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“JESUS, KEEP IT BETWEEN the ditches, Donovan!”
Gripping the steering wheel, I jerk Colton’s car back to the right to compensate for my overly wide turn. I won’t get my license until next summer, but Colton lets me drive his car all the time.
I eye him warily. “If my dad finds out you let me do this, we’ll both be in deep shit.”
Gripping the dashboard, Colt chuckles. “He won’t. Ryan Connors did this with me all the time. We never got caught. I’m just payin’ it forward.” He turns on the radio and smiles as Nickelback’s Far Away blasts from the speaker.
Lowering the volume, I give him a sidelong glance. “That’s because your luck is better than most.”
“You shittin’ me? I’ve got the Ramsay curse, man. ’Nough said.” Colton looks over his shoulder. “Besides, we only do this when my sister isn’t with us. Who’s gonna say anything?”
Not me. It’s a rarity to hang with my best friend before school. Colt works at the diner most mornings before classes, and the days he doesn’t he has Penny with him. She went to the municipal building this morning to set up for her science fair, so we’re on our own.
Not that I mind her hanging around. She’s smart and sweet and actually a lot of fun to talk to. But sometimes I need guy time.
Colt punches me in the arm. “Did that girl text you last night?”
My stomach flips. I’ve never had a real crush before. Sure, girls like me, but I haven’t found any of them interesting. Christy Mefford is different. She’s confident, and definitely gorgeous. I give him a sheepish grin. “Yeah. We’ve been texting almost every night since we met.”
“So, she’s excited to move here now, I guess.” Colt nudges me.
I shrug. “We have a lot in common. Her dad’s really controlling. He’s a heart surgeon, and he won’t let her date until she’s sixteen. Her mom is always volunteering for shit and is never home. They pressure her about being the best all the time. Sound familiar?”
Colt raises an eyebrow and scoffs. “Is the Captain still riding your ass about swimming every day?”
Smirking at Colt’s obvious insult of my father’s title, I roll my eyes. “More like twice a day. He won’t let up. Now that Jamie’s gone, he expects me to live up to the Donovan name. It sucks. I mean, Jamie’s all about that shit. I couldn’t care less. I’m glad we don’t have a pool at home. He’d never let me leave it.”
“At least you love to swim.”
“I do. But if it were up to my dad, I wouldn’t do anything but eat, sleep, and swim. Not even school, man.” I grunt. “He’s forcing me to try out for the National Team. He recruited a scout to come to the meets next year, too.”
“What about your mom?”
“She’s on my side, but how can you argue with the Captain and win?” Colt barks a laugh, and I grin. “Nobody ever has.”
I turn into the school parking lot and pull around to the back. Stopping the car, I shift into park, get out, and exchange places with Colt. “Thanks, man. Can’t wait. Six more months and I won’t have to bum rides off you.”
Colton says, “Just in time for me to pass on the power. Don’t worry, Donovan. I’m keeping track. You’ll owe me someday.”
We turn around and head for the student lot. Parking near the high school doors, Colt frowns. A large crowd blocks the north entrance of the junior high. “What the hell is going on?”
I climb out of the car. “Fuck if I know. Junior high sucked.”
Gathering his backpack, Colt locks his doors. “No shit. I’m glad I’ve only got one year left of high school.” As we stride toward the entrance of the Senior wing, a voice lifts over the jeer of the crowd.
“This is your fault!”
“I don’t give a crap about you or anything you do, you stupid cow! I hope you fail the damn thing.”
“He’s dead because of you!”
My breath catches as the familiar voice forces me to stop. “Shit, is that your sister?”
Colt whips around and runs toward the crowd. I follow. Pushing through the gaggle of seventh and eighth graders proves to be harder than it looks.
“Jesus, get out of my way,” Colt growls. “Fucking littles!”
That does it. As the students part down the center, Colt and I press forward, only to see Penny crumbled upon the ground with her head buried in her hands. Sobs rock her shoulders as onlookers snicker.
Fucking bullies! They’ve gone too far.
Clenching my fists, I yell, “Get out of here! Bell’s gonna ring!” As if on cue, the first bell clangs loudly. The crowd disperses.
Kneeling, Colt places a hand on his sister’s curls. “Pen?”
She lifts her head. Rivers of tears stain her pink cheeks. As she throws herself into her brother’s arms, my heart breaks. I scan the people standing around. A few of the mean girls of the seventh grade whisper and giggle nearby.
Clenching the strap of my duffle bag, I take a menacing step toward them. “Get the hell out of here!” The girls squeal and hurry toward the junior high doors. Why can’t those bitches leave Pen alone?
Colt helps her up. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he points at her bag. “Grab her backpack, would you?”
I do as he says. As Penny drags her feet and bawls harder, Colton settles her on a nearby cement bench. “Come on, Pen, stop. What happened? Why aren’t you at the municipal building? Isn’t your science fair today?”
Choking on her sobs, she shakes her head. “Everything is ruined! I came in early this morning to pack him in his travel cage, but he’s...” A loud sough wracks her body, and she bursts out crying once more. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Colt. Please don’t make me stay in this school!”
Sitting on her other side, I pat her back and give Colton a look of concern. I’ve never seen Penny so upset.
Colt sighs. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, Sis.”
Taking a deep breath, she wipes the moisture from her eyes. “R-ramses is dead.”
I frown. “Your hamster?”
She bobs her head, her curls flying helter-skelter. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have left him here. Mrs. Crockett let me k-keep him here overnight with my project board so I could just pack everything up for the fair today. But when I came in this morning, his head was—” A fresh bout of tears flows down her cherubic cheeks as she cries harder. “His head was cut off. I-I saw it!”
Colton scrubs a hand down his face as his jaw drops. “What the fuck? How?”
She buries her face in his jacket. “His body was lying underneath Alton Pilar’s model guillotine.”
Jesus!
Bolting up, I mutter, “That’s it. This shit’s gonna stop. I’m finding my —”
“Penny? What’s the matter, sweetheart? The bus is waiting for you.”
Bursting off the bench, Colt yells, “This is complete bullshit, Donovan!”
My mother’s face blanches as her mouth gapes. “Mr. Ramsay!”
“No! This isn’t just some harmless prank. My sister’s hamster is dead!”
“What?” My mom’s eyes widen as she gathers Penny in her arms. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
Colt snorts. “Are you kidding me? It wasn’t a fucking accident! They killed her pet! What are you going to do about it?”
Taking a deep breath, Mom says, “Believe it or not, I have Penny’s best interests at heart, Colton. I’ll call your mother and discuss it with her.”
Colton belts out a dry laugh. “Sure. You do that. We’ll see how that works.”
Giving him a side-long glare, she orders, “Enough. Get to class. I’ll deal with this.”
Colton begins arguing, but I pull him back. “Don’t do it, man. She’ll have you in detention for a month. Just let my mom take care of it.”
Ripping his arm out of my hand, Colton scowls. “Why would she? Nobody cares about the Ramsays, especially not a Donovan.”
As Colt storms through the senior doors, Penny’s cries escalate. “Colton! Don’t leave me!”
A deep ache echoes through me, and I snake my arms around her protectively. “It’s okay. I’ve got you, Pen.”
She buries her head in my jacket. “T-take me home, Luke. I don’t want to be here anymore. D-don’t make me come back. Please, Mrs. Donovan? Can’t I do s-school from home?”
There are no words. My mother gives me a somber look, and I shake my head as we escort Penny toward the office. Reluctantly, I pass her off to my mother.
She pats Pen’s shoulder and says, “I promise I’ll take care of her, Luke.” Guiding her down the hall, Mom whispers something in her ear.
Pressing my lips together, I stalk to my locker and grab my books for Geometry class. Rage grates on every nerve I have. This bullying shit is getting out of hand.
Why do Pen’s classmates have to pick on her? She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. She’s smarter than most kids her age, and even funny when she gets to talking.
Losing her dad hasn’t been easy on her. And shit like this doesn’t help. She’s a little out of shape, but she isn’t the worst contender by far. Sure, she’s a little shy and withdrawn. But can anyone blame her? She’s always being singled out. The poor girl hasn’t done anything to hurt anyone.
I wipe the lapels of my jacket, the collar still damp from her tears—just like the morning I’d held her during her dad’s funeral. Her whole life, she’s had nothing but pain.
I pass Mom’s office. She’s on the phone while Penny sits in one of the chairs and stares at nothing. The void in her eyes penetrates my soul. I can feel her loneliness.
Colt’s right. Nothing will ever come of this. Can’t anyone but me see how much Pen’s suffering?
*****
One Year Later
This is the private journal of Penny Elaine Ramsay. Do not read!!
NOVEMBER 18, 2006
Anger is one of those emotions that is either helpful in certain situations or makes things worse. I’ve never been good dealing with it... which is why my new therapist, Mrs. Caufield, wants me to keep writing in this dumb thing. Apparently, Ms. Eppley wasn’t as incompetent as I thought.
Yeah, new therapist. That’s a story. The day of the hamster debacle, Mrs. Donovan spent two hours trying to get my mother on the phone. Captain Donovan finally went to check on her, only to find her passed out drunk at home. Mrs. Donovan called Child Protective Services. After a big investigation, the state said my mother could keep us but ordered her to get sober. We have a year of court-mandated counseling on top of it.
It’s a year too long.
Mrs. Caufield isn’t the compassionate type. She scheduled my mother and I for joint therapy sessions. What a stupid idea! After listening to Miranda complain for half an hour about what an angry, ungrateful child I am, Mrs. Caufield asked for my side of the story.
I didn’t respond. The woman agreed with my mother and labeled me obstinate. Big fancy word there. What did she expect me to say? Yes, I agree... I am an angry and ungrateful child, and Miranda is the perfect mother?
It doesn’t matter what I do, I will never please these people, and Miranda is the worst of the bunch. “Penelope, sit up straight. You look fat when you slouch. Eat a salad, Penelope, I can’t afford to buy you new clothes. Why don’t you join the swimming team like your brother? He isn’t overweight.”
Two weeks ago, she humiliated me in front of everyone at the Halloween party when she told Mrs. Donovan—loudly—that she didn’t want me eating cupcakes because I weigh 160 pounds. And yesterday, she threatened to send me to a diet camp if I gained any more weight.
Why can’t she leave me alone? I don’t ask her for anything. I get good grades. I go to these stupid counseling sessions. I try to stay out of her hair. But I’m tired of being called a problem child because she manipulates the situation to make me look bad.
You wanna know why I’m angry? Because I’m not supposed to be here. A few nights ago, my mother came home from work upset. Colt’s leaving for college in August. He got a full academic scholarship to U of M. Instead of being proud of my brother, she broke down because her baby is leaving her.
When I told her she still has me, she laughed and admitted I was a mistake. Apparently, she’d forgotten to take her birth control and ended up pregnant after a whirlwind weekend in Vegas with my dad. Worse, she’d cried when they found out I was a girl because she never wanted a daughter.
Yet here I am.
Fate is cruel. Dad died, leaving me with the one person in the world that hates me more than she hates herself.
Why couldn’t it have been me that died?
Four years, seven months, and fifteen days. Then I’ll be free.