After Sophie and Alex had had a busy Thursday selling and demonstrating at the Royal West Country Show, Jonathan Carter arrived at the concession on Friday afternoon, which allowed them a couple of hours off to explore the rest of the show themselves. As they wandered around hand in hand, taking in the assorted sights of country wear concessions, vendors of local produce including the much lauded Yeo Valley ice cream and yogurt and assorted stalls from garden furniture to equestrian supplies, Sophie found herself relaxing into the atmosphere. She’d not visited the show for a few years, and she was enjoying getting re-acquainted with everything that it had to offer.
‘This is all pretty neat,’ Alex said as they reached the main arena where the police horses were limbering up waiting to do their display. ‘Those guys remind me of the mounted police back home.’
‘Do the Mounties still ride horses?’ Sophie laughed. ‘I mean, I remember Mum being addicted to this TV show when I was a kid that had a Mountie as its main character, but I kind of assumed they were more for ceremony than anything else.’
‘Of course,’ Alex replied. ‘Although that’s not their only means of transport these days.’ Grinning, he whispered in her ear. ‘Are you telling me you’ve got a fetish for a red uniform?’
Sophie laughed. ‘That’s for me to know and you to find out!’
‘Well, well, well, you’re looking cosy.’ A very unwelcome voice broke into their private world. ‘I thought you came down here to work, Soph, not to have a dirty weekend.’
Sophie stiffened and suddenly felt sick to her stomach. ‘What are you doing here?’ she muttered as Mark sidled up to them.
‘Just doing a bit of the hard sell to the punters.’ Mark smiled, but there was no warmth in it.
‘Mark Simpson,’ he said, sticking out a slightly grubby hand to Alex. Alex ignored it, and Sophie felt his back stiffen.
‘I know who you are,’ Alex said quietly. His expression was dark, and he put an arm protectively around Sophie. ‘Excuse us, please.’
‘Oh, don’t be like that, mate,’ Mark replied. ‘I’m just coming to say hello.’
‘And you’ve said it.’ Alex turned back to Sophie. ‘We should probably get back to the concession.’
Sophie nodded, unnerved by Alex’s sudden reaction to Mark, given his natural reserve and politeness about everything else. ‘Yes, let’s get going.’
‘Good to see you, Soph,’ Mark called after them. ‘Text me when you get back, yeah?’
As they walked away, Sophie glanced up at Alex. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked quietly.
Alex nodded stiffly. ‘Of course.’ But his set expression suggested otherwise. He was silent until they got back to the Carter’s concession, and then they were both caught up in selling and demonstrating for the rest of the afternoon, so Sophie didn’t get the chance to question him further. She could understand his reaction to Mark to a point; after all, she knew he was fond of Lily and Mark was to blame for her fall, and, she figured, perhaps Alex felt protective of her, too, after what she’d been through with Mark. She was just surprised that Alex had let his feelings get the better of him when he was so under control about everything else. Hoping she’d be able to get him to open up later, she concentrated on talking to show goers for the rest of the afternoon.
*
That evening as they headed back to the yurt, Sophie decided the direct approach was best. Alex had been quiet on the way back to their sleeping accommodation, and Sophie felt distinctly unnerved.
‘I’m fine,’ he replied, in response to her enquiry. ‘It’s been a long day.’
Sophie forced a smile, hoping that she could help him to brush off whatever it was that had preoccupied him since they’d bumped into Mark. Sliding into his embrace, she tilted her head up for a kiss, but even then, with her body pressed against his, she could tell his mind was elsewhere.
‘Tell me what’s bothering you, Alex, please.’
Sighing, he drew back to get a better look at her. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly. ‘It’s just that… I have a real problem with Mark. And not just because he’s your ex, or even because of what his dog did to Lily. Although that’s reason enough.’
‘So what else is it?’
Alex shook his head. ‘I guess it’s because, when I was in my mid-twenties, I was just like him when it came to women. I didn’t care who I hurt, and I was pretty careless with a lot of people’s hearts.’
Sophie drew in a breath. She hated to think of Alex and Mark as similar in any way; they seemed like two opposing sides. Surely Alex was exaggerating? ‘I find that quite hard to believe,’ she said. ‘I mean, you were so cautious about us getting involved; what changed?’
‘I did,’ Alex replied. ‘Back then, I was working through a lot of issues. Mom had started to tell me the story of where I came from, a bit about who my father was; well, my biological father. She wouldn’t give too many details, insisting that the time would come when I could find them out for myself, and to be honest, on the surface I didn’t really care. Harry has always been my dad; I didn’t need to know about my father.’ He shook his head. ‘Mom told me that I was the result of a summer fling. She didn’t tell me if my father knew about me. That information only came later, just before she died.’
‘So how did you feel about that?’ Sophie reached out and entwined her fingers with Alex’s.
‘Frustrated, ten years ago, but not exactly angry. Mom was pretty strong willed, but she’d always made sound decisions. I figured she must have had a good reason for keeping his name from me. But on a deeper level, looking back on it, I can see that only having some of the story was affecting me. I had a string of flings, one night stands, ended things with women I liked because I wanted to prove something to myself. I put myself in danger more than once, sleeping around, running risks, and I’m not proud of that. I guess I must have been dealing with a lot of subliminal stuff, and my way of coping was to turn it all outwards. Mom was worried, I know she was, but I guess I was punishing her, and my biological father, for keeping things from me.’
‘Sounds like you had a lot to get your head around,’ Sophie said.
‘I did,’ Alex said. ‘The law firm I worked for had a therapist on the payroll. I went to see her and talked things through, got a little bit of perspective. Realised that I was blaming Mom for the fact I felt there was a piece missing in my life, and using those women as substitutes, trying to hurt her.’ He shook his head. ‘At first I thought it was all pseudo-psychological bullshit, but gradually things started to make sense. Especially when I found out the circumstances of what had happened between Mom and my father.’
Sophie’s heart lurched. She immediately started to think the worst; was Alex’s mother abused? Was that why she’d kept things from her son? ‘So, what did happen?’
Alex smiled sadly. ‘He was married, with kids, young kids, when they met. And they lived… a long way apart. According to Mom, there was never going to be a future for him and her. She made a decision that, to her, was perfectly logical; she’d keep the baby, and raise him or her alone. I don’t think my father ever knew I existed.’
‘And once you found all this out, you never wanted to find him?’
Alex’s face clouded over momentarily. He looked as though he was choosing his words carefully; his voice was husky. ‘Of course. But it’s too late now.’ For the first time since she’d met him, Alex looked truly desolate.
‘Oh, Alex.’ Sophie’s eyes filled with tears. She pulled him to her in a tight embrace. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She could feel him trembling against her.
For a long moment they just held each other; united in their shared sense of the loss of a parent they’d never really known. As they broke apart again, Alex placed a gentle kiss on Sophie’s lips.
‘Thank you,’ he said softly. ‘And I’m sorry I was so weird this afternoon. It just brought back a whole lot of stuff I thought I’d put behind me.’ He laughed. ‘I think being with you is making me want to open up about it all again, to be honest.’
‘I’m glad, I think.’ Sophie laughed nervously. ‘I mean, everyone’s got some secrets, right?’
For a second, something unreadable flickered in Alex’s eyes, and Sophie itched to press him further, but just as quickly it was gone.