Back to Single with Nine Single Mantras
For a book about loving single, we’ve sure spent a fair bit of time on relationships. But of course, our aim if we do want a relationship is for one which will enhance our life, not one which becomes the sole axis of it. I hope I have been able to demonstrate the difference.
Whether you are a gregarious loner dancing slipper like me, or a dancing slipper open to a lovely slipper man, either way, we have to enjoy our single time. Hopefully by now you are nurturing your garden and planting more in it. Hopefully you are pulling out those pesky IWAB weeds, even if you would quite like a man in your life; the want isn’t taking over the garden.
To best enjoy our lives there are certain things that we should do. Like eating healthily. This is a bit hard when your lovely slipper is longing for home delivery pizza or your latest turned out to be an uptight loafer trophy and you need the healing balm of some chocolate. The freedom of a single life makes it easier to eat healthily. The freedom of a single life makes a lot of things easier. Treating yourself when you want to say, “Blow it,” without the tuts of a man who thinks you should lose a couple of kilos? That’s easier too.
Well, here we have, appropriately enough for Chapter 9, nine single principles by which we should try and live. We won’t always, but we can have a bloody good go at it.
Nine principles of happy living
One
Make regular visits to the garden of good things in your life. Pluck out the weeds of negative thought. Remember this by Milton, “The mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.”
Two
Never let your garden become invaded by thoughts that as a single person you are a lesser person. Some of the meanest, dullest, ugliest people on the planet are in relationships. And not always with each other.
Three
Never try and package up a man to make him fit what you want him to be. If you wouldn’t pick him as a friend, don’t pick him as a partner.
Four
You don’t need a man to be happy. Whoever comes and goes in your life there will always be you. Love yourself and your own company. If you struggle with time alone, work on the skill of enjoying it. It is a vital skill for anyone to have.
Five
A heart full of love, friends, and a whole bunch of fantastic, will never be lonely.
Six
Love your body. Good eating and exercise will really make you feel better. You don’t need to be a health nut eating activated almonds. Just eat well.
Seven
But then, you must also love occasional good times with wine and chocolate. And other deliciously naughty things like butter chicken, and fish and chips.
Eight
Have goals. Have little ones and big ones. Keep your garden full of them. Make them all fantastic to you.
Nine
Never just say, “I’m single.”
Say instead, “I’m a very happy single.” You have to mean it. Not pretend it.
Follow these principles, and you won’t be pretending.
Sometimes it’s hard. I know it is. Sometimes you meet a guy and he’s just so lovely and he quickly becomes the only pillar on which your life’s happiness depends. Then he goes, or stays (but changes) and all your happiness comes crumbling down. Just one last metaphor (I promise) will help us process this.
Let’s recap on the four key elements we talked about in Chapter 2. Each of them is a pillar on which you should build the platform of your happy life. The strong pillars that won’t let us down. Any nice man who may come along is just a bit of decorative gabling to add to them. If he drops off our pillars are still whole and strong.
Now, imagine your garden enclosed by a beautiful stone wall in a square shape. At each corner of the wall there are our pillars, keeping the walls strong and the garden safe.