“O kay, what the hell just happened?” Lucien said, looking over at the corpses of Alice and Preacher plus the dead fairies.
I struggled to find an explanation. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“You killed Alice and Preacher because they’re agents of Phillip Tzu and the Red Sky?” Lucien asked.
“Okay, it’s exactly what it looks like,” I said.
Lucien looked down at the dead form of Preacher. “I don’t suppose either of them is a shapeshifter?”
I looked down. “No, she was all bad. She was also trying to mind—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Lucien said, clamping down on the issue fast. “I’ll deal with the fact I was played for a fool later. Are you alright?”
I stared at him then at my newly turned cousin then back at him. “Yeah, I’m just peachy. What the hell happened to you?”
“Zombie attack,” Lucien said.
I blinked. “I really want to be surprised by that, but I just got done battling a monster from my dreams.”
“Technically, I fought the dream monster with the help of your cousin,” William replied, finishing his healing for the third time. Dude was like Wolverine.
“Shut up,” I replied. “I helped. Also, assume I make some clever quip about you being an immortal serial killer.”
“Technically, I’m an immortal spree killer,” William said. “Serial killers stalk one sort of target while spree killers kill multiple types of targets at various locations.”
Slashers were not the funniest supernaturals on the planet. I made a mental note about that if I ever encountered another.
“I’m a vampire now!” Jesse said, almost proudly before giving Emma a hug.
Emma blinked. “Uh, yes. Yes, you are.”
Jesse said, “You know I always kind of had a crush on you.”
Emma’s eyes widened. “Could you, maybe, uh, take a shower before saying that. All the blood of my relatives isn’t really a turn on.”
“Oh, sorry,” Jesse said, cheerfully. “It’s just being a vampire is awesome. I feel the urge to conquer the world and dominate mortals as cattle!”
Everyone stared at her.
“Kidding,” Jesse said, blinking. “Probably.”
Phoebe looked at the corpses then at Emma. “So, does killing your aunt make you Queen of the Werewolves?”
“Actually, I—” William started to speak.
“Yes,” Emma said, interrupting. “Yes, it does.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Werewolves were, by tradition, the leaders of the Pact. However, leadership wasn’t entirely hereditary. As much as I wanted to dismiss royalty as a bunch of inbred, no chin, mouth breathers—with the exception of Meghan Markle—werewolf bloodlines were more like Klingons. You got the job by having the pedigree, no pun intended, but also by being able to beat the hell out of anyone who challenged you. Alice became queen after her father due to beating the hell out of all comers, male or female. Now she was dead but not in a challenge and that meant murder charges—unless Emma chose to press that she’d beaten her in a fair fight. That meant lying and the consequences for doing so under oath were considerable.
“Yeah, absolutely, she did it,” Jesse said. “I saw it with my own two eyes. She challenged Alice to a fight to the death because the Ulfric betrayed us to the vampires as well as mages. Then Preacher challenged Emma and Emma killed her too. Now she’s the undisputed heavyweight champion of the wolves.”
I blinked. “Yeah, what she said.”
Janet looked between the two. “Sure, if that’s what they say.”
“William?” Lucien asked.
William gave a dismissive shrug. “If she wants to be queen and you don’t.”
Lucien looked like he was considering challenging Emma. Dragons were the only shifter type to ever be rulers of the Pact other than werewolves. In Japan and China, they tended to rule absolutely with even more power than their European counterparts. It was such that Marcus had arranged for the extermination of Lucien’s family so that he didn’t have any rivals for control over Bright Falls, let alone the Pack itself.
“Eh, it’ll be fine,” Lucien said. “Are you sure you want the job, Emma?”
Emma looked hesitant. “I’ll have it until we cleanse the taint of Phillip Tzu and his minions from his place. Oh and the Boogeyman. Also Samantha. Also—”
“I get it,” Lucien said. “You can work it out with your aunt. I’m sure she’s going to want to speak to you about this.”
Emma didn’t respond. That was going to be a nasty conversation. Emma was closest to Clara out of all her relatives, but she’d loved Alice. Also, there was no telling whether or not Clara had been part of the family conspiracy.
“Can we get back to the horrible massacre that just happened?” Christine asked, covered in blood and looking traumatized.
“Oh yeah, what happened there?” I asked.
“Zombie attack,” Lucien said again, as if it was self-explanatory.
“A little more detail, chief,” I replied. “We’re all having a really bad day and I’m nominally in charge of security.”
“Except for the nominally part, yes,” Lucien said. “Someone summoned the corpses of every person murdered here at Darkwater falls and unleashed a wild hunt of redcaps. They descended on the fake camp and tried to sacrifice us all.”
“How bad was it?” I asked, feeling my heart sink into my stomach.
“I dunno, the footage was pretty wild due to two camera men dying but I think we can salvage it in the editing,” Lucien said. “Arthur was smart enough to have the whole place rigged with security cameras and sound beforehand.”
I blinked, appalled. “What the hell, Lucien?”
Lucien shrugged, unashamed. “I knew there was going to be a battle and was prepared. I think Alice and Preacher were planning on leading the charge, so their deaths left a bunch of mindless creatures that all tore up well. Whomever came up with this plan didn’t really seem to know much about shifters. The Boogeyman will be weakened by such an exertion. The only thing worse for a fear demon than lack of fear is someone overcoming theirs.”
I took his word for it. I was not a good magician and Lucien knew quite a bit more about esoteric matters than me, just not to the level of power his near-omnipotent brother did. Speaking of which, I didn’t see Alex among the group. I saw Robyn and Gerald, both naked, which was an interesting sight to say the least. Apparently, they’d had their scene interrupted. Maybe it was right to have Lucien harvest the footage for his movies.
Jesse looked at Lucien. “How is Arthur?”
“Missing an arm,” Lucien said. “He’s reattaching it, though. Easier than regenerating it.”
“Anyone who wants to donate blood I’ll pay in cash,” Arthur said, his voice coming from the back of the group.
“I’m a vampire now!” Jesse said, again, sounding deliriously happy about it. I did not understand my newly undead cousin.
“I know!” Arthur shouted back. “I could tell by our newly established mental connection. I promise not to abridge your free will unless it is to stop you from killing people.”
“Even Nazis?” Jesse asked.
“Except Nazis!” Arthur replied.
This entire thing was ridiculous. “Well we can’t stay here if we’re going to be attacked by monsters!”
Lucien nodded. “I agree. For that, we should go on the offensive. We need to go retrieve the Book of Midnight from where Alex hid it.”
“Wait, what?” I asked, wondering how he’d come to that conclusion.
“The Boogeyman expended a lot of energy summoning that crowd and probably lost a lot of worshipers,” Lucien replied. “If the goal of this is to summon a god and use him to resurrect Phillip Tzu, I suggest we summon both and take them down so they’re permanently dead. No resurrections, no continues. Game over.”
“Most modern video games don’t have game overs and have unlimited continues,” I pointed out, just to be a smartass. “Also, so we’re clear, your plan is to do exactly what the bad guys have planned in order to stop their plan.”
“Pretty much,” Lucien said, trying not to look at Preacher. Even if she’d been mind-zapping him and a traitor, that had to be a messed-up thing for him to see. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to see the corpse of one of my lovers, even if they were jackasses. Television made it seem like the majority of male heroes were stone cold psychopaths who could shrug off the deaths of their lovers. Yet, most long running franchises like Batman and Spider-Man had a dozen dead ones. Not a good look, DC and Marvel comics.
I sucked in my breath and then slowly exhaled. “I’d like a second opinion, thank you. Where’s Alex?”
“No idea,” Lucien said. “He was conspicuously absent during our battle, probably off doing wizardly things.”
I thought of Kim Su and Raguel. I wondered if Alex had been conscripted off into the great battle currently going on in Heaven.
No , he’s elsewhere , my gun spoke. It had a whiny feminine voice that sounded a bit like it was New Jersey.
Wait , you’re intelligent too? I asked, blinking.
Moreso than you , Monkey Girl , the gun replied.
Hey , that’s Deer Girl , Hell Gun , I snapped back at her.
Sure-sure , Hell Gun replied. In any case , let’s get back to the murder. I get stronger the more people you kill with me.
Great, what a wonderful gift Lucien had given me. “Well, then I suppose I don’t have any better ideas. Are you sure we can kill the Boogeyman and Phillip Tzu both?”
“Yes,” Lucien said. “Time is working against us and the more people they kill, the stronger they’ll get. Besides, we’ve killed gods before.”
From anyone else, that would have sounded like a boast, but it was just fact for Lucien and me. Unfortunately, the “gods” we had faced had been just a bunch of jumped-up spirits that had built cults around themselves. The Boogeyman may have been the same, just a giant-sized boggart on steroids, but that didn’t make him any less dangerous. A spirit that managed to be remembered for thousands of years was nothing to be trifled with, especially if it was getting a portion of the fear every child felt when they were certain a monster was under the bed.
“Great,” I muttered, realizing I didn’t have any better options. “Well, let’s go find the magic book to summon the dread Lord Cthulhu and go kill him. Hopefully, we can achieve this by crossing the streams.”
“What streams?” Emma asked. “Wait, is Cthulhu real?”
“No, Emma,” I replied. “Cthulhu is not real. I mean, in this reality. In Gary’s reality, yes.”
“Wait, what? Who is Gary?” Emma asked.
“Long story,” I replied.
“Where is the Book of Midnight ?” Janet asked, too eager. She was really excited about being a hero and apparently completely ignoring the fact her sister just got herself killed. Resurrection was not a guarantee here.
“A cavern system nearby,” I said, looking at my cousins. “I need you two to scout around the edges. Can you do that?”
The truth was I was sending my cousins on a wild goose chase. I didn’t want them to get any more hurt than they already were. Which, honestly, felt rather pointless given one of them was the living dead now. My father had unwittingly prepped me a bit with the revelation that I was part-vampire—Part-dhampyr? Daywalker? What was I in relationship to Blade? —but it was still something that was going to go over like a lead balloon with the rest of the shifters in town. Somehow, I didn’t think Jesse minded and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Something she’d never given me. Wow, that was a passive aggressive mindset. I really had to get out of Bright Falls.
“Absolutely we can do it!” Janet said, giving a salute. She looked like a deranged Girl Scout.
“Will we get to kill people?” Jesse asked.
I stared at her.
“Honest, it’s not the vampirism!” Jesse said, too defensively.
“That would make it worse!” I replied.
“What do you want me to do, Jane?” Emma asked, still looking shell-shocked from recent events. I didn’t blame her in the slightest.
I didn’t want to send Emma into danger either. It wasn’t my responsibility to protect my friend and she was probably better able to defend herself than I was without the Merlin Gun. Hell, she’d managed to defeat Preacher in hand-to-hand combat while I’d been helpless against her.
You defeated Preacher , the Hell Gun said. Emma lost. She knows this even if you’re lying about it.
Preacher is dead , I replied. That’s the only part that matters.
Mortals , the Hell Gun said. You always rewrite history.
“You need to take charge like the queen you are,” I replied. “Make sure everyone is defended and protect them until we deal with this.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be queen,” Emma muttered under her breath.
“Also, we don’t need protection,” Christine replied, crossing her arms. “I shot ten zombies in the face.”
I blinked. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Christine replied. “You think I was going to be among a bunch of shifters without extensive gun training?”
Emma growled at her.
“Leave the future Fox News reporter alone, Emma,” I said, scratching behind her ears. “She’s not worth it.”
Emma leaned into my ear scratches. “That’s cheating. By the way, do you mind if I date your vampire cousin? You know, when she’s not soaked in blood.”
I stopped scratching, blinking. “Uh—”
Jesse and Janet were already gone by that point.
“Sure!” I said, cheerfully.
“Arthur, William,” Lucien said, “I want you two to guard Emma and coordinate with her. Consider everything she says to be the word of the producer.”
“So, ignore her and do what I want anyway?” Arthur said, coming up.
Lucien glared. “Why are we friends?”
“I’m literally the only person you know who doesn’t want to use you, kill you, or screw you,” Arthur said. “I mean, maybe the last one but only after a few drinks. No scales or tail.”
Lucien chuckled. “Bigot.”
“Is the Queen of England a reptiloid?” Arthur asked. “I’ve been meaning to ask.”
“The House of Windsor is descended from werewolves,” Emma said, without irony. “I think Harry is the first in generations, though.”
“That makes so much sense,” I muttered. “So, are you ready to go, Lucien? Hopefully, Alex is around and can help us with murdering the fairy lord and his dad.”
I wasn’t sure about this plan. It felt like someone had maneuvered the chess pieces around us perfectly so the only way we could move was closer to checkmate. Personally, I considered chess metaphors to be strained and played out by the time Lewis Carroll used them in Through the Looking-Glass , but I struggled to think up any better ones.
About the only good thing in the situation was that I was sure that their plan wasn’t going the way they wanted to. Samantha may or may not have been on the same page as Alice and Preacher but a bunch of dead zombies, most of the cast still being alive, plus the few remaining Red Sky ninjas now absent their werewolf members probably wasn’t what she had planned. Still, we were about to resurrect a pair of monsters and even if we managed to put them back down, it was a big risk. I wasn’t about to live the rest of my life running from every shadow and waiting for another assassin to come after me, though. I needed to nip this in the bud, no matter the risks to everyone else.
Good , you’re already thinking like a demon , the Hell Gun said.
Shut up , I replied.
Certainly , the Hell Gun said. Good luck with my son.
What? I asked.
“Alex will be here when we need him,” Lucien said. “He wouldn’t miss killing his dad again for the world.”
Somehow, that didn’t reassure me.