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“Mama, what’s true love?”
Tina took her time and parted Elaine’s hair with the tip of an afro pick before she responded to her daughter. “What do you mean by that?”
She was hoping to stall long enough for Elaine to lose interest and switch her attention to the new Happy Days episode on the television.
It had been a long week of searching for work and avoiding Chas across the street. She’d been successful at one of those things: eluding her handsome neighbor.
Money was slipping through her fingers. Despite catching rides with Johnny and eating beans, rice and cornbread for most of their meals, she needed to find work soon.
Even if she had her car, she would not be able to afford the gas. Both gas stations in town were rationing gas. There were days where she saw Chas walking to town along with other Newland Road residents.
Times were bad, and rumor was this was just the beginning. There had been no news from Calvin. She wondered if the gas shortage had affected mail delivery.
Although he never directly responded to her questions about marriage, he had talked about returning to the area. Mother Norris’s health was declining so it made sense that he would return in his mother’s last days.
If they married, her money worries would be over. He was a veteran. Vets, even those returning from this unpopular war, all got regular checks from the government.
Was it wrong to go into marriage for money alone?
After all these years apart, she didn’t love him. Did she ever love him? She had never felt the way she felt with any other man like she felt with Dr. Charles Warren.
Was that love or lust?
Charles made her laugh. He made her think. He made her feel like a woman. After their passionate kiss last week, she had questioned her grasp on godliness. Guilt-ridden, she’d confessed her sin of lust and devoted more time in personal Bible study around purity and holiness.
And now her daughter asked of true love. She wasn’t sure if she knew what the truth was, but the girl deserved an answer. Better to get the answer from her mother than someone else.
Tina dipped the tip of her index finger in the Bergamot grease and smoothed it along the part in Elaine’s hair. She combed through the section and made another part a half inch over. Elaine seemed to be engrossed in the television show. Maybe she had forgotten about her question.
“Mama, did you hear me?”
Tina sighed. No use stalling any further. “Yes, I heard you, baby. I asked you a question in response. What do you mean by true love?”
“I just want to know. I’m thirteen now.”
“So, what does being thirteen mean, Missy? That doesn’t mean you can demand answers from me, does it?”
Elaine’s shoulders sagged. “That’s not what I meant. I mean I can understand more than you think I can. Lana says the way to tell true love from false love is to kiss someone. I mean really kiss someone. A boy, I mean. You know, kiss them on the lips.”
Tina’s heart sank. Did this mean Elaine had seen Chas kiss her? She would stall some more. “And how old is Lana?”
“You know Lana. Lana from my class.”
“Just as I thought, another thirteen-year-old girl. So, are you two kissing on boys at school?”
“No, we’re not kissing on boys, Mama. I remember what you told me about not letting boys do certain... things to me.”
“Exactly. Good girl. Thank you for remembering.”
Elaine went quiet. Tina continued to grease her daughter’s scalp like this conversation wasn’t making her sweat bullets. She’d let Elaine’s questions lead, just like she did when they had ‘the talk’ a few months earlier.
“I saw you and Mr. Chas together. Kissing. Do you love him?”
Tina held her breath. Her hands fell back in her lap. Elaine’s words had been spoken without judgment or shame. She was curious. There was nothing wrong about being curious. This sweet love child she’d raised all by herself deserved to know.
Her daughter didn’t need to know about all the lonely nights she’d spent crying herself to sleep. Or about the times she struggled with jealousy planning weddings for her friends.
Her blossoming young woman needed to know about love, or more specifically, what it meant to love a man. And to know what love looked like and felt like.
Lord, help me.
Her late mother had not talked to her about these things, and Tina vowed she would raise her daughter differently. This included telling her about the birds and the bees and being honest with her even in difficult moments like these.
She took a deep breath, reached around and turned her daughter’s chin so their eyes met. “I don’t think there’s true love and false love. There’s just love...in many different types of relationships. Like the love you might have for CJ, for instance, versus the love you might eventually have for the man you want to marry or the love you’ll have for your child. Does that make sense?”
Her daughter nodded. The scriptures Tina had reread this week came back to her.
“Love is kind and patient. It’s not rude.” She paused and chewed her lip as she tried to recall the chapter and verse. “It doesn’t force its way on you or get upset when you don’t agree. Then there’s a thing called lust.”
“Lust?”
“Yes. Lust.” She stopped again, unsure how far she wanted to go with the topic. She’d been doing her share of lusting this week.
Lord, forgive me.
“Lust is a strong feeling too. Just like love. But lust is wanting something really bad. That could be money or liquor...or to have...to have sex. If you’re married to the other person and that strong desire, that lust comes over you then it’s okay...to have...sex.”
Why was saying that word so hard for her?
Jesus, help me finish this.
“God made sex so it’s not bad.”
Elaine blinked back innocently. “It’s bad to...do it when you’re not married to that person.”
Tina exhaled. “Exactly.”
She blew out a breath. Sweat was beading on the back of her neck. Was she through now? Did she answer her daughter’s question or was she just talking in circles? She could feel her heart pounding in the fists clenched in her lap.
Tell her, Tina.
“Don’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, little miss.”
“I won’t, Mama. I promise. And you know me, I keep my promises.”
“I know you do. I do care for Mr. Chas. But we are good friends and that’s all. We realized that the kiss... the kiss went too far. The love he and I have is more a brother-sister love.”
“If I had a brother, I wouldn’t kiss him like that.”
She made a face at her daughter and tweaked Elaine’s nose. “It’s really complicated, Missy. If a boy pressures you to have... to go to bed with him because he loves you, just know that’s not love. That’s lust.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“I have to think of you and what is best for the both of us. See? And I don’t think Mr. Chas is a Christian. You don’t want a man who will lead you away from the Lord. Remember what I told you about Granddaddy Ray?”
“I know that, but I like Mr. Chas and I like CJ.”
Was her daughter giving her permission to move on? To put Calvin in their past and pursue a relationship with Chas Warren?
Elaine seeing her kiss Chas complicated things. In all honesty, she was having trouble sorting out her feelings for the man, but she couldn’t have her daughter getting attached. She had to bring an end to any ideas Elaine had about her with any other man besides her father.
“I have to tell you something, Elaine. Your father is coming home. Remember the letters I showed you?”
“The ones from Vietnam he wrote you?”
“Yes, those. But, he’s no longer in Vietnam. He got injured there and he’s been healing and getting his mind together so he can be part of our family again.”
“So, he would marry you and live with us?”
Did she hear hope in Elaine’s voice or was she imagining this? “Would you like that?”
She laid her head against Tina’s knee. “I don’t know him.”
Tina bit her lip. She felt sorry for her daughter. She felt sorry for herself. She no longer knew Calvin either.
Truthfully, she knew more about the man she was pushing away than she knew about her daughter’s father.
Elaine sat up straight, her expression brightened as if something had just clicked in her brain. “So true love is something you do. It’s kind and patient. It’s not rude or envious. It’s actions, not just words. Wait a minute.” Smiling, she pointed to the kitchen. “It’s the words on that card you put on the icebox. Right, Mama?”
“Right.” Relief came over her.
Thank you, Jesus.
The kitchen phone rang. Tina handed the afro pick to her daughter. “Here, finish greasing your scalp. Real good now. You hear me?”
Elaine nodded as she took over where her mother left off.
Tina hustled to the kitchen and snatched up the phone on the fourth ring. “Hello.”
“Hey, Tina girl.” Hearing the man’s voice on the other end took her breath away. Calvin.
She had not heard his voice in almost five years, but there was no mistaking who it was.
“Hey, baby. You still there? Tina?”
When she finally spoke, her voice sounded weak in her ears. “Yeah, I’m here Calvin. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Yours too.” He seemed sad and weary. “I’m at Mama’s house. She don’t have much time left. She’s asking to talk to you and me together. Wants to talk to us before she leaves. That’s the way she put it.”
Tina could feel her heart pounding in her throat. Too many things were rushing at her at once. Calvin was back. How long had he been back? Why hadn’t he contacted her until now, forced by his mother on her deathbed?
Should she take Elaine with her?
One glance at her daughter enjoying the TV comedy convinced her otherwise. She would get Nero to come over and sit with Elaine.
“I’ll be over soon,” Tina told Calvin.
She made a quick call to Nero to explain what was happening, and he was more than happy to come over.
Tina changed into a skirt and blouse. Mother Norris did not approve of women wearing pants. After packing an overnight bag, she went back to the living room.
“Elaine, can you turn the TV down for a minute?” She waited until her daughter complied. “Your grandmother has asked that I come over right away.”
“Do you want me to come too?”
“No. Remember she’s really sick. I might be there all night, but Mr. Nero is coming to sit with you.”
A light rap on the door interrupted them.
“That’s him now,” Tina went for the door. “Remember to brush your teeth and finish your hair before bed. The TV goes off after Happy Days and behave yourself. Don’t give Mr. Nero no trouble.”
“Yes, ma’am. Mama, is Grandma going to die tonight?”
Her daughter was always a straight shooter.
“I don’t know, sweetie. She’s had a long life, but she’s in pain now. Keep praying for her.”
Elaine opened the door and welcomed Mr. Nero into their living room.
“Good evening,” Nero said. He held a set of car keys in his hand. “Chas wants you to take his car.”
He handed the keys to Tina, but she started the protest.
Nero waved her off. “Don’t have no time to debate. “The gas is low in my truck. Take his car. He’s been walking to work every day anyway.”
She had noticed Chas walking. Truth was, she peeked through her living room curtain every morning, admiring his city boy swagger as he left for work.
She took the keys. “Tell him thank you for me.”
“You can tell him yourself in the morning. Now git. Your man needs you.”
My man?
Tina saw the outline of a man against the window as she pulled out of Nero’s yard. Who was her man?
As she made her way along Newland Road, she whispered to herself, “Dr. Charles Warren, you’re stealing my heart.”