I struggled my entire life with the fear of man. The fear of man is an unhealthy obsession with what other people think. It is worrying about what people will say about what we wear, what we say, the way we act, the things we like. It is living your life in such a way to win the approval of man.
It’s natural to want to be liked. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted, with wanting friends and wanting to fit in. God made us to be relational. But if you find yourself changing your behavior or becoming someone you’re not just to make a friend or be popular . . . if you do things you normally wouldn’t do just to gain the approval of others, chances are you struggle with the fear of man.
Jesus warned against trying to seek the approval of man:
When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full (Matthew 6:5 NASB).
I was very much like this in high school. I wanted to be in the popular crowd so badly, I would have done anything. This desire to be popular followed me around most of my life and caused me to do things I would have never done, just to fit in.
As God says: The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted (Proverbs 29:25 NASB).
You know what I discovered? The crowd is fickle. One minute they’ll like you and the next, they’re onto someone else. You can never please all of them, you can never do enough, be nice enough, be pretty enough. Popularity is an elusive dream. Even if you do make it to the top, even if you are the most popular kid at school or the most popular person at your work or you have a million friends, then what? What does it mean? Does it give you value as a person? If that’s how you get your value, then what will happen when your friends abandon you? Or when they speak bad things about you, as they inevitably will?
When I finally stopped trying to be popular and fit in, when I finally turned my life over to the Lord and received my value from Him, that’s when I found true peace. I can’t say that I don’t care at all what people think of me anymore, but I’m well on my way. And it is so freeing! Love people as God commands but don’t try to impress them. Instead, try to impress God. He’s the only one that matters.
And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people (Romans 2:29 NLT).
MaryLu Tyndall