Who Might be the Right Sort of Guy?
Well, you won’t be surprised to learn that we have categories for the men too. Like we would let them get away without labels if we are labelling ourselves! Amongst men we have ‘lovely slipper man’ and ‘loafer trophy man’.
Now I must thank my friend Ella for “lovely slipper” as this is what I heard her once call her husband, Ben. There was a context I won’t bore you with but I thought, poor Ben, why call him a slipper? Why be so mean? Well, she wasn’t being mean. She was saying it because she loves him. After all, who doesn’t love slippers; warm, cosy, reliable, maybe frayed and a bit daggy, but so what? They feel good. And they’re good to your feet. And this is how Ella feels about Ben. He may have got a bit paunchy over the years, he may not be fantastic at helping around the house, but he is warm and kind and funny – someone you would pick to be a friend.
But when we meet a man, is it his slipper qualities we are attracted to? Not really, unfortunately. The man who turns our heads is very often not slipper man. If only it were. Sadly, it’s usually, loafer trophy man we are seeking.
Loafer Trophy Man
We see him online or we see him in a bar .Good-looking, sharp dresser, confident. If we find out he has a flash pad/car/job then so much the better. This is the man about whom all our friends say, “Ooh, where did you meet him?”
Have you come across the Manosphere? Google it and have a quick read of the bloggers from whom this term has evolved. Basically it’s the online chatter of men. There are slipper men mostly in the thirty-five plus age group (though many are less lovely, more disgruntled) claiming that all women are nasty, spiky stilettos. Then there are also the loafer trophy men, usually same age bracket, laughing that the women in their age group seem so desperate to find a bloke and settle down, whereas they, being premium loafer trophy product, can pump and dump us as they please. And such treatment is our own fault for being mean and picky when we were younger. “Ha ha,” they say. “Suck it up, bitches.”
Don’t spend long in the Manosphere. It’s a miserable world, like the Planktonlife one. Awful. Dancing slipper women don’t need any of that crap. Of course, there are also men in the Manosphere who are legitimately angry about punitive divorce settlements and poor child access arrangements. There are broken-hearted men blogging (or responding to blogs) who are lonely and sad. It’s painful reading.
But the trophies, the so called Alpha men, crowing over their worth? Well, ladies, we must admit to having leant a hand in this horrible creation. We have conducted our man search with a materialistic agenda which has helped spawn this ugly creature. If we chose to judge a man by his car/cash/looks then we are telling the ones who tick these boxes that they are a prize: A trophy.
If we are seeking out those trophy qualities at the expense of slipper qualities, we are asking for trouble. Trophy men, with too many options become tardy and transitory serial daters with a trail of disappointed women in their wake. Of course, not all men with trophy attributes take on an “I am a trophy” attitude. Many men are rich and good-looking but don’t act the trophy. But depressingly, many men do.
And what’s also depressing is that the nice slipper men, with too few options as we can be so picky and focused on finding a trophy, drift away from the dating scene. We didn’t value them so they went away with the mistaken view that we’re all spiky stilettos. Because too many women they met turned out to be just that.
Don’t aim for trophy man. You have no more right to his money than he does to yours. Would you choose a friend based on her car or the size of her pay packet? Of course not. So don’t choose a man in that way.
Be open to a lovely slipper man. Realise that the qualities which may make a man good for your life, may not be the qualities you were seeking previously.
You are your own person; you have your lovely garden and all the good things in it. Anyone who may enhance your life won’t do so because he has a BMW. The life enhancing lovely slipper man might be sitting right next to you on the bus.