Everyone feels like they don’t fit in at some point. But for Jacoby, 20, that feeling was the start of a journey to a major self-discovery.
As told to: Kierna Mayo
All my life, even as a little girl, I felt different. At school, I wasn’t like other girls: I played rough with the boys and always wanted to dress like them too. Many times, people called me a “he.” I knew I was supposed to be a girl, but I never really felt like one.
STICKING OUT
As I got older, I started to feel even less like a girl and more awkward around people; I was just so confused. I’d have thoughts about my future, and couldn’t see myself as a mom or a wife. Dressing like a boy felt more natural than dressing like a girl, but it caused some painful moments. Once when I was 13, I went to the bathroom at my new school. Girls started running out and screaming, “there’s a boy in here!” When I left, two teachers came over and said, “young man, what were you doing in there?” Embarrassed, I told them, “I’m a girl.” But they kept harassing me. “I’m a girl!” I said over and over, while fighting back tears. After I told them my name, Liz, they let me go. But by then, my whole identity felt like a question. I had feelings for girls, so people called me a lesbian; but that label didn’t feel right either.
MAKING A CHANGE
Then when I was 17, I met someone who is transgender—a person who was born one sex but lives his life like the other sex. He explained that his insides don’t match his outside. I thought, that sounds like me! I did research and learned that there are a lot of people like me. After a few months, I told my mom. At first she thought it was a phase; as we talked, though, she agreed that I’m a boy trapped in a girl’s body. She loved me enough to accept me, and she even helped me come up with my new name, Jacoby. It felt so liberating to have an identity! Now when I walk down the street and people assume I’m a guy, it feels much more natural because I have a name to match how I’ve always felt.
LOOKING AHEAD
My biggest supporter is my fiancée, Amber. At first, I was self-conscious about physical stuff and concerned what her family would think of us. But her love has given me confidence and shown me that you can’t be happy if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.