Hello, and welcome to what I hope will be a new way of thinking for you. Did you buy this book for yourself? Congratulations, you are already on the way.
Did someone else buy it for you because they are sick of you being whingy about there being no one special person in your life? Well, I hope that by the end of this little read you will thank them, and not be whingy that such a book exists, or that someone saw fit to buy it for you.
What we must do first of all is understand the states of mind of disconsolate single women. And before we go any further, I must tell you I’m single too. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has picked up a “How to live single” book, only to find it dedicated to the author’s “darling hubby”. I for one find this a bit contradictory, so for the record, I am very single. By the end of this book I hope you will feel like me, that it isn’t a bad thing at all. And whilst we may still retain the option of the right guy coming along, this won’t be our main focus or goal. Let’s face it – right now it is? Yes. Well, this you need to change.
Also, I’m straight. But if you’re not, then put in girlfriend or whatever word you want to use wherever I say boyfriend. I reckon you amazing lesbian ladies don’t have half the trouble we straight girls do – but if you do, then maybe this little book will help you too. And I’m sorry I’m not very good at using gender neutral words. Anyway, let’s get to it.
In my view there are two ways in which the needful single woman lives.
Number 1:
I want a boyfriend state. This we will shorten to IWAB.
Now, we all know how this feels. At an especially tedious internal meeting at work one day, I mentally went around the room ticking off the attendees. She’s just got engaged, she’s also engaged, she’s married...Why not me? Where is mine? I want a man in my life too. And what happens then is that any good times in your life are tinged with the sadness of that want. Sometimes it’s a little and sometimes it’s a lot, but the want is always there. I may have a great life and no financial need of a bloke. I may have a life which others would envy, but still, IWAB is always there. Niggling away and producing discontent.
Number 2:
I have a boyfriend! This state we will shorten to IHAB.
We know how this feels too! When a guy does come along we feel so differently. It’s as if the clouds have lifted. We try not to focus on it (or him) as we have all read a raft of dating books telling us not to do that, but it’s hard. We think, “Now I am boyfriend-ed like everyone else, I feel more attractive and interesting.” People don’t now say, “Oh, there’s single Jen,” they say, “Oh, look Jen and Mike. How are you, mate? Did you see the match? Lovely dress, Jen. Where did you get it?”
IHAB and I’m happy. Of course, it gets anxious and stressy when a day goes by with no text. No doubt we have all spent days (weeks) on extreme phone watch. But on the whole, when it’s going well anyway, the presence of ‘the him’ somehow colours everything in. The pencil drawing of our life, however neat and pleasing it was without him, becomes (thanks to ‘the him’) a vibrant splash of acrylic paint. A big canvas of fun and hope and plans now that he has finally arrived.
Of course, had the various arrivals not been followed by their various departures, I wouldn’t be writing this book and you wouldn’t be reading it.
But you are reading it, and two of the most important things we have to work on are:
IWAB - the “I want a boyfriend” state of mind – is a mindset we need to change
and
IHAB - the “Oh, yippee, I finally have a boyfriend” state of mind – is a mindset we need to do differently
If we can change these, then ladies, we will be on our way to enjoying better lives. Let’s do it.