"Next stop, Jasyn's apartment," I said as we got back into the service lift. Tayvis didn't look at me while he keyed in the floor. "If I'm going to take the Phoenix, she has to agree. It's half her ship."
"You're going to drag her into this?" Tayvis stared down at the control panel while the lift slid into motion. He wasn't looking at me. I watched the muscles in his jaw jump. He was upset. He had every right to be. I wasn't very happy about the situation myself.
"I'm going to give her a choice."
"She'll never agree to stay behind and you know it."
It was a weak point in my argument. I half hoped Jasyn would insist on coming. I didn't want to leave her behind. I didn't want her hurt, either. I folded my arms around myself. What happened to happiness? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have to be making these decisions. I shouldn't have to be watching Tayvis shut himself away from me.
The lift stopped. The doors opened. I made no move to leave. Tayvis finally sighed, turning around to look at me.
"You agreed to this, Dace."
"Over many protests. It has to be done. I'm the only one with any chance. I owe it to Scholar to finish this for him." I shifted my feet, looking down at the floor instead of at my husband. I didn't want to see the condemnation in his eyes. "He was on Linas-Drias, looking out for me."
"And now he's missing. You think there might be a chance he's still alive?"
I shook my head. "The people he was chasing are too ruthless. They make Vance's mother look like a kitten in comparison. She only tried to kill me when it was clear Vance was intent on marrying me and not dropping me as unsuitable. She was only concerned with preserving her own reputation."
"Not with wholesale destruction of the Empire?"
"And the rest of us."
He stood very still, watching me, weighing my words. I couldn't stand the silence any longer. I looked up and wished I hadn't. His face was flat and unreadable as a statue's.
"You really think you can stop it?" His voice was neutral. I couldn't read him, couldn't tell what he was thinking behind the mask.
"I have to try, Tayvis. I owe it to Scholar. And everyone else. They deserve a chance. Was it you or was it Lowell who told me that sometimes it was necessary to sacrifice one life for the good of the rest?"
"That sounds like something he would say."
"To be honest, I don't know how long I'm going to live anyway. I may as well spend what's left of my life doing something to help."
"You wouldn't be dying if you hadn't stuck your neck out in the first place." Now he was the one to look away. He swallowed hard. I watched the lump in his throat move up and down.
"What's that supposed to mean?" His comment hurt. I'd never tried to get involved. Ever since I'd crashed on Dadilan, I'd been trying to get uninvolved. Until now. "You were the one to send me tailing after Shomies Pardui on Dadilan. She's the one who did this to me."
I shoved my way past him, out of the lift. My eyes stung and my vision blurred. He was blaming me for everything now? That was not fair. To either of us.
"Dace."
I barely paused. I didn't turn around. I kept my back to him. I didn't want him to see how badly he hurt me with his comment.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"So am I but that doesn't change anything. It never has."
"Then tell Roland no. We can go anywhere you want. Find someplace to just be ourselves."
"Until I die?"
I made the mistake of turning around. His mask was gone. All I saw in his eyes was pain. I turned on my heel and walked swiftly away. I had to keep blinking back tears. Maybe marrying him was a mistake. I was hoping we'd at least have a few weeks or months of being happy. I'd just made the pain worse, for both of us.
"Dace."
I ignored him and kept going, ducking my head to hide the tears threatening to spill.
"Dace."
He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.
"You want to shout at me? Tell me this is all my fault?"
"I was going to tell you that you're going the wrong way. Jasyn's apartment is this way."
I stood rigid, not looking at him. It wasn't helping.
He sighed, his breath brushing over my cheek. "I'm sorry. This isn't what I wanted. If you really feel you have to go, then go. Just don't try to leave me behind."
"I'm not stupid enough to try, and I'm too selfish to want to. I want you with me, Tayvis."
He slid his arm around my shoulder and started walking up the hall, drawing me with him.
"I just hope you're wrong about the medics." He squeezed my shoulder.
I didn't answer. I could feel my body falling apart inside. The treatments were helping, but not as much as I pretended. I lived with constant pain. In some ways, death would be a release. But there was so much I'd miss.
Tayvis stopped me in front of a door and pushed the door chime.
"What are you going to tell her?" he asked while we waited.
I shrugged.
The door slid open.
"You are the last people I expected at my door," Jasyn said with a surprised smile. "Come in." She stepped back.
Jasyn Pai was one of the most gorgeous women I have ever met. She was tall, with slender curves. She had long, black hair that fell like Surra silk down her back. Her eyes were a striking shade of violet. She was also the best friend I'd ever had. She was the sister I'd fantasized about in the orphanage on Tivor.
She looked worried as we entered the apartment. The crease between her eyes deepened. She knew something was not right. She was going to hate me when I told her what I'd agreed to do. I wondered which side of the argument Tayvis was going to support.
"What are you two doing here?" Clark asked as Jasyn escorted us into the sitting area. Clark lounged in a chair, looking rumpled. He was Jasyn's husband. I trusted him with my life. I had several times before.
"Where's Louie?" Tayvis asked.
"Asleep for now," Jasyn answered. "Have a seat and tell us what's wrong."
"Nothing," I said.
"Don't even try lying," Jasyn threatened. "You should be in your room, enjoying your honeymoon. And don't try telling me you got bored with each other. Not yet."
"Fighting already?" Clark said with a teasing grin. "I think you just set a new record."
"We wouldn't be if Will stayed out of our way," Tayvis grumbled.
"What did that weasel ask you do to this time?" Jasyn demanded. "He had no right to ask anything."
"What are you going to do? Beat him to a pulp?" Clark asked his wife. "I think Tayvis and Dace could handle that without your help. Why didn't you?" he asked, turning back to us.
"Because he was right," I said. "Roland is sending me to Linas-Drias, as his official ambassador."
"And you agreed? Are you insane?" Jasyn was even more gorgeous when she was angry.
"He's right, Jasyn," Tayvis said. "Much as I don't want to agree, I have to. Dace is the best one to send. She may be the only one to send."
"You are both crazy."
"Why are you telling us?" Clark asked, cutting off Jasyn before she could get started. "We're scheduled to start negotiations with the Gypsy Council and the Trade Regulation Committee tomorrow morning."
"Because I'm taking the Phoenix," I answered.
"Then we're coming," Jasyn said quickly.
I shook my head. "You're needed here. And it might be dangerous. What about Louie?"
"You left me behind once before, Dace," Jasyn's voice cracked on my name.
"It sounds like we need to call in the whole crew," Clark butted in. "Look, you two ladies go find something to eat. Dace looks like she needs it. I'll call the others and we can talk this over." He stood, shifting his gaze to Tayvis. "You get to referee. They can't start fighting until everyone else is here." He crossed the room to the com unit.
Jasyn glared at me for a very long minute. She finally got up, banging pans in the tiny kitchen area. I sat on her couch and wished I had turned Roland down. But I knew why I hadn't. Jasyn didn't. Not yet. I got up from the couch. Tayvis watched as I went into the kitchen.
"Do you want help?" I asked.
"No," Jasyn said flatly. She slammed a pan onto the counter.
I kept my back to the room. I wanted to keep the truth from Tayvis. I had to share it with Jasyn. She wasn't going to accept anything less.
"Listen to me, Jasyn, please," I said very quietly.
She glanced past me, at Tayvis. I watched the emotions run across her face; pain, anger, hurt, and finally understanding.
"You don't want him to know," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"If he knew the real reasons, he'd never let me go."
"And I will?" The look she gave me was full of hurt.
"I'm taking the Phoenix, without you. Let me explain," I added quickly when she started to protest. "You have to get the Gypsies behind you. I'm counting on you coming to rescue me."
"This isn't about negotiations, is it?"
"It isn't about congratulating the new Emperor on his coronation, either." I shifted my weight to one foot and rested my hip against the counter. "This is about war, stopping one anyway. It's about stopping the people who have been hunting me all along."
"I thought we did. Several times."
"I thought we did, too. But the real threat is still there, or so Roland believes. One woman is behind almost everything. The crime syndicates, the Empire falling apart, just about everything that's gone wrong. Lowell thinks she knows me."
"And if you show up on Linas-Drias, she is not going to sit back and ignore you."
"Not after all the maneuvering she did to get rid of me already." I shifted my weight again. My legs were starting to ache. I could feel my muscles twitching. I tried to ignore them. "I owe it to Scholar to finish what he started. He came to Linas-Drias to track her, not just to protect me."
"And what am I supposed to do? Stay here and wait until you're really dead this time?"
"You're supposed to get the Gypsies in line. And help Roland invade the Empire."
She opened a tin and started arranging cookies on a platter. I shifted from foot to foot, waiting for her decision. She placed a final cookie on the platter and sighed.
"I don't like it, Dace."
"Neither do I, but it has to be done. And I'm the best one to do it."
"Tayvis doesn't know Roland's setting you up."
"If he did, he'd never agree to any of it."
"Don't underestimate him, Dace." She picked up the platter and went back to the sitting area.
"Jasyn?" I asked, following her.
"What?" She put the platter down on a low table and turned back to me. "You want me to say I like what you're doing? You want me to tell me you're doing the right thing? I can't."
"I want you to let me take our ship."
"And stay behind." She sighed. I waited for her decision. "I don't like it, but I understand. Just don't get lost this time."
"She talked you into it?" Tayvis asked as he joined us. He picked up a cookie. "I was hoping you'd talk her out of it."
"Because you couldn't?" Jasyn asked him. "I think we both know she's right, even if we don't agree. Besides, think of the prestige. You're married to the Federation's first official ambassador."
"And here I thought I was marrying below my station," he said, grinning at me. It was a front. I still saw the pain in his eyes.
"Speaking of weddings," Clark broke in, "your mother and Darus were really hitting it off last night. They left the party together sometime well after midnight."
Tayvis choked on his cookie. "My mother and Dace's father? That is so wrong."
"What's wrong with my father? Besides the fact he's three inches shorter than she is." I jumped at the chance to change the subject. Anything to lighten the mood.
The door chimed. Clark opened it.
"Absolutely nothing," Tayvis answered as Darus, my father, walked in.
Darus stopped dead when he saw us. "You two are fighting already? It's been what? Maybe twelve hours?"
"Blame Roland." I pulled my feet under me as I settled on the couch. I rubbed my legs, trying to stop the twitching.
Darus shook his head. "You shouldn't be here, Dace. You and Tayvis—"
"Don't, Darus," I said tiredly. The last thing I wanted was a lecture from him. Or another reminder of how happy he'd been with my mother for the whole four days they spent together after they were married.
Tayvis sat next to me and took my hand. Whatever our issues were, the two of us would work it out later. In private.
Darus sank into one of the two armchairs in the room. He slouched down, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.
"Did you stay up too late?" Clark asked him.
"Probably, but I'm not admitting to it," Darus answered.
The door chimed again. This time it was Twyla, Clark's sister. She had the same sandy blond hair and green eyes but she was a lot quieter. Though I'd flown with her for some time, I didn't know her that well. She was cool headed, steady under pressure.
The next to arrive were Paltronis and Beryn, hand in hand. Beryn was Caid's grandson. Caid had been Lady Rina's engineer, friend, and confidant. Lady Rina was Jasyn's something-great aunt. She'd watched over us and adopted us into her Gypsy clan. Shellfinder clan was probably the oddest one that had ever existed in all the eons of Gypsy history. Jasyn and Beryn were the only two that were actually Gypsies. The rest, including me, had been adopted. It was a sore point with the Gypsy Council. They kept trying to declare Shellfinder dead. They hadn't succeeded yet, mostly because we had the support of most of the ship captains who flew for Gypsy shipping companies.
Beryn was short, dark, and very much like his grandfather. He winked at me as he and Paltronis helped Jasyn bring in more chairs from the kitchen.
Paltronis was harder to understand. She had threatened to kill me once if I hurt Tayvis. She had worked for Lowell at the same time he had. She hadn't been undercover, though. She could kill a person in at least twenty different ways with just her bare hands. I wanted her at my back. I trusted her. I didn't understand what attracted her and Beryn together, but I approved of it. They both looked happy.
The door chimed again. This time it was Ginni. She didn't come alone either. Doggo was with her, hanging onto her hand as if it were his. He grinned sheepishly at me. I had to smile back.
Ginni was tiny, smaller than petite. She had dark hair and darker eyes. She was stubborn and fiercely protective. She'd fought odds worse than I had. We'd rescued her from the Sidyatha and adopted her. She was completely loyal to us, Shellfinder and the Phoenix Rising. She smiled shyly and blushed. She perched on the arm of the couch next to Tayvis. Doggo sat next to her, still clinging to her hand.
Doggo wasn't technically part of our clan, although it looked like he might be marrying into it. I'd met him as a teenage gangster on Ophir, the same planet where I'd met Scholar. They'd saved my life. I liked Doggo, even if he insisted on calling me Spacer Chick.
I wanted him safe. I wanted them all safe. But I couldn't go alone.
"Who's still missing?" Ginni asked.
"Lowell," Clark said. "And Ghost. And Leon, but he's busy on Tebros."
The door chimed again.
The door opened. Everett Greene waited to be invited in. He was another distant cousin of Jasyn's. He was also a good friend. He'd put his own life and reputation and ship in danger to help us before.
"Come on in, Everett," Clark said.
"I thought you had a cargo for Nevira," Jasyn said.
Everett's smile twisted. "My clan disowned me and took the Windrigger away. For associating with you."
"I take it the Council is still claiming Shellfinder isn't a clan," Jasyn answered.
"They're fighting with the captains," Everett confirmed. "You've managed to split every clan. The Council has issued an edict. Any captain who joins the Trade Council will be disowned and stripped of their position. But the clans know they can't function without government support for their trading ships. I'm almost glad I'm not captain anymore."
"I'm sorry, Everett," I said.
"Don't apologize, Dace. I chose to get involved. I chose where to stand in this fight." Everett shrugged.
"I passed the message on to him," Ginni said. "You did offer him status in our clan," she added to Jasyn.
"So I did." Jasyn smiled at Everett. "You're welcome here anytime."
Everett found a chair and sat.
"Do we wait for Lowell?" Clark asked.
"He's busy," I said. "Will had him running interference with the delegation from Cygnus."
"He isn't the only one that's been busy," Clark said as he shot me an oblique glance. He deliberately thumbed the lock on the door. "Shall we start?"
"If Dace is here, that means something big is up," Beryn said.
They looked expectantly at me. I looked at Tayvis. He gave me a bland look.
"You agreed to it, it's your show." His voice had an edge that I wished I could erase. He wasn't happy about this. I wasn't happy about it either.
"Roland is sending me to Linas-Drias as the Federation's ambassador," I said baldly. "I'm taking the Phoenix. I want people I can trust with me." As few as I could get away with, I added silently. I didn't want any of them to be hurt.
The room was silent. No one moved.
"You don't mess around," Everett said quietly.
"Emperor Maximillius the Thirteenth is dead. They're crowning the new Emperor soon. Roland thought it would be a good idea to send someone to congratulate him."
"So they're sending you?" Darus asked. "You'll have the place burned to the ground within a week. Does Roland know what happens to the places you get sent?"
"He knows better than most," I answered. "He's from Dadilan."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Darus demanded. "You've never said a word about what happened there."
"I'm not going to fight with you, Darus," I said. "Roland knows what happens when I get involved. He and I burned his monastery to the ground. He still wants me to go. I've met Max, the new Emperor. Roland thinks I can talk sense into him."
"Beat it into him, more likely," Darus muttered.
"She has to go," Jasyn said, an unexpected source of support. "Roland's right."
"The ship won't be out of drydock for another week, at least," Beryn said.
"We're not leaving for two weeks," I said.
"I'm going with you," Twyla said. "You're going to need a pilot." I wasn't going to be in any shape to fly. I hated it, but she was right. I nodded.
"You aren't leaving me here," Ginni said, "not this time."
Doggo shifted unhappily in his seat. "I'd offer but." He shrugged. I understood. He was part of Roland's military fleet.
"The Phoenix doesn't have any weapons," I said.
"Maybe you should have put some in, Spacer Chick," he said.
"I'm definitely considering it."
"Jasyn and I are staying here," Clark said. "The Gypsies need beaten into line again."
"I want your help, Beryn," Jasyn said. "You're Gypsy, they might listen to you. I need someone I can trust backing me up."
"You've got Clark," Beryn pointed out.
"He isn't born Gypsy," Jasyn said.
Beryn traded looks with Paltronis, then nodded.
"You need someone watching your back, Dace," Paltronis said.
"I've got Tayvis," I answered.
"I'm coming," she said, leaving no room for argument.
I gave in. It was what I wanted, even if it wasn't.
"You aren't leaving me here, either," Darus said. "That ship doesn't fly without someone beating the pipes every once in a while."
"You're going to need a navigator," Everett said. "I'm a bit rusty, but I'm game, if you'll take me."
"Jasyn will need your help," I said. "You're Gypsy, too."
"Not anymore. My clan supports the Council. They issued an edict against me personally."
"He doesn't exist anymore, Dace," Jasyn said. "Not to the Gypsies."
"He does to Shellfinder," I said.
"I thought you'd see it that way," Everett said with a smile.
"Welcome aboard the Phoenix," I said. "As soon as it's out of drydock, anyway."
"You haven't said a word, Tayvis," Beryn said. "What do you feel about all this?"
Tayvis squeezed my hand. "I don't like it, but there isn't much I can do about it."
It was the best I was going to get from him.
"We leave in two weeks, then?" Darus asked. "Or sooner if we can get the engine installed."
I shook my head. "Two weeks."
"Then we'd better enjoy it," Darus said.
"I've got cookies," Jasyn offered, trying to break the tense mood.
Tayvis stood, pulling me off the couch with him. "Sorry, Jasyn. We're going to pass on your offer."
I blushed as Jasyn grinned at us. The others were grinning, too, but they pretended they weren't. Tayvis and I walked out into the hall. I expected him to head back to our room, but he didn't. We got into the lift.
"Medical, deck twenty," he said instead.
I turned to him, studying his face. It was set and flat and unreadable.
"Tayvis?"
"Two weeks of treatments, Dace. It might give you a chance." He held up my hand, still cradled in his much bigger one. My fingers were twitching and shaking. Now that I took time to notice, I could feel my core muscles twitching. "I don't want to lose you. If the treatments at least buy you some time…" He squeezed my hand as the lift slid to a stop. "Don't give up hope, Dace."
I didn't know if the words were meant for me or if he meant them for himself. I squeezed back.