‘I think this is going to call for some serious alcohol.’ Matthew poured three generous glasses of whisky with a less than steady hand. Glancing up as the door to his study opened, he shook his head as Anna poked hers around the door. ‘It’s fine.’ Smiling gently, she closed the door again.
Alex sat down in the leather Chesterfield armchair that stood on one side of the fireplace, as far away from Jonathan, who was sitting on the cushioned window seat, as he could be. Once he’d poured and distributed the drinks, Matthew sat in the other armchair. Alex was at a complete loss as to where to begin with the men who now knew he was their half-brother, so he was warily grateful when Jonathan began to speak.
‘I’m sorry I was so rude to you this morning. I suppose I was in such a state of shock that I just automatically went on the defensive. It’s a trait that’s more often seen in my big brother, but I guess we’re more alike than we realise.’
Alex took a sip of the whisky, which warmed his throat. ‘It’s understandable, under the circumstances,’ he said. ‘I should have levelled with you at the start, not just come here and waited for it all to come out. I guess I wasn’t brave enough.’ He laughed hollowly. ‘Stupid, isn’t it?’
‘Not really,’ Matthew said, sipping his own drink. ‘You walked into one of the most tribal families in Somerset. I don’t think I’d have felt too brave, either.’
‘My mother would be ashamed of me,’ Alex said quietly. Suddenly he had a vision of Addie, serious brown eyes boring into his as they had done ever since he was a small boy. ‘She’d have expected better of her son.’
‘Perhaps she’d have understood,’ Jonathan said quietly. ‘Our mother would certainly have kicked my arse for reacting the way I did, and as for Dad…’ He laughed, but the sound was hollow. ‘He was one of the most hospitable men I’ve ever known. He’d have bawled me out for throwing you out of the farm, once I knew who you were.’
‘Mom didn’t talk much about him until the end,’ Alex said reflectively, ‘but she did say he had the kind of charm that could turn a room to his favour. I’d have liked to have seen that in action.’
‘Oh, believe me, it was worth seeing.’ Matthew smiled, and this time the warmth reached his eyes. ‘He prided himself on being able to sell anyone anything. And most of the time he succeeded.’ Swallowing another mouthful of whisky, he put the glass down on the occasional table next to his chair.
‘I’m sorry about your mother.’ He leaned forward and rested elbows on his knees, hands loosely clenched in front of him. ‘We were luckier, I suppose. Mum was diagnosed with lymphoma in the early eighties, but she was in remission for twenty years. When the breast cancer came, it was a different story. She tried to fight it but it was stage four by the time she realised. Dad nearly lost his mind when she died. He spent weeks after the funeral locked away in the bungalow, and whenever Jonathan or I went to see him he’d just ramble on about how he never deserved her, that he wished he’d treated her better.’ Matthew swallowed. ‘Of course, I had a fair idea that he’d had other women, but I had no clue that your mother had meant so much to him.’
Alex felt his throat constrict at the rawness in Matthew’s voice. Since discovering Jack was his father, he’d often wondered if the relationship had meant as much to Jack as it had to Addie. She’d never spoken badly of Jack; in fact, the little she did say about him, towards the very end of her life, had been positive, but he’d always wondered if that positivity had been deserved.
‘My mother made the choice for him,’ Alex said quietly. ‘Just before she died, she said that she’d chosen to walk away, to leave him be. As far as I know he never knew I existed. It was the bravest thing I can imagine. She chose to keep me, and raise me alone. But she didn’t bear Jack any ill will for that decision; it was made out of love.’ He rubbed his fingertips across the bridge of his nose and over his eyes. ‘She didn’t want him to feel he owed her anything. And for thirty-five years she kept the secret.’
‘She sounds like quite a woman.’
‘She was.’
The brothers lapsed into silence, preoccupied with their own memories.
‘I did meet him once, though, although I didn’t realise who he was at the time.’
Matthew’s head snapped up. ‘Really? When was that?’
Alex smiled at the memory. ‘It was when I was about ten years old. Mom had brought me to England to show me some of the tourist trail. We stayed in the centre of London and did all of the most famous landmarks. I fell in love with Hampton Court Palace just as she’d done when she’d come to London as a student. Just as we were about to go back to the hotel for the evening and go out for dinner, my mother took me into the Rose Garden at the palace. The evening seemed to bring out the scents so strongly, and I remember finding the mixture of perfumes almost overwhelming. There, standing off to one side, looking over the gardens, was a man.’ Alex gave a quiet laugh. ‘I remember thinking that it was the first time I’d ever seen my mother blush, but she walked straight up to him and said, “Hello, Jack.”’
Matthew felt his stomach flip; it was as if Alex was talking about a man other than the father he knew. In a sense, he supposed he was. ‘Then what?’
‘Jack shook my hand and said he was an old acquaintance of my mother’s. I was ten years old and didn’t understand quite what was going on, but he was kind, and funny, and he bought me one of those enormous ice creams. While I was stuck into the ice cream, he and my mother spoke briefly, but I never got any indication that he was my father. She’d married Harry by then, so he must have just assumed that I was Harry’s son. I was quite small for my age back then, so he might not have put two and two together. My mother never let on that she’d said anything, and Jack certainly didn’t seem to make the connection. Then he left.’
‘And that was the only time you ever met him?’
Alex nodded. ‘It wasn’t until just before Mom died, and we’d started going through some of her things, that I found the photo of him at Kennedy Falls and realised.’
‘Christ,’ Matthew breathed. ‘All these years…’
Alex looked out of the large window that overlooked Matthew’s rambling garden and clutched his glass of whisky a little tighter. How things had changed since the last time he visited Cowslip Barn. Back then he’d been a guest of his boss; now he had walked through the door as something entirely different.
Jonathan, who’d slipped out of the room during this conversation, suddenly re-emerged, Cheshire-cat-like. Grabbing the whisky decanter, he paused to top up his glass, then Matthew’s, and finally Alex’s. ‘I guess I owe you an apology as well as a top up,’ he said gruffly as he pulled up another chair and sat a little closer to his brothers. ‘I shouldn’t have gone off at you the way I did. I was in shock, I suppose. And Caroline’s mood swings have been running me ragged, too.’ At Alex’s quizzical look, Jonathan clarified. ‘She’s pregnant.’
‘Congratulations,’ Alex said quietly. ‘And thanks for the apology.’ He sipped his drink ruminatively. In a few months’ time, both of his half-brothers would be parents. The next generation of Carters would be assured. Once again he felt a churning mixture of guilt, love and frustration about being in the midst of it all.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Jonathan continued. ‘With Dad having never been in the picture for you, we want to make it up to you. My big brother, our big brother, is far too diplomatic to just jump right in and say it, but we feel that our father owes you; that he’d want you to benefit from what he built.’
Alex shook his head. ‘That was never why I came here.’ He turned to face Jonathan and was, yet again, taken aback by the contrast between the two brothers. While he could see the similarities in stature and bone structure, their colouring was as different as night and day. Matthew’s dark hair and deep brown eyes must have come from their mother Cecily, whereas Jonathan’s chestnut hair and clear blue eyes could only be from Jack. ‘I don’t need your help financially.’
‘We know that,’ Jonathan said patiently. ‘From what you’ve told us about Adelaide’s, you’ve potentially got a goldmine on your hands with the apple blends you’ve been trying. That orchard you bought is something that will last for generations if cared for properly. Adelaide’s could be a name to be reckoned with in North America.’
Alex shook his head. ‘With all due respect, Jonathan, I’m not sure that I want that. Adelaide’s was never intended to be anything other than a kitchen table business; an artisan brand. I don’t want what you’ve got here. It’s overwhelming.’
‘Oh, come on, Alex!’ Jonathan snorted. ‘You and I both know that you didn’t just come here out of some sense of curiosity. Cider’s as much in your blood as it is ours; that’s obvious from the fact you bought a fucking orchard! Let us come on board with you. You get your autonomy, but also the backing of a world famous brand.’
‘No,’ Alex replied. ‘It doesn’t feel right. I never needed Jack Carter when I was growing up, and I don’t need his sons’ misguided senses of legacy and loyalty now he’s dead. I came here to close a book, not write a new chapter, and I’ve done that.’ He turned from Jonathan to Matthew. ‘Please understand,’ he said, lowering his voice a little, ‘I need to do this for myself, and for my mother. All I want from you is acknowledgement. No more, no less.’
Jonathan shook his head. ‘A noble sentiment, I’m sure. But the offer is there, when you need it. I know that Dad would have wanted to make up for his absence somehow, and since he’s not here to do it himself, we want to make sure that happens.’
‘You’ve done enough already.’ Alex looked from one Carter brother to the other. ‘I’ve learned so much from being here; about Jack, about the business. About…’ He stopped himself just in time. Admitting how he felt about Sophie was going to take a lot more alcohol and a lot more courage than he currently had. ‘I don’t need anything else from you.’
‘Well, as I said, the offer’s there if you change your mind.’ Jonathan turned to Matthew. ‘Matthew here’s been running this business for over fifteen years now, and if he scents a winning proposition, you can pretty much guarantee you’re onto something. He’s a good ally to have.’
‘I’m sure,’ Alex said wryly. He trusted Matthew instinctively; the man’s integrity shone out from every pore. Jonathan, on the other hand, he still couldn’t fathom. But then he had a lifetime to catch up on, he supposed. Glancing at his watch, he finished his drink. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I’d better get going.’
‘Somewhere to be?’ Jonathan asked, a glint in his eye.
‘I owe someone an explanation,’ Alex replied. ‘Quite a big explanation, in fact. And the last time she saw me, she wasn’t minded to listen to what I had to say.’
‘Good luck,’ Jonathan said. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept of a feisty female; his wife, Caroline, had made him run that gauntlet on a number of occasions. ‘If she loves you, she’ll listen.’
Alex felt his cheeks burning under Jonathan’s scrutiny. ‘I hope so.’ Placing his glass down on the windowsill, he made his exit.