That last bit was Latin. Do you know Latin? So few people study it anymore. I mean, to be fair, there’s not much interest in live languages, never mind dead ones, in the early stages of the education of most children. It’s not useful, and therefore not important. Also, fyi, the blowjob was metaphorical. The teacher, the desk: metaphors.
But the ladder is real. And I’m about to pull it away. Promise me that you’ll fall. That sounds dramatic, doesn’t it? Like ‘Ooh, scary, V. Books can’t hurt anyone. Least of all the kind of books that you like.’
But seriously – you have to promise.
Too much throat-clearing, do you think? Too much mere exordium? Am I writing cheques that my perfect ass can’t cash? It is perfect, by the way. Better now just to slice straight into the dark meat of the narrative. Except it’s not really a narrative, per se. I hope you’re not expecting a story in the trad sense. We’ll come back to the beginning at the end, because that’s how the spinning world works. There’s a way of looking at things that suggests I spend my whole life dressing for dinner in the jungle. But that’s just philosophy. Let’s continue.