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“BRANDON. BRANDON WHO?” I scroll through MySpace, my mind whirling with a million thoughts—none of them good—as I try to find Penny’s supposed date for Homecoming. I’m more than pissed that Chris arranged this date for Penny behind my back. “She isn’t going. Not if I have anything to say about it.”
My phone rings. Colt’s number shows up. I frown. He hardly ever calls me first. I turn down my music before answering. “Ramsay?”
“Hey, man. Good to hear your voice. How’s it goin’? Are you partied out after your meet?”
I relax as my best friend’s voice soothes all the turmoil pouring through my soul. I should be living the life, right? I broke a state record—during a regular meet—and my father couldn’t be more pleased.
So, why do I feel like a total failure?
Closing my laptop, I scoff. “You remember my dad, right? Not much partying here. We went out to dinner with Christy’s parents, and I was right back in the pool doing double laps. He hasn’t changed much.”
Colt chuckles. “No shit. So, state record broken? Fucking awesome! Better celebrate those big wins. Wish I could’ve seen it.”
I finger the set of keys to the new Audi Dad gave me this morning. “Best moment of my life. Everybody was there. My dad even bought me a car, man. Totally worth it.”
“I’ll bet. So? Scouts and shit?”
I smirk. “There were a few. The U of M recruiter showed up. It’d be awesome if we ended up at the same school. You sound pretty good. You must be living the life.”
Colt hums. “As much as I can. Work sucks, and I’m taking fifteen credits this semester. But this girl, Holly? We made it official, man. In more ways than one. We’re exclusive now.”
“Nice.”
“How about you and the cheerleader? Big stuff happening?”
I bite back a cough. Sure, I’ve thought about doing more with Christy. We’ve done shit... had a few heavy make-out sessions. She’s hot as hell. Hard not to get turned on. But there’s something holding me back from taking it all the way. “I don’t kiss and tell, man.”
Colt guffaws. “This from the guy that said her tight little ass made you rock hard in seconds?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I wince. I had said that. “It’s different. She’s my girlfriend now. I was an idiot back then.”
More like a huge douche.
“It was only last summer,” Colt ribs me. “Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.”
“For what?”
“Pen. I talked to her tonight. She sounds like she’s really enjoying school. Joining scholar bowl? Helping with Homecoming stuff? It’s like she’s an entirely different person.”
My breath catches as dread elbows its way through my stomach. What the hell has Penny been telling her brother? It so didn’t vibe with what I’ve seen lately. If anything, the girl takes sullen to a new level. “Uh, yeah, sure.”
“Come on, man. Take the credit. She said you’ve been awesome at checking up on her. But bro, you don’t need to stop by every night. Sounds like she’s doing fine.”
My fingers tighten around my phone. So that’s her M.O. She must have mentioned my nightly visits. I hadn’t planned on letting Colt know about them. Or anyone else for that matter.
I clear my throat. “I was just helping out.”
“I know. I appreciate it, man. She does, too.”
Crossing my arms, I arch an eyebrow. Are we even talking about the same person? That’s not the feeling I got from her at all. “Pen said that?”
“Yep. Said she’s loving classes and meeting new friends. I can’t thank you enough. My mom’s not doing well, and the extracurriculars get Pen outta that house, you know?”
I sigh. “Shit, your mom’s off the wagon again? I’m sorry, bro.”
Colt mutters, “Whatever. My mother can ruin her own fucking life. But Pen still has a few years to go before she’s free. Doesn’t sound like she’s home much, thank God. Ma can get mean when she drinks.”
Mean isn’t the word I’d use. Abusive fits better. But there’s no way in hell I’d tell Colt that. Penny always wears her brother’s oversized track hoodies at school, so I don’t think anybody else but me has seen the horrible bruises on her arms.
Last week, I stopped by after swimming practice. Miranda wasn’t there. Apparently, Pen was doing laundry—including her sweatshirts and jeans. Her short-sleeved tee couldn’t hide the small bruises scattered across the flesh of both triceps. The injuries looked both old and new. Worse, she was favoring the right shoulder.
Penny had played it off, blaming one of the kids she babysits for getting a little rough. No way a young kid can do that kind of damage. But the hell if I’m going to say anything. Her relationship with her mom is the one thing I can’t help her with. The last time I got involved—or my mom, at least—child protective services was called. Colt still hasn’t forgiven my mother for that.
I swipe a hand across my brow. “No problem, bro. I’ve got her back.”
“Yeah, you do. I can always count on you, man.” Noises filter through the speaker, and Colt says, “Hey, I’m on my way to dinner. I’ll catch up soon. Just wanted to say congrats. And thanks for taking care of Pen.”
“No problem, man. See ya.”
Ending the call, I sink onto my bed. Turning on my music, I lie back and lace my fingers behind my head. Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars comes on. I close my eyes.
Penny Ramsay is a complete enigma. Does her brother even know her? She isn’t doing as well as she wants Colt to believe. In fact, she flat out lied to him. My experience with her has been a complete one-eighty from the so-called happy high school girl she’s trying to portray. Her sullen attitude at school is proof of that.
What happened to the carefree little girl who radiated pure sunshine? That’s why I gave Pen that knick-name. Every time she smiled, her porcelain skin glowed and her beautiful jade-green irises stood out like emerald beacons. But over the last year, the light has gone out of her eyes. I haven’t seen her happy in a long time.
And I’m the only one that seems to realize it.
“...if I just lay here... would you lie with me and just forget the world...”
Pain infiltrates my heart. “I wish there was something I could do to help you, Sunshine.”
A knock on the door startles me. “Son?”
Sitting up, I turn down the music as my dad enters. “Sorry, I was just resting. It was a long practice.”
“Good. The harder you work, the better the payoff.” Pulling up a chair from my desk, Dad sits. “We need to talk. About the Ramsay girl.”
Fear whips through me like a cyclone. What the hell is it with this shit tonight? First Colt, then— I burst up. “Oh, crap. What happened? Is she okay? It’s her mother again, isn’t it?”
My dad’s brow furrows as he cocks his head. “What? No, there wasn’t an accident.”
I breathe in a sigh of relief. That’s the last thing Penny needs right now. “Thank God.”
Squinting at me, Dad strokes his short beard. “What is going on between you two?”
I blink rapidly. “Nothing! Why? Did someone say something?”
“They don’t have to,” Dad says dryly. “I can see it all over your face. And the fact that you’ve got a girlfriend on top of it?” I start to protest, but he holds up a hand. “I get it. You’re a young man, and I suppose a certain amount of playing the field is likely.”
Playing the field?
I burst out laughing at the old-school term. Dad thinks there’s something sexual going on between me and Pen? “Come on, Dad.”
“Look, I don’t care if you mess around. But why does it have to be that girl?”
I clench my fists at my sides. This isn’t funny anymore. “Dad, stop. Penny and I are just friends.” Is that what we’re calling it? That’s a bit of a stretch since she hardly talks to me.
Dad arches an eyebrow. “Your mom says she sees you guys together at school all the time. She showed up to your meet yesterday, and you’re stopping at her house at all hours of the night. The evidence speaks for itself.”
My stomach sours. How the hell could he know that? Does he have someone tailing me?
He is the police captain, idiot.
I sigh. “It isn’t what you think, alright? Colt asked me to check up on her. He’s worried about her. She’s alone with her mother, and since her dad’s death—” My father presses his lips together, and I glower at him. “Pen hasn’t been the same. I don’t care what Mom says. Nothing’s changed since junior high. She needs to open her eyes and see what’s really going on at her school. She doesn’t know shit.”
“What?”
As my mother pushes through the door, I roll my eyes. Of course, they’re in on this together. At one time, I thought I could trust Caroline Donovan. She isn’t my birth mom, but she’s always had my back. I’m not so sure anymore.
She crosses her arms. “What don’t I know, Lucas?”
“Pen isn’t okay. Why do you think she’s so withdrawn? Do you know how many times I’ve chased idiots away from bullying her this year? The whole damn freshman class is in on it!”
Mom’s eyes widen. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I snarl. “I shouldn’t have to. It’s the hamster thing all over again. Where were you when two girls from the dance squad cornered her outside during lunch and wouldn’t let her get to class? Or when that asshat Killian and his idiot friends tripped her in the cafeteria? She doesn’t eat with everyone else, did you know that? She hides in Mrs. Leavey’s class!” As my voice escalates, Dad places a hand on my shoulder. I jerk away from him. “You both give me shit about being friends with the Ramsay kids. But you know what? Penny doesn’t have any friends. And it’s a shame. She’s the smartest girl in our school. She’s a good person, Mom.”
Tears wobble at her eyelashes. “I know she is. Why do you think I’m trying to get her involved?”
I bark a derisive laugh. “That isn’t helping. She might tell everyone she’s okay, but she isn’t. Pushing her isn’t going to do anything but make her withdraw even more.”
My breath stutters. Jesus, that’s it. That’s why she lied to her brother and why I can never find her at lunch. I’m pushing her too hard, too. Penny has been avoiding everyone, and the only way she can get people off her back is to pretend to be something she isn’t.
Happy.
My dad snorts. “Jesus, I wish you were as passionate about your swimming times as you are about helping this girl. So, you think you know her better than the counselors and her teachers? She’s a troubled kid, son. Let the professionals deal with her. There isn’t anything you can do to save her.”
The hell there isn’t. Lifting my chin, I say, “I’m not giving up on her. Or Colt. He’s my best friend. And so is she.”
Stalking out of the room, I slam the door behind me. Screw every one of them. I’ll be damned if I let anyone else hurt Penny, including the asshole that’s supposedly taking her to Homecoming.
Taking my phone from my pocket, I text Christy.
L—We’ve gotta talk. Now.
*****
This is the private journal of Penny Elaine Ramsay. Do not read!!
OCTOBER 18, 2007
Now he’s really poked the bear. Luke Donovan thinks he can tell me who I can date? Who the heck does he think he is? He isn’t my father or my brother. It’s complete bull!
Apparently, he told Christy there’s no way he’ll allow Brandon to take me to Homecoming unless he meets the guy first. So, Christy arranged for Brandon and me to go on a double date this Saturday with her and Luke. What fun.
Not.
Jeez, I didn’t want to date in the first place. I don’t know how to act around a guy. And what am I going to wear? It’s not like I have a closet full of fun clothes that look nice for going to dinner and a movie. Or the body to fit them.
Now, I have to spend the entire night pretending to put on a smile in front of the Golden Boy and his queen. Luke and Christy’s constant PDA is bad enough at school. Why do I have to be subjected to it on my off time?
On top of it all, I have to help decorate our hall after school today for Homecoming. I’d rather have my toenails ripped out with tweezers. Spending an afternoon with Hannah and her minions and staying out of their line of fire is nearly impossible.
FML.
Three years, seven months, and twenty days. Then I’ll be free.