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The Meaning Behind the Traditions

Have you ever wondered why a bride wears a veil? Why people throw rice at the newlyweds? Why certain ethnic groups do certain things at their weddings? These traditions (and many others) have been a part of weddings for centuries. It's a pretty good bet you'll include some of them at yours and that you'll see many of them in other weddings that you attend. If you really just have to know what's good luck, what's bad luck, and what's just plain silly, read on.

Pre-Wedding Customs

Before you walk down the aisle, you'll find yourself involved in many activities that seem commonplace. Every engaged woman does these things, right? Once you discover the origin of many of these customs, you may have a whole new outlook on them.

Do you ever wonder why your fiancé proposed with a diamond engagement ring? In medieval Italy, precious stones were seen as part of the groom's payment for the bride. The groom would give a gift of such stones, which symbolized his intent to marry.

Though the traditional engagement ring holds a diamond at its center, you may have your heart set on another stone. Speak up and let your feelings be known! There's nothing more romantic than an engagement ring with individual flair.

The custom of gifting the bride-to-be is believed to have started in Holland, where legend has it that a disapproving father would not provide his daughter with a dowry so that she might marry a less-than-wealthy miller. Her friends provided her with the then-essential dowry by “showering” her with gifts. (If only you knew who this mysterious Dutch girl's friends were … so that you could thank them for starting this tradition!).

When French brides went to their new homes with their new husbands, they brought their clothes and other meager possessions with them in a small bundle. The French word for this bundle was trousseau. When the standard dowry became more than what you could carry in a small bundle, the name was no longer adequate, but it stuck just the same. Today, the gifts a bride-to-be receives at her wedding shower could be considered a modern-day version of the trousseau.

Ceremony Customs

Why do people wear rings on that one finger that's also impossible to hold up on its own? (Well, they just do, and that's all the reason you need.) Dig deeper, and you'll find that the true reason is really due to an incorrect physiological assumption from centuries past. (Suddenly intrigued, are you? Keep reading.)

The Ring Finger

The third finger on the left hand is considered the ring finger. All engagement and wedding rings are worn there because centuries ago that finger was believed to be connected by a vein directly to the heart. The idea of the wedding ring itself dates back to ancient times, when a caveman-husband would wrap circles of braided grass around his bride's wrists and ankles, believing it would keep her spirit from leaving her body. The bands evolved into leather, carved stone, metal, and later silver and gold. (Luckily, you only have to wear them on your finger nowadays — and the groom usually reciprocates.)

Keep in mind that your wedding bands don't need to match. If you're only comfortable wearing gold but your future husband prefers platinum, it's perfectly acceptable to pick out rings that will suit each of your tastes.

Back when a daughter was considered her father's possession, some formal transfer was necessary during the wedding ritual. Today, the custom of giving the bride away symbolizes the parents' acceptance of the bride's passage from child to adult, and a sign of their blessing of her marriage to her chosen groom.

The Wedding Cake

Wedding cakes originated in ancient Rome, where a loaf of wheat bread was broken over the bride's head to symbolize hope for a fertile and fulfilling life. The guests ate the crumbs, which were believed to be good luck.

The custom found its way to England in the Middle Ages. Guests brought small cakes to a wedding; the cakes were put in a pile, which the bride and groom later stood over while they kissed. Apparently, someone came up with the idea of piling all the cakes together and frosting them, creating an early ancestor of the multitiered wedding cakes of today.

(And apparently someone else came up with the idea that newlyweds should humiliate each other by smashing the confection into one another's faces at the reception. Whether you choose to follow this part of the tradition should be based on how fast you can run away from your groom before he returns the favor by ruining your hair and makeup with icing.)

The Bride's Must-Have Accessories

Brides are fairly particular about their wedding-day wear. Many brides will simply not leave the house until every last tradition has been followed. Most brides do this without knowing why. When your friends ask you why you're insisting on wearing blue underpants under your wedding dress, you'll be able to tell them. And don't forget — no bride's ensemble is complete without a friend or two to stand by her as she takes her vows.

“Something Old, Something New … ”

The odds are pretty good that you'll be wearing all of the above on your wedding day. But do you know why? The old is to stand for a bride's ties to her past; the new represents her hope for the future; the borrowed item is something that's dear to a close friend or family member — and must be returned to ensure good luck; and the blue is thought to come from an Israeli tradition, when brides wore blue ribbons to symbolize fidelity.

In a traditional English poem, the custom is as follows:

Something old, something new

Something borrowed, something blue,

And a lucky sixpence in your shoe.

The coin in the shoe is to symbolize wealth in the coming years, and many brides still slip a coin into their shoe before they walk down the aisle. In the United States, the dime is the currency of choice.

The Veil

The symbolism of the veil, like many other wedding traditions, has many theories behind it. One theory suggests that the veil was used as a disguise to foil any evil spirits. (In this same theory, the bridesmaids are also used as decoys.) In other legends, veils were originally meant to symbolize the virgin bride's innocence and modesty.

These days, our society considers the veil a purely romantic custom. But in parts of the Middle East and Asia, the veil is still used to hide the bride's face completely.

The first lace veil is said to have been worn by Nelly Curtis, George Washington's adopted daughter, who married one of his aides. Apparently, the first time the aide ever saw her, she was behind a lace curtain. He was mesmerized by her beauty. Nelly, the story goes, made herself a lace veil for the ceremony in an effort to duplicate the effect.

The Attendants

What's the point of having all those attendants standing up for you? Aside from the help they offer with all the wedding planning and pre-wedding craziness, they have had other purposes in the past.

The Best Man and Ushers

Your groom proposed in the most romantic way. Consider yourself lucky. The groom from way back when used to take a group of his friends with him while in pursuit of the bride to help him capture her.

Often as not, young brides were “kidnapped” from a protective family — which typically included a few big brothers. Sometimes there would even be a battle between competing suitors. If a potential groom wanted to show that he meant business, he took along the “best men” for the job of helping him fight for his love. Aren't you glad you live in this century?

The Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids

These were the women who helped the bride get away from her overprotective family and other suitors so that she could be captured by the groom she wanted. (Kind of like when your best friend would wait with her car while you snuck out your bedroom window to go clubbing and meet your beau.) Even after such difficult methods of getting the bride and groom together faded in popularity, the honor roles survived.

After “I Do”

You don't want to end up spitting out rice or having to show your garter off to the whole world? Knowing the reasons behind these traditions might just help you to eliminate the ones you find unnecessary.

Throwing Rice — and Shoes?

The tradition of throwing rice began in the Orient. Rice (which symbolizes fertility) was thrown at the couple in the hope that this would bring a marriage yielding many children.

Many churches and wedding locations no longer permit the throwing of rice after weddings, as it's a fatal snack for most birds. Birdseed is sometimes offered as an option, but check with your location first. Depending on where the seeds are thrown, they may cause some guests to slip.

Throwing shoes at the newlyweds' carriage in Tudor times was also a way to wish the couple luck, and this is the reason why shoes are sometimes tied to the back of the newlyweds' getaway vehicle. The bride's father would also sometimes give the groom a pair of the bride's shoes as a symbolic passing of the responsibility for this woman. The well-known tradition of tossing the bouquet was originated by the custom of brides throwing a shoe over their shoulder.

Tossing the Garter and Bouquet

This custom may have begun in fourteenth-century France, where guests used to chase the bride and tear off her garter because they believed it was good luck. To save herself, her leg, and her dress, the bride began removing the garter voluntarily and tossing it into the eager crowd. Later, the bouquet was added to this toss. The lucky recipient of the bouquet is now believed to be the next woman in the group to get married. The man who catches the garter is supposed to be the next groom.

Another theory holds that guests used to follow the newlyweds to their bed. Some of these guests got a little touchy-feely with the bride (probably after drinking too many pints of mead), and so, in an effort to save his bride from being assaulted, the groom would throw her garter into the crowd gathered in his bedroom.

And yet another story has it that the garter was a token of affection in times gone by, and that in a move symbolizing loyalty and faithfulness, a young maiden would have her initials sewn into her garter before giving it to her true love.

Where does the word honeymoon come from?

In ancient times, Teutonic couples would marry beneath a full moon, and then drink honey wine for thirty days after; hence the name. (Too bad today's honeymoons rarely last for thirty days!)

The garter is seen weekend after weekend at weddings nowadays — with the added scene of the garter catcher slipping the garter up, up, up the leg of the woman who was fortunate enough to catch the bouquet. The higher he goes, the better your luck in the future. Feeling averse to this practice because you can't for the life of you imagine subjecting your (rather reserved) female friends to such torture? You can still throw the bouquet and/or the garter — and leave it at that.

The Threshold

This wedding custom originated in Italy — Rome, to be exact. The bride had to be carried across the threshold because she was (or pretended to be) reluctant to enter the bridal chamber.

Of course, where traditions are concerned, there's usually more than one theory. Another explanation for carrying the bride over the threshold holds that the practice prevents the bride from tripping over the threshold, which is considered a bad omen. (And if the groom trips while carrying the bride over the threshold, it's a really bad omen … in the form of an expensive emergency room visit — for two.)

Wedding Verses

Roses are red … and wearing a green dress on your wedding day means that you're a harlot! Pure poetry! Hopefully, no one will write such things about you, but if they do, and you want to know what the heck they mean by it, everything you need to know is here.

Your Wedding Dress

Most brides wear white, or some variation of white (such as off-white, eggshell, or ivory). It wasn't always so easy to decide on a color, however. Brides used to wear their best dress for their wedding, whatever color it happened to be. Legend has it that Queen Victoria herself set the trend for marrying in a white gown, defying the royal tradition of marrying in a silver number.

If you prefer not to walk down the aisle in a white (or off-white) gown, here's a little time-honored poem to help you decide on an appropriate hue:

Married in white, you'll have chosen right;

Married in blue, your love will always be true;

Married in pearl, you will live in a whirl;

Married in brown, you will live in town;

Married in red, you will wish yourself dead;

Married in yellow, ashamed of your fellow;

Married in green, ashamed to be seen;

Married in pink, your spirit will sink.

Married in grey, you will go far away;

Married in black, you will wish yourself back.

Interestingly enough, legend has it that the explanation for a bride's shame in her green wedding dress is due to the fact that the dress is actually grass-stained — from her amorous outings in the fields. (If you're an Irish bride, however, you have the go-ahead to wear a green gown.)

Your Wedding Day

Well, if brides adhered to the advice of the following poem, the wedding industry would have a major shift on its hands:

Monday for wealth,

Tuesday for health,

Wednesday the best of all,

Thursday for losses,

Friday for crosses,

Saturday for no luck at all.

And if you're wondering about the month you've chosen …

Married when the year is new, he'll be loving, kind and true.

When February birds do mate, you wed nor dread your fate.

If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow both you'll know.

Marry in April when you can, Joy for Maiden and for Man.

Marry in the month of May, and you'll surely rue the day.

Marry when June roses grow, over land and sea you'll go.

Those who in July do wed, must labor for their daily bread.

Whoever wed in August be, many a change is sure to see.

Marry in September's shrine, your living will be rich and fine.

If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry.

If you wed in bleak November, only joys will come, remember.

When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last.

Why is May an unsuitable month for marriage? Back in Pagan times, May was the month of the orgiastic outdoor festivals that marked the beginning of summer. Someone thought that this was, therefore, an inappropriate time for newlyweds to be starting their lives together. You're a modern woman. If you want to walk down that aisle in May, go for it.

June was considered to be the luckiest wedding month because it takes its name from Juno, the goddess of love and marriage.

Signs and Omens

Many brides are so busy these days that they wouldn't know an omen if it hit them in the head (which, hopefully, will not happen to you). If you're interested in knowing whether the fates are conjoining to offer you good luck — or bad tidings — this section will be of special interest to you.

Lizards and Pigs and Spiders

It's considered bad luck to see a lizard, a pig, an open grave, a monk, or a nun on your wedding day. So it might be best for you to stay out of the reptile house of the zoo, off the farm, out of the cemetery, and away from the monastery and/or convent on the morning of your wedding. Just a thought.

Now, seeing a chimney sweep on your way to your wedding is good luck. (Your luck will be better still if you manage to somehow get a kiss from him.) And if you manage to catch a glimpse of a spider (especially in your wedding dress), a lamb (not in your wedding dress), or a black cat, you can also breathe a sigh of relief. Apparently you were born under a lucky sign.

Mirror, Mirror

Taking one last look at your gorgeous reflection in the mirror once you're fully dressed and before you leave for the wedding will bring you good luck — as long as it's the last look. If you're pondering your image all the way to the church, you're just asking for trouble. (And don't try to say that studying your image in the limo on the way to the church is actually your last peek in the mirror — you can't fool fate, you know.)

Legend has it that saying your wedding vows in the first thirty minutes of any given hour (while the minute hand is going down) is bad luck. Saying “I do” when the minute hand is on the rise is supposed to be symbolic of the two of you working together successfully in your marriage.

Very Odd Odds and Ends

Here are some other superstitions:

• It's good luck to have a cat eat out of your shoe a week before the wedding.
• The bride shouldn't make her own wedding dress — it's bad luck.
• Lit candles that sputter and go out are indicative of evil spirits hovering nearby.
• Marrying a man with a surname that begins with the same letter as your maiden name is unlucky.
• Your right foot should be the first one over the threshold of the church for good luck.
• Red and white flowers are bad luck — they symbolize blood and bandages.

So should you change your plans because your fiancé's last name is Smith and your maiden name is Sullivan? No. Take these admonitions with a grain of salt. You might simply want to be aware of these things just so you aren't caught off guard when someone else brings them to your attention when you're highly emotional. For example, if your aunt tells you at your rehearsal dinner that she can't believe that you made your own wedding dress because it's bad luck, you can tell her that you're planning on having your chimney swept on the morning of the wedding. She'll feel much better, even if you don't have a fireplace.

African Customs

Some of the most beautiful and exotic wedding customs (think belly dancers) come from Africa. Of course, if you're not into sword brandishing, there are also some low-key and lovely traditions you can incorporate into your wedding.

Though many women might not consider the sentiment an example of well wishing, the common greeting to a new bride in some tribes is, “May thou bear twelve children with him.” Some African ceremonies include the binding of the couples' wrists with plaited grass (“tying the knot”). Another tradition has the newly married couple jumping over a broomstick for good luck. Today the broomstick is often a keepsake memento made especially for the occasion. At one time, African weddings also included pouring wine on the ground, as an invitation for the gods to join the festivities.

For the rowdiest wedding procession you're likely to see, head to Egypt. Belly dancers, men brandishing swords, and people blowing loud horns all accompany the wedding party and guests as they troop from the ceremony to the reception. In an interesting twist, the guests wear traditional Egyptian clothing, but the bride dresses in a Western-style wedding gown.

European Roots

Got a touch of French blood? You're a wee bit Irish? This section includes a brief look at how your European relations might celebrate their nuptials. Most of these rituals can easily be shifted overseas to include in your own wedding.

En Français, S'il Vous Plaît!

French couples drink a toast from a “coupe de marriage,” a two-handled silver cup. The cup is passed down through the family to future generations. In some French towns, the groom calls for the bride at her home and the couple walks together to the church. Kids run alongside them, throwing white ribbons.

The coupe stands under a silk canopy during the ceremony, which is used to ward off evil spirits. (It's for this same reason that the traditional French wedding uses extremely fragrant flowers.) This same canopy, called a “carre,” is then used when the couple baptize their children. In southern France, guests leaving the church throw coins to children.

The French wedding cake is comprised of many small crème-filled pastry puffs, which are shaped into a pyramid.

Polish Weddings

Polish weddings are all about the food. Beet soup, dumplings, pierogi, roasted meats and veggies, macaroons … you name it, it's there in some form or another.

At the reception, the parents of the bride and groom may offer the newlyweds the bread and salt blessing. The couple is given lightly salted bread and a glass of wine. The bread symbolizes the parents' hope that their children will never know hunger; the salt is to remind the newly married couple that life is full of difficulties and that they will have to work hard when faced with tough times. The wine symbolizes the parents' hope that the newlyweds never know thirst and is also a wish for health and happiness.

The dollar dance is also a popular mainstay at many Polish weddings, where the guests pay for the honor of dancing with the bride. Many brides wear an apron with pockets to collect all the cash, but it's also not unusual to see the maid of honor wearing the apron or for the guests to pin the money on the bride's dress. The money is traditionally spent on the honeymoon.

When the Polish bride enters the reception hall, her veil is removed during the oczepiny ceremony as a symbol of her exit from the single world and her entrance into marriage. The groom, meanwhile, is sometimes asked to don a strange hat, as a wish for happiness and levity in the marriage.

That's Italiano!

The Italian groom will sometimes carry a piece of iron in his pocket for luck. If the bride's veil is torn, that's also good luck — as long as the bride hasn't worn any gold before her wedding band is placed on her finger.

The best man at an Italian wedding offers a toast of “Per cent'anni” — “for one hundred years.” Confetti (candy-coated almonds tied up in little mesh bags), are traditionally given at Italian weddings and are a symbol of fertility. The meal at the reception is often simply unbelievable — course after course after course, followed by desserts to die for. These feasts often include a pastry table during the Venetian Hour (an Italian tradition during which cakes and pastries are served in large quantities, displayed in beautiful style), or in some cases, an entire room set aside for the purpose.

At the reception of an Italian wedding, the bride and groom often break a glass. The number of shards will be equal to the number of happy years the couple will have — so if you're Italian (or you're marrying an Italian man), don't be shy about stomping.

Other European Customs

In Belgium, the bride takes a family handkerchief with her name newly embroidered on it with her to the wedding. After the ceremony, it is framed and displayed in the family house until another daughter gets married. Then this daughter adds her name and carries it to her wedding.

In the English countryside, the bride and her attendants walk to the church on a floor strewn with flower petals, meant to guarantee a smooth and joyous path through life. As the couple enters the church, the bells chime; when they exit as husband and wife, they chime again, only to a different tune. (Bells were once believed to ward off evil spirits.)

Many Irish believe there is a lucky day for weddings, one that comes but once a year: New Year's Day. For good luck, a swatch of Irish lace may be sewn into the bride's gown and then be used later for a baby bonnet. The couple also receives a horseshoe to put up in their new home.

Although they are now popular in America simply as friendship rings, claddagh rings remain the standard Irish wedding ring. The heart, crown, and hands found on the claddagh symbolize love, loyalty, and friendship.

Asian Traditions

While many of the Asian wedding customs aren't usually seen in traditional American weddings, maybe they should be. (Drinking sake during the ceremony? It's just the thing many nervous brides and grooms would welcome.) In the Philippines, the groom's family pays for the wedding. They also give the bride old coins, which stand for prosperity. In return, the bride's family gives the new couple a cash dowry.

Part of the Japanese wedding ceremony requires both the bride and groom to take nine sips of sake. They may be a little tipsy after the nine sips, but they are considered married after the first. During the ceremony, the bride leaves to change clothes three to four times. (And you thought finding one wedding gown was tough!) As usual, the groom has it easy, wearing only one black kimono. Guests at a Japanese wedding are very lucky — not only are they fed and entertained, but the wedding favors they receive from the couple's families sometimes equal up to half the price of the gifts given to the couple.

In India, the families of both the bride and groom prepare puffed rice for the ceremony as a symbol of fertility and good luck. The groom's brother douses the new husband and wife with flower petals at the ceremony's end. Henna dye is used to paint designs on the couple's hands, and the couple usually leaves their handprints on the outside door of their new home for good luck.

In the Chinese wedding ceremony, a goblet of honey and a goblet of wine are tied together with a red ribbon. Red is the color of love, and the ribbon stands for unity. The bride and groom take a drink to symbolize a union of love. After a wedding dinner that might feature delicacies like bear nose, the guests receive fortune cookies for good luck.

Latino Traditions

The bride and groom in Latino families may be blessed by their parents at home before the ceremony. During the ceremony, the couple is often joined by the lazo, a long rosary that symbolizes their union, and then blessed by the priest. The groom presents the bride with the arras, thirteen gold coins, which are a symbol of prosperity.

During the reception, the dollar dance is customary, with the proceeds going toward the honeymoon. Mariachi bands also make the rounds, and piñatas are popular entertainment. The wedding cakes are used as favors — each is a small round confection made of almonds, flour, and butter. The cakes are wrapped in colored tissue paper and sent home with the guests.

If you like the sound of any of these ethnic traditions, by all means, incorporate them into your own wedding ceremony. It's all about creating an event that is meaningful to you, your fiancé, and your families.