always been completely honest with Danny, and she’d believed that he’d been the same with her until that was proven wrong. That hug had been more emotional than she’d wanted to admit, and she’d liked the feel of his strong chest against her cheek, the sensation of his heart beating steadily. Dan was bigger now—bulkier, and definitely stronger. And his arms closing around her as she shut her eyes and absorbed that unique musky scent of his had reminded her of just how much she’d missed this.
That hug had been fake, though—prodded by a meddling old lady—and it was the kind of soothing intimacy Beth could not allow herself to enjoy, because it wasn’t real. Right now, with a baby on the way and the fears of delivery mounting, she wished she had a husband by her side, hugging her when she needed reassurance, doing cake runs when she got cravings…but she didn’t, and wishing wasn’t helpful.
Beth came into the kitchen to find her father at the table with a mug of coffee. He was dressed as if he were going to work at the store—a button-up shirt and a pair of khaki pants—but he wasn’t, obviously. Just sitting there with his coffee beside him and his laptop open on the kitchen table.
“Morning,” Rick said. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not too badly.” She paused and gave her father a smile. “Are you writing, Dad?”
“Job hunting.” He took a sip from his mug.
Of course. He’d need to find something to replace the store, but the image of her father looking for work was a hard one to swallow. He didn’t deserve to be in this position, not after how hard he’d worked all those years, not after he’d established himself as a literary voice for the country.
“I’d rather hear you were working on your book,” she said.
“Doesn’t pay enough,” he said. “I have a granddaughter on the way, remember?”
So this was on her…but not entirely. The store’s failure hadn’t been her fault, and she knew better than to take everything he said to heart.
“Do you miss the store, Dad?” she asked.
Her father sucked in a breath, then nodded. “Yeah, I do. I grew up there. Like you did. I worked side by side with my dad in that shop up until the day he died. You could say I miss it.”
“Have you gone to see it?” she asked.
Rick shook his head. “Can’t bring myself to, Beth.”
She knew that the shop now belonged to Danny, but while the contents were being sorted out, it felt like it still belonged to them a little bit, too. None of them were ready to say goodbye to the family store, but life had a way of grinding on whether a person was ready for it or not.
“Have you found much else there that we’ll want to keep?” her father asked after a moment.
“The triple frame with our pictures in it that I gave to Linda,” Beth said.
Her father nodded, but he didn’t say anything.
“There might be more little treasures, Dad. I’ll make sure we don’t lose anything.”
“Thanks.” He took another sip of coffee. “I appreciate it, Beth.”
Her father couldn’t bear to see the store emptied out, and Beth was having trouble staying away. It was loyalty, mostly, because Danny only made her feel more unsettled. She was still attracted to him, but she knew better than to let emotions get involved. She might be back in North Fork, but she wasn’t the same woman who’d left. So when she visited that store, it was because it had been a family hub, a touchstone for their memories. It was that, she told herself, not Danny.
That morning, Beth put on her winter coat and trudged out toward the old store. Danny had said that he wanted to have it cleared out by Christmas, and a couple of weeks after that, Beth’s daughter was due to be born. Everything would be different in the new year, and they’d all just have to move on.
The store was unlocked, and Beth stepped inside to find Danny breaking down cardboard boxes.
“Hi,” Beth said, and she headed toward the space heater.
“So how was Granny this morning?” Danny asked.
“She forgot everything,” Beth replied with a small smile. “Almost makes your sacrifices seem in vain, doesn’t it?”
“That wasn’t a sacrifice. I’ve wanted to do that since you arrived.”
Beth blinked, then dropped her gaze.
“I thought I was enemy number one for you,” she said, glancing up.
“Oh, you are.” He shot her an impish smile. “But you seemed like you could use a hug. That’s all. I think you’ve had a rough time.”
And she had needed that human connection—Danny hadn’t been wrong there. But right now, she also needed to be self-sufficient. She wasn’t used to going it alone, but this was her new reality.
Danny sliced a box open with his cutter, then dropped the knife on the countertop while he flattened the cardboard.
“What about Luke?” she asked. “What if he’d seen that?”
Danny dropped the box into a pile. “He was asleep, and that kid sleeps like a log.”
“Oh…” What did she know about sleeping children? Danny grabbed another box, then paused. He licked his lips, then looked up at her, and she could see apology in his face.
“I just wanted Granny to stay calm,” Danny said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”
“No, it’s fine.” It was more than fine, and she was trying to forget about how nice it had felt.
“With our history—” Danny shrugged. “Never seeing each other again would have been easier, I suppose.”
Beth felt a stab at those words. He was happy to hug her because she looked like she needed it, but he’d rather never see her again?
“North Fork is my home, too,” she retorted. She might not feel like she fit in the same way, but when she needed somewhere to come to, somewhere to have her baby, North Fork was here. Her father was here.
“I know.” Danny shook his head. “Maybe that came out wrong. It’s just—we almost got married, Beth. That’s huge. We had a wedding planned and ready to go. Flowers, dress, the works. After almost marrying a woman, it’s hard to go back to a casual hello in the street. I don’t wish you ill, Beth, I just don’t know how to do this balancing act.”
This was awkward—even more so since he was taking over her family’s store. There was nothing easy about their relationship, but small towns were like that. People had history together, and then they had to be able to find a new way to relate, because avoiding someone in a place this size wasn’t remotely possible.
“You act like my heart wasn’t broken, too,” she said.
“You’re the one who walked away.” Danny tossed the cardboard onto the pile.
“In my defense, you’d just dumped a pretty big surprise on me,” she countered.
“Luke was a shock for me, too!” He turned toward her, all the gentleness out of his expression now.
“It’s not nearly the same,” Beth shot back. “You knew he existed, at least! You just didn’t know that his mom was going to do that!”
Danny winced, and she immediately regretted the words. What good was this going to do? It was five years ago, and they’d both moved on. What were they doing?
“I needed—” Danny stopped, then shook his head. “Forget it.”
He’d always done that—come within a hair of saying what was really on his mind and then backed off. She’d always won their arguments, but it had never felt like a win. She’d hated it, because she had wanted to know what he was feeling, and he’d stayed bottled up.
“You needed what?” she asked, her tone more annoyed than she wanted.
“I needed some understanding,” he said, dark gaze snapping to hers. “I needed you to see it from my perspective. And if you still didn’t want to marry me, I could have lived with that. But you didn’t stop to see what it meant to me.”
Beth undid the last of her coat buttons, her mind going over that night. Granted, she’d been focused on herself. Danny had hidden something massive from her, and she was supposed to roll with that? She’d been scared, upset, betrayed… And all her father’s warnings that Danny wouldn’t be able to give her the life she wanted had come back in a flood. She couldn’t marry Danny—not like that.
“I was freaked out,” Beth said. “We’d talked about what our life would be like together, and you’d never even hinted that there was a child out there who might come knocking…or an ex-girlfriend you might owe child support to.”
“I know.” Danny grabbed another box and used more force than necessary to tear it apart. Their arguments had normally been like this—her outtalking him and him simmering. But they weren’t a couple anymore. They were neighbors, that was it. Maybe it was time to put an end to these stupid patterns already.
“But you said I didn’t see it from your perspective,” she said, softening her tone. “So…what was it like for you?”
He stopped manhandling the box, and a couple of beats of silence passed. Then he said, “I was facing my responsibilities. I dreaded telling you, because you were already taking a step down to be with me. I knew you’d be upset, and believe me, I never wanted to disappoint you. For the first time of my life, I was manning up.”
“Fessing up, you mean,” she said.
“Figuring out how to support my son!” The ice was back in his tone again. “I get that it was a shock. I get that I should have told you long before. I was scared, too. I didn’t know how I was going to raise Luke, but I was damn well going to try!”
“Wait—” She put her hands up. “What do you mean, I took a step down to be with you?”
“Didn’t you?”
“No.” She frowned. “Is that what you thought? You were more street-smart than I was. I was more bookish. We balanced each other out.”
“That’s not what your dad thought.”
“Who cares what my dad thought?” she shot back.
“You did.”
Danny bent and gathered up the boxes, then strode to the front door. He used his boot to kick the door open and then disappeared out into the cold, leaving a swirl of snowy air in his wake. Beth stood there for a moment, the blast of cold air pushing against her legs. Her heart pounded in her chest, but she stood alone in front of the space heater, her rejoinders packed like a ball in her throat. She knew she’d hurt Danny, but she’d been hurt, too. She’d had to walk away from their wedding, as well, and it wasn’t because she was heartless or spoiled. She’d had reasons, and those reasons weren’t that she was a cut above him.
The door opened again, and Danny came striding back inside.
“I wasn’t the bad guy you made me out to be,” he said, picking up where he’d left off. “And you could have left me, Beth, but you didn’t have to paint me as the horrible man who’d broken your heart, because that wasn’t the whole story, either. You left because of you! I needed you then, Beth. It isn’t only the women who need support in relationships. Meeting my son for the first time—having him suddenly thrust into my home—was the hardest, scariest thing of my life, and when I called you to come over, I needed your support. I needed you to stand with me, Beth, but instead you took off because you couldn’t handle it.” He was trembling now, and she jumped as he slapped a hand down on the counter. “Well, that’s life! Sometimes it’s hard, and that’s why there are wedding vows! You walked out on me when I needed you, so don’t act like I was a monster who ruined your life. I had every right to expect that you’d stand by me—that’s what marriage is!”
* * *
THE DOOR STOOD open still, and Dan slammed it shut behind him, cutting off the winter wind. He and Beth stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. He immediately regretted everything he’d just said. He’d told himself he wouldn’t do this—get into their old business all over again. But he’d had it bottled up for so long that when he loosened that cap, it all just came rushing out.
“You’re right.” Her voice was quiet, but it stopped him short. Was she actually agreeing with him? He hadn’t seen that one coming.
“What?” His voice was still gruff from emotion, and he turned to face her.
Her chin trembled ever so slightly. “I left you because I couldn’t handle it. It was too much. I wanted a sweet husband who would build a life with me and have all those firsts with me, not someone else.”
“Okay, then.” Had he just won this round? He wasn’t even sure. “I wasn’t with Lana for any of it, though,” he added. “She dumped me a month after she took the pregnancy test.”
“I know…” She shook her head. “But you say that marriage is standing with each other, facing the hard stuff together…and you’re right. But marriage is also being open and honest with each other. You expected me to embrace being a stepmom to a child I had never heard of before, marry you and just figure it all out later? How could I ever be sure that was your only secret?”
He’d lost her trust—he could see that, and he knew he only had himself to blame.
“You could have stayed. We could have talked. We could have put the wedding off for a few weeks. There were other options!”
“I know it was harsh,” she said. “But I grew up with a stepmother. I made her as miserable as possible, and she finally reached her limit with me. The thing is, I can’t claim to be a better woman. I think Linda tried the big heart thing at first.” Beth sucked in a deep breath. “She took me to get my nails done after they got back from the honeymoon. And she took me clothes shopping. She called it a girls’ day out.”
Dan stayed silent, waiting for her to go on. She looked away, swallowing hard. When she started talking again, he could hear the regret in her voice. “I told her that her breath smelled, even after she brushed her teeth, and that maybe she should see a doctor about it.” Beth’s cheeks tinged pink. “I still remember the look on her face, like I’d punched her or something. Then she just closed off.”
Ouch. Dan dragged a hand through his hair.
“And I’m not proud of that,” Beth went on. “But what I’m saying is, there’s a stepfamily dynamic, and while I could have made different choices than Linda did, did I really want to take all of that on? Linda didn’t like me and I didn’t like her. She wedged me away from my dad because he was forced to constantly choose sides, and he always chose Linda’s.”
“He was trying to stay married, I guess,” Dan said.
“Very likely,” Beth agreed. “They maintained a united front, if nothing else. Still, I wasn’t entirely innocent, either, so when I look back on all that I put Linda through, I have to ask myself if it’s worth it. If you know that it’s going to come with a whole heap of heartache, why not avoid that altogether?”
Dan felt those last words like a kick to the gut. It had been five years, and it shouldn’t hurt that much, but it did. He wasn’t worth the challenge of raising Luke together.
“So you didn’t love me enough,” he said, his voice low. It was better to know that now.
“I did love you enough! I didn’t trust you enough!” She pulled a hand through her hair. “You’d already told me how many lies to cover up the fact that you had a child, and I was supposed to trust that you’d be mature enough to both parent this little boy and be a supportive husband to me?”
“Fair enough,” he said. There was really nothing more to say.
“Besides, Lana made it very clear what my life would be like,” Beth added, and he caught a slight quiver in her voice. Did the thought of Lana still bother her?
“Lana was just mad I was getting married,” Dan said. “She was jealous of you. She was a single mom, and I was the screwup who’d gotten her pregnant. I wasn’t supposed to be the one who landed a sweet girl and got married.”
“She was tougher than me.” Beth shrugged.
“I’ll give you that,” he agreed.
“And she vowed to be in our life for all eternity…” Beth sighed. “You’re right. I didn’t have the thick skin or the attitude to take her on.”
Lana had been a regular force to be reckoned with. She’d been tough and mouthy, but most of the girls in his old neighborhood had been that way. He’d learned to look beneath the bravado, but he could see why a woman like Beth would have been intimidated.
“It was only because she had so much less than you did,” he tried to explain.
“Maybe so,” Beth agreed. “But that was a lot for me to take on.”
“Yeah, I know…” Dan sighed. “Lana could be a real handful, but when she dropped Luke off at my place, I got to see what motherhood had changed her into.”
Beth glanced up. “What was she like?”
“Tired, mostly.” Dan’s heart welled with sadness at the memory. “She wasn’t quite so tough anymore, either. I mean, she looked very much like a mom.”
Lana had sat in his living room with her hands clutched in front of her in a white-knuckled grip, and she’d asked him to please take their son for a while. She desperately needed a break. Her clothes were old, and her purse looked a bit ratty. She smelled of cigarette smoke and a bit of weed.
“And she just walked away from him?” Beth asked quietly.
“Luke was asleep,” Dan said, his mind running over the details of that night. “Remember, he was only three. We laid him on the couch, and I put a blanket over him. She looked at him for a long time, and then she kissed him—” A lump rose in his throat. “She said he liked grilled cheese, and then she kissed him again and almost ran out the door…”
Tears misted Beth’s eyes, and she blinked it back. “I can’t imagine,” she whispered.
She probably couldn’t, Dan realized. Beth had had a stepmother, but she’d also had a clean home, a supportive family, new clothes and friends. Her stepmother had been lacking, but the rest of her support network had been solid. When Beth got pregnant, she had a family to help support her and a town that would get behind her. Lana hadn’t been so lucky. And that was what had attracted him to Lana to begin with—she’d understood his background.
“Lana was overwhelmed,” Dan said. “She didn’t think she could handle being a mom anymore. She said she had no patience and she yelled all the time. She was afraid she’d start hitting him. She’d been abused when she was a kid, and it turned out that it was pretty easy to keep the cycle going.”
Dan still remembered that little pile of kid stuff she’d unloaded from her car—a car seat, some clothes, a blanket, a tattered teddy bear, a few plastic toys, half a bag of blue training pants and bottle of Coke. It had taken Dan months to wean the kid off caffeinated drinks, and Luke’s baby teeth had suffered for it.
“But she just left—” Beth seemed to be stuck on that part. She was cradling her belly protectively.
“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “She just left.”
“Any woman that would—”
“No!” Dan swallowed hard. “Beth, don’t do that. It’s easy to judge someone when you’ve had every other privilege. She didn’t want to leave him, I know that.”
Beth nodded. “But you said before that you were scared she’d come back. If she didn’t want to leave him…”
She let the implied question hang in the air. If Beth wasn’t allowed to judge Lana’s actions, what about him? He’d obviously been doing some judging of his ex.
“Okay, yeah,” Dan said with a shrug. “She didn’t want to leave him, but she did. We exchanged phone numbers and addresses, and she’s kept me updated so I know where to find her if I need to. Right now, she’s in Vancouver.”
“And you’re afraid she’ll come for him,” Beth concluded.
“I am.” Dan sighed. “It’s different for you. You don’t have to worry about the father breezing back in and demanding anything. Lana’s never been predictable. So it’s complicated.”
“I’m sorry, Dan.” Beth pulled her hair out of her face, and she looked like the same old Beth again with those big blue eyes and the pink in her cheeks.
“For what?” he asked with a sad smile.
“For all of it. You didn’t ask for this.”
The one thing he’d asked for—Beth’s hand in marriage—hadn’t panned out, either. But he still wouldn’t go back if he had the chance.
“I might not have asked for it,” Dan said, “but it made me grow up. I’m the man I am today because of all the hard stuff. And if you’d stayed with me, we’d have grown into it together.”
It wasn’t easy, and there were challenges. She would have felt like a failure some days and exulted in a new victory on other days. She would have gone through all the things he did—feeling lonely and other times desperate for a few hours without someone pestering her. She would have messed up—a lot. She would have felt pride and guilt and love all wrapped up together in one heart-crushing emotion. They would have staggered through all those firsts and growing pains together, and they would have been better for it. She wasn’t escaping the experience, either—she was about to do it all on her own with her baby.
Beth was silent for a moment, then she stepped closer and put out her hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”
He took her cool, soft fingers into his rough palm, and he stood there, angry, tired, scraped out.
“And I hope I’ll be able to say the same thing about my own daughter a few years from now,” she added.
Maybe Dan and Beth hadn’t been meant for marriage. Maybe they’d make better friends as they navigated single parenthood a few blocks apart. But she was back now, and they couldn’t just melt into casual acquaintances.
“You’ll be okay, Beth,” he said, and he took a step closer. He looked down at her pale fingers, and he longed to lift them to his lips. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to be over her…
“Are we okay?” Beth asked, looking up at him. She was close enough that he could have bent down and kissed her, and he tried to push the thought back.
“You mean, are we friends?” Dan asked, his voice catching.
“Something like that.” She looked up in that moment, and her lips parted as she sucked in a wavering breath. Dan pushed aside all those reasons for keeping his distance, slid a hand behind her neck and bent down so that his lips hovered over hers. She didn’t speak, but she didn’t pull away, either. Then he closed the distance and his lips met hers. They were fuller than before, softer, and his mouth moved over hers, his heart aching for all they’d lost. They could have been something…
She pulled back, and he released her. It was for the best—he knew that.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
“Danny, we can’t—” She stopped, swallowed.
“I know,” he said huskily. “That was… Sorry. I shouldn’t have.” He was still drawn to her in powerful ways—the very reason he’d proposed to begin with. She was the one woman who stirred his blood like this, who softened his heart, who made him willing to cross oceans for her. But she hadn’t been willing to do the same for him, and now everything was different.
Beth stepped back and moved toward the door. He’d freaked her out. Great. That hadn’t been the plan, but then neither had kissing her.
“I’m going to go,” she said, and she pulled her coat closer around her and opened the door.
“Beth—”
She disappeared as the door swung shut behind her, and Dan shut his eyes and muttered an oath. What would he have said? Nothing. He wasn’t meaning to toy with her. He’d crossed a line, and that couldn’t happen again. They both knew why they couldn’t work, and he was playing with fire.