The Four Pillars of a Happy Life
In no order of importance as they are all equal:
The Friends
Dear and wonderful friends. It is a shame men don’t seem to make the same sort of connections as we do. The closest they seem to get to closeness is standing around in the pub taking the piss out of each other.
I know that whatever calamity befell me, I would have many dear friends to help me through it. Men, I am sure, have this too, but they seem to me to lack the everyday closeness. If I am blue I will say so and my friends will try and help. If men are blue they tend to bottle it up. They may talk to their girlfriend if they have one, but we can always talk to our girlfriends, which is why, despite many media messages to the contrary, they need us more than we need them.
Not that we’ll ever get a male version of Sex and the City showing that, because the media wouldn’t want to put it out, and all the boy chats over breakfasts in Manhattan would be very tedious. I’m yawning just thinking about it, to be honest.
If, as a woman, you cherish and nurture your friendships, you will find them to be the very greatest gift of your life. Whether you are going through super times or ghastly times, strong friendships are essential to a happy life. And there is no reason at all that a truly great friend can’t be as supportive as a great partner. In fact, the friend is probably a safer bet. The failure rate of best friendship must be miniscule compared to that of couples.
And if you’re thinking that perhaps some of your current friends have been a bit flaky, or maybe they’re around less since they hooked up with someone, find some new ones. Don’t ditch the old ones, but if they are reluctant to join in with the fantastic dancing slipper fun, then I guarantee that going out there and finding that fun for yourself will bring more like-minded girlfriends into your life.
The Freedom
Never stop relishing it. Keep revisiting it in your garden. You may not have the money to do all you may wish to do with this freedom, but even then, the freedom can be explored and enjoyed as the incredible gift that it is.
You have choices available to you which partnered people simply don’t. Little things, like what to eat, or watch on TV. Bigger things like lifestyle. Some people (like me) are hard wired tidy. Many are the opposite. Such things are hard to compromise on. If one half of a couple craves tidy and the other half finds the tidying annoying, you have a daily conflict if you live together, or a weekend conflict, if you live out. Singles are free of that – and hundreds of other things of its ilk.
Being the sole author of your living style, from what to keep in the fridge to when to retire, becomes entirely your choice.
The freedom of that choice is a gift which should never be underestimated.
The Fantastic
Well I gave you some ideas in Chapter 2. Now you need to find some of your own. I think by now you may already have a few fantastics in mind!
The Full Heart
If I think back to my heart in my IWAB and IHAB days, I would say it was like a tissue. Oh, bugger, another metaphor. This really is the last one.
A tissue is, of course, soft and easily crumpled. No one can live a happy life with a heart like that. I felt all too acutely the pain of a failed relationship or a rejection. To feel such pain at the end of even a short-lived relationship is not normal. Of course, what I was really feeling was the wound in my self-esteem, not the sadness of knowing I’d never again hear golf stories from B.
My IWAB heart needed filling with a relationship. I have since learnt that a fuller heart, more aware of how much it already has, is a far more robust thing.
In visualising my garden whenever I get the chance, in learning to believe in myself, my goals, my dreams, my friends; my heart has become more like a soft ball. Yes, it will be dented temporarily by a rejection or a setback, but no, it will not be crushed into oblivion by it. Never again. My four pillars stand tall and strong against it