Chapter 19
It had been nine weeks, six days, twelve hours, and eight seconds since she walked away from Victor at Dulles Airport and Fantasy still ached. At first, it was just her heart breaking. Then she couldn’t think clearly. Then she felt the stabbing all the way to her soul. During the fourth week into the pain, her physical body followed, and she finally succumbed to the agony and had surgery on her back to relieve the pain.
Fantasy moved slowly to the kitchen. She removed from the oven the lasagna she’d made, placed it on the counter, and inhaled the great aroma. Placing the oven mitts down beside the popping-hot glass casserole dish, she dabbed at her eye. She had planned to cook for Victor on his first visit to see her. Fantasy had mentally prepared for the evening, from the flowers that she would strategically place throughout the house—and especially in the guest suite—to the menu. She had even thought about the after-dinner music she’d play as they danced in the glass-enclosed patio. It would have been so romantic. She envisioned him holding her tightly in his arms under the moonlight.
Once she moved toward the breakfast nook, she sat in a chair. Fantasy folded her hands together and looked out the window. It had been this way since the day she left Victor at the airport. He invaded her thoughts every minute and every second. The nurse had asked her in the recovery room if Victor was the name of her significant other, because she had called out for him as she was coming out from under the anesthesia.
What should have been getting better was actually getting worse. After talking to her pastor, she decided it was time to uncover all that was hidden deep inside. After that, she would take a vacation away from everything and everyone, except Nick. The two best friends would soon be spending two weeks in Jamaica.
As was his norm, Nick made a noisy entrance.
“Hey, girly girl. What’s good with ya?” Nick walked over to where she was sitting and kissed her forehead. He carried two bags over to the counter and began to unpack them.
“Did you get everything?” Fantasy asked as she walked up behind him.
“I got everything on your list, plus a few things that weren’t on your list but should have been.”
“So you say.” She knew he was probably right.
Since the surgery, and, actually, even when she called him from Dulles that day, he had become even more concerned and more protective. He blamed himself in part, saying that he had been so wrapped up in his affair that he wasn’t as involved in her affair as he should have been. She, of course, chastised him, saying that she didn’t need him to be her keeper.
“Yep, I say.” He chuckled, putting the last item away.
“I was just thinking about our vacation. I’m starting to get excited.”
“I’m excited myself. A free trip to Jamaica just to watch Ms. Fantasy. “ Nick thought about the movie Driving Miss Daisy. It’s a sweet deal. I figure I can take you out to play bingo, let you do a little sightseeing, go to a few bazaars and get your shop on, not to mention feed you a few times. With all that, I should be putting you to bed by eight o’clock, right after a warm glass of milk. Then I can hang out.”
“You are not funny.” She was laughing so hard her side was beginning to hurt. “That will not be my itinerary. I plan on having a good time and, who knows, I may just get my groove back.” She snapped her fingers, and moved and wiggled the part of her body that would cooperate.
“Don’t hurt ’em, Stella,” Nick said. He was joking, but he really did want her to have a good time. She deserved so much more than the hand she had been dealt. He really thought that things would have worked out with Victor. He still couldn’t believe that he had blamed Fantasy for not telling him, when he clearly made a choice and it did not lean toward his best friend. Fantasy must have known what was on his mind, because the morning after she had forbidden him to contact Victor or to send his boys out to bring him back to Carolina and give him a beat down. He was not totally sold on not saying anything or not getting involved. Nick had used his sources to find out where Victor was. It appeared that he was still at Andrews. Depending on how this latest intervention to restore what Fantasy had lost went, he figured he might be making a special trip to see Victor Charles. And he personally cared little about his rank.
“I just want to get away.” Fantasy stood up and removed plates from the glass-front cabinet. “Scratch that. I need to get away. Nick, I’m miserable and I can’t live like this. A part of me wants to run to him and a part of me wants to cuss him out. It’s sort of like not being able to live with him and not being able to live without him.”
“Well, I think this time away should help. I feel it in my spirit.” He was trying to turn the situation to light instead of heavy. While she busied herself with getting glasses, he got the silverware.
“All right, Benny Hinn.” Fantasy couldn’t believe his humor. In the worst of situations, he could make her laugh.
“So, is Dee still okay with you joining me? Wait a minute, let me put it the way you put it, watching Miss Daisy.”
“She is. Of course, she would love to be with big daddy. You know me on the sand and in the blue water.” Nick was rubbing down his chest with his eyes closed.
“Do I need to get the hose?” Fantasy began to shake her head. Nick was too much. She knew the extra comedy scene was to keep her uplifted. He just didn’t know that she didn’t feel up to laughing. “Well, I don’t want her to be upset with me for taking you.”
“You are my best friend and she understands our special relationship. And that’s saying a lot, because you know not many women I’ve been involved with understood how we are. Seriously, Fantasy, you need me and I’m there. End of story. And if Dee had a problem with that and if she were threatened by you in any way, I wouldn’t be able to stay with her.”
“I’m glad she understands.” Everything was ready for the family dinner. The only thing that wasn’t homemade was the dessert. The strawberry and lemon parfaits had been delivered by one of the local bakeries. She was a little nervous because this was an uncovering dinner. Since Kameron was in Durham for Brittany’s family reunion, it was the best time, and it would be right before she left for her last effort sanity restoration.
“So everything’s ready?” Nick asked now, because he heard a vehicle pull up and knew it was the family.
“Yes.” She wanted to tell Nick about her decision to tell her son about his father in the presence of the people she loved the most. But she didn’t, just in case she had a change of heart. She prayed that she wouldn’t, because it was long overdue.
“I am. Nick, I’ve decided that it’s time to put everything in the open and I’ll deal with whatever consequences come. It’s just time. In fact, my friend, it’s way, way overdue.” Fantasy inhaled and exhaled slowly. Yoga had become a part of her healing process. She had started two weeks ago and she wasn’t sure yet if it was working.
The front door opened and everyone was headed their way, laughing and talking.
“It smells good up in here.” The mixed aroma of foods filled the kitchen, dining area and flowed throughout the rest of the lower level of the house. Kameron came around the island, leaned down, and kissed her cheek. Normally he would have hugged her, but he didn’t want to chance touching her in the wrong place. “Hey, Mother dearest.”
“Hello, my son.” Fantasy moved slowly away from him and kissed and hugged Brittany. “Hey, daughter.” Their relationship was off to a wonderful start. It was Brittany who had spent the three nights with her while she was in the hospital. And she volunteered to assist Nana an entire week when Fantasy first came home. While there may have been a few drawbacks, which mostly had to do with her taking Kameron away, she realized that Brittany had a good heart and she knew that she would work hard to make Kameron happy. This she had shared with him during one of the many evenings that she had taken her happy pills, otherwise known as pain meds, and was feeling all emotional and deep, like suddenly every thought she had was profound.
As soon as Nick finished kissing her grandparents, she took her turn. “Hey, Nana.” She gave her grandmother a slight hug.
“Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” She looked around the kitchen. “I hope you didn’t overdo it.”
“I didn’t. I have had a pretty good week.” She smiled as if to reassure her.
“Granddad, you are looking mighty handsome. Is that a new shirt?” Fantasy walked up to him and smoothed the front of his shirt. “And you smell all good.”
“Oh, thank you, precious. Your grandmother went shopping the other day with some of the women in her missionary circle. Which was, in itself, better than them sitting around every other Wednesday gossiping about the folk in the church and everybody they know in the community.”
“Matthew, you need to stop. You know good and darn well we don’t be talking about folk.” Nana put her hand on her hip. Then she thought for a second. “Well, there may be one or two who don’t know how to mind their business.”
“See, I told you.” Matthew started laughing, and took a seat next to Kam.
The kitchen buzzed with family joy and Fantasy felt so blessed. By the time they had finished dinner and Nick was serving parfaits all around, Fantasy decided it was time.
“Guys, there is something that I need to share with all of you.” She placed her cloth napkin on the table. “I’ve been through some things lately, both with my health and in my personal life. All of it has caused me to stand back and evaluate some of my decisions. And, truthfully, I wasn’t happy with some of the decisions I have made. There are things I wish I had done differently, things I wish I had said, and while we don’t know what our tomorrows hold, I would never want to leave this earth and not say or share what I should have.” Fantasy felt herself choking up.
Kameron cleared his throat and asked her slowly, “Mom, ah, did you take a happy pill before we got here or any time since we’ve been here with you?” He noticed that she was entering the deep and profound zone and wondered if she had dipped into the pill bottle.
“No, Kam.” She giggled. “I’m fine and not feeling good from the drugs.”
“Good. Please go on.” Kam sat back in his chair and Brittany playfully tapped his arm.
“There are things that I have covered up for so long. I had emotionally detached myself from so many things.” She swallowed. “Kam, I never talked about your grandmother, Valerie, when you were growing up, because the day she was killed I covered up everything about her and all that surrounded her life and how it all ended up. Up until I came to live with Nana and Granddad, I was exposed to a life that no child should be exposed to. I was taught things by my mother that no young girl should be taught. She didn’t care that the morals she was instilling in me weren’t right. She simply cared that if I followed her lead and lived my life by the mold she had set for me, I’d be okay. I’d be a survivor and I’d always land on my feet, as she would put it. Her measuring stick really wasn’t being rich in friendships, family values, or anything like that. It was simply money. The more she had, the more secure she felt in life. That wouldn’t necessarily be all bad, but it was the way she got her money that was a problem.”
Her grandmother had already started crying silently. Kam looked at his mother.
“Kam, your grandmother was a prostitute. And because she was really smart and could have been anything else she wanted to be, she started a business employing other prostitutes. She purchased two row houses in Brooklyn, one we lived in and one she worked out of. Her empire did very well and she catered to some very prominent business men; some were in the highest positions in New York, New Jersey, and Philadelphia. By the time I was ten she owned the whole block and we were living large. It was around that time that she decided to begin my training in the business.”
Nana grabbed her chest. “Oh, my God, no.”
“No, Nana. I was too much like her and had too much fire just to obey. When she decided to put me out there I convinced her that I would do much better learning the business end first, and then I’d work the street. She didn’t like it, but she agreed. When she tried again it was one of her older workers who stood up for me and made Valerie back down. It was a terrible life, and to keep from being teased in the neighborhood, I acted tough. I was heading down the same road until one early morning.
“She was driving to Long Island for one of her regulars. She would tell me he was worth the personal visit and he was too high up to be seen in our area. I’d been there before so many times. While she went to one area of the large house I would go in this large living room and watch television. But on that day, when my mom went upstairs and I had settled down in the living room with the remote, a lady came in, and she looked at me and didn’t say a word. I didn’t know who she was and thought maybe she was his housekeeper or something. After a minute, I heard voices and screaming and yelling. There were some shots and then the same lady came downstairs, laughing. She was covered with blood and she walked out the door holding a gun and laughing her head off. I ran upstairs. The whole area smelled so strange. The door was closed a little, and I walked up to it slowly and pushed it all the way open. There was blood everywhere, and Mom was lying in the bed with her naked body only partially covered. He lay on the floor, face down. I knew I should have walked out; I knew that I would never recover from what I was seeing. Even at ten, I knew it would stay with me forever.” Fantasy was trembling.
Kam reached over to cover her hand with his, and he cried.
“I walked closer, Kam, and her eyes were open, but she didn’t look scared. I heard somewhere that when people are killed and they are aware that it is happening they have a look of fright. That wasn’t the case with Valerie. She just looked hard. There was a gunshot in her forehead and there was blood all over the sheet, so the lady must have shot her some other places. I stood in that room just looking at her. Then I reached out and pulled the bloody sheet over her.
“The woman that had come in was his wife. In a jealous rage brought on by my mother being his lover, she decided to kill him and her. The cops came, but I never knew who called them. They took me away and called Nana.”
Brittany spoke softly. “Oh, my God.”
“Because of that, I was never the same. I didn’t have any concept of love or loving until I went to VCU. Then I met someone and I fell so hard I hardly knew what had happened to me. I, the person who had been hard core and taught on the streets of Brooklyn, fell hard. He saw a different person than the one I had portrayed. I wasn’t worried about how hard I fell because he told me that he was in love with me. Kam, I felt like I had fallen in a soft place.” Fantasy smiled to herself, remembering one of the gifts that Victor had given her when they were together in DC. He gave her a beautiful white stuffed teddy bear, and what was so special was that he had placed an ID charm around the bear’s neck that said SOFT PLACE.
“The problem was that he was not just seeing me; there was someone else. But of course he promised he was going to break it off. I believed him. By the time I had shared my most precious gift and was playing the waiting game with him, I found out that I was pregnant. In that same space of time I learned that he was marrying the other person. Of course I went to him and cussed him out and I prayed he would say I was wrong, that what I’d heard was wrong. He didn’t. He claimed that I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. I felt his confession of loving me should have just come out, between my bursts of outrage. When he said nothing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and walked away. I decided that I would not use my unborn child as a pawn to get him back. If he wanted to marry her, I wouldn’t beg him not to. But I waited and prayed that he would come after me. I just wanted him to change his mind. He didn’t. It wasn’t until recently that I found out the other girl was pregnant, and that’s why he married her. The wonderful part is that I gave birth to a wonderful son, and he grew up to be a great man.”
Kam was still holding her hand, and at times he tightened and other times his other hand caressed her cheek as tears fell down her cheek. “Mom, it’s okay. I have had a wonderful life.”
“I know that. We have done well. Not just me but everyone around this table has done well with raising you. But a man needs to know his identity. And I love you for never asking and loving us enough not to want to know. Sweetie, I can’t keep it from you anymore. And know that, before I tell you, it’s not because I want you to reach out to or embrace him in any way. Although, if that’s your decision, I won’t stop you. This is your call and I respect and love you enough to know that you will do what’s right for you, your future wife, and the grandkids that he and I will have.” Fantasy looked around the table, and all eyes were on her.
Nick nodded and smiled slightly, letting her know that it was okay to go on.
“The man you meant at the airport, Victor Charles; Kameron, he is your father.” She watched his face and she tightened her grip on his hand, waiting to see if he would snatch away or fly off.
“Really? Wow.” That’s what Kameron said.
Brittany touched his shoulder and smiled. “Wow.”
Fantasy continued, “I met him in DC because we connected on Facebook a month or two before and we sort of picked up on the feelings that were still very much alive. Even after we reconnected, I decided not to tell him about you. I don’t know why, perhaps for the same reasons I didn’t tell him back then. When he saw you he knew instantly. The thing is, he felt I should have told him and that I was in the wrong. Maybe I was, in part, but it’s hard to be a part of someone’s life and to add a baby to the mix when they are exiting from yours. So we discontinued what we were restarting.”
“Mom, you still love him?” Kam asked.
“That’s not important.” She smiled. “But, as for Victor Charles, he’s from a small town in Virginia. He is an only child, his mother still lives there, and his father died when he went into the Air Force. He enlisted the year he left VCU. He is divorced; I almost forgot to add the best part.” She laughed through her tears.
“That’s awful. You shouldn’t say that,” Pearl chastised, but felt the same way her grandchild did.
“Yes, she should,” Matthew spoke up. “Yeah, I said it and I’m still saved.”
Fantasy continued, “He has a daughter named Niya, who is a medical student at Duke.”
“Man. Now that’s crazy.” Kam looked around the table. “I’ve probably seen my sister all over campus and didn’t know she was my blood.”
“He’s been stationed all over and is Master Sergeant Command Chief for one of the wings in Ramstein, Germany. Kam, I don’t want you to be hardhearted toward him. What happened, happened between us. And the man I know, the man I fell in love with, loves you. If he’s upset about anything concerning my decision, it is because I cheated him. Because I didn’t afford him time with his son.” Fantasy fell silent when it was all out and felt completely drained. She had hoped that Kam would say something but nothing came quick.
Nick moved and spoke first. “Fantasy, I am so proud of you, and I think I speak for everyone. But I also think you need to go and lie down for a while.”
“I think I will.” Fantasy stood up slowly.
Nana and Granddad came close and each of them hugged her and kissed her face. Nana spoke for them. “We love you. What you did took a lot of heart and a lot of courage. Heart and courage that you got from your mother. Never be ashamed about where you came from. She gave and shared love the only way she knew. It didn’t start off that way. I’m not sure how Valerie got it mixed up, but she loved you with her heart. Somewhere along the way that heart turned dark and she never gave anyone a chance to turn it back. Don’t let that happened to you.” She kissed Fantasy’s cheek again and smiled. “You have uncovered and now you need to live.”
Fantasy nodded, and walked toward her room with Nick right behind her. Once she was settled with pillows in all the right places and a throw over her legs, she relaxed. She reached for the remote and flipped through the channels. “I thought he would have said something else or asked me some questions. I guess I should be relieved and happy that he didn’t lay me out.”
“He would never do that. But the questions will come. Just give him time.” Nick kissed her forehead and turned to walk out the door.
Just as she was ready to drift off, there was a light knock and Kam walked in. He didn’t say a word until he was lying next to her on the bed. “I felt something when I saw him at the airport. I knew there was something special about him. I just didn’t exactly know what. I’m not upset with you at all, I could never be. And the truth is, I’m not upset with him and I feel like that’s disserving you.”
“It’s not, Kam. I can’t expect you to hold the same view. I have reasons and you really don’t. Neither of us knows what he would have done with the truth that I was carrying you.”
“True.” He breathed. “I want to get to know him if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to be his son instantly. I mean, I’m not trying to call old dude Dad or anything like that. At least, not right away.”
“I expected you to tell me that. That’s who you are and the kind of person you are. I have a feeling that once you reach out, both of you will find the right way to fit into each other’s lives.”
“You think?” he quizzed.
“I’m sure of it,” Fantasy replied.
“Well, tell me. If you have all of this figured out, why have you not figured out how you two can get over the past and the differences concerning me, Niya, and even his ex-wife, and realize that you two are likely better together? I’m sorry, as miserable as you’ve been since you left DC, he is likely just as miserable, if not more. Old dude is probably kicking himself that he messed up the new thing you two were starting.”
“You think you know so much.” She punched his side.
“I think that if you love him you need to give all this up and be with him.” Kam kissed her cheek and got up. “I’m out of here so you can sleep. We all know where to lay our heads, so don’t worry about us. In fact, Nana and Granddad have already retired.”
Fantasy started laughing. She had to hold her sides so it wouldn’t hurt her back.
Kam laughed, but didn’t even know what he was laughing about. “What’s up, Mom?”
When she could finally talk, she said, “Oh nothing. I was just wondering if Granddad took his pill.”