Ailment Index

Accidental Amnesia The consistent overlooking of sharps and flats
Cures:	Feeling Fuzzy
	The Symbol Siren
Related Diagnoses:	Note Deafness
Allegro Anxiety The fear of playing faster than moderato
Cures:	Metronome Ladder
	Duet Sightreading
Related Diagnoses:	Line Limp
	Tempo Shivers
	Leap Phobia
	Finger Hiccups
Articulation Anaemia The omission of all or most articulation from one’s playing
Cures:	Vocalise
	Conduct It
Related Diagnoses:	Expression Omission Disorder
Beam Fever The quickening of one’s pace whenever one sees beamed notes
Cures:	Become a Lyricist
	Relative Rhythms
Related Diagnoses:	Rhythm Allergy
	Presto Infatuation
Beat Arrhythmia The lack of a sense of beat or pulse in one’s playing
Cures:	A Pat on the Back
	Bucket Drummer
Related Diagnoses:	Line Limp
	Restlessness
	Rhythm Allergy
	Tempo Shivers
Digit Flotation The touching of keys so lightly one’s fingers appear to float on the surface
Cures:	Grasshopper
	Magnetic Attraction
Related Diagnoses:	Pianissimo Preoccupation
	Expression Omission Disorder
	Wrist Drowsiness
	Articulation Anaemia
Dynamic Deficiency The absence of dynamic contrast in one’s playing
Cures:	Dramatise
	Transfiguration
Related Diagnoses:	Expression Omission Disorder
	Fortissimo Fixation
	Pianissimo Preoccupation
Expression Omission Disorder The lack of expression in one’s playing
Cures:	Pick a Painting
	Gesture Gist
Related Diagnoses:	Dynamic Deficiency
	Articulation Anaemia
	Wrist Lockdown
	Pianissimo Preoccupation
	Fortissimo Fixation
Finger Fascination The tendency to stare at one’s own fingers while playing
Cures:	Book Levitation
	Blind Drills
Related Diagnoses:	Leap Phobia
	Octave Disorientation
Fingering Forgetfulness The ignoring of finger numbers
Cures:	Fingering Overload
	Finger Aloud
Related Diagnoses:	Finger Hiccups
Finger Hiccups The habitual repeating of a note or series of notes several times before proceeding
Cures:	Super Slow Motion
	Cover Up
Related Diagnoses:	Obstacle Sneezes
	Line Limp
Floppy Finger Predicament The collapsing of the top finger joint when pressing a key.
Cures:	The Bionic Pianist
	Tap Drills
Related Diagnoses:	Fused Phalanges
	Wrist Drowsiness
	Sticky Tipitis
	Fortissimo Fixation
Fortissimo Fixation Refusal to play at a volume other than the maximum
Cures:	As Soft As...
	Freefall
Related Diagnoses:	Floppy Finger Predicament
	Expression Omission Disorder
	Sticky Tipitis
Fused Phalanges The apparent inability to bend one’s finger joints
Cures:	Spider Safety
	X Marks the Spot
Related Diagnoses:	Floppy Finger Predicament
	Wrist Drowsiness
	Fortissimo Fixation
Instant Memorisation The almost immediate playing from memory
Cures:	Score Spruce-up
	Easy As Pie
Related Diagnoses:	I-played-it-better-at-home-itis
	Finger Hiccups
	Articulation Anaemia
	Dynamic Deficiency
	Fingering Forgetfulness
I-played-it-better-at-home-itis The insistence that in-lesson playing doesn’t properly reflect one’s practice
Cures:	Tallies
	Simulate Nervousness
Related Diagnoses:	Start Again Syndrome
	Finger Hiccups
	Obstacle Sneezes
Leap Phobia The habitual slowing of one’s tempo
Cures:	Bull's Eye
	Crash Landing
Related Diagnoses:	Finger Fascination
Line Limp The belief that barlines are signs for one to stop or yield
Cures:	Plus One
	Forward Thinking
Related Diagnoses:	Obstacle Sneezes
	Finger Hiccups
Note Deafness The inability to hear incorrect notes played by oneself
Cures:	Sing Along
	Play Along
Related Diagnoses:	Finger Hiccups
	Accidental Amnesia
Obstacle Sneezes The complete lack of a rhythmic sense
Cures:	Edge Forward
	Edge Backward
Related Diagnoses:	Line Limp
	Tempo Shivers
	Leap Phobia
	Finger Hiccups
Octave Disorientation The confounding of notes with the same name in different octaves
Cures:	C Reorientation
	Sideways Look
Related Diagnoses:	Finger Fascination
Pedal Repulsion The severe distaste of pedalling
Cures:	Divide and Conquer
	The Naked Piano
Related Diagnoses:	Expression Omission Disorder
Pianissimo Preoccupation Refusal to play at a volume other than the minimum
Cures:	Roar!
	Hairpin Scales
Related Diagnoses:	Digit Flotation
	Expression Omission Disorder
Presto Infatuation The aversion to playing slowly
Cures:	Aural Storytelling
	Social Proof
Related Diagnoses:	Vivace Influenza
Restlessness The neglecting of rest values when counting
Cures:	Take Action
	Freezeframe
Related Diagnoses:	Rhythm Allergy
	Presto Infatuation
Rhythm Allergy The complete lack of a rhythmic sense
Cures:	Rhythm 101
	Unison Immersion
Related Diagnoses:	Beam Fever
	Restlessness
	Obstacle Sneezes
Start Again Syndrome Obsessive playing from the beginning no matter the circumstances
Cures:	At Sixes and Sevens
	Back It Up
Related Diagnoses:	I-played-it-better-at-home-itis
Sticky Tipitis The tendency of one’s fingers to stick to the keybed
Cures:	Sigh It Out
	Soft Landing
Related Diagnoses:	Floppy Finger Predicament
	Wrist Drowsiness
	Wrist Lockdown
	Expression Omission Disorder
	Fortissimo Fixation
Tempo Shivers Sudden and unplanned tempo changes
Cures:	Hands Off
	Build a Band
Related Diagnoses:	Finger Hiccups
	Line Limp
	Obstacle Sneezes
	Leap Phobia
Vivace Influenze The inability to play at a slow tempo
Cures:	Reverse Metronome Ladder
	Copycat
Related Diagnoses:	Presto Infatuation
Wrist Drowsiness The drooping of one’s wrists below a sensible height
Cures:	River of Doom
	Bounce
Related Diagnoses:	Wrist Lockdown
	Fused Phalanges
	Floppy Finger Predicament
Wrist Lockdown The lack of wrist lifts at phrase/slur endings
Cures:	Imaginary String
	Forceful Fingering
Related Diagnoses:	Fingering Forgetfulness
	Expression Omission Disorder
	Articulation Anaemia