| |
“HEY, MAN. YOU READY for Homecoming?”
Drying off after practice, I glower at Pete. The last thing I want is to be reminded I have to go through this shit again. I wish I could skip it altogether, but Christy’s been talking about it for weeks. Of course, she has. This year, she’s a junior, and she wants that stupid crown.
I just want to leave the country.
The events of last year still have a chokehold on my soul. I refuse to participate in any of the activities this year. I won’t sit on the parade float, even though I was nominated for the Homecoming Court again. There’s no way in hell I’m dressing up during spirit week. And I was conveniently busy during the pep assembly yesterday, even though they announced my name for finishing as an alternate on the national team.
Christy wasn’t happy about my absence. Neither was Mom. But I can’t pretend for these people. It’s like a nightmare that keeps reliving itself. With every Homecoming poster I see, it’s one reminder too many that Penny is gone, and it’s my fault.
As Pete nudges me, I sigh. “What do you want from me?”
Draping an arm around my shoulder, Pete laughs. “You’re a senior, bro. You have a full ride to Oakland U next year with specialized training under an Olympic coach. You’re one step closer to that gold medal. And you’re sure to win Homecoming and Prom King. What the hell is wrong with you? Live it up!”
What isn’t wrong with me? Shrugging him off, I open my locker and remove my duffle bag. Riffling through it, I find my iPod and place one of the buds in my ear. Every blood vessel in my head throbs as if warning me of an oncoming seismic shift.
Hiking the bag over my shoulder, I mutter, “I’m good. I’ll see you in class, alright?”
Heading out the door before Pete can argue with me, I blast my music and walk toward the cafeteria. Christy’s eating breakfast with her girls. I should at least try to say hi before classes start.
I haven’t been the best boyfriend this year. In my defense, my girlfriend has become a first-class manipulator. It’s tiresome to keep up with her drama, and honestly, I don’t have the energy to put any effort into our relationship.
Besides, I haven’t been able to think about anyone but Penny.
Duncan Sheik’s Barely Breathing booms in my left ear, the perfect song to add to the bad soundtrack of my life. Yeah, I’m going old school. So what? That’s exactly how I feel right now. I have too many people pressuring me, and I can’t keep my head above water. When Penny was here, at least I felt like I was swimming. She needed me. Without her, I’m drowning.
As I pass Mom’s office, I glance in the window. She waves, issuing me a small smile. I look away without reciprocating. Unfortunately, our relationship has become strained over the last year, too.
Mom is the only one who’s had any contact with the Ramsays. She helped Penny get through her freshman year without having to return to RHHS before she transferred to a private school.
Mom never talks about the Homecoming incident. My jaw clenches. Why would she? She harbors as much guilt as I do. Her actions—or lack of—after Christy and I turned in the evidence of Hannah’s bullying drove the final wedge between us.
Like the big-wig CEO he was, Charles Sparks demanded that his daughter’s name be kept out of the rumor mill, despite the fact that Hannah was the instigator of the worst high school prank since Carrie. Using the power of his wealth, Sparks donated a lump sum of $500,000 to the school to sweep everything under the rug.
And that’s just what happened.
It became more than personal to my family because Charles Sparks was a major donor of my father’s election for City Commissioner last spring. Dad was so caught up in his own shit, he demanded that Mom and I let it all go. The situation with Penny needed to disappear, and if Charles Sparks was willing to pay for his daughter’s sins with cold hard cash, that was the end of it.
Deep down, I know Mom didn’t have a choice. Despite my father’s demands, she didn’t give up on Penny. She may have gone along with the powers that be—namely the school board that accepted Sparks’ donation because they wanted new computers for the AV lab—but it isn’t in Mom’s nature to let someone flail in the wind. She helped Penny get through her freshman year without being seen.
Now that Pen is gone, the school has moved on to other issues. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Unfortunately, rumors of the incident still linger.
And I’m not ready to forgive and forget.
A few girls outside the cafeteria flirt with me, and I scowl at them. They duck their heads and give me a dirty look. Like I care. Nobody really knows who I am. I might be the most popular guy in school, but I don’t have a friend in the world.
And I don’t deserve one. I betrayed the only two people I’ve ever trusted. Colt hasn’t called me. I saw him once last Christmas after Sparks made a very public donation to my father’s campaign. Colt was pissed. He took it as another betrayal by the Donovans. In retaliation, he gave me the monster of all black eyes and told me to stay away from his sister.
Pen refuses to talk to me, too. I didn’t see her at the country club last summer. She’d opted out of working at the daycare, even though Jane had begged her to return. Her departure wasn’t unexpected, but it’s been difficult to move on. I really wish I could talk to her, if only to get closure.
Putting on a false smile, I stride through the cafeteria doors. Several people wave and call out my name. Ignoring them, I head for the table in the center of the room. Christy and her cheer squad groupies are eating and gabbing happily, just as they do every morning.
“Lukey!”
I grit my teeth. I hate that childish nickname, and she knows it. Hiding my disgust, I ignore her comment and throw my bag on the floor next to her chair. “Hey. I got finished early. Thought I’d walk you to class.”
A broad smile spreads across her face as she stands. “Yay! Give me a sec.”
I nod at Addy and Erin and wait for Christy to pack up her things. She laughs with the girls like she doesn’t have a care in the world. My jaw clenches.
It pisses me off that this Homecoming stuff doesn’t bother Chris like it does me. Last year, she seemed more sympathetic. This year, she acts like none of that horrible shit happened. Not that it surprises me. She isn’t as invested in Penny as I am.
Raking my fingers through my hair, I sigh. I’m not sure where this relationship is going, but I’m not feeling the same as I did when we first met. Most days, Christy irritates the hell out of me. And it’s all on me. Like a dumbass, I told her I loved her. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. Or naïve.
I call it a lapse of sanity.
We hardly spend time alone together anymore. Mostly because I dedicate eighty percent of my time to my training at the pool. I have to. If I don’t, I might lose my scholarship. And right now, it’s my only way out of this damn town.
“Ready, baby?” Her eyes light up as I push off the wall. She holds out her hand. I take it and give her a grim smile.
God, I’m such a wank. I need to be honest with her and just break it off. Next year, I’m heading to college. Competing at that level is tough, and I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship while I juggle it all. It’s hard enough to do in high school.
Lacing her fingers with mine, she nudges me. “So, this is nice.”
I hum. “We have an away meet tomorrow, so I thought I’d surprise you.”
She bounces on her toes. “A bunch of us are going to the movies Friday night. You wanna come?”
I sweep my free hand through my hair. The last thing I want to do is spend time with Christy’s groupies. “I can’t. I have studying to catch up on.”
She sighs. “Come on, Luke. You haven’t been out with us for at least a month. You can’t swim and study all the time. It isn’t healthy.” She feigns a pout. “I miss you. My parents are visiting Josh at MSU. We haven’t done anything in a while.”
Her sing-song voice grates on my nerves. It’s too close to Homecoming to go back down that alley. Every time we have sex, I feel guilty as hell. All I can think about is how I betrayed my best friend’s little sister.
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
Christy’s lips curl over her teeth as she rips her hand from mine. “You know, you’ve been a real jerk lately. I call you all the time, you don’t answer. I meet you at the pool, you’re too busy to speak to me. You never want to do anything fun. You hardly want to kiss me. Or fuck me. What the hell is up with you?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I arch an eyebrow. “I’ve got shit going on, Chris. A lot of pressures.”
“And none of it includes me. So, where are we in this relationship?”
Rubbing my temples, I sigh. “I honestly don’t know.”
Her cheeks go ruddy as her mouth puckers. “You don’t know?”
Taking her hand, I pull her into an empty classroom. I have to do this. Just rip off the band-aid. “Look, maybe we should take a break for a while.”
Tears swim in her eyes. “O.M.G, there’s someone else, isn’t there?”
“No! Jesus, I’m telling you I’m exhausted, Chris. You think your parents are the only ones pressuring you to be the perfect child? I get it from both barrels on a daily basis, and I still can’t please them. I can’t handle my shit and worry about your shit, too.”
Fuck, that makes me sound like an asshole.
Her nostrils flare as she lifts her chin with a haughty glare. “I can’t believe you! After everything we’ve gone through, you’re dumping me.”
“All I’m asking for is a little space. Is that so hard to understand?”
Okay, now I’m a pussy.
She crosses her arms. “What about Homecoming? It’s two weeks away. I’ve already got a dress and the plans set up.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. “Fine. I’ll take you to the dance. But I’m not doing any of the activities. I already told you that.”
Clenching her fists, she screeches in frustration. “This is because of her, isn’t it?”
I am so sick of this same damn fight. “Chris...”
“It’s been a whole year. Get over it. Penny Ramsay is gone. For good. She isn’t coming back. Why can’t you accept that?”
What in the actual fuck? I glare at her. “And that makes you happy?”
She stamps her foot. “Ugh! Not at all. But dwelling on things you can’t change isn’t good.” She squints at me. “Unless... Damnit! I knew it. You do have a thing for her.”
As the first bell rings, I push past her. “I’m done with this. You never wanted to believe that Pen and I were just friends.”
She stares at me smugly. “Not anymore.”
Adrenaline surges through me as I halt mid-step. “Wait. What’s that supposed to mean?”
She blinks rapidly. “Nothing. Look, this is stupid. We keep having this same fight. Why?”
Forget space. I don’t want anything to do with this girl. “Not anymore,” I growl. She attempts to grab my sleeve, but I dodge her attack. “Find someone else to take you to Homecoming, Mefford. We’re done.”
Storming out the door, I evade the underclassmen and make it to homeroom just as the tardy bell rings. My classmates settle in around me as my pulse slows to some semblance of normal, and I sit back and take everything in.
I smile.
So... yeah. That happened.
For the first time in a long time, I feel free.