Chapter Nine

 

 

IT TOOK GOD a short while to get over his disastrous lunch. Grace walked him down towards the beach, thinking the fresh air would help.

They sat and looked out on the ocean for half an hour or so. God went over to the water’s edge to dip his beard in the surf and give it a clean, Grace watching him surrounded by inquisitive gulls. He refused to do the easy thing of just taking it off so was forced to bend down in the water, pressing his face against the incoming waves. By the time he returned he was looking very wet and distinctly sorry for himself.

‘Sorry,’ she said, ‘I shouldn’t have laughed. It wasn’t a very nice lunch was it?’

‘It’s fine,’ he replied, trying to make light of it. ‘I could have risen above it but I thought it might be instructive to experience it just as a mortal would. It’s easy to become isolated when you’re a deity, immune to the human condition. I find it rewarding to remind myself from time to time what it is to live like one of you.’

‘It keeps you grounded,’ she said, doing her best to sound sincere.

‘Precisely,’ he agreed.

‘When I was a kid,’ she said, ‘I used to go to church sometimes. Not with Uncle Ray, he never had time for that sort of thing, but Auntie Lois would come over and take me to to the First Pentecostal. It freaked me out to begin with, all those people shouting, screaming and flinging themselves to the floor. It was so loud. It seemed, I don’t know, needy. Like the people were desperate to prove themselves in front of one another rather than to a God.’ She corrected herself. ‘You, that is. You know, it seemed as if it was all about who could shout the loudest, who was the most overcome, who was the most blessed. I just used to sit there while Aunt Lois threw herself around and people spoke in tongues. I know it was supposed to be a good thing but it took a few weeks before I stopped finding it terrifying.’

‘Those happy clappers,’ he said, ‘they’re a funny bunch. You don’t need to shout, people, I’m right here. Still, whatever floats your holy boat I guess. I’m not judgemental. Well, I am sometimes, comes with the position, but, you know, generally speaking I try not to take sides. Humans are weird, they always think they know best. Like little kids at a party, showing off and trying to get your attention all the time. Some of ’em float around being all serious, acting as if butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths. Some are loud and abrasive. Others flip around or slide along the floor on their knees, trying to impress with athleticism. At the end of the day they’re all the same, just wanting daddy to give them a little love.’

In front of them, the sea crashed onto the beach, in the distance clouds rolled by without a care in the world.

‘You know,’ said Grace. ‘I feel weird. I’m actually relaxed. I really shouldn’t be should I? Not here, where we don’t know what’s going on and what we’re going to do. But after weeks of being on my own it’s just, yeah, nice to be sat next to someone.’

‘Someone who doesn’t want to kill you.’

‘Precisely. I think I’d sort of given up on that.’

‘In truth,’ he said, ‘I hadn’t wanted to come here. You know that. I was comfortable in my life at the church.’

‘Beating up cars.’

‘Beating up cars,’ he agreed. ‘But it’s no bad thing to be spontaneous. To get out of your daily routine and remind yourself why it is you created a world in the first place. I’d prefer it if it wasn’t so broken, I’ll admit, but that’s still one hell of a view.’

She nodded and took his arm. ‘You did good with the beaches, don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.’