After she’d phoned her mum with the latest from Lily’s consultant, and convinced her that she didn’t need to jump on the next plane out of Marseille, and then convinced Lily that she really did need to stay put until the doctors told her she could leave, Sophie headed wearily back from Weston General Hospital. Her cottage felt charmless and empty, and Sophie was definitely in need of some company but she didn’t fancy parking herself on a bar stool at The Stationmaster all night and drowning her sorrows. Just as she was reconciling herself to another Netflix box set and Nutella on toast, her mobile rang.
‘Hi.’ Alex’s voice was gentle, concerned. ‘Is it a good time?’
Sophie felt her throat constrict with tears at his tone. ‘I’m back home, if that’s what you mean.’
There was a pause. ‘Are you OK?’
‘Not really.’
‘You shouldn’t be on your own.’
‘I’ve got the cat.’ Sophie gave a shaky laugh. ‘Although she’s pretty pissed off that she hasn’t been fed yet, so she’ll probably sulk on my bed all evening.’
Alex laughed gently. ‘That’s not quite what I meant.’ There was a pause. ‘Look, why don’t I bring Barney over to keep the cat company and we can talk about how we’re going to stop your grandmother from doing any more damage to herself when she gets out of hospital?’
Sophie’s heart began to beat faster. ‘I’d like that.’ She sniffed. After all, it did feel as though they had a bit of unfinished business from the bench on the downs that afternoon, although that now felt like a lifetime ago.
‘Do you have a favourite bottle of wine that I can pick up from Kelli’s place?’ Alex asked, his tone still soft. ‘That’s if you’d like me to.’
Sophie smiled. ‘That would be great. I’m less of a wine connoisseur than Matthew, though, so anything bone dry and fizzy would be great.’
‘Consider it done,’ Alex said.
As she ended the call, Sophie wondered if, had circumstances been different, she’d now have been racing around like a blue-arsed fly, trying to make herself more presentable for an evening with Alex. As it was, she barely had the wherewithal to run a brush through her hair and clean her teeth. Deciding against getting changed, as Alex was bound to notice if her clothes were different from when they parted this afternoon, she sprayed on a bit of her favourite perfume and checked the pantry to see if there were any nibbles in the house to mop up the wine. Finding a couple of packets of crisps, she decanted them into bowls and set to waiting for Alex.
She didn’t have long to wait. Obviously anxious not to leave her on her own to stew, he turned up twenty minutes later. She was reassured that he, too, hadn’t smartened up and was still wearing the shorts and T-shirt that he’d worn on their trip to Bristol. He had a bottle of sparkling wine in one hand, and Barney’s lead in the other. The dog looked docile and as if he’d had a lot more exercise than he usually got, and, when Sophie opened the front door, it was all Barney could do to raise his nose and give her a sniff.
‘I decided he needed to get out this afternoon!’ Alex said as Sophie commented on the knackered Weimaraner. ‘And I think we went way further than he’s used to.’
‘I told you he was lazy.’ Sophie smiled as, released from his slip lead, Barney wandered through to the living room and collapsed with a martyred sigh on the rug by the patio doors, which Sophie had left open as it was still stiflingly hot.
‘He doesn’t cope well with the heat,’ Alex replied, smiling fondly down at the prone hound. As if he’d forgotten himself, he suddenly started and passed Sophie the bottle of wine, which had obviously just come out of the fridge at the wine shop, as it had condensation on the neck. ‘Here, I hope this is dry enough.’
Sophie looked at the bottle of cava he’d passed her. ‘It looks great. I’ll grab a couple of glasses.’ Passing the bottle back to Alex, she smiled.
Hurrying through to the kitchen, she grabbed the crystal flutes from the top shelf of the cabinet and headed back to Alex. The glasses had been a present from her grandmother on her twenty-first birthday, and they’d survived eight years through careful handling. They were made of Edinburgh crystal; Lily had been adamant that you should only drink good sparkling wine from crystal, and Sophie had tried to adhere to that as often as possible. At the thought of Lily, lying alone in that hospital bed, Sophie blinked back the tears. It comforted her a little to think that Lily was probably lying awake plotting her next bestselling novel, and not feeling sorry for herself in the slightest.
Alex undid the foil on the bottle and popped the cork into his palm, obviously doing his best not to make Barney jump. Pouring two glasses, he handed one back to Sophie. She took hers across the room and sat on the sofa, motioning for Alex to join her.
‘So how are you doing?’ Alex asked once they were settled.
Sophie took a sip from her glass, appreciating the flavour and the exquisite dryness as a distraction from her emotions. ‘I’m OK. It’s Gran we need to worry about.’ Her hand started to shake, and she put her glass down on the side table. ‘I can’t believe it happened.’
‘How exactly did she fall?’ Alex asked.
As Sophie recounted the story, she saw Alex’s face darken, first in shock and then in anger. When she said that Lily didn’t want to take things any further, Alex shook his head in consternation.
‘But she could be badly injured. This Mark guy should at least make sure his dog gets a muzzle or something. What if it does the same thing to someone else?’
Sophie sighed. ‘I’ve tried to convince her, but she doesn’t want to have anything more to do with him. She knows how upset I was when Mark and I split up. I suppose she thinks she’s protecting me if she just lets it lie.’
‘And how do you feel about that?’ Alex’s voice was so gentle, spoke of such concern for her, that Sophie felt her eyes fill with more tears.
‘I want to see him held responsible for what he did, even after everything that’s happened between us.’
‘Why did you break up? If you don’t mind me asking.’
Suddenly, after the day she’d had, and all the worry over Lily, Sophie felt an overwhelming need to tell someone, anyone, about the deeper reasons for the split with Mark. Alex had such understanding in his dark brown eyes, and as his hand crept across the sofa and covered her own she felt reassurance like she’d never known.
‘I was in a bad place when Mark and I split,’ Sophie said quietly. ‘If I’m being honest, it wasn’t just him screwing around with Jenna that ended it. I wasn’t the best person to be around for a couple of months before that.’
‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ Alex murmured. ‘I can’t imagine not wanting to be around you.’
Sophie smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. ‘No. You don’t understand.’ She swallowed. ‘Not even Mum or Gran know this. In fact, I haven’t told anyone.’
Alex reached across the sofa and took Sophie’s hand. ‘It’s OK. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I won’t be offended.’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to tell you.’ Alex’s hand was warm around hers, and Sophie was grateful for it. ‘It’s just that it’s hard to go back there. I guess I never really dealt with what happened, and just filed it away. And when Mark was caught out cheating, it seemed easier to be angry with him than admit that I’d actually withdrawn from the relationship long before it ended.’
Alex looked at her with soulful dark eyes, turned even darker in the low light of the setting sun. Neither of them had wanted to move to turn on the lamps in the living room, and now the sun’s last rays gradually faded into dusk. ‘I’m here for you, Sophie,’ he said gently.
Sophie took a deep breath, bracing herself to say it out loud. It had been something she’d shut away for nearly a year, and she’d fooled herself that it was over, but being with Alex made her want to be completely open with him.
‘A couple of months before Mark and I split, I found out I was pregnant. It was a total accident. I’d had a bout of food poisoning and my contraceptive pill hadn’t been enough to cover me. I was getting complacent; I’d been on the pill for so many years that I just assumed it would all be fine. It wasn’t.’ She shook her head, surprised that she could sound so matter of fact about it when it had hurt so much at the time.
‘Mark and I had been seeing each other for about eighteen months, and, although neither of us had talked about a family, it seemed to be heading that way. I wouldn’t have been surprised if we hadn’t moved in together sooner or later. Anyway, I’ve always been as regular as clockwork, so when I realised what was happening, I was shocked, but not overly worried. If Mark didn’t want to be around, then I was more than happy to keep the baby by myself. Mum had already been dropping hints about settling down, and, although it wouldn’t have been ideal to raise a baby on my own, I knew I’d be fine. Then, just as I was getting used to the idea, I had a miscarriage at ten weeks. I hadn’t told Mark about the pregnancy – I’m not really quite sure why. I wonder if, deep down, I knew things weren’t going to work out between us, so I was holding back a bit. Don’t get me wrong…’ she glanced up at Alex, who was listening intently ‘… I’d have told him soon after that, but then I lost it, and there didn’t seem much point. The miscarriage wasn’t pleasant, but I was physically all right fairly quickly. I just needed a week or so off work, and I pretended I’d had a stomach bug. No one asked any questions.’
She laughed hollowly. ‘Much as I miss Mum, it’s actually quite convenient that she lives in Marseille these days. It was easy to pretend I was just ill. Gran wondered where I was, I think, but I texted her and kept up the pretence that I had this awful stomach bug and didn’t want to infect her. I don’t think she guessed.’
‘That surprises me,’ Alex observed, thinking privately that Lily was about as shrewd as they came.
‘Anyway, after that, I wasn’t up to much, if you know what I mean, and Mark started getting frustrated. I can’t blame him, really, although it would have been nice if he’d let me talk to him about things in my own time. I couldn’t talk about it, you see. It was all such a shock: finding out I was pregnant, getting used to that idea and then suddenly discovering that it had ended before it had really begun. I think if I’d had more time, I’d have managed to discuss it with him, but, as it was, he started looking elsewhere and that’s when we split.’
‘Still doesn’t excuse his cheating,’ Alex said. He’d turned away, but Sophie was sure she saw something unfathomable in his eyes before he composed himself and looked back at her. ‘I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone.’
Sophie shook her head. ‘I know it sounds harsh, but perhaps it was for the best. There’s no telling what caused it; the baby could have been damaged, or there might have been something else wrong, something with me. At the time you go on the internet to find answers, but really there are no hard and fast rules. And perhaps Mark and I just weren’t meant to be.’
‘Perhaps you’re right on that score,’ Alex said, a husky note in his voice. He pulled Sophie into a warm embrace and she luxuriated in his closeness for a long, delicious moment. ‘But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about the baby. Raising a child alone is hard, I know that from what my mom went through in the early years of my own upbringing, but so is losing one before time.’
‘Thank you,’ Sophie whispered against the soft fabric of Alex’s white T-shirt. ‘I just felt I needed to be completely honest with you. I value honesty above nearly everything else, and when I couldn’t talk to Mark about what had happened, that’s when things started to fall apart. I don’t want that to happen with anyone else.’ She pulled away from him and looked him deep in the eyes. ‘Whatever happens, I promise I will never lie to you, Alex.’
Was it the last flickers of the dying sunset, or did Alex suddenly look unsettled? Perhaps she was being too intense for him by saying that, but after what she’d just told him, she wanted to make things completely clear. After all, they were still very much on the cusp; they hadn’t even kissed yet, although the traumas of the afternoon seemed to be creating an intensity between them. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked. ‘I haven’t shocked you?’
Alex gave a brief smile. ‘I’m fine,’ he said. ‘And no, you haven’t shocked me at all.’ He raised a hand to her face and stroked her cheek. ‘I guess I was just lost for a moment. All this talk of children made me think about Mom.’
‘She sounds like an amazing woman, from what you’ve told me about her,’ Sophie said gently, relieved to be off the subject of her miscarriage. ‘You must really miss her.’
Alex nodded. ‘I do.’ The hand that was resting on the arm of the sofa balled into a fist for a moment. ‘I just get so angry sometimes that she was taken before she saw me realise this dream of the orchard. For years she wanted me to take the chance, to make the move from law to artisan cider; she even offered to loan me the money, but I refused. I always thought there’d be more time, that when she and my stepdad, Harry, got older they’d be able to retire out to the smallholding, and by then I’d have a family of my own to take care of them. The cancer took her too quickly, and too young. And I guess I’m still coming to terms with that.’ He ran a hand over his eyes before he would look at her again.
‘I’m sorry for your loss, too,’ Sophie said. ‘But I’m sure she would have been incredibly proud of what you’ve achieved so far, and how hard you’re working to realise the dream.’
‘I like to think she would be,’ Alex said quietly.
There was a pause as both of them sat, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually, Sophie spoke again. ‘You can tell me this is none of my business if you want, but you mention your stepdad a lot. Are you in touch with your biological dad?’ For a moment she’d almost said ‘real’, but she knew that Alex regarded Harry as his real father, the one who’d brought him up, and so she adjusted her words accordingly.
Alex shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. ‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘Mom didn’t tell me much about him when she was alive.’
‘Do you know if he’s still around?’
‘He died a while ago. Mom told me a little about him over the years, but I never really felt like I needed to find him. And now it’s too late, anyway.’ Alex reached forward and poured them both another glass from the bottle of cava on the coffee table in front of them.
‘Aren’t you tempted to try to find out if you have any other family?’
Alex paused a little too long. ‘Maybe one day,’ he said eventually, passing Sophie her glass. ‘But I’ve got a lot to do trying to learn as much as I can about this new business first.’
‘Fair enough, but remember what you said about leaving things too late. What if you’ve got more family out there who might want to get to know you?’
Alex shook his head. ‘I don’t think I’m ready to think about that just yet.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sophie said. ‘I’m saying what’s in my head again without actually thinking. It’s your choice, and up to you when and if you do it.’
‘No need to apologise,’ Alex said, settling back on the sofa. Sophie hesitated for a moment, and then snuggled closer to him. If she’d looked up, she would have seen a mixture of emotions crossing Alex’s face, and would have been hard pushed to fathom any of them. They sat for a long time, cuddled up but lost in their own thoughts.
Some time later, when night had truly started to fall, Alex shifted on the sofa. ‘I guess I should get going.’
Sophie sat up. She felt drained by the conversation they’d shared, but also unburdened. The funny thing was, it had felt so natural to curl up with Alex on the sofa that she’d almost forgotten the sizzling chemistry they’d shared on the bench that afternoon. Events, it seemed, had overtaken them once more. They still hadn’t kissed, she realised with a jolt.
‘Thank you for coming over,’ she said as she shifted so Alex could get up. ‘I never imagined in a million years I’d end up talking about things so much tonight.’
‘Me neither,’ Alex said, smiling down at her. ‘Look, Sophie…’
‘Yes?’
‘I know it’s been a really hard day. But I kind of feel glad I was here to share it with you.’
Sophie smiled back. ‘I’m glad you were too. She glanced at the clock. ‘I’m going to go and see Gran in the morning. I think we need to get the cottage ready for when she comes home, too.’ She swallowed. ‘Will you help me?’
‘Of course.’
Sophie walked with Alex to the front door where they both paused, unsure, after the night’s disclosures, what happened next.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?’ Alex said. He slipped Barney’s lead onto the tired Weimaraner and then leaned forward and kissed Sophie’s cheek. ‘Try to get some sleep.’
Sophie felt the warm brush of his lips on her cheek and the back of her neck started to tingle. Despite everything, she had the sudden urge to kiss him more passionately, but she was afraid to spoil the moment. Alex’s reserve was a tricky thing to gauge.
‘I will. You too.’
As they parted, Sophie leaned back against the front door and let out a deep breath. Emotions crashed within her for attention, but, too exhausted to process any more of them, she decided to call it a night. There would be time to analyse everything in the morning.