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The ocean was as dark as the night. Even the breakers melted into the ominous seascape. I could hear the pounding of the waves, the steady drumbeat of water making sand. I felt the foam at my feet. I ran in the direction of Elwood Estates, but part of me didn’t want to get there. I needed to see Liona, but I was ashamed of what I had done.
I looked back and saw red and blue blinking lights in the distance where I had left my mother.
She wasn’t going to die.
Breathless, I fell in the sand before I reached the rockpiles that sheltered Windy Point. I wiped the sea spray, tears and sweat that had formed on my face. My nose ran. My hands shook. I took the phone from my pocket and dialed Liona’s number and then hung up before it rang. I hid my face in my sleeve and moaned. Louder, until the sound came from places inside of me I didn’t know were there. My cries harmonized with the growl of the ocean.
I called out to the midnight abyss repeatedly, bellowing strange and uncanny sounds that came from my gut. In that way, I drained everything inside of me. My hate, my grief, my shame for having attacked my mother. I cried out until there was nothing left. No energy, no grief. Only emptiness. Then I wiped my eyes and fixed my gaze on the heavens, mesmerized by the stars. How much time passed, I didn’t know nor cared. My hollow body bore no thoughts, nor any feelings.
The sound of a sea gull brought me back. I pulled out my phone again and dialed Liona’s number. This time I let it ring. I almost hung up after the third tone but then her voice came through, clear and strong.
“Hello.”
“Liona,” I stuttered. I sounded like Randy. I sniveled and choked on my slobber and wiped my face again. I coughed because the mucus had collected in my throat, and then I spat.
“Dylan? It’s so late. Why are you calling? What’s wrong.”
“I need to talk to you.”
There was silence for a moment and I feared maybe she hung up on me.
“Now?”
Oh god I didn’t want her to refuse me. What would I do? I didn’t answer.
“Where are you?”
“Windy Point. I mean I’m almost there. Maybe ten minutes. Please, Liona. I really need to talk to you.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
She ended the call. I stood, a little stronger knowing that I had Liona to talk to. She would understand. I made my way around the cliffs, stumbling in murky tidepools and scrapping my hands on the mussel-coated boulders. I was pretty scratched up by the time I reach the beach at Windy Point. My pants were soaked. I had forgotten to take off my shoes, so the sand seeped through to my toes where the seams came apart. I stumbled across the oyster beds and when I reached a loamy dune, I collapsed face down into the ground.
I fell asleep.
When I awoke, the fog was thick, and the temperature had dropped. I shivered. My head hurt, my energy drained. I opened my eyes. Through the mist a glow of headlights beamed in the street near where my old house used to stand. I assumed Liona had arrived, as not many people would be driving in that cul de sac this time of night. I closed my eyes again. Part of me sighed with relief for a moment, but then I tensed up. Telling her what happened would not be easy. I struggled trying to think of what I was going to say, opening my eyes once. She trudged through the sand and stumbled through the oysters to get to me.
“Dylan, what’s going on? What are you doing laying here in the wet?”
She kneeled next to me. The concern in her eyes tore my insides. I sat up, dazed.
“Tell me,” she spoke softly and took my hands in her. “What happened, Dylan?”
It took a while to put words together. I stuttered once and groaned shaking the sand out of my hair.
“What, Dylan? Are you hurt?”
“No.”
“What then?”
“You warned me. You know? I’m a fool.”
She nested next to me. “What did I warn you about?”
“Using magic.” I swallowed because I could barely talk. “What do you do when you’ve been the devil? Where do you go? How can things ever be right again?”
“What are you talking about?” She frowned and searched my eyes.
I saw fear in hers. She was right to fear. She should fear. I’m afraid of me. I don’t trust myself. “I did the blackest thing anyone could have ever done.”
“What did you do?”
“I burned my mother.”
She pulled back to study me, as if she wasn’t sure I was the person she knew. I wasn’t.
“With magic?”
I nodded.
“What happened?”
“She said I killed Uncle Jim.” The tears welled, and I wiped them away quick. “I swear if I had known Uncle Jim was dying because of me I’d have left. I swear it.”
“Stop it, Dylan.” She touched my cheek, her hand soft and warm. Gentle. “You didn’t kill your uncle. He had a kidney failure. That’s what your aunt told me. What your mom said is not true. Don’t let yourself believe those lies. You didn’t kill your uncle.”
“You don’t know that. My mom knew her brother. She’s probably right. She said I killed him and I hated her for telling me. The magic was in me, Liona. Dark. Mad! Rage, that’s what it was. I didn’t mean to hurt her like that.”
Liona brought my hand to her lips and kissed it, which stopped my tears. “Is she okay?”
I shrugged. “I called the emergency number on your phone and they took her away.”
“Was she breathing when you left?”
“She was crying. Her hand was blistering. It looked bad.”
Liona relaxed. “She’ll live.”
“Maybe. I left before they came. I hate myself Liona. I hate myself.” I gasped for air because my heart started beating hard. “I hate myself.”
She sighed long and hard while I wheezed. The panic set in. I saw myself sitting on the beach with Liona, but I couldn’t control myself. Maybe I was having a seizure, I don’t know. I shook. I grunted. I slobbered. I was a mess. Liona watched me and I hated that she saw me like this, but I couldn’t stop. Finally, I buried my head in my hands and sobbed.
“Settle down, Dylan.” She put her hand on my head, kneeled, and kissed me on the forehead. When her cool hands touched me, I got my breath back.
“Settle down.”
I wiped my eyes and took some deep breaths like Uncle Jim had taught me. She moved closer.
“Take it easy. Don’t hate yourself. You’ll get through this.”
“I’m not sure I want to. I need to punish myself for being so bad.”
“Stop that.”
“No one does things like I do. I could have killed her.”
“Okay, look.” She scooted away, and her voice lost its gentleness.
Not by much, but enough to pull me out of my self-hatred because I didn’t want her to leave. I needed her.
“I know what you’re feeling. I know the darkness.” Even though Liona had a stern look on her face, her voice was more than sympathetic. Deeper than that.
“How could you know what I’m feeling? You’ve never even hurt a fly. Except maybe when you tripped me and that didn’t even hurt. My pride maybe?”
“Don’t kid yourself. I was in the same place you are. Only worse.”
“Hurting someone?” I wiped my face with my sleeve and spat in the sand.
She nodded. The moon rose east of us just then. A big full moon that peeked over the rooftops of the houses in the neighborhood. The light made Liona’s face glow. “I’m ashamed of what I did. So ashamed I never told anyone. But I know how you feel.”
She had my attention. I wiped the last tear, rubbed my hands clean on my pants, and then clasped her hands tight.
“I’m trusting you,” she whispered. “With my secret.”
“I won’t tell anyone.” And then I questioned if I could be that loyal because I betrayed Tim Lan’s trust. If I did it once, I might betray Liona. “I mean, not if I can help it I won’t ever tell anyone.”
“It’s hard.”
“I know,” I whispered. Gosh did I know.
“I had a younger brother. He wasn’t a healthy boy, but he was a beautiful boy. I loved him so much. He was much like Randy - stuck in a wheel chair most of the time. No one knew if he’d ever be able to walk. My parents had been talking about getting braces for him, but it took a long time. Years.”
“That’s hard.”
“Yes, well I was young and foolish back then. I thought for sure, having magic, I could help him. Cure him even. I tried to help him walk. Every day I’d get him up and walk with him.”
“That’s good.”
“Good. Yeah,” she snickered. “Remember what happened when you used your magic on Randy?”
I wrapped my arms over my chest, feeling the pain. How could I forget? “Did that happen to you?”
“Not the same as it did you. I didn’t get any pain from Tommy. My magic didn’t work like that.”
“Oh.” I sensed she was going to tell me something awful. Something dark. She read my mind.
“Yeah. It was black as the sky is tonight. We were alone that night, upstairs in his room. I coached him to take some steps. We practiced like that often. Tommy got out of his wheel chair, holding my hand of course, and took a few steps. We were both delighted. Then I got arrogant. I sent some magic his way. First time I’d ever done that with him.” she sighed and squeezed her eyes shut and moaned a little. “I’m sorry Dylan. This hurt.”
I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there and gaped at her. She buried her head in her hands. She didn’t cry. She was quiet for a long time. When she took her hands away her eyes met mine. “I’ve never told anyone and now I can see it all over again.”
I bit my lip, trying not to interrupt. I put my arm around her shoulders because she started trembling.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“Yes, I do. For your sake. For mine too.”
She composed herself and then went on.
“He walked on his own once the energy was in him. It was beautiful He followed me out of the room. The magic traveled through us both. It made him laugh. What a handsome smile he had. I turned to lead him back to the bedroom.” She shuddered and stared at the moon. “I thought I had healed him, but...” She breathed in deeply and swabbed a tear from the corner of her eye. “He didn’t follow me. Instead he went to the stairway and called my name. ‘Look!’ he said. He was going to show me how he could walk down the stairs. Before I got to them he fell. His little legs just weren’t strong enough. He rolled to the bottom of the stairwell and hit his head on the wall. There was no blood. No broken bones. He lay there unconscious with a small gash on his head.” She stared at the ocean, I stared at her. I don’t think I had a pulse right then, waiting for her to finish. “He slipped into a coma. Never came out of it.” She glanced at me. I never thought a smile could show so much remorse. “He died.”
“Oh.” I said, sickened by the thought. Saddened for Tommy, and for Liona having to carry that guilt. “I’m so sorry.”
“I loved little Tommy. I never meant to harm him.”
Neither of us spoke again for a long while. We didn’t cry anymore. The fog settled in around us, covered the moonlight, and then we couldn’t see the ocean at all. We snuggled together, our bodies exchanging heat, shivering and then comforting each other.
“I didn’t tell you everything,” I said.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I want to. You should know. My mother broke into Tim Lan’s house. She took his pearls. I couldn’t let her do that. I set the pearls on fire in her hand. I wasn’t sorry about it either.”
“That’s scary, but I can understand that.”
“Tim Lan thinks I invited her. She told him I helped her steal from him.”
“Oh, Dylan.”
“So, he kicked me out.”
“Oh god.”
“Yeah.” I breathed in deeply. “I hate her sometimes. But I feel bad that I hurt her. How can that be?”
“Because you’re a good person, Dylan.”
“The magic was black. Evil.”
“It’s gone now, isn’t it?”
I shuddered at the thought of what had happened. “I never want to experience that kind of power again. I never want to. I’m sorry for you, and your brother Tommy. I’m sorry for using that power.”
Chapter 24
