KELLI BARNETT PULLED a face, even though her bestie at the other end of the phone couldn’t see her. ‘I am not going with him, stand-up citizen or not.’
‘Who are you going to take to Billy’s wedding, then? You’ve got to find someone pronto.’ Tamara’s frustration was obvious. But then her family were equally frustrated with her at the moment so the tone was overly familiar.
Her brother’s wedding was turning into a nightmare. ‘No one.’ If only it were that easy.
‘You know your mother’s going to sit Jason beside you if there’s no one else to take that place.’
Oh, yeah. ‘Maybe I’ll pull a sickie, say I’ve caught some severe gastro bug that I can’t share with the wedding guests.’ Maybe she could take a flying leap off the end of the jetty and swim all the way back to Auckland city from the island where the wedding celebrations were going to take place in less than a week’s time. But no, she would never jeopardise her brother’s big day.
‘Are you being obtuse? Like this guy’s awesome, and you don’t want to admit it.’
She hated the smug laughter Tamara was indulging in. ‘You’ve met Jason. What do you think?’
‘He’s doing well as a lawyer, owns his house and drives a top-of-the-range car that goes too fast. He’ll make the perfect husband for someone.’
‘Not for me.’
‘Just checking here. You’re turning him down at every opportunity because?’ Persistent was Tamara’s middle name since she’d found the love of her life and thought Kelli should do the same.
Kelli snapped, ‘He’s dull as dishwater.’
‘Doesn’t light your fire, huh?’
‘A wet blanket would ignite that faster.’
‘And Mac Taylor would set your whole world alight.’
The phone dropped out of Kelli’s suddenly lifeless fingers. ‘Damn you, Tamara,’ she growled, but not loud enough for the words to carry to the phone now lying on the footpath outside Auckland Central Hospital. Tam was her best friend but sometimes... Bending to pick it up, she glanced at her watch. ‘Got to go,’ she told Tamara in her top don’t-fool-with-me voice. ‘I’m going in to sign my next contract with Personnel and then get to work. Bye.’ She hung up before there was any more nonsense from her pal.
But moments later the phone rang and she didn’t have the heart to send the call to voicemail. ‘You’d better have something sensible to say or I’ll hang up again.’
Tamara just laughed. Again. ‘Ask Mac to partner you to the wedding. And before you cut off our friendship for life, think about it. You two were hot for each other at my wedding. The way you danced with him said more than I know you’re ever going to admit.’
Kelli jerked to a stop in the middle of the hospital entrance, yelling, ‘Are you out of your mind?’ She’d just spent six weeks working in Fiji on an exchange with Suva Hospital and if that hadn’t put Mac on the back burner then she was in trouble. Especially now she’d been bumped from day to night shift—Mac’s shift—all because another nurse had taken early maternity leave due to high blood pressure.
‘Only looking out for you, Kells, like you did for me.’
Tears pricked her eyes.
Thanks, girlfriend. Appreciate it. Would love some of what you’ve got but it isn’t going to happen. Not while I’m still afraid to reach out for it.
A quick slash across her face with her palm, a deep sniff, and, ‘Why is it when someone falls in love he or she wants the same thing for everyone else?’ People were bumping and nudging her as they streamed past. She was getting later by the minute. There was the meeting with Personnel—might be less complicated if she headed to the local supermarket and asked for a checkout job where she’d never see Mac—before her shift in the emergency department started at three. Very soon. It had been a full-on day, avoiding her mother and finishing unpacking from her time away.
‘Because love’s so good. Crazy good, wonderful. The sun shines even when it’s raining. Of course I want that for you.’ Tamara sang happiness.
‘You think I’ll get that with Mac?’ She’d like to. No, she wouldn’t. This was Tamara rubbing her up the wrong way causing these pointless ideas to surface. ‘Don’t answer that. I am not going to ask Dr Taylor to partner me to tea break, let alone anything else.’
* * *
Kelli’s heart stuttered as she strode into the ED. Shoulders back, hands forced to hang loose at her sides, butterflies under her ribs.
Where was he? Looking around, she tried to calm the churning going on in her belly. Mac would be somewhere in here. He never ran late for a shift, and now that he was head of department he probably arrived extra early.
She shouldn’t have come back. Doing a runner while she had the chance would’ve been the better option. The hospital board had sent her to Fiji to cover for a nurse coming here to upskill in emergency treatments, but no one on that board would’ve gone out of their way to track her down and haul her back if she’d done a bunk.
Too late, Sunshine. You’re back, with another contract covering the next twelve months all signed and kicking off right now.
Where was he?
‘Hello, Kelli.’
Bang. Right on cue. Slap between her ribs. That low, raspy voice raised images of a hot night in Sydney after Tamara and Conor’s wedding. Without any effort or cohesive thought, she usually felt Mac on her skin, under her skin. But her radar must’ve been temporarily turned off because she hadn’t noticed any change in the atmosphere until he’d spoken. Bracing herself, Kelli turned to face her heartache eye to eye. ‘Hi, Mac. How’s things?’
Mac was striding towards her, head up, back straight. ‘Oh, you know. Same old, same old.’ He shrugged as though life was a bit of a bore really. At least, she thought he was aiming for a casual movement to underline his comfort levels around her, but those muscles under his shirt were tight, tension rippling off them. ‘Except it’s not for you, is it? Shift change is at three, not fifteen minutes past.’
‘Sorry, but I didn’t ask to be bumped to the night shift,’ she growled. Two could play this game. He might be setting the tone but she could just as easily keep up with the play.
His head jerked up a notch. ‘I know.’ A conciliatory note creeping in? Better if it didn’t. Aggro would keep them apart, which was all she required of him. Unfortunately he hadn’t finished. ‘We had no choice but to bring you on board.’ Perhaps not conciliatory, more annoyed. ‘None of the other nurses would change and your return from Suva fitted in perfectly with our most experienced nurse having to take urgent leave.’
‘So they told me over the phone on Friday.’ Kelli didn’t blame Mac for the change in her working times. Despite being Specialist in Charge his hands would’ve been tied, and by the looks of him he was no happier about it than she was.
‘You only found out on Friday?’ He sounded appalled, which won him a point or two. ‘I told Personnel to get in touch with you more than a week ago.’
‘You didn’t think to phone me yourself?’
He swallowed hard. ‘Yes. I did.’
‘Yet you didn’t.’ Good one, Mac. Not a great start to their working relationship if he couldn’t even do that. Really went to show how little he thought about those kisses.
Mac had kissed her in ways that tricked her heart into thinking he might’ve found her attractive in some small way. But deep down she’d known all along she was blowing in the wind. Gorgeous, sexy hunks didn’t fall for her.
According to the school bullies, she had a lot in common with elephants, and not their phenomenal memories. When plastic surgeon Steve, now ex-fiancé, first came on the scene she was long past those jibes, until he offered to do breast and butt reductions free of charge.
And now there was Mac, a man who kept himself aloof from people all the time. A man who when asked if he was single by one of the nurses had replied tightly, ‘Yes, I am,’ and gone on with his work. His tone had been so raw no one had dared ask another thing. Yet for one night, away from home and work, sharing their closest friends’ special day, he’d been different. Funny, fun, relaxed. She’d been hypnotised and felt close to him. Far too easily, considering her heart had been on lockdown since the humiliation Steve had caused her.
Which was why she and Mac had to remain totally professional on the job. She was not going through that again. Rolling her shoulders, she muttered, ‘Guess we’ll do our best to knock along.’ And she’d do her darnedest not to remember that hot night in Sydney every time she came within breathing distance of him.
‘Kelli.’ Mac tapped her shoulder lightly. ‘I apologise. I should’ve been the one to tell you about the changes, even if it was the personnel department’s place to get in touch with you.’
She gave a tight smile. ‘Yes, you should’ve. We’re better than that.’
Mac scowled at her reproach, and she instantly worked to loosen the tightness in her neck and shoulders, and took a step back. No loosening the cramp in her belly while standing close to him. But keeping him onside was important. Working in Auckland Central’s emergency department was her dream job and she’d do anything to keep it.
Anything? Avoid Mac as much as possible? After they’d shared kisses that had tricked her alter ego into sneaking out and letting her hair down—literally. And into having the most amazing time with a man she’d ever experienced, and that was without sex.
Her shoulders slumped. Mac had walked away when they stood outside her hotel room, key at the ready, leaving her wondering what had caused his abrupt change of mind when his desire for her had been plenty evident. A part of her had been relieved. Everything had happened so fast, those kisses so explosive, she hadn’t had a moment to consider the consequences. Not least what he’d think after seeing her naked.
But since then there’d been no putting alter ego back in the box. It was up and fighting. Instead of her usual placatory persona being in charge there’d been nudges and changes going on inside that messed with her mind.
Working in Suva had given her time to take a long look at herself. Getting away from Mac and his inscrutable face after Sydney had been a priority. It had been as though he regretted their night of dancing and kissing. Which hurt bad. She hadn’t been able to forget one touch, one kiss. Nor the gut-twisting moment he’d walked away from her outside her hotel room when she’d believed they were heading inside to the king-sized bed. That should’ve shut down all these hot, needy sensations that slammed through her whenever he came close. Should’ve. Didn’t.
Might explain why she found it hard to return to being the woman who played safe in order to keep people on side so they couldn’t find anything to pick at her about. It hadn’t been about that with Mac and yet she’d still been rejected. So why wasn’t she angry with him? Ignoring him? Why the heat and need for him?
In Fiji she’d figured it was time to dump the past. To stand tall and stare down anyone not accepting her as she was. To stop feeling sorry for herself and start taking some risks, get hurt maybe, loved, but most of all live. Had that night with Mac brought this on? Or was it because he’d shown her something she wanted? Excitement and maybe something more, something deeper?
Despite her new approach to life—still in training—Tamara’s insane suggestion had blindsided her.
Ask Mac to partner you to Billy’s wedding.
If only she could, and feel blasé about it. What if he laughed at her? Made her feel small? On the inside only; she’d never been small physically. ‘Elephant, elephant.’ Those taunts had returned with a vengeance after Steve did his number on her.
So much for looking life in the eye, Kelli.
‘You okay?’ the man wrecking her new purpose asked.
She stared at him. ‘I guess.’ Her belly tightened painfully while her heart went on a rampage, beating up a storm behind her ribs. Mac was sexier than she’d remembered. How did that work? That chest stretching the top of his scrubs turned her toes upward, and made her fingers itch to slip across the expanse of warm skin covering it. That was how.
She raised her eyes to his inscrutable face, despair trickling out on a sigh. He was better looking than her brain had allowed. Definitely sexier now she’d felt his strength under her palms. A lot more serious too, if that was possible. Selective memories here. She should be thinking only of watching him walk away from her that night and the twinge of relief that nudged her, nothing else. But some things were downright impossible.
Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as moisture dried up.
I can do this. I can do this. I have to do this.
The next phase of her career was going to be an absolute blast. ‘Right, we’d better get on with the show. Any changes in staff since I’ve been away?’ Apart from the nurse she was now filling in for, that was.
‘Michael’s swapped to our shift, having decided day shift without Conor around wasn’t so much fun,’ Mac told her as they began walking towards the hub of the department. ‘Otherwise all’s normal.’
‘Cool. I like working with Michael.’ Kelli looked around at the familiar territory, and tried to feel at home again. But it was impossible when Mac was within reaching distance. The Mac she’d got close to, not the Mac she’d wondered what it would be like to make love to. There was a difference between wondering and knowing. A huge, belly-tightening, heart-shaking difference, and she didn’t have the answer. Her fingertips tingled with memories of him; warm skin, rippling muscles. And that was only his back, his arms. She gasped.
Stop it.
So much for putting that night behind her and getting on with her life. Kisses had never wrecked such havoc on her equilibrium before.
‘Everyone likes working with Michael,’ growled Mac.
Her head flipped up. Jealous? But the burnished green eyes that met hers said no, instead warning she was not special around here. Definitely not special to him. Anywhere. ‘I’m sure they do,’ she muttered as something sharp lanced her heart. ‘How did my swap from Fiji work out?’
Relief filled those thoughtful eyes. ‘She was overwhelmed for the first few days but once she got the hang of the continuous stream of patients she found her stride. Talk about soaking up knowledge faster than a sponge takes in water. She thrived, and didn’t want to go home at the end of her stint.’
‘I can understand that.’ Perhaps she could swap permanently with the Fijian nurse.
‘You didn’t want to come back to Auckland?’ Mac asked, his voice now grave. ‘Or to ED and working on night shift?’ He mightn’t have asked ‘Or working with me?’ but the question hung between them.
She avoided the hot topic. Hot? She was standing by Mac, right? Scorching. ‘Bit hard to give up those beaches and the warm water and return to Auckland in autumn.’
Did you miss me at all while I was away, Mac?
‘Talked to Tamara lately?’ he asked. Guess that meant no.
‘Less than an hour ago.’ The friend whose wedding had started the inferno between her and Mac. ‘She’s sick of being pregnant, says her belly feels like it will pop open any minute.’ She’d been full of unwanted advice.
‘Conor told me she’s as restless as a hive of bees.’
Definitely not going to talk about themselves. She could run with that. Safer, if not sad considering how well they got on in Sydney. I missed you so much it kept me awake most nights, Mac. But playing safe was her way and she’d grab this with both hands. Best way to put the whole caboodle behind her.
Then the phone in her pocket vibrated with an incoming text. Probably her mother, in which case she’d not even look, definitely wouldn’t answer. She was not going to the wedding with Jason; nice, successful, upright citizen that he was. Today was Monday. She had until lift-off on Friday to find someone to go with her.
Ask Mac to partner you to the wedding.
Go away, Tam. Go away. He wouldn’t want to attend a wedding where he knew no one but her.
You both only knew the bride and groom at my wedding.
Yeah, well, that was different. It had been small, and while Conor’s Irish family were full on, they’d been convivial, not loaded with awkward questions about her and Mac. Unlike her mother if Mac partnered her to Billy’s.
‘Hey, Kelli, welcome back.’ Stephanie, the head nurse on night shift, appeared before her, a genuine friendly smile lighting up her face. ‘Great to have you working with us.’
Now that was a better welcome. ‘Glad to be here.’ Put some effort into it. ‘Truly.’ If not for working alongside Mac, that was. ‘I’ll have all those mornings to do other things.’
‘Like?’ Stephanie grinned. ‘Sleep in?’
‘More dress designing.’ Her passion outside nursing. Why did her gaze slide sideways towards Mac? He was not one of her passions. He couldn’t be. Dress designing. Mac. Her mind flipped back and forth. Passion.
‘I’d forgotten you made those amazing dresses.’ Stephanie was prattling on, oblivious to the fact Kelli was distracted by their boss. ‘You ever try selling them to the fashion shops?’
Dragging her focus back to Stephanie, she nodded. ‘I’ve sold a few that way.’
‘We’d better keep you happy working with us or we’ll lose you to a new career.’ Stephanie reached over to the counter and picked up a file.
‘Nope. Nursing’s my first love. Designing’s a hobby.’ She held her hand out for the file. ‘What’ve we got?’
‘A lad of seven, fell off his skateboard, probable fracture of the left ulna. He’s all yours.’ Stephanie didn’t let go of the file. ‘For now I’m doing triage, but that could change. Letting you know in case you’re interested.’
‘Thanks.’ Kelli headed for the waiting room and her first patient of the day. Of the shift, of the night roster. Of working with Mac. Her feet tripped over each other. This should be easy-peasy. It wasn’t. Mac had dominated her thoughts since Sydney. Honestly? He’d started sneaking under her radar months earlier when he’d first arrived in Auckland Central’s emergency department. The volume had been turned up by those kisses they’d shared, had her hormones in a right tizz.
Concentrate on work. Sure. ‘Davy Roughton?’ she called, scoping the room.
‘That’s us.’ A young, distressed woman stood up and helped a boy off his seat.
Kelli crossed to them, bent down to the boy’s level. ‘Hello, I’m Kelli, your nurse. I hear you had an accident with your skateboard.’
His top teeth dug deep in his bottom lip as he nodded slowly. He held his left arm awkwardly against his chest. ‘It went too fast.’
She grinned. ‘They do that sometimes, don’t they? Like they’re trying to trick you into thinking you can do anything.’
Another nod, this time more relaxed. ‘I can do jumps and things. But the board went over the step too fast and tipped me off.’
‘You’ll have to train your board to behave.’ She straightened up. ‘Come on. Let’s get you fixed up.’
The mother said, ‘The triage nurse suspects he’s broken his arm.’
‘We’ll have Davy taken to Radiology for an X-ray to verify that. Then it will be a case of applying a cast and sending your young man home with painkillers.’ She looked down at the lad. ‘He’s a brave soul. Not a lot of tears.’
‘There were a few initially but Davy’s usually fairly stoic. Like his dad.’ Mum sounded closer to tears than her boy.
‘Let’s get this sorted. Would you like a coffee or tea? There’s going to be a bit of hanging around.’
‘Love a tea, thanks. Milk and one.’
Kelli ushered them into a cubicle and helped the boy up onto the bed. After settling him in comfortably she checked his temperature. ‘All good there. I’ll get our patient carer to make that tea, and tell the doctor you’re here.’
Mac was at the bedside when she returned minutes later. ‘We need an orderly to take Davy to X-ray, Nurse.’
‘Yes, Doctor.’ She gritted her teeth.
Since when did they go all formal? Got it. Mac was no more comfortable with her being here than she was having to stand within metres of him, seeing, hearing him, breathing in that tantalising male scent mixed with a pine aftershave. Her blood thickened just thinking about him.
He shot her a glare. ‘Now, Nurse?’
Of course. An orderly. Nothing to do with male scent and heat. Kelli phoned the orderly room, then headed to the desk for another patient file. The boy was being cared for and there were more patients needing her attention.
‘Something bothering you, Kelli? You seem distracted.’ Mr Distraction himself stood on the other side of the desk.
Shaking her head at him, she muttered, ‘Not at all. Just getting back in the groove.’ Guilt prodded at her though. She was concentrating more on Mac than work. After six weeks away and no contact with him, she should be over him. Her body wasn’t listening, craving for more—more tender, yet igniting touches, more bone-melting kisses, more of those hands, his hard, muscular body against hers as they moved to the band’s music.
‘When did you get back from Fiji?’ The unexpected question cut through the daydream.
‘Saturday night. A tropical storm on Friday closed Suva Airport for twenty-four hours so I couldn’t get out.’ Couldn’t drive to the airport in Nadi for the same reason.
‘So you’ve only had a day and a half to unpack and get back into your routine?’
‘More than enough.’ If you didn’t count the family dinner on Sunday and being pestered about going to the wedding with Jason. ‘I got the groceries in, did the washing, and generally got settled. My flatmates didn’t go off the rails and trash the place while I was away. It’s not like I was gone for a year.’ Now there was a thought. Twelve months away would take care of what ailed her. But it wouldn’t solve her immediate plan of who to take to the wedding to avoid her mother’s choice.
If only her family didn’t worry about her so much. Sure, her engagement to Steve had been a hellish mess, sending her into a funk ever since, but now she was ready to get out in the dating world, she wanted to do it her way.
On her hip the phone vibrated. Again. Only her mother could be so persistent. Her friends didn’t bother texting while she was at work, knowing she wouldn’t answer. Using personal phones on duty was a no-no. Of course Mum ignored that.
Careful. Mac was watching her closely, too closely, and she didn’t trust that he couldn’t mind-read. He could do pretty much everything else. ‘What?’
‘Nothing.’ He turned away.
‘Good. I’ll get the next patient.’
He came back, looking as though he couldn’t fathom what he was about to say. ‘What is it that you’re not going to ask me to partner you to?’
‘How—?’ The floor tilted. She made a grab for the desk. Drew a breath. Tried to unscramble the words in her head. ‘Has Tamara been talking to you?’ Kelli knew the moment the question was out she was wrong. Tam might poke her with thoughts on Mac but she’d never go behind her back and talk to him about them. Shaking her head, she added, ‘No. She hasn’t. So I don’t understand...’
‘That was who you were talking to as you stood in the middle of the entrance causing people to duck and dive around you?’ His smile was bleak. Not heart-warming at all.
At least her heart didn’t think so. But she needed an answer to his question. It was none of his business, even if his name had been mentioned, but she hated hearing someone talk about her and then look away when they realised she’d heard. It started all sorts of doubts and worries.
So. Go for nonchalant. For cruisy. For this is unimportant. For my mother’s already got me a date so you’re off the hook.
‘I need someone to go with to my brother’s wedding this weekend.’
But... Come on. Add, But it’s all right. I’ve got it sorted.
The words just wouldn’t form.
‘You thought you’d ask me?’
No, I didn’t. Tamara did. But if I’d had the courage to put myself on the line I might have. ‘Just an idea. But I know you’re busy, and it would be boring ’cos you won’t know anyone, and weddings can be tedious unless you’re involved.’ Gulp. ‘Sorry you overheard. It wasn’t meant to be put out there. Girl talk, you know?’
‘I’ll accompany you.’ He sounded as if he’d prefer to be pig-hunting in the mountains.
‘You don’t have to.’ She hadn’t actually asked him. Didn’t want him feeling sorry for her single status. ‘You haven’t thought it through.’
‘Are you stuck for a partner or not?’
‘One of my own choosing, yes.’
‘There’s someone who could go with you?’
‘He’s not an option as far as I’m concerned.’ She shuddered. Whereas this man standing before her shaking his head in bewilderment was the best option ever. Which was why she should take up the Jason offer.
Hello? Thought you’d stopped playing safe.
‘Then you’ve got me.’ Mac watched her, bewilderment giving way to amusement. ‘Cutting it fine, weren’t you?’
‘I have been out of the country for six weeks.’ In case you hadn’t noticed.
‘Don’t I know it.’ Shock removed the amusement. ‘I mean, I... I don’t know what I mean.’
Or what you want me to think you mean. He’d missed her. Not necessarily something to get excited about with that denial hanging between them. ‘You can pull out. I won’t rant and rave all shift.’ Not aloud anyway.
‘You don’t know me very well, Kelli.’ He leaned one delectable hip against the desk and folded his arms across that spread of chest filling his scrubs so well. ‘Saturday it is, then. What time’s the wedding?’
Slowly, slowly, her stomach started heading down towards her knees while her fingers began trembling. As for her brain? It was on lockdown, couldn’t put the words in order, let alone utter them.
Mac’s eyes were fixed on her, waiting. ‘Kelli?’
Gulp. ‘The wedding’s at four.’ As he relaxed her stomach dropped further. ‘At a resort on Waiheke Island. The celebrations are taking place all weekend, starting Friday night with dinner for the two families.’ She’d arranged to have Friday off months ago.
His hands gripped his crossed upper arms. ‘I see.’
Ah, no, you don’t. ‘My parents have booked me a suite at the resort. If you’re my partner...’
‘I’ll have to share it with you,’ Mac finished for her after a hiatus in the conversation. ‘You’re meant to be sharing it with this other guy?’ His face was bleak.
‘No. He’s got his own room.’
‘I could get a room too.’
She shook her head. ‘The resort’s booked out.’
‘So being in the same suite as you will make this other man believe you’re not interested in him.’ Then his gaze darkened. ‘You’re not, are you?’