APPENDIX A: GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP

When is it time to seek professional help?

This is relatively easy to determine. I recommend that people seek professional help when their attitudes, behaviors, feelings, or thoughts interfere with their ability to be successful in the world—whether in their relationships, in their work, or within themselves—and self-help techniques, such as the ones in this book, have not helped them fully alleviate the problem.

What should I do when a loved one is in denial about needing help?

Unfortunately, the stigma associated with “psychiatric illness” prevents many people from getting help. People do not want to be seen as crazy, stupid, or defective, and they often don’t seek support until they (or their loved one) can no longer tolerate the pain (on the job, in relationships, or inside themselves).

Here are several suggestions for people who are unaware that they would benefit from help or are unwilling to get the assistance they need:

1. Try the straightforward approach first (but with a new brain twist). Clearly tell the person what behaviors concern you. Tell him that the problems may be due to underlying brain patterns that can be tuned up. Explain that help may be available—not to cure a defect but rather to optimize how his brain functions. Tell the loved one that you know he is trying to do his best, but unproductive behavior, thoughts, or feelings may be getting in the way of his success. Emphasize access to help, not the person’s defect.
2. Give the loved one information. Books, videos, and articles on the subjects you are concerned about can be of tremendous help. Many people come to see me because they read a book or article I wrote, or saw a video I produced. Good information can be very persuasive, especially if it is presented in a positive, life-enhancing way.
3. Plant seeds. When someone remains resistant to help, even after you have been straightforward and given her good information, plant seeds (ideas) about getting help and then water them regularly. Drop an idea, article, or other information about the topic from time to time. Be careful not to go overboard. If you talk too much about getting help, people will become resentful and won’t pursue it, just to spite you.
4. Protect your relationship with the other person. People are more receptive to those they trust than to those who nag and belittle them. I do not let anyone tell me something bad about myself unless I trust him or her. Work on gaining the person’s trust over the long run. It will make her more receptive to your suggestions. Do not make getting help the only thing that you talk about. Make sure you are interested in the person’s whole life, not just in potential medical appointments.
5. Give new hope. Many people with mental health problems have tried to get help and found that it either didn’t work or made them worse. Educate your loved one on new brain technology that helps professionals be more focused and effective in their treatment efforts.
6. There comes a time when you have to say, “Enough is enough.” If, over time, the other person refuses to get help and his behavior has a negative impact on your life, you may have to separate yourself. Staying in a toxic relationship is harmful to your health, and it often enables the other person to remain sick. Actually, I have seen that the threat or act of leaving can motivate a loved one to change, whether the problem area is drinking, drug use, or an underlying condition like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or bipolar disorder. Threatening to leave is not the first tactic I would take, but after time it may be the best approach.
7. Realize that you cannot force people into treatment unless they are dangerous to themselves, dangerous to others, or unable to care for themselves. You can do only what you can do. Fortunately, today there is a lot more we can do than even 10 years ago.

How do I find a competent professional?

At Amen Clinics we get many e-mails, social media posts, and calls each week from people all over the world who are looking for competent professionals in their area whose mind-set is similar to mine and who utilize the principles outlined in this book. Because some of these principles are still on the edge of what is new in brain science, such professionals may be hard to locate. Still, finding the right person for evaluation and treatment is critical to the healing process. Choosing the wrong one can make things worse. There are a number of steps you can take to find the best person to assist you:

1. Get the best person you can find. Trying to save money up front may cost you a lot in the long run. The right help not only is cost-effective but saves unnecessary pain and suffering. Don’t rely on a physician or therapist solely because he or she is on your managed care plan. That person may or may not be a good fit for you, and you shouldn’t settle for someone who isn’t a good fit. If he or she is on your insurance plan, that’s great. Just don’t let that be the primary criterion if you can help it.
2. Use a specialist. Brain science is expanding at a rapid pace. Specialists keep up with the latest developments in their fields, while generalists (family physicians) have to try to keep up with everything. If I had a heart arrhythmia, I would see a cardiologist rather than a general internist. I want to be treated by someone who has seen hundreds or even thousands of cases like mine.
3. Get information about referrals from people who are highly knowledgeable about your problem. Often well-meaning generalists give very bad information. I have known many physicians and teachers who make light of diet, supplements, and lifestyle interventions. It may help to seek out a functional or integrative medicine doctor, who has specialized training and likely can refer you to other physicians as needed.
4. Once you get the names of professionals, check their credentials. State medical boards will have a public record of any legal or ethical trouble.
5. Set up an interview with the professional to see whether you want to work with him or her. Generally, you have to pay for a consultation, but it is worth spending time getting to know the people you will rely on for help. If you sense the fit isn’t good, keep looking.
6. Read professionals’ writing or go hear them speak. Many professionals write articles or books or speak at meetings or local groups. If you read their writings or hear them speak, you can often get a feel for the kind of people they are and their ability to help you.
7. Look for a person who treats you with respect, who listens to your questions, and who responds to your needs. Look for a relationship that is collaborative and trusting.

I know it is hard to find a professional who meets all these criteria and who also has the right training in brain physiology, but it is possible. Be persistent. The right caregiver is essential to healing.