SAWYER STRAIGHTENED HIS tie as Gavin met him at the front door of the inn.
“Cutting it a little close, aren’t we, bro?”
Sawyer didn’t reply. Gavin might have been his best friend, but he didn’t think he could explain things, even to him. Fortunately, Gavin didn’t press the issue.
Rory was waiting for him in the bed-and-breakfast’s foyer. He came to a halt at the sight of her. She wore a knee-length turquoise dress that complemented her dark hair and fair skin. Her hair was pulled up with a braid winding its way around the crown of her head and ending in a coiled bun at the nape of her neck. A white daisy was tucked behind her ear. She was breathtakingly beautiful. So much so that he physically ached at the sight of her. Was she truly so lovely today? Or was it just his mind torturing him after the decision he’d come to in the wee hours of the morning?
Of course, she would appear even more beautiful on the day he’d decided to give her up.
Despite this, he stepped forward to brush a strand of loose hair behind the flower. She shivered beneath his touch, and he felt a line of heat wind its way up his palm.
“You’re going to draw attention away from the bride,” he murmured.
She smiled and ducked her head. “I’m glad you made it,” she whispered and then lifted her eyes to catch his own. She seemed happy. His heart twisted as he realized he’d be taking that joy away from her soon. But he’d made his decision. This was what he had to do, for her sake more than his own. If he loved her, he had to let her go.
“It’s about time you showed up!”
He watched Rory wince before he raised his head and focused his attention on Harper’s older sister.
“The wedding starts in five minutes,” Paige snapped. “So nice of you to make it on time.”
He nearly laughed in the woman’s face. His measurement of time had completely changed in the span of the last few weeks, and particularly over the last few hours after he’d witnessed how easily it could be distorted. His father had begun to jump back and forth, confusing the years, losing track of days and events. If that was Sawyer’s future then he was going to start viewing time very differently.
“Well, you wouldn’t have started without me, I’m sure,” he teased, and he was pretty sure he might have seen steam coming out of Paige’s ears. He ignored her and turned to Connor instead, as the groom approached.
“Everything okay?” Connor asked, directing the question at Sawyer. He expected Rory’s brother to be irritated, if not outright irate, but he didn’t seem in the least flustered by his late arrival.
“Everything’s fine,” he lied. “I’m sorry I’m late. I didn’t mean to stress you guys out.” That much was the truth. But after the late night, he’d overslept. They all had.
Connor waved a hand. “I didn’t have any doubts you’d make it.”
And then Connor looked at Rory, something unspoken passing between them. Sawyer wasn’t sure what he’d just witnessed.
“Well, now that we’re all here,” Connor said, “does anyone have any objection to getting this wedding started?”
* * *
IT WAS A perfect ceremony, in Rory’s opinion. Though everyone else turned to look at Harper when the “Wedding March” sounded, Rory kept her eyes on her brother. And she knew the second Harper appeared because she saw it in Connor’s face. His entire expression suffused with joy, his countenance glowing. He suddenly had eyes only for his bride, and his face conveyed love and awe. It brought tears to Rory’s eyes, which she dabbed delicately with a tissue. Erin had warned her not to go smearing her makeup.
She shifted her attention to Sawyer and was surprised to find that instead of watching the bride, like everyone else, he was focused solely on her. She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture...but there was something sad in it. She was reminded all over again of the weight he carried. But she was ready now. No matter what the future held, they would face it together.
She knew, even without Connor telling her, that Sawyer loved her. She’d always known it, deep in her soul. It had just taken her a while to trust again. Perhaps that’s why she’d never really let go. She had known, somehow, that he’d come back for her. And he had.
Alzheimer’s couldn’t keep them apart. Should it come for him, they would face it together. She would hold on to him as long as she could, fight for him with every breath. If the disease wanted him, it wouldn’t claim him without a long and fierce battle from her. She longed to tell him that, but she couldn’t, not right now. Harper was stepping up to the front, and Rory’s gaze shifted as Connor stretched out his hand for her.
It felt as if the ceremony went quickly. Connor and Harper made their vows with Molly standing between them, and Harper spoke special vows just to the girl, claiming her as a daughter and making a promise to be the best mother she could. Molly beamed, and a part of Rory felt a tiny sting of loss. She would no longer be the first woman Molly looked to in the future. Harper would fill that role. It was as it should be, and Rory was glad for the kind of mother Harper would be. But she couldn’t help feeling a strange little stab of grief just the same. It was the end of one thing and the beginning of something better. Change wasn’t always bad, it was just different.
She released a breath as she felt Erin’s hand reach for hers, squeezing lightly. Her friend knew how she felt. And she was grateful. She was surrounded by love, with everyone she cared for right here, in this moment while her brother committed his life to his soul mate.
This was the happiest she’d been in a long time.
* * *
SAWYER WAS HAPPY for his friends, but he couldn’t help feeling a slight touch of bitterness. Everything about the wedding and the hours that followed had been perfect. The ceremony was beautiful. Connor and Harper obviously made a wonderful couple. Their love and commitment was evident in every word they spoke, every gesture they made and every look they shared.
At the reception, their affection was even more apparent. In fact, Sawyer felt surrounded by romance—nearly suffocated by it. Paige and her husband had barely left the dance floor. Harper and Connor were kissing every five minutes as the wedding guests dinged their forks against their champagne glasses. Gavin and Erin were seated next to each other, Gavin’s arm draped tightly over Erin’s shoulder. Not that Sawyer begrudged his friend. Gavin would be shipping back out in a few more days—he deserved every minute he could get with Erin during his downtime.
The rest of the guests were all paired off, dancing or drinking, laughing and loving. A wedding was not the place to be when your heart was breaking. But that’s exactly where he’d found himself.
He stood apart, leaning against the wood-and-iron railings, watching the party and occasionally glancing out over the bay. Rory was on the dance floor, leading both Molly and Kitt in an awkward version of the “Macarena.” Kitt couldn’t quite master the choreography, and Rory and Molly had to keep starting over with him.
He could only look at Rory for a few seconds at a time. It hurt too much otherwise. He wished he could go back by a month and never have returned to Findlay Roads. It would have been so much easier on both of them if he’d stayed away. He never would have tried to rekindle things if he’d known then what he knew now. It would have been far more merciful to let her go on thinking the worst of him, that he’d ditched her for fame and fortune.
He couldn’t stay with her. He couldn’t ask her to marry him. He couldn’t condemn her to the uncertainty of the future. His mother’s tears from the night before had haunted him through the midnight hour and into the light of day. He couldn’t shake them. His father hadn’t remembered anything this morning, but he’d been chastened when he’d heard what had happened. His dad’s embarrassment was made worse by his mother’s insistence that it was all right.
He had seen the grief she tried to keep hidden from his dad. He would not condemn Rory to that. He couldn’t bear to think of her hiding her sorrow for him should they end up in the same situation.
He didn’t doubt she loved him, which only made this so much harder than he could have anticipated. Either way, he seemed likely to wound her. His options were to hurt her now, before too much damage was done, or later, after their lives became interwoven even more.
Better to cut things off while she still had a chance of recovering and moving on. She would find someone else, eventually. Maybe this time, it would be different. One day she would understand that he’d broken things off with her not because something better waited for him, but because there were better things out there for her. Surely that would bring some consolation and healing to her heart.
And if he could do that for her then perhaps he could find some measure of peace for himself, as well. To do right by Rory was the best legacy he could leave. She was the one. She’d always been the one. She’d been with him for so much of his life’s journey, had cheered him on, had stood by him. The only way he could think to return the selfless gift of her love and friendship was to let her go.
He knew there was the possibility he’d never develop Alzheimer’s. He could even have the test to be certain one way or the other, but he’d found he wasn’t strong enough to do so. If he didn’t have the mutated genes, it would be a relief...but what if he did? Then he’d live his entire life just waiting for symptoms to develop. He’d wake up every morning fearing that was the day he’d begin to lose himself, his memories, his mental cognition. He couldn’t live like that, with the cloud of inevitability hanging over his head. At least, this way, he still had the hope that the disease would pass him by.
But he couldn’t ask Rory to live like that. He wouldn’t. Especially after the way he’d left her two years ago, placing his needs before hers. He wanted her to have the opportunity to escape a tenuous future and find a life that wasn’t overshadowed by the threat of sickness and death.
And yet, letting her go hurt. It hurt so much more than learning his dad had Alzheimer’s. It was far more painful than facing a future where he might have the disease. The worst thing he had to give up in this was Rory. But he loved her more than his own need. This time, he would do the right thing.
He felt tears rising and blinked rapidly to stop them. He was facing the water, his elbows resting on the rail, when her arms slipped around him from behind. He knew it was her, by touch alone. How many times had she embraced him just like that? More than he could count, and yet he held each memory precious because it was all he’d ever have of her now.
He shifted, turning so that she could find her way into his arms.
“You okay?” she asked.
There was no easy answer to that question. So he didn’t give her one, but rather tightened his arms around her, drawing her close to him and pressing a fierce kiss against her temple. He could allow himself that much, couldn’t he? Or perhaps he was being selfish once more.
“Why don’t we take a walk?” he suggested, whispering into her ear.
She nodded, but he couldn’t see her face. Did she suspect what was coming? If she did, he wasn’t sure she’d have gone with him so willingly. He took her hand, and they made their way around the dance area and toward the steps leading down to the boardwalk fronting the restaurant. From there, they headed for the promenade. The dusk of the evening was waning into twilight, and the iron lamps illuminated the wooden walk before them. The breeze was coming off the bay, cool and strong, but it did little to chill the heat of disappointment churning in his gut.
They were quiet as they walked, and Sawyer kept the pace slow. He was in no hurry to have this conversation. He would cherish every second he had with Rory, knowing these would be the last. When they were finally some distance away from the restaurant and the reception, he knew the time had come.
Stopping, he turned to face her. She watched him, her expression curious and slightly concerned.
“Sawyer, are you okay?” she asked again, her voice a whisper nearly stolen by the wind.
“I’m leaving. On Monday.”
“Oh.” He watched her struggle with his news, trying to figure out what it meant.
“When will you be back?”
He didn’t reply, and the first hint of doubt crossed her features.
“Sawyer.” She said his name clearly, with a touch of force. “When are you coming back to Findlay Roads?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, which was the truth. He knew he’d be back for his dad, to help his family, but those details had yet to be arranged. “But when I do come back—” he drew a breath, his heart pounding double time as he forced out the words “—it won’t be for us.”
“But you will be back, right?”
It was as if she hadn’t even heard him. He didn’t think he could bear to say it again.
“Rory, I’m trying to tell you that...it’s over.” A knot of despair lodged in his throat, nearly stealing the words from him. “We can’t do this again, you and me.”
“You’re joking, right?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but we’re done. For good this time.”
A spark lit in her eyes, a flare of denial.
“What are you doing, Sawyer?”
“Look, this was a bad idea. I should have known better than to return here and try to get back together with you. We’re just not meant to be. It was worth a try, but this—” he gestured between them “—you and me? It can’t work.”
“Why not?” she demanded, and he loved her more than ever in this moment. Because she wasn’t going down without a fight. She wouldn’t be cowed into submission, into giving up. He could see it in the way she squared her shoulders, as though preparing to do battle.
He had already made his choice. He wouldn’t put her through this. But if there was anyone in the world that he could choose to fight beside him in this war, it would be her. She was so fierce, and her eyes blazed as she dared him to offer up the truth.
“Because your life is here, and mine is not. I have a career and friends in Nashville—”
“Stop.” She took a step forward, jaw set tight. “If you’re going to break up with me, at least come up with a better excuse than last time.”
It was a fair enough request. He owed her more than that.
“Fine. The truth is that I can’t do this, Rory. I can’t worry about me and you, too.”
“Worry about me?” Her tone was incredulous. “You’re unbelievable. What in the world did I do wrong?”
Nothing, my love. Absolutely nothing.
“If we keep at this, you’re going to have to move to Nashville. And you won’t be happy there. You know you won’t. How can I focus on my career and my music, if I’m worried about you being miserable?”
“You’re creating problems that aren’t even there. I’m happy wherever you are,” she reminded him. “We were nomads for years, never staying in one place, always moving on to the next gig. I didn’t need anything or anyone but you. You were my home. As long as I was with you, I was happy. Nashville won’t change that.”
Her words burrowed into his heart and soul, and he decided that he would fight for them. If the worst happened, and he developed Alzheimer’s, these were the words he would fight to keep—that he had been loved so much.
“I can’t do this,” he repeated. “We had a nice few weeks, and it was great to reconnect with you. But it’s time to be realistic. This was a fool’s game, from the beginning. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have come back here stirring things up. I think I was just feeling nostalgic. It was selfish, and I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “Are you telling me you don’t love me anymore? Is that it?”
This was the hardest part. Because he could lie in so many ways to spare her the future. But he didn’t think he could lie about how he felt.
“Rory,” he began, trying to sidestep the question, “it doesn’t matter what we feel. Because we just aren’t meant to be.”
“It does matter,” she countered. “Because that’s the entire point. You love me. I wasn’t sure of it before, but I am now.”
He felt a twist of frustration. Why did she have to make this so hard? “How? How do you know?”
“Because you’re trying to break up with me to spare me if you get Alzheimer’s.”
He didn’t know why he thought he could get away with this. She could see right through him. She had known him too long and loved him too well.
“Why can’t you just walk away?” For your own good, Rory. Please walk away.
“Because I love you, too.”
The words nearly undid him. She loved him, more than he deserved. She’d loved him through nearly two years of silence and selfishness. She’d loved him as a boy, trying to find himself. She’d encouraged his passion for music, believed in him before he believed in himself. She’d waited while he was in the army and thrown in her lot with him when he came back and decided he wanted to start traveling the country, playing music wherever he could. She had been by him through so much, and he knew she’d be by him if the worst should happen.
But for once, he wasn’t going to be the selfish one in this relationship. Just this once, he was going to do right by her.
“Rory.” His voice was hoarse, thick with emotion. “We can’t be together.”
“What if you don’t even have the disease?” she persisted. “What if all this is for nothing?”
“If it frees you to fall in love with someone who deserves you, then this isn’t for nothing.”
“I already love someone who deserves me. Just like I deserve him. I’m not afraid, Sawyer.”
“But I am.” It was a hard thing to admit, but there it was. He was scared beyond measure about the future and his greatest fear was seeing Rory as his mother had been last night. “I don’t want to live like that. I can manage this, if it’s just me I’m worrying about. I can’t do it if I have to worry about you, too.”
“Then what will you do? Go back to Nashville, make your music and do like you did for the last two years, forget that I exist?”
“Yes,” he countered, his frustration mounting. “Yes, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, and that’s the point. There’s a good chance I will forget you one day. I won’t want to, and I’ll hold out as long as I can, but eventually, my memories of you will be erased. And I don’t want you to look at me when all I see in return is a stranger.” He took a step closer, his words urgent. “That’s why I’m doing this now before it’s even harder.”
She took a step back, tears filling her eyes. “You’re a liar.” Her voice was accusatory, low and hard. “You promised me you weren’t going to leave me. You won my heart all over again, only to break it a second time.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.”
He could have said more, so much more. He could have told her that she would be the memory he’d hold on to the longest. She would be the reason he kept going, fighting off this disease for as long as he could, if it came to that. But he didn’t want to stop the anger he saw rising in her. If Rory could find her anger, she could walk away. If she could hate him, she could let him go.
“You’re going to be fine,” he said, as much to assuage his conscience as to reassure her. “You’re smart and talented and stubborn. You’ll be all right.”
She didn’t respond. She just looked at him. The wind was pulling at her hair, dragging several tendrils free from her braid to flutter against her cheeks. She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. He didn’t know if it was the breeze off the bay or sadness that made her shiver.
“You really think it’s so easy? Letting someone go?” she asked.
He swallowed. He knew that it wasn’t. But what choice did he have?
“It’s easier than trying to hold on to them, when everything falls apart.”
She shook her head, her expression both pained and angry. “Shows what you know. Love was never meant to be easy, something you walk away from when times get tough. Those who talk about true love like it’s something out of fairy tales or movies, who think the path is smooth from the moment you find the person you’re meant to be with—they’re wrong. People forget that true love, real love, takes work. It’s being with someone even when things get dark and ugly. That’s when love becomes true.” A single tear slipped down her cheek and then another. “I wish you’d been brave enough to believe that for us.”
And with that, she turned and walked away, leaving him desolate and alone once more.