The Way of the Fearless Man: Getting the Life You Really Want

 

 

By PUA Freeman


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright Viral Success Limited 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The free companion downloads for these books are available to download at www.craigbeck.com

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Lao Tzu says

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mastering others is strength. Mastering oneself makes you fearless

 



Introduction

 

 

You are about to learn the secret of truly fearless men. Fear is only the graffiti scribbled on the outer walls of your comfort zone. Most men read it and turn back to safety – a handful ignore it and start running towards the wall instead of away from it.

 

The Way of The Fearless Man is your guide to a whole new way of thinking. A paradigm shift so far only mastered by the top 1% of male society. The knowledge in this book is considered so profound that it will affect every aspect of your life from your career, relationships, health and through to your overall happiness.

 

You will be able to quickly identify areas of your life that have been held back by fear and use the tools and exercises to smash through your old barriers and start to live the life of your dreams. Grand claims for sure but thousands of men just like you are testimony to the effectiveness of this amazing book. 

 

Discover

 

 

 

 


The Bad News

 

“Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

 

Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

 

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

 

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new”, Steve Jobs

 

 

Back when I first started out in the media industry as a cocky seventeen-year-old boy, I remember once being interviewed by a local newspaper. I had just been appointed as the new breakfast presenter for Radio Wyvern, in Worcestershire – a town near the southern Welsh border with England. At the time I was the youngest morning show host in the country and the pressure was on me to mature fast but also to quickly demonstrate that I was worthy of the risk some poor misguided programme director had taken by putting such a total newbie in this enormous position of power. The newspaper article had been arranged as a favor for the boss and so it was only ever going to be a light hearted affair. I didn’t need to be too careful what I said because the journalist had been asked to write something that was nothing much more than a complimentary commercial for my new breakfast show. The depth and weight of those questions would hardly tax me further than ‘what’s your favorite color’.

It quickly became apparent that I was going to be given twenty harmless if somewhat inane questions to pad out an article about me that they would probably bury somewhere on page thirty seven, just next to the classified ads for surgical support stockings and lost pets. I answered each question quickly and honestly. The journalist would listen to my reply, sigh and scribble something down my reply on his note pad. After four or five questions I realized that I was boring the guy to death. Hey I was seventeen years old, no body had told me how to speak to the press or even how to answer trivia about myself.

I decided I was going to have to spice up my answers and try to be a little more of a personality, after all I was guessing that was all this poor journo was clinging to for ammunition to write what might be the most tedious piece of copy in his career. After a few more questions I felt like I as doing a little better, the journalist had smiled once and raised his eyebrows a few times. This, I decided meant that I was either doing really well or really bad, I wouldn’t know for sure until I saw the actual newspaper the next day or I got called to the bosses office for the hair dryer treatment.

Question twelve was ‘what is your biggest fear’, I looked him square in the eye and paused a moment. Then I raised one eyebrow, Roger Moore style and said ‘fear, is my only fear – everything else is child’s play’. This answer immediately made me want to vomit. So putrid and contrived was it that on the anniversary of this interview I swear the same gut wrenching, bile-inducing sensation came over me every year for many years that followed, as some sort of divine punishment for saying something so pretentious and appalling.

Here I am twenty-five years later sitting on a train to London and for some reason that memory is as fresh as it was the day I uttered such trite nonsense. Shockingly, I now believe it may have leapt from the grey, murky bog of my mind because I may actually have been right. Now hold on a minute, I know that premise does not defend against such wanton pomposity and I still most deservedly require a good slapping about the chops until I beg for forgiveness. However, ‘fear’ is what I have come to recognize as the single biggest element that prevents me (and all of us) reaching our true potential and really living the life of our dreams. It is not logic, responsibility or contentment that keeps us trapped in underachievement but rather it is fear that holds the key to our jail cell.

Human behavior appears to be complex and multilayered but in reality it comes down to two simple elements. All human motivation is essentially a binary process, meaning that we are moved to do something or avoid doing something by a switch in our head either being in one position or the other. All decisions, actions and deeds are made as a result of us either avoiding fear or pursuing pleasure, and that is pretty much it. The reason for everything we do comes down to this simple premise.

 

We can spend hours debating this issue (as I have done many times before) but trust me on this one, even the apparently self sacrificing actions of a parent for their child are still motivated by the emotions of fear and pleasure.

 

In the case of self-esteem and confidence the fear that prevents us performing as we could is 99.9% misplaced. Of course sometimes the fear we feel most definitely has a place and I am not suggesting you ignore that little voice in your head that suggests you can’t safely jump from one tall building to another. The fear you feel just before you do your first parachute jump is a process of the human mind operating exactly as it should. Making you feel afraid in these moments is a form of self-preservation. It is the brain’s way of saying ‘hey if you carry on doing what you are doing there is a very good chance you will die, and you will most likely take me along with you’!

 

But the fear that suggests to you that you are not attractive enough to talk to the hot girl is a misfire of this process. The gut twisting anxiety you experience as you step up to make a presentation to the whole office is this life saving feature of the human mind misunderstanding the situation and trying to force you to exit an environment it has incorrectly judged to be dangerous. 

 

Confidence, or rather the lack of it is a simple throw back to our earlier times as hunter-gatherers. Or putting it another way, we are witnessing and experiencing the time lag of evolution trying to catch up with and adapt to what modern life involves. The life of a human being in the western world today has changed so dramatically over the last few hundred years that it is almost incomparable to what our forefathers had to endure. Today we get upset and feel like we have had a bad day if we get cut up on the way to work, can’t find a parking space in the lot or spill our latte on our favorite t-shirt.

 

Compared to the life threatening events that happened on a daily basis to the generations that went before us, all these things are embarrassingly trivial. As relatively recently as the 1800’s the average life expectancy of a human male living in the United Kingdom was 39 years. With disease, unsafe working conditions and vigilantly justice commonplace someone at my tender age of 40 would be considered to be an old man. Perhaps my children have been correct all along when they insist I am incapable of appreciating their musical taste because I am so decrepit.

 

Bearing in mind that evolution is a painfully slow process that takes hundreds of thousands of years to make even the smallest adaptations to the design of our species, you can perhaps see why it is struggling to keep up with our rapidly changing modern lifestyles. Apple might bring out a new model of its products every year but Mother Nature does not!

 

Back when we were at constant risk of being attacked by not only wild animals but also our fellow uncivilized man the human mind developed systems to try and keep us alive despite the inherent danger around us. Perhaps the most famous of these is what we have called the ‘flight or fight’ response.

When our fight or flight response is activated, sequences of nerve cell fire and potent chemicals like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol are released into our bloodstream. If you want to see just how dramatic these chemicals are, get food poisoning and watch what happens. I can tell you from recent experience you’re your body uses these neuro chemicals to make you dance like you are nothing more than a puppet on a string. When the body detects you have ingested something dangerous, like rotten food or too much alcohol it needs to force you to evacuate the offending material and it doesn’t want to waste time debating this with you. Vast amounts of chemicals are released by your central nervous system that make you feel incredibly ill, almost to the point where you feel like you are going to die. The next thing you know you are holding onto the toilet bowl like your life depended on it, screaming projectile vomit into the water. As a reward for doing as you were told the body now releases mind bending amounts of dopamine, which has the effect of making you feel instantly better – almost high. I don’t advise you experience food poisoning to verify this for yourself, just trust me.

My apologies, a rather unpleasant tangent sidetracked me there for a moment. Getting back to how the mind instigate the flight or fight response. These patterns of neuro reactions and chemical releases force our body to undergo a series of very dramatic changes. Our respiratory rate increases. Blood is shunted away from our digestive tract and directed into our muscles and limbs, which require extra energy and fuel for running, fighting or maybe even both.

When our fight or flight system is activated, we tend to perceive everything in our environment as a possible threat to our survival. By its very nature, the fight or flight system bypasses our rational mind—where our more well thought out beliefs exist, and instead it moves us into "attack" mode. This state of alert causes us to perceive almost everything in our world as a possible threat to our survival. As such, we tend to see everyone and everything as a possible enemy. Like airport security during a terrorist threat, we are on the look out for every possible danger. We may overreact to the slightest comment. Our fear is exaggerated. Our thinking is distorted. We see everything through the filter of possible danger. We narrow our focus to those things that can harm us. Fear becomes the lens through which we see the world.

Our fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the proverbial saber tooth tigers that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival. At times when our actual physical survival is threatened, there is no greater response to have on our side. When activated, the fight or flight response causes a surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones to pump through our body. This surge is the force responsible for mothers lifting cars off their trapped children and for firemen heroically running into blazing houses to save endangered victims. The surge of adrenaline imbues us with heroism and courage at times when we are called upon to protect and defend the lives and values we cherish.

 

While this protective routine still has a valid place in our lives it does not need to be activated quite as much as it is being doing and certainly not in situations that are not dangerous such as making a PowerPoint presentation at work!

 

But ‘flight or fight’ is an incorrect moniker for this instinctive response to stress. There is a missing F in that much quoted saying. Actually the more common reaction in situations deemed to be high risk is not to fight or flee but rather to freeze.

 

Fight, Flight or FREEZE

 

I am sure at times you have felt that ‘rabbit in the headlights’ sensation, where you know what is expected of you but somehow you just can’t bring yourself to move. There are no mistakes in nature and obviously removing your conscious ability to move, is a feature designed by evolution.  If a giant brown bear enters your immediate environment and your subconscious programming decides that the absolutely best chance you have to remain alive is to play dead then the last thing it wants is your pesky (and weak) conscious mind to have a say on the decision. So it locks you down and despite how much you want to move you find that it is virtually impossible.

 

When you freeze before making a speech or feel like your tongue has been paralyzed the very moment the beautiful woman starts to talk to you this is simply the mind misreading the situation as dangerous and firing off one of your self-preservation routines. Of course the big question is how do you stop it doing this?

 

The answer to this question and the beginning of a life full of abundance and success lays in the preceding pages. All I ask at this point it that you don’t try to skip ahead and find the magic bullet. You will find no such thing, there is no one sentence that on it’s own can build your confidence. Success as with everything else in life it not about the final destination it is all about the journey to get there.

What I have discovered in life is that pretty much anything worth having is slightly just outside your comfort zone. Whether it’s launching your own business, winning the league in your chosen sport, getting the career you have dreamed of all your life or ending up with the man or woman who makes you think you just won the lottery every moment you are with them. None of these things are inside your comfort zone, they all require you to stretch and grow before you can reach them. As most people know the walls of your comfort zone are made of a very strong material called fear. In order to smash through these barriers you have to stare fear straight in the eyes and charge ahead regardless.

Fear (false evidence appearing real) is just an illusion, and I don’t just mean certain types of fear. You might quite reasonably argue that the anxiousness you feel when you stand on the top of a tall building is a very valuable sensation to experience in that moment. Of course, sometimes fear serves you in the short term but the biggest problem we have, as an intelligent species is we believe that we have something to lose. The quote from Steve Jobs that I started this chapter with is perhaps the most profound paragraph I have ever heard and for that reason you will find it quoted verbatim in many of my books. You are going to die, not one of us is getting out of this alive. One day everything you ever worried about will become irrelevant dust. You are already naked, you always have been and there is not a single reason why you should not be following your dreams and living a life full of happiness, peace and purpose!

When this ride is over nobody is going to mention the day you risked it all and unsuccessfully went after that big promotion at work, nobody will recall the day you threw caution to the wind and gambled with rejection by approaching that beautiful girl you saw in the street. All this stuff is only significant to your own ego.

Law of attraction books like ‘The Secret’ tell you that if you want to be rich then act like a rich person, think like a rich person and express gratitude for your wealth before it arrives. I am telling you this will never work, UNLESS you believe you deserve it.

When you consider what you want in life, ask yourself; does it lie beyond a wall of fear you are never going to cross? If so, then you will always use the divine power within you to hold your dreams just slightly out of reach. No matter how positive your thinking gets, no matter how many affirmations you make or how much gratitude you express, fear is going to prevent you manifesting magic into your life.

In this book you will make friends with fear. I will show you how I recognize fear not as a warning or obstacle but rather as an indicator of an opening window of opportunity. I now know that when I am afraid to do something, then this is the universe is telling me clearly and specifically what I have to do next. Fear is a very strong sign to me that an opportunity to learn, develop and grow has arrived. What most people see as an obstacle I see as the most powerful gift anyone can get and I am going to give the same paradigm to you, starting today.


V is for Victim

 

“ Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

 

But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

 

I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life ”, Rocky Balboa

 

I want to tell you about Katie, I am sure you know her already, perhaps not the same Katie but certainly ‘a Katie’. Poor Katie drew a bad hand in life; she didn’t do great at school because as she tells the story the teachers were idiots. She always dreamed of a cool apartment overlooking the sea, with a little dog called Jack. Unfortunately because her boss is an asshole she has to rent a crumby flat in a rough part of town and due to the fact the Mr. Brown the landlord is a total douche and doesn’t allow pets she is not allowed to get a dog.

Talk to Katie yourself and she will tell you how unfair life is and how she deserves so much more than such a such a person and yet they have everything she wants. She will tell you that nobody really understands her and all her friends are two-faced bitches who are out to cause as much trouble as possible.

Is it possible that Katie just got an unlucky break in life, is there any chance that she is correct in her assessment of life? Let’s put it this way, there is more chance of Donald Trump denouncing racism and promoting love and peace for all men than Katie being accurate in her assessment of why she is not living the life she wants. Katie is a victim and these victims are everywhere – we can’t move for them. These are the people that believe life owes them something and they often spend an entire lifetime furious that the neighbor got yet another new car or so and so got promoted at work when they are quite clearly incompetent.

Victims not only suck the energy out of their own lives but anyone who comes close enough to get caught up in their vortex of doom. They are mood hoovers and I am almost certain you can think of at least a few people who fit perfectly into this description. Let’s first talk about how you deal with this trait in other people and then I want you to have a little honesty session about areas of your life where you have adopted the roll of victim, because its easier than facing the hard truth.

How do you help a victim? The short answer is you can’t, because they don’t want to be helped. They like being the victim; it gives them a convenient explanation as to why their life blows chunks. On their deathbed you could ask them ‘why didn’t you live the life you were truly capable of’ and they will have enough plausible deniability to stubbornly point at something or someone and say ‘because of that’. All the time they are pointing a finger of blame at everything and everyone around them they are blissfully unaware they three fingers pointed right back at them. It is really frustrating to care about a victim because you can see the huge untapped potential in them but they cannot. When they look in the mirror all they see is someone who has been badly treated by life.

If they are a family member, or even perhaps your son or daughter you will desperately try to help them see the truth but in my experience all you will end up doing is expending vast amounts of energy to get precisely nowhere with them. The harsh reality is this; we are all divine creators of life. We each have a fragment of God embedded within us and we all have the power to perform our own miracles. If we take decisive action and flow with the universe instead of kicking violently to go back up stream we can manifest breathtakingly amazing lives for ourselves. Victims have this power too but they choose to ignore it.

How to spot a victim

Victims have reasons, lots of them and often they seem entirely logical and plausible explanations.

The list goes on and on and all of it is 100% proof bullshit. There are four certainties in this life. You will be born, you will die and in between you will pay tax and life will repeatedly knock you down. As Rocky Balboa says ‘Ain’t nothing going to hit as hard as life’. Getting knocked down is not bad luck anymore than turning on the tap and getting water could be considered luck. Life is getting knocked down, the choice is getting back up again looking it in the eye and saying ‘is that all you got, hit me again but this time put some effort in it you big girl’s blouse’.

The reason you can’t help the victims is when they get knocked down they love it. It gives them what they want, an excuse not to get back up again. They are like boxers who are too tired to keep fighting hoping for one decent punch so they can fall down with dignity and stay the hell down until the referee counts ten.

Exercise

Stop reading for ten minutes and think about the victims in your life. Ask yourself who they are, how long they have been there and most importantly how much time are you spending trying to make them feel better. Which by the way is like trying to push oil uphill. Once you are clear about who these people are I want you to make a conscious decision to spend less and less time in their company – until they are no longer apart of your life. That’s right I am asking you to fire the mood hovers in your life, you can’t help them, they are not helping you so it’s time for them to leave.

There is a way to help but it is almost certainly not what you are doing at the moment. If dumping them out of your life is not possible or you are not comfortable doing that then reduce the amount of time you spend with them and use the cleaning method I describe in detail in Manifesting Magic part 4. To do this you have to accept responsibility for your share of the problem. The fact that this person’s victim mentality is present in your manifestation of the universe means that it exists within you at a subconscious level. Use the healing mediation of Ho’oponopono to clean the program within you and you will both reap the benefits.

But wait… what if you are the victim?

Are you a victim? This is a pretty easy question to answer; think of something in your life that you are not happy with. For example lets say you need more money. Now with that problem in mind explain to yourself why this is your current situation. If you find you have answers and excuses readily available (such as because my boss keeps overlooking me for promotion) then you are operating in a victim mindset around this area. If your response is more positive and places responsibility on your own shoulders then you are in an abundance mindset (for example – I took a pay cut to change direction in my career but I know if I give this new job 100% I am going to earn ten times the amount I would have in the old role).

Having an abundance mindset always starts with you taking 100% responsibility. Let me give you an example from my own life. In 2007 I bought a villa in Cyprus, I didn’t know it at the time but I was investing at possibly the worse time in the last century. Property prices were hugely overinflated and there was a mad rush of eager buyers trying to get in on what was being touted as a gold rush. Realtors were promising anyone who would listen that you could easily double your money within a few short years. I had always wanted to live in the sunshine by the sea so I went all in. Three months after I collected the keys to my property the Lehman Brothers collapsed and the whole western world went into a financial meltdown. Overnight my property lost 40% of its value but that was irrelevant, as the whole market had evaporated. Due to a concrete explosion over the past few years the tiny island of Cyprus found itself with thousands and thousands of new build property and absolutely no buyers to be seen. To make matters worse I had taken a mortgage in Swiss francs on the advice of the bank. Because Switzerland was considered a safe haven outside the crashing dollar, pound and euro their currency value went through the roof. My mortgage payments tripled over night.

Whose fault is this disastrous investment? The victim would say it’s the realtor for advising me badly; it’s the bank for selling me a volatile product or any other number of villains that could be pointed at and labeled as the ‘fault’ behind this mess. At the point where you create an excuse you become a reaction to life. You are a passenger who is responding to the events of life that are thrust upon you. Conversely when you accept 100% responsibility for the events around you then you are in the driving seat. Let me tell you, when you are alone in a runaway car the last place you want to be is in the passenger seat.

My thoughts about the house in Cyprus are this: It is my responsibility, I created it and I will solve it. I don’t believe it was a mistake, I believe it is a blessing here in my life to push me in a specific direction, to challenge me, to teach me and ultimately to make me stronger. When the time is right the situation will resolve one way or another.

 

Exercise

Stop reading and grab a pen. I want you to write down everything negative in your life that you believe is there because someone else put it there. Then next to each bullet point I want you to come up with a new positive spin that gives you 100% responsibility for the event. Now wait, lets be clear. There is a huge difference between blame and responsibility. I am not asking you to take the blame for the day you got mugged in broad daylight or the night your car got stolen. Fault and blame are pointless actions of the ego, blaming the mugger for attacking you doesn’t undo the act of violence that occurred.

What I want you to do here is accept the situation as being a part of your life. You may not have chosen to have it happen but for whatever reason you attracted it in. It’s a part of you and that means you are the only person who can heal it within yourself. Make peace with it and try to give yourself a point of view that does precisely zero finger pointing and has a high expectation that a positive outcome will arrive.

These exercises are very easily skipped and forgotten about but please try to do them because they make a huge difference to the speed at which you can effect positive change in your life.

 


Forgive Yourself First

 

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison”, Nelson Mandela

 

 

It’s almost a certainty that many years ago you buried some demons alive. The bad news is these beasts don’t die they just change shape and eventually escape the grave. If you are holding onto any resentment, especially from your childhood, now is the time to let it go. Sometimes these issues are obvious, if you had an abusive childhood then you probably have a very specific person in mind already. However, sometimes they are a little subtler, despite this they are still capable of causing significant disruption to your inner state of peace. I am a good example of this latter situation.

 

Many years ago I recognized that I had two very profound issues. I had a very strong fear of rejection and also a fear of being constrained (not physically constrained but mentally). It’s always much easier to deal with a problem that you know you have than to stumble around in the dark looking for the cause of your pain. However, what perplexed me with these specific problems was I had no idea where they had come from. My childhood was as close to perfect as you could get. I was lucky enough to grow up with both sets of parents; I was loved and wanted for nothing. I simply couldn’t understand why I was such a ‘fuck up’ in various areas of my life.

 

One day I was in a spiritual bookstore in New York and I got talking to a woman who was also browsing the books on meditation. She was called Anne and she had such a peaceful aura about her and we ended up talking for about an hour, just standing there in this little store. We started to get quite deep about our lives and I told her this long standing conundrum of mine. She listened carefully and asked a few pertinent questions. Specifically, she wanted to know if my mother had been very strict or overbearing. I told her that was not the case but my dad used to infuriate me. He was a real no nonsense sort of guy and he always seemed to spoil my adventures by telling me the outcome of everything I wanted to do before I had had chance to try them. I would get excited by a new project, sport or activity and he would spoil it by telling me that I will get bored of it within a week and it will all have been a waste of my time. The only thing I hated more than him doing that was the fact that he was virtually always correct.

 

When I turned thirteen I couldn’t take it any more and I asked if my parents would pay for me to live at school (my school had a small boarding contingency as many children had parents who were serving in the armed forced). I wanted to be around people my own age and out from under the scrutiny of my father. I needed the freedom to make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. I told my parents what I wanted to do.

 

At this point in the story Anne became very interested, ‘what did they say’ she inquired and I told her that they were fine about it and simply said ‘If that’s what you want son’. To me this was no big deal but to my surprise Anne thought this was terrible, ‘What you mean they didn’t even try to stop you’ she asked with a very concerned expression. I told her again that no they just said I could do anything I wanted. This she said she was surely what was the cause of my fear of rejection; that my parents didn’t fight to keep me close. It had been no hardship for them to be free of me at such a young age. I had never thought about it like that before. I don’t know if that is the only cause of my issue but since this revelation and my acceptance of it I have felt significantly more peaceful in almost every situation.

 

It doesn’t matter whether you have hulking great painful events or just a collection of minor scars, all must be forgiven before you can move on. This subject is a whole book in itself and I can’t really do it justice in one chapter. However, I encourage you to address this challenge as soon as possible. There are several things you can do that may help:

 

  1. One of the most effective ways to address buried feelings about events and people from your past is a technique called Timeline Therapy. This is a talking therapy where you mentally revisit past traumatic events under the guidance of a trained councilor. Rather than experience all the painful emotions again first hand you are encouraged to view the event as a third person, watching the situation unfold as though you are floating above it. This way you can detached yourself from the all encompassing feelings you experienced at the time and try to see what was motivating the other person to treat you in such a way. It is good to remember that very few people are inherently evil, most negative behavior comes from fear in the other person. Bullies for example are not super strong, tough individuals but rather the opposite! Bullies are deeply afraid of something unspoken and use violence and intimidation to try to suppress that distress.

 

  1. Timeline Therapy would be my preference but there is no doubt that any good, trained councilor will be able to help you release resentment and find peace with the traumatic events of your past. Perhaps you already know what your major fears and phobias are, if so then you have already taken the first step towards a solution. So why not decide right now that you are going to take action and deal with this once and for all. Unless of course your major demon is procrastination, then probably just do it tomorrow hey?

 

  1. Perhaps the easiest and most cost effective solution can be found in the online members area of my VIP Club. Once you get started you will get access to my Demon Slayer Hypnosis downloads. You will find a complete range of subliminal reprogramming tracks designed to deal with everything from fear of rejection to body confidence and social anxiety issues. 


The Illusion Of Permanency

 

Have you ever wondered how hugely successful Hollywood stars who appear to have everything in life anyone could possibly want end up committing suicide? Despite the outside appearances these people believe they are trapped in a situation that can’t ever get better, in short their misery appears to be permanent.

Permanency does not exist in any form in our world. Everything living, everything nature placed here and everything we build will eventually crumble and fall. Nothing is saved; death and destruction are like the outward breath of God. He breathes in and life is created, trees grown and buildings emerge. He breathes out and people die, trees burn to the ground and buildings collapse.

Sadam Hussain spent a lifetime building as many statues in his image as possible, he commissioned hundreds of portraits to be painted and even officially named Iraq’s main airport Sadam Hussain International Airport. He did all this in a vain attempt to live on after his death – he failed. Virtually all the statues were pulled down and the airport was renamed.

If you are pinning your happiness and success in life on achieving permanency then you are destined to fail. At the end of your days when you lay in your deathbed considering you vast property portfolio and the millions of dollars in the bank you can be sure that you would happily trade it all for just one more week alive.

More subtly than that we all also get attached to the idea of permanency when we give ourselves labels. Do you not think at some point when Adolf Hitler was growing up his mother sat him on her knee and said ‘Adolf you are such a good little boy’. Was she wrong, or perhaps she was right but only in that moment?

All too often we take these labels and decide that they are a permanent description of who we are.

When I coach people one to one they normally approach me with a label that they have decided is permanent. They come up to me and say ‘I am a terrible public speaker, I always make a fool of myself’ or ‘I have terrible bad luck, nothing ever goes right for me’.

If you believe there is anything about your life that is permanent then I want you to spend sometime thinking about how that could possibly be true in a world where it’s impossible. I apply this just as much to the good stuff as the things we call ‘bad’. I would call myself a ‘good parent’; I love my children deeply and without question. However, I am willing to admit that at times I have made mistakes, given bad advice, shouted when I should have hugged and generally been a ‘bad’ parent. Especially during the challenging teenage years where my kids were striving to break free and be individuals. So which am I ‘a bad parent’ or ‘a good parent’? In reality no label serves any useful purpose beyond the moment it is expressed in.

Good times will end and life will blindside you with events that spoil the fun. In the dark times the storm will come to an end and bright sunshine will once again fill your life. This is the ebb and flow of the universe – God will breathe in and God will breathe out.

 


Fear, Your New BFF

“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved one’s” , Thich Nhat Hanh

 

A beautiful woman walks into a bar full of guys. Each man notices her, admires her and imagines himself with her. The married guys allow a little sigh to escape their lips and a few even curse the missed opportunity. But what about all the single guys, surely here is a perfect chance to at least talk to a stunningly attractive woman. A small but perfectly formed window of opportunity to find out if her personality lives up to her beauty. In 99.9% of occasions that woman will come and go without a single interaction – dozens of single guys deliberately opt out of the possibility of being her man on a daily basis… but why?

The answer is fear, while their heart says ‘speak to her’ the head (or rather their ego) says:

The excuses and reasons are endless and all of them are baseless or if you prefer, false evidence appearing real. None of those excuses are a valid reason not to speak to this amazing girl. They are all just pieces of graffiti that are sprayed on the walls of your comfort zone. As we approach the edge of the zone we notice that there are lots of brightly colored and aggressive looking warning signs. They scream that there is danger and risk beyond this point and for your own safety you should go no further!

Let’s break down a couple of those excuses a little further:

She is too hot for me: Says who? Attraction is not a choice, we can’t consciously make a decision to be attracted to someone or not – it just happens. I have been in relationships with women who have been up to 15 years younger than me, this does not mean all younger women are attracted to me – I wish, but sadly this is not the case. Attraction is not a choice, I have been rejected more times than I can remember but I don’t take this personally and I am certainly not offended by it.  Failure is never in the rejection but rather in deciding to take no action at all.

I have met truly awe-inspiring men and women over the years whom describe themselves as ‘not that attractive’. I want to grab hold of them by their shirt collars and shake them until they see what I see. Only last month in London I was coaching a financial executive who looked after billions of pounds worth of stock options on a daily basis. He was a partner in his firm and I quite quickly gathered that he is a total genius at what he does. As we sat in a coffee shop off Knightsbridge he relived the story of how he made his way from a council estate in Glasgow to living in a penthouse apartment in London worth over five million pounds. I was totally blown away by this guy and his story, then as he came to the end of the tale he looked me straight in the eye and said in his no nonsense Scottish accent ‘shame I am such an ugly bastard right’, and laughed.

This guy considered himself to be unattractive and had spent most of the past decade single or in poor quality relationships that didn’t serve him.  In reality he is extremely intelligent, witty, charming and sophisticated man who has moved mountains to create pure success and abundance. I told him that there are millions of women on this planet who if they found a guy like him would think all their Christmases’ had come at once.

We are all our own worst critic and yet most of us ask ourselves such important questions as ‘am I attractive’, “am I a good person” and ‘what do I deserve in life’. We should not be surprised when we get a similar answer to when you ask the grumpy old men from the Muppets what they thought of the show!

She probably has a boyfriend: Yes this is a possibility but are you really saying that married people and those in long term relationships no longer enjoy feeling attractive to other people?

I don’t know about you but I have found that it is often the married and long-term relationship gang who get the least compliments in life. If I see someone I find attractive I always make a point of going out of my way to tell them that. Quite often they will be shocked and blurt out ‘oh I am married, sorry’. I will just say I know, smile and walk away. My intention was not to do anything other than make that person’s day brighter.

If you are not speaking to people you are attracted to because you are afraid they are in a relationship and you will get rejected for that reason then you have this whole thing the wrong away around. You are not pushing through your comfort zone to get something, such as a phone number, a date or even sex but rather to give something of yourself away. You have the power to make everyone you meet (male and female) feel amazing, unique and special – not using this power is a crime.

Now, sometimes people are so used to living in a loveless world that they refuse to accept this gift from you. It happened to me yesterday, I was in the bank and the most stylish woman I have ever seen in my life walked in. She must have spent over four hours getting ready that day – she looked amazing. As is my custom I walked over to her and said ‘Excuse me, just wanted to let you know that you look amazing’. I smiled and expected at least something comparable to a smile in return - I didn’t get it. She curled up her lip and stared me straight in the eye and said ‘go away’.

There is no point taking offense because I don’t have enough data to understand why she reacted like that. Perhaps she was just dumped by her boyfriend, maybe she lost her job that morning or maybe she was just in one hell of a bad mood and everyone was getting that response that day. Who knows but what I do know is that the problem does not belong to me.

Yes, it is true that if you always obey the danger signs nailed to the outer walls of your comfort zone you will be protected from awkward situations like the one I just described. But you will also never experience the flip side of that scenario. I have amazing friends all over the world because I make strangers feel amazing on purpose. I consider the world to be my playground, I believe I can travel alone anywhere on the planet and leave having had an amazing time with a whole new group of friends. My current partner Ina is from Berlin, Germany. We met when I was there in January and saw her amazing smile behind the counter of a local deli. We got chatting and met up after she finished work – the rest they say is history. Fear did not want me to meet Ina, fear wanted me to keep walking and stay away from any chance of rejection – but that is not what I wanted.

I don’t want this to become a book about pick up or solely about relationships. I want this to be a tool to release you from the life limiting loops created by fear. When we use the word fear we normally apply it to situations where we wrongly or rightly predict that we are at risk of harm. For example standing on the edge of a tall building generates a sensation of fear and anxiety so we become acutely aware of what could happen if we act inappropriately in those situations. We can be afraid before a job interview because we have become attached to an outcome and don’t want to experience rejection followed by the loss of that outcome. However, fear isn’t always this obvious or dramatic but it can still be hugely limiting in our life.

When people go on a diet they start out with good intentions and a disparate desire to improve the way they look and feel. An honorable pursuit, but why do nearly 95% of them not only end up putting back on all the weight they lost plus and additional few pounds for good measure? The answer is fear, at the start of the diet the pain of looking in the mirror or not being able to squeeze into their favorite denim any more creates low level fear. For example ‘what if I just keep getting bigger’, ‘what if I have nothing to wear at the party’, ‘what if they start calling me names at school’ etc. So, we start the diet motivated to move our chubby body away from the fear. Then we lose a bit of weight and the original fear subsides but it is often replaced by a new concern. You see, we enjoy our tasty treats and takeaways in front of a good movie. Suddenly we feel like we are depriving ourselves of some of the fun bits of life. We fear that if we carry on being strict with ourselves we are going to be short changed by life and have less fun. Thus begins the yo-yo diet routine that dominates the life of so many.

I am writing this section of the book in the business class cabin of a British Airways flight from London Heathrow to Austin, Texas and even here fear is present. I am not talking about worrying about the plane crashing or running into some scary turbulence. I have been on board for just two hours and so far I have been offered free alcohol at least half a dozen times. I can’t drink alcohol because it has a nasty habit of trying to kill me. If you have read my book Alcohol Lied to Me you will know that I had a near two decade long battle with the booze and I became teetotal about six or seven years ago. I don’t have to struggle to stay away from drinking, no part of me wants to go back where I was but there is an element of fear at the back of my head every time the airhostess comes down the aisle with the drinks trolley and I turn down a very expensive French Bordeaux and instead ask for a cheap glass of water. The northerner in me feels like I am getting ripped off – I feel like I am getting much poorer value for money than the guy next to me who has so far knocked back $100 worth of wine and brandy. I am 99% certain that I won’t buckle in the name of value but I am acutely aware and afraid of that 1% that still lingers at the back of my mind.

Fear is present on a daily basis and in myriad ways. We are taught to be careful, to listen to fear and respond accordingly and the vast majority of society obeys this unwritten law. The result is a safer, more boring & less fulfilling life. This is the world of the Average Joe and the Average Jane – safe and steady but beige. What I am encouraging you to do is respond to fear in a highly counter intuitive way. Instead of seeing fear as a warning I want you to see it as an opportunity light blinking on the dashboard of your life. Essentially, if you are afraid of it then you must do it!

Fear Response Examples

Situation

Average Joe Response

Fearless Response

Afraid of drinking alcohol.

Path of least resistance. Surely just one won’t hurt will it?

Take the least easy path. See it as a clear sign that drinking won’t serve you.

Afraid to approach the hot girl.

Don’t do anything – let her walk out of his life.

Approach without a second thought. See the fear as a green light.

Afraid to go through with the charity parachute jump.

Cancel for ‘health reasons’ explains to friends they would love to but the doctor said no.

Fear means there is no other option but to do the jump. Everything else will make their comfort zone contract.

I can’t begin to tell you how many people I meet who are full of regret, and virtually never about the things they have done in their life but much more commonly about the things they never did. The last time I saw my aunty Angela she was having a coffee with my parents at their home in Darlington. I joined them all for a short while and as I sat down Angela was expressing her regret that she had never learned to drive. She had started to learn but got too afraid to ever put in for the test and it just became one of those things we label shoulda, woulda, coulda. Two years previous Angela had sadly been diagnosed with C.U.P. cancer (cancer of unknown primary origin). She was still her old lively self but her prognosis was not great, all treatment had ultimately failed. The doctors estimated she had between six and nine months to live. Angela decided that before it became impossible she was going to take and pass her driving test.

She never got the chance as she died three weeks later. The moment she died passing or failing that driving test became irrelevant; all the fear about taking the test in the first place also became equally as irrelevant. There are dozens of things that you want in life that you don’t have because fear is preventing you going after them. One day in the future all that fear will be rendered pointless by the same event that Angela went through, the event that nobody has ever managed to avoid. What I am saying is that your ego is trying to protect you from harm by encouraging you to avoid risk by using fear as a virtual 10x4 to hit you about the head with.

Your body is like an apartment shared between two tenants. The ego and the soul, or if you prefer the conscious mind and the unconscious mind are the tenants of your body. The soul is eternal and divine, it is essentially a fragment of God and it knows this for certain. It is also acutely aware that the apartment it is renting is temporary and when the lease ends it will just move to a new place and start over. However, the ego knows that when the lease ends that’s the end of the story, its game over. This creates a sensation of blind panic for the ego, which point blank refuses to accept the situation. It kicks and screams trying to prove that it can prevent the lease from ending. Hey perhaps if you fill the apartment with more and more stuff and never leave so they can’t come in and dump your possessions then perhaps the lease will continue evermore right? The ego is so terrified of the end it has been rendered insane by the constant thought of it.

Out of this insanity we get all the self-limiting beliefs that hold us back.

The ego uses the past as a reverse projector in an attempt to control the uncontrollable. Fear is liberally applied to all areas of your life in the hope that it will keep you safe if completely unfulfilled. You are alive but miserable, that’s good enough. The ego doesn’t particularly care how happy you are, its primary focus is trying in vain to avoid the inevitable final act, at whatever cost.

What I am about to ask you to do is acknowledge that one of your tenants is insane and while you can’t evict you can decide to stop listening to his/her insane ramblings. From this point on fear should be seen as the screams in the night of your troublesome tenant. All the predictions of doom, gloom, terror and trauma are nothing more than a desperate illusion.

Start living in the knowledge that the only moment that exists is this one, right here and right now. The past and the future do not exist and they never will – this is it and this is all there will ever be.

There is a percentage chance that this nineteen year old Boeing 777-200 aircraft will crash before I reach Austin, Texas – should I just stop writing now just in case? No of course not, because right here in this moment I am alive and as long as that situation continues I have a message to get out there.

Exercise:

I want you to stop reading at this point and take a little life inventory. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you can think of that you have wanted to achieve but have been prevented doing so by fear. Perhaps you have always wanted to skydive but can’t quite bring yourself to sign up for a jump. Maybe there is a senior position opening at work and you have told yourself that you are not quite ready and maybe try again in a few years. Perhaps you have been head over heals in love with Nicola on reception for years and never done anything about it?

On a blank piece of paper draw four columns, in the first column write your goal, in the second write down how fear is preventing you from achieving this goal, in the third column write down what will happen if you continue to let fear dominate this area of your life and in the final column I want you to imagine how you would feel if you ignored the ‘Danger Do Not Pass’ signs hanging on the wall of your comfort zone and charged on through regardless.

Example:

Goal

Fear

Failure

Success

To skydive

I might die, or worse I might embarrass myself by refusing to jump!

It will always be there as something that says ‘you are a coward’.

I will feel invincible. I will have done something most people would never be brave enough. I would feel huge pride in myself.

 

One of the most positive motivational speakers that America ever produced was Zig Ziglar. He would describe the start of his day in such a beautiful way. He used to say ‘every morning at 6am my opportunity clock would go off and wake me up. I don’t call it an alarm clock because that’s negative. That bell signals the start of a whole new day full of wonderful opportunities’.

As ever I want this to be a practical investment of your time and money, something that you can take and implement quickly into your life and consequently see massive positive change as a result. I am going to close this final chapter on fear with a challenge, for you to do one thing right now that fear has been making you avoid. It could be something as simple as picking up the phone and apologizing to someone you didn’t act in the right way with. It could be clicking send on a resignation email or a job application form – find something that you are afraid of and embrace it as an opportunity.

I sincerely hope that this aircraft lands safely on the tarmac in Austin, Texas and this book gets to make it into your library of success and personal development downloads. If you are reading these words you are already in the top 20% of individuals of the world. Over eighty percent of people who invest in a self-help, inspirational or motivational product never get past the first chapter. Now I want you to join the guys in the top 5% who actually take what they have heard and implement it into their life.

Thank you for reading The Way of the Fearless Man. I am extremely grateful that you give me a platform to share my views like this and if you wouldn’t mind going back to the online store where you bought it from and giving me a rating and review I would be eternally appreciative for your help in spreading this work as far and as wide as possible.

PUA Freeman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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There are hundreds of websites out there promising to show you ‘easy’ ways to get more. More women, more sex and even more money. It’s a common belief that girls like the bad boys of the world and there are plenty of pick up artists ready to sell you techniques on how to be the bastard that drives women crazy.

 

It is true that a lot of these approaches do work, especially if you are currently a ‘nice guy’ getting nowhere with women. However, what none of them tell you is there is another step beyond that of the ‘bad boy’. There is a powerful state of mind that less than five percent of guys ever reach. This is what I call The Powerfully Confident Man!

 

When you get to the place where you are peacefully and profoundly comfortable in your own skin and you know your strengths inside and out. Utilizing this knowledge to generate massive leverage. When you have matured enough to accept and embrace your weaknesses and are no longer afraid of them. When you do not need the validation or approval of anyone, especially women. Then and only then you will achieve an internal state of nirvana that automatically floods your life with abundance.

 

If you are looking for quick ways to trick girls into bed then go somewhere else, that advice is everywhere and so are the guys using it. Some of it works and some of it doesn’t. If you like the idea of being a guy who enhances the lives of all the women who come into his life then visit my website right now and I will tell you how you get to this place.

 

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