THE WEEK WAS HIDEOUS. Every day Mac struggled with going into work, so he’d gone earlier than normal, hiding away in his office doing paperwork until handover. But once shift started there was no avoiding Kelli and that continuous snub she’d managed to hold onto since Monday night.
He’d hurt her. No getting away from that. He was hurting too. Denying his love for her was a fail. It didn’t go away, instead held his heart in a vice, shaking his carefully put-together world like that seven-point-eight earthquake last year in Kaikoura. The damage felt as monumental. Hopefully the repair work wouldn’t be as long as some of the roads and railway lines were going to take down south.
He wouldn’t survive like this.
I want you, Kelli. In my home, my bed, my life. Everywhere I breathe.
Now it was Friday night. No more mucking around. He had to talk to Kelli, lay his heart on the line and hope like stink she didn’t jump all over it.
Over the week Mac had picked up the phone twice to call Billy and ask how he’d allowed himself to be happy again and both times he’d put it away. The guy was on his honeymoon and didn’t need some nutter asking difficult questions. He had to work this out for himself or the happiness would be shallow.
But it was the moving-forward bit he was stuck on.
‘Goodnight, everyone. Have a great weekend.’ Kelli waved a hand over her shoulder as she headed for the stairway leading to the basement, not a glance in his direction.
Right. ‘See you all on Monday.’ He headed the same way.
She didn’t look back when she pushed her way through the heavy doors, just charged down the stairs as if she was late for something.
Mac raced down behind her. ‘Hey, Kelli, you heading home or to the gym?’
Kelli kept moving.
‘Kelli, wait.’ Please. Okay, ‘Please?’
Her pace slowed but she didn’t stop.
As Mac caught up he forced himself not to let those sad eyes put him off his stride. ‘Going to the gym?’
‘No. Home to a mug of soup and some tea.’
‘A woman could get an ulcer on that diet.’ Mac put a hand out to stop her mad dash and looked directly into those beautiful eyes. ‘Want to hit the All-Nighter for bacon and eggs? Or lash out and try something different?’
‘No, thanks.’ She pushed past his hand.
He was right beside her, his steps matching hers. The only thing they had in sync at the moment. ‘Any chance of a rethink on that?’
She snapped, ‘What’s the point, Mac? It’s over, whatever it was going on between us. You put your hand up for the weekend, and today is Friday, tomorrow heralds a new weekend, one that doesn’t involve us doing things together. You’re free to do whatever you like as long as it doesn’t involve me.’ Ouch. Go for the throat, why didn’t she? Then, ‘What happened to going to Wellington for your mother’s birthday?’
They’d reached the landing between floor one and the basement. She carried on down. He followed. ‘My mother’s flown to Aussie with a friend. But before you even think it, that is not why I asked you to join me for a meal. I want to talk with you.’
‘I can’t imagine there’s anything I want to hear.’ She glared at him. ‘That’s still a no from me.’
‘Have you told your family yet?’
She understood what he was talking about. ‘Tomorrow at dinner.’
Less than twenty-four hours to change her mind. ‘Give me a chance. Come and hear me out.’
‘I already listened once, didn’t like what I heard.’ Kelli stopped one stair below and stared up at him as though wondering how she was going to get it across to him. ‘You aren’t ready for what I want, Mac. Might never be. Best you spend your energy sorting yourself out.’ That steady gaze seemed stuck on him. As though she couldn’t look away.
He winced. ‘You didn’t used to be so hard hitting.’
‘I’ve finally learned to protect myself.’ Now she turned away. Slowly but oh-so deliberately. ‘See you Monday, Mac.’ There wasn’t a shred of sarcasm in her voice. Just deep sadness.
‘Don’t do it, Kelli,’ he called after her. ‘We’re right together.’
Her foot missed the next step and she pitched forward.
Mac reached her as she grabbed at the rail to stop from falling. His heart was going crazy as fear of her hurting herself hit him. He grasped her upper arm, held her tight, close to his body, but not so close as to crowd her. ‘Kelli. You crazy girl, not looking where you’re going.’
‘Don’t call me crazy.’ She was trembling. Which didn’t stop her tugging free and stepping away. ‘Though it is a new one for me.’
Mac sat down, held her eye. ‘Join me.’
If only he knew how to banish that load of caution darkening the cobalt in his favourite eyes.
‘So you can go on and on about why we should remain engaged after telling me there was no future for us? No, Mac. I heard your message, loud and clear. I am not setting myself up to be dropped when the use-by date rocks around.’
She hadn’t moved away. Good sign? Or wishful thinking on his part? ‘I know you’ve been hurt in the past.’
‘Yep. We both have.’ Her eyes slowly lowered to stare down the stairwell. ‘Goodnight, Mac.’ That sounded, felt, like goodbye. He watched her take a step down, and another, another. On the next landing she looked up, her eyes bleak. ‘Enjoy your weekend. Get out and do something rash, like go fishing, or play a round of golf. Get involved with people.’
In other words, get a life.
‘What do you want, Kelli? A fling? A wedding? The whole nine yards with kids and a home? Or are you serious about calling this quits?’ When she said nothing he continued. ‘When we started out I got the feeling you weren’t willing to take a chance on any of the happy-ever-after stuff. That you believed everyone was out to hurt you one way or another. So come on. Tell me.’
‘It doesn’t matter any more.’
‘Yes, it does, sweetheart. I know this now. I have been an ass, afraid to step outside my comfort zone, scared to give you my heart. I have been hiding behind Cherie’s death for so long it was easier to stay there. Do you feel like that?’
Kelli lifted her gaze back onto him. A bleak gaze that had him fighting not to leap up and hold her tight. Do that and they’d be no further ahead. ‘Don’t turn everything back on me, Mac. You have issues from here to Africa and I don’t hear you talking about them.’
Don’t give this woman a laser gun. Her aim was phenomenal. ‘Cherie’s gone. It wasn’t her fault she died, any more than I could’ve saved her had I known what was happening. It’s taken you to wake me up from the guilt. Because I want to be with you. I want us. She’ll always be a part of me, but my future is mine. Yours and mine, Kelli.’
The mixture of sorrow and disbelief that stared out at him angered him. He didn’t need sympathy or understanding. No, he just wanted to love and be loved. Simple as. Complex as. Hard to do.
‘If only it was that easy.’ She sank down to sit on the stairs. ‘The weekend was unbelievable. For the first time in a long time I have found someone I can trust not to deliberately hurt me. But you’re not really ready for involvement, and I get that. It took me long enough to come around. But we only signed up for the weekend, not for ever.’ Sadness rolled off her in waves.
Then suddenly she was on her feet again, heading down to her car.
‘Kelli, I want to be there when you tell your family our engagement’s off.’
‘What? You want to be whipped?’
‘I want them to know the truth.’
* * *
Kelli felt her mouth dry up as she stared at Mac. Did she even know him? Really know him?
I trust him. I love him. What more do I want?
‘And what would that be?’ she squeaked. ‘What’s your truth, Mac?’ Why was there a knitting needle attacking her stomach? Stab, stab.
‘Kelli.’ Sweet heaven. Two large, firm hands, familiar hands, on her shoulders, holding her ever so gently. ‘Kelli, sweetheart.’ Sex in two words. Say her name like that and the man could have anything.
Dragging her eyes upward, she finally locked onto his steady gaze. ‘Mac?’
‘I don’t want to call our engagement off. I want to make it real.’
‘I don’t understand.’ But she might be beginning to. Her stomach was quivering and her head spun, but her heart was strangely steady as a rock.
‘I’ve been a fool, a slow learner. I tried to hold you away when all the time I wanted to drag you so close you could never leave me. Every day I stare at that painting and see what I’m missing out on. I love you, Kelli Barnett. Simple and as complicated as that.’ No doubt in his eyes. Not a drop.
She sank a bit under his hands, her knees not as strong as they were meant to be. ‘Y-you love me?’ Mac loved her. ‘You love me,’ she shouted, and then heard her words echo up the stairwell.
‘Tell the world, why don’t you?’ A glimmer of a smile appeared, wound through her. ‘Is this your way of saying you might reciprocate my feelings?’
‘I do. I love you so much it hurts.’ Her fist banged between her breasts. ‘In here. This week has been hell watching you, hearing you, remembering how well we fit together.’ She took a step up, and another to stand beside him. Reached up on her tiptoes. ‘Yes, Mac Taylor, I love you.’ Her lips sought his, touched lightly.
Mac’s arms wound round her, brought her up against that hard, soft, warm body.
She deepened the kiss, lips pressed to lips, her tongue plunging into his mouth, tasting. Her knees weakened some more, so she was forced to lean further into him.
This was what kissing the man she loved felt like. What being kissed by the man who loved her back was all about.
She couldn’t get enough.
* * *
Eight days later Mac lifted Kelli’s case off the luggage carousel at Sydney’s Kingsford Smith Airport and groaned. ‘What didn’t you leave behind?’
‘Last week’s laundry and a bag of stale crisps.’ Her case was stuffed full with toys and cute little dresses for Gabriella that would take at least a year for her to grow into. Kelli pinched those straining arm muscles and grinned. ‘Not going all soft on me?’
‘Soft?’ he chortled. ‘Complaining about the goods already?’
Maybe it was their happiness but they were shooed through Immigration so fast they were outside and climbing into a taxi before they’d caught their breaths.
‘Darling Harbour, please,’ Mac directed the driver, adding the name of the hotel they’d stayed at for Tamara and Conor’s wedding.
Kelli felt a knot of excitement unfurling in her tummy. They were going to unload their bags before heading across the city to see Tamara, Conor, and wee Gabriella. Then tonight—anything could happen. So much to be excited about. Her hand sought Mac’s.
His fingers wound around hers, giving her a gentle squeeze. ‘Welcome back to our special place.’
Her lips found his, and this kiss was no sweet, soft one but a hungry, love-filled one. Bringing everything together for them. When Kelli thought about it she felt her whole life had been heading for this day, this man. Then Mac’s tongue slid into her mouth and danced across her tongue. And she couldn’t think any more.
‘Excuse me, but here’s your hotel,’ the driver interrupted them.
They broke apart with an unspoken promise this kiss and its consequences were not over, merely on hold until they were upstairs in their room.
Upstairs on the top floor, Kelli discovered, when the lift doors slid open to reveal two apartments, one apparently theirs for the weekend. ‘Oh, Mac, you’ve gone overboard, but I won’t let you change your mind.’ She did a twirl of the massive lounge room before going to check out the bedroom and en-suite. ‘Come in here. This bed is ridiculous.’ It was the size of a football field. ‘I’ll never find you in the night.’
Mac stood in the doorway, laughing. ‘I’ll wear reflective pyjamas.’
‘The day you wear any pyjamas I’ll know you’ve gone off me.’
His laughter stopped. ‘That’s never going to happen.’
‘Good answer.’ Her smile was filled with love for this man who’d seen behind her barriers to the fears that had dogged her most of her life and still loved her. With her forefinger she beckoned him into the room. That bed was made for using, not staring at. ‘Come here.’
‘Hate to disappoint but we’ve got a booking down on Darling Harbour.’ He didn’t look at all repentant, more like cocky. Or was that pleased with himself?
‘We have?’ What was going on? He hadn’t mentioned anything until now. ‘We’re not going to meet Gabriella?’
‘A man’s allowed to surprise his woman occasionally.’
Her tummy sucked in on itself. Stepping up to him, she peered into his eyes, trusting him with everything she had. ‘Mac?’
‘We will be using that bed, just not yet.’ He hooked an arm over her shoulders and turned them to the door leading out to the lift.
Once again the excitement was bubbling. ‘Where are we going specifically?’
‘Which part of “surprise” don’t you understand?’ he mock growled before dropping a kiss on a particular hot spot below her ear.
Snuggling closer, she refrained from uttering another word for the next ten minutes as they made their way out of the hotel and down to the pier and along to... ‘The restaurant Tamara and Conor were married in. Where our gazes got all fogged up staring at each other,’ she gasped.
‘We’re having brunch. Along with champagne. Thought we should celebrate where it all began.’ Mac wasn’t smiling now; instead he looked purposeful and serious as he gave his name to the waiter.
There was a lot of activity amongst the waiters and the sound of a cork popping, champagne being poured, chairs pulled out, serviettes shaken open, then the staff disappeared.
As Kelli sank onto the chair Mac held for her she caught his hand over her shoulder. ‘You’re such a romantic, you know that?’
He came around to face her and picked up both glasses and handed her one. Then he dropped to one knee.
Kelli’s heart went into overdrive and she had to pinch herself to see if she was alive and this was real. The glass wobbled in her fingers; cool liquid splashed over the rim.
‘Kelli.’ Mac reached for her other hand. ‘I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Will you please marry me and make me the happiest man on the planet?’
‘You’re proposing.’
‘Yes, sweetheart, I am. No way were you getting away without a proper proposal.’
‘Like I said, a romantic. And yes, Mac Taylor, I will marry you.’
‘And make me happy as I will you.’
‘All of that.’ Leaning forward, she kissed those accomplished lips. ‘I love you.’
Pulling back, Mac removed her glass from its precarious hold and placed both on the table before wrapping her into the biggest, warmest, lovingest hug of her life with a kiss to match.
Sometimes life did deliver on your wishes, Kelli acknowledged silently as she melted further into the man who’d brought her all the happiness she could want. More importantly, she was able to pour her heart into giving Mac all his heart’s desires.
Then Mac stood up and put his hand in his pocket, retrieved a tiny jeweller’s box and opened it, held it out to her. ‘I know I should’ve got you to choose a ring but when I saw this sapphire I had to have it. It’s the same cobalt shade as your eyes when you’re laughing.’
Slowly she held a now very shaky hand out to him. Her gaze was fixed on the sapphire set in gold. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she choked. ‘You got it so right.’ Not that she’d have been able to describe something like this if asked.
As the gold band slid onto her finger she sighed. What a ride, but worth every bump and glitch along the way to be here with Mac.
Sure, there was champagne, and a ring, and Mac had got down on his knees, but this time she heard the love, the genuine need to be with her and love and cherish her and accept her as she was. Love. This proposal was all about love, the right kind of love. Sharing, caring, happy.
Picking up the glasses again, she handed one to Mac and raised hers. ‘To us, and whatever the future brings.’ They had another wedding to look forward to.
Mac clinked his glass against hers. ‘To us, my love.’
And then they drank the nectar of love, the bubbles fizzing along Kelli’s veins to her toes, along her fingers where that ring gleamed, and slap bang into her heart where her love for Mac sat ready for anything.
* * * * *
Read on for an extract from THE FAMILY SHE’S LONGED FOR by Lucy Clark.