I don’t know why I have him inside me again, why I yearned for him again. But now that we’re going for seconds, I’m thinking of thirds and even fourths.
He was straight with me. He’ll want me again, and again, and again.
And so do I.
I slide my hands over the eye candy of his solid chest and the intricate ink designs on it while his shaft drives deep into me. I bring my lips down to his and relish in how soft his kiss is despite how hard everything else is about him. A hard life, a hard body, a hard face. Rough and strong and forceful...but none of that either. I can sense it about him, the way he moves inside me. There’s a gentleness underneath the persona that has me mesmerized.
It’s not long before I find myself holding him in a way I haven’t held a guy in years, letting him take over the movements below, thrusting his shaft so deep into me that I gasp.
I look into the piercing blue of his eyes, as he made me do before. And I’m waiting for that moment, the one I saw an hour ago when his face shatters and everything manly about him breaks into something human and gentle while I hold him in my arms.
I’m climaxing fast, unable to keep up with his thrusts. My hands clutch at his shoulders and soon I’m unable to keep my eyes open like he wants me to. I hear myself scream, feel my body burst into splinters and still he drives into me with long, sweeping strokes that bring me quickly over the edge.
When he does burst, the room explodes with lightning and the walls rock from his growls.
I hold him, leaving him inside me, not sure how this will work out between us, where he lives, if I’ll see him again.
I don’t let the questions bother me, only let him stay inside me until I feel he can bring me to climax again. Which he does.
The day rides by.
I text Vera and tell her not to wait for me and to enjoy her time with Jake. She doesn’t text back, which is all the confirmation I need to know she is enjoying her time.
I look over at Logan, nude and perfect, a Greek statue of power.
I let him take me again, and again, and again, and again.
We say nothing, speak of nothing, only scream and moan and shatter into pieces until there is nothing else, nothing at all.
The sun sets, the room is dark and the bed warm.
I think he might want me to leave. He had his ‘fucks,’ as he told me he wanted them, had ten or twelve of them if I counted correctly. But when I stir to get up, Logan’s hand touches my wrist. “Don’t go,” he says.
Don’t go.
My answer is a croak. “I don’t want to.”
I bring the sheets up to cover us. My hand settles on his sack and my chin rests on his shoulder.
Logan is asleep quickly.
Vera and I will hit the road the day after tomorrow.
And Logan no doubt will need to go and do his next fight, or whatever else he does for a living.
I feel like I know everything about him, everything I need to know. And I don’t know how. The mind demands proof, when truthfully it doesn’t need any.
I close my eyes, try and sleep.
But I can’t.
I’m on the one-seater staring at the bed when Logan wakes up. I’ve been up most of the night. I’ve been thinking about Matt and Dave and Vince and the endless other string of lovers I’ve had in the past and how empty it felt with all of them—all of them except Matt, perhaps.
But nothing felt like this. Nothing at all. Is it possible that two people can communicate a language without words? Is it possible that an undercurrent exists with people where ideas are shared but no words exchanged?
Even Dave took something from me, something I’ve never been able to voice, and if I could just know what he took from me I feel like some fundamental question about my life could finally be answered. But I can’t word the question either.
Between Dave and Vince there was an array of lovers, none of them that I slept with more than once, none of them I slept with on the same night I met them, except for that one time I already told you about.
And then Vince, studying Sports Management, a good career. I listened to all the bullshit in Cosmopolitan and even bought a relationship book that matched one partner with another on a scoring system. Would you believe I frickin filled in the question sheet for me and Vince? Of course, he and I were a ninety-eight percent match. So I dated him, sort of. I let him take me to bed after a few weeks. Before that, we’d fooled around.
I could never put him in my mouth. There was just something about it, something about it with him that I couldn’t face. Vince is big not only in muscle, but also down there. He’s an Olympian god to the eyes.
And yet...I could never do it. In the three months we dated I never once brought my lips to his shaft.
Of course, this pissed him off. How freaking ridiculous, you date someone and then you end up having arguments about blowjobs.
He told me I was a prude, that I didn’t know the first thing about sex.
My reputation is unknown at WRU. To the students there, I’m just the geeky accounting student who wears too-long dresses and who somehow hangs out with the hottest babe in school—Vera. She and I party out of town. Vince even thought I was a virgin when he first took me to bed. I think he was pissed off when he discovered I wasn’t. Almost...jealous, as if he had some right to my maidenhood and that I had insulted him by not letting him take it.
Logan gets up on one arm and smiles brightly at me, shattering any excuses I’ve been building up in my head why it would be wrong to get to know him a little better, as if knowing him would ruin the magic of what we just shared.
“You’re still here,” he says, his eyes drifting to my breasts and then between my legs.
“I...wanted...to stay.”
His smile grows wider, and I think his smile is the most beautiful part of him.
I’m thinking of putting my lips around him, of tasting him, slow and gentle and loving—which is ridiculous...because he might be as bad as all the rest of them. And he might break my heart. And he might become obsessed with me like Vince was.
“Everything OK?” he asks.
“Uhm, yeah, yeah, I, uhm...” I look to the window, not sure what to think or say. I’m such a wreck, and it makes no sense that I am. I was raised in privilege, I never wanted for anything, and here I am, afraid of getting hurt, when I’m certain the life this man in front of me has led is a hundred times worse than anything I’ve ever encountered. “I’m OK,” I say, forcing a smile.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure.” And suddenly I am OK, simply because he asked, simply because when Logan asked me that, it sounded like he actually cared what my answer would be.
“You’re naked.”
My lip twitches upwards. “Is that a problem?”
“On the contrary...”
“You sure you can go again?”
“With you, I think I could go for another week.”
My head drops, I feel my cheeks flush. Damn, my pussy aches. But I’ll have him inside me again. There’s something about the way he rocks into me which is so goddamn sensual.
I get up off the one-seater, pull the covers off him.
Logan laughs, a bright, blue-eyed roar of mirth. He’s hard already. I grab his cock and rub it, straddling his legs. My hair falls in front of my eyes and all I want to do is bring him to my lips. But it’s too close. It’s too close, Ky. You don’t know him. You don’t know him at all...
I lower my head, wrap my lips around him, pull him inside me while tasting him with my tongue. His hips push upwards and his hands slide through my hair. “Bloody hell, I wasn’t expecting that—oh, fuck me George. Oh, fuck, Kyla, where did you learn—”
I pump him with my hand and mouth, taken over by the beauty of this man, a beauty I sense is deeper than the perfection of his body. My hands slide up his flexing abs and to his chest, my head bobbing up and down while he groans and twitches and grows to a massive girth. But now I want him, I want him again, I want him inside me, bursting and exploding...
I pull my mouth away. The rubber is already in his hand and he wraps himself up fast enough so that by the time my hips come down to his, he finds me.
My body melts when he fills me.
Logan grabs my neck, pulls me down toward him and kisses me deeply, thrusting with his tongue while he drives into me with his shaft.
We don’t stop kissing, not for a minute, not for a second, and when the orgasm rips through us, his tongue drives into me and my gasps fill his lungs with air.
I could lie here forever, never going back, forgetting everything.
Logan stays inside me, as he did every time yesterday. He stays inside me until he’s hard again. But the next one is slow, so slow and caring and...loving.
That wordless thing which Dave took from me is suddenly there again, whatever it was. And as it fills me, I realize Matt took something away from me as well, so did Vince, so did every other guy I was with. I still have no word for what it was, still don’t know what was gone, but I have it again.
And now I can’t let it go. Ever.