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“I’M MEETING MY FIRST blind date on Thursday,” I announced to Rie as I entered her office.
She shook her head. “Clay, I don’t agree with what you are doing,” she said. “What are your intentions towards this girl?”
“Intentions? Rie, I’m just meeting her and if things work out, then we’ll see.”
“But you’re not looking for a wife right now.”
“What’s wrong with making new friends?”
“Aren’t you the one who told me not so long ago that you have to get rid of some of your friends?”
“Well, I’ll need some new ones, won’t I?” I teased. I really could not understand why Rie was not happy for me. Everyone else was ready to marry me off. It was way past time that I settled down and got some more responsibility. That was the subliminal message I was getting from those around me. I knew that I was in a bad state when occasionally I slipped into thinking that my students were my own biological children. With the passing of the years I regretted not having children earlier on in life.
I sat down in front of Rie’s desk and for a long time she ignored me. I took away her calculator, her ruler, then her pen and I finally got a reaction out of her.
“You’re not being fair to the girl, Clay. If it were me, I would be hurt if I knew the guy I was going out with was only interested in having fun. That’s wasting my time. When women get to a certain age, they want a husband and children and a home.”
Rie had a point. I considered what she said and in that moment remorse brushed against my heart. “I don’t have her number to call and cancel. What do you think I should do?”
“You’ve already made your bed...” She let her words hang, and I knew she was aware of the pun for the mischievous gleam returned to her eyes.
*
JUST AS I HAD PROMISED Belinda, I stood waiting in front of the KFC restaurant at the mall wearing a red tee shirt so that she could easily identify me. She showed up at four thirty-five, five minutes later than we had planned, but I let that slide. If she had arrived on time I am sure I would have seen her as being too eager. Even though I had no idea what she looked like, I immediately recognized her when she appeared. She forced a smile to her wide unpainted face and cast her eyes to the ground as if she were looking for loose change for the bus to get back home. I shared her disappointment at the realization that there was no way this was going to work.
She stuck out her hand. “Hi, Clay. I’m Belinda.” God, no, that voice matches the face.
“It’s good to finally meet you.” She had called regularly in the days leading up to this meeting and I felt sure that I had all the basics covered. Now I was certain that agreeing to meet this woman had been a mistake. We started to walk in no particular direction. “Anything special you want to do?”
“Not really.”
“If you don’t mind, I just want to go pay a bill and then we can go grab something to eat.”
“Sounds good to me.” Great, an agreeable woman. Reminds me of my second dog, Rover.
A cloud of shame overshadowed me as we made our way to the bill payment center. I was ashamed to be seen with this woman who looked older than me, who looked like a moving traffic signal with her long green skirt and matching green long-sleeve jacket, glasses, and who had not visited a hairdresser anytime this century. What would people say? Clearly we could not be a couple. Even though I was close to forty, most people thought that I was in my late twenties unless they spied the sprinkling of gray hair. My youthful look was aided by the faded blue jeans and white Adidas shoes I was wearing – very trendy, very now, very wet, my students would say.
It was the longest walk of my life.
As soon as I paid the bill, we made a beeline to the food court and sat down before anybody could recognize me – I hoped. No window shopping today, thank you. I thanked God that it was a Thursday afternoon and there wasn’t a crowd at the mall. She had orange juice and I had a bottle of water. I was not going to prolong this date.
“Did you have to wait long?” she asked.
“Not really.” I had gotten there at four fifteen, but then that was my choosing for I live by the credo of Mrs. Rawlins, my secondary school Spanish teacher: better an hour early than a minute late.
“Today of all days the bus was late.”
“You don’t drive?”
“I failed the test three times. It must be some kind of sign.”
Yeah, like maybe you’re just not too bright. Sharing that with me doesn’t make for a good impression.
It was then that I noticed that she did not look me in the eye when she addressed me. Even the way she sat, at an angle, made me think that she was truly disappointed, that there was no way there was going to be a second date. I was elated. I was not what she was looking for either.
The conversation was pretty much a rehash of what we had talked about over the telephone, just in more detail. For some reason, she felt it necessary to impress upon me that she was a virtuous woman. In retrospect, the only reason I could fathom for her display was that she needed me to believe that she was good wife material: chaste, loyal and a good mother to our prospective children.
“I have to be leaving in ten minutes,” she said half an hour into our date. “I have to go home, shower and then go to a prayer meeting at church.”
Thank God for small mercies. “Oh? Okay. I’ll stay on. They’re playing a movie that I really want to see.” I had no idea of how to end this – mistake. The prospect of taking her home was objectionable.
I walked her downstairs to get a taxi and as we parted ways, I shrugged my shoulders and faked a smile. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Take care of yourself.”
If anybody had been looking at me after that, they would have seen the skip in my step as I raced back upstairs to the food court to treat myself to a feast. For some reason I felt like celebrating. I felt lighter. Happier. And the movie at the end of the day was like a crown given to Olympic champions in days of old.
*
I USUALLY DO NOT HAVE visitors at my home unless they are invited – or at least unless they inform me in advance of their desire to pass by. People who violate this rule usually find an empty house when they turn up. So I was shocked to find Rie’s car parked in my driveway when I got home after my date with Belinda.
“Is something wrong, Rie?” Panic took over as I jumped out the car.
“I want to hear all about it,” she grinned as she got out her car, dressed in shorts and a big jersey and a pair of flip flops. Relief flooded me.
“It was all right.” I tried to recapture the disappointment I had felt when I saw Belinda earlier.
She wrapped her pudgy fingers around my neck. “Clay Powers, if you think you are going to brush me off tonight, you have another think coming. I left my warm house and family to come all the way across here... ”
I laughed from my diaphragm as I watched her mad-woman antics. We sat on the porch and I told her about the date and her face fell further with each line of my tale.
“So are you going to see her again?”
“I didn’t ask her for her number.”
“Noooo. Boy, you’re bad.”
“But I’m not interested. You know I want to have four children, and I’m not sure she can even produce one,” I joked, but Rie was not laughing.
“But you built up her hopes and now you’re just smashing them. Maybe she will look different in a pair of jeans. You know she was coming from work. Give her a second chance.”
“Nothing’s going to change my mind.” I, too, was disappointed that it had not worked out. It would have been nice to have female company when I was going out, to have someone who thought I was special or who just thought of me at all. It would have been nice to have someone to wrap my arms around, to call, to connect with, to plan a future with, but I always told myself that I was not going to settle for anyone less than my ideal woman. I had friends who had settled because they bought the lie that an adult male without a female is a damaged male; now they were regretting it. Every tale I heard from them convinced me that I should hold out for that someone special.
I walked Rie to her car.
“I just hope you haven’t scarred that poor woman for life.”
“She’s a big girl. She’ll be back in the saddle tomorrow.”
Rie jabbed my ribs with her elbow. “Good night. See you tomorrow.”
“Get home safely.” I waved.
*
BEFORE I FELL ASLEEP that night, Belinda called.
“Hi, Clay? I realized that I did not give you my phone number, just in case you wanted to call.”
I pretended to write it down.
