Most of us experience guilt from time to time. As uncomfortable as it is, guilt is good. Yes! Guilt, when it’s healthy, actually encourages us to get along with others, improve ourselves, and build self-esteem. Self-forgiveness following guilt is self-essential to self-worth, which is key to the enjoyment of life and relationships. Yet, for many of us, self-acceptance remains elusive because of unhealthy guilt - sometimes for decades or a lifetime.
Guilt can be an unrelenting source of pain. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from moving forward. We might hold a belief that we should feel guilty and condemn ourselves–not once, but over and over. Or, guilt may simmer in our unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage our goals and relationships. It lowers our self-esteem and makes us easy targets for blame and manipulation. Unresolved guilt can cause anger and resentment, not only at ourselves, but also toward others in order to justify our actions. For example, a passive-aggressive person feels too guilty to be direct and say “no.” Resentment builds up that is expressed through behavior. Anger, resentment, and guilt sap our energy, cause depression and illness, and stop us from having success, pleasure, and fulfilling relationships.
We cannot truly love or be present to ourselves, to God, or to those we love when we feel guilty. Even if what we did was wrong, we can still find self-forgiveness. This book is designed to free you from guilt’s grip. It will help you sort out whether your guilt is healthy or unhealthy and to distinguish guilt from other emotions, such as shame and regret. This is important because the correct approach to healing differs. Codependents and perfectionists frequently suffer from guilt. The links between codependency and perfectionism and guilt are explained. You’re guided to identify the source of your values and standards underlying self-judgment. Three methods for relieving guilt are set forth in detail: cognitive, self-compassion, and spiritual; and specific self-healing techniques and exercises are provided.