Chapter Nine: Food, Water, Oxygen, Television

  1. 1. My mother now has a television in the kitchen, so I no longer miss out on the visuals when eating at the kitchen table.

  2. 2. According to a famous quote by former FCC chairman Newton N. Minow.

  3. 3. Fun fact: My mother is a “keeper of things.” Tchotchkes, tchotchkes everywhere. I am moments away from submitting her for A&E’s Hoarders.

  4. 4. My guest-room closet hides a multitude of sins, and by “sins” I mean acquired swag from Hollywood events and well-intentioned but sorely misguided birthday gifts.

  5. 5. Don’t get me wrong, I realize that it is a great blessing to be able to provide a home for those who need it. My mother is a GD saint. But I was a teen and wanted my privacy. Sue me.

  6. 6. I know it was a brownstone, but it was a house as far as I was concerned. There were two floors, for God’s sake.

  7. 7. We can’t really go by my taste in men. I also had a thing for Charles in Charge’s Scott Baio. Who knew he’d be an outspoken Trump supporter? Like, totally gag me with a spoon.

  8. 8. S2Ep1: “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”—Even though Miranda stormed out of breakfast, she’s the first person Carrie calls when she’s sad about Big.

    S3Ep18: “Cock-a-Doodle-Do”—They both call each other out about their personal shortcomings when it comes to men but they later admit to their issues and apologize.