It’s arguably my most popular song. Most nights, I can’t get off the stage without singing it. It’s also still a favorite on closing night at summer camps, and for years it’s been a musical staple at graduation ceremonies across the country. That’s pretty amazing considering it was really only meant to be heard by the members of a small Bible study group my wife and I took part in. One couple was moving on, and we wrote it to help send them on their way. Who could have imagined it would become a sort of anthem embraced by so many people?
I’ve been asked so many times, “Why do you think that song struck such a chord with so many people?” It obviously connected for some reason, and while I’d like to say it’s the melody or my skillful piano playing, I think its popularity owes a lot to the subject matter itself. Friendship is one of the most important things we have in this life. Don’t believe me? Just try going through a really tough time without your friends to lean on, and you’ll see what I mean.
YIELD
Who are the friends you would count on during a difficult time? What qualities do they have that make them such good friends? What makes you a good friend to others? Are there ways you can be a better friend to those around you?
While the song is a celebration of friendship, it’s also bittersweet because it’s about saying goodbye. Over the years, I’ve learned that the song has been extremely meaningful to people going through some kind of turmoil or strife, particularly the loss of a loved one. Maybe it’s because when you go through a tragedy like that, you find out fast just how important friendship really is. While nothing can completely take away the pain, to look around and realize you have all these people loving you and supporting you can make all the difference in the world.
I’ve had so many people tell me about difficult situations that they have gone through, times that they believe they would never have survived if it hadn’t been for their close friends who rallied around them. It’s not surprising to find, then, that most of us value friendship more than any other thing in the world. I certainly know that I can’t make it through this life without my comrades, the people who have seen me through the good times and the bad and stuck beside me no matter what.
I guess that’s a really big part of why that song continues to live on. Although I’m sure there are some people who wish I would go ahead and retire it for good, I sang it the other night to a standing ovation. Even after all these years, it still has the power to bring a crowd of 10,000 people to their feet. It’s incredible to see how God has used it to touch people’s lives, and I’m grateful to be a part of that.
FOREVER FRIENDS?
Even if you’ve never sung “Friends” around the campfire, chances are you have peers in your life that you count on. Their names, faces, and level of importance may change through the years, but your need for that kind of connection in your life will never go away.
There have been times, I admit, when I was so busy, I felt like I hardly had time to have friends. There just wasn’t much extra time to nurture friendships. At times I would feel a little left out, especially when I looked around and noticed that some people seemed to have these amazing best friends. These days, my best friend is my wife, Deb, but I know I still need to have other people in my life, guys I can talk to about anything. As my life and schedule have changed, I see God opening up the door for me to start to spend more time with some people I didn’t think I’d ever have the opportunity to really get to know. That’s exciting to me because I honestly think God has put each of them in my life for a reason.
You need friends in your life, too. It may not mean you’ll have one best friend, though. Maybe you’re one of those people who would rather have several close friends instead. The most important thing is that you find people you can connect with and be honest with, people who you allow to offer input and whose advice and opinions you respect.
Sometimes a close friendship develops with someone because you have so much in common. You like the same clothes, the same music, the same sports, the same TV shows. You’re completely in sync, and that sure makes hanging out easy. At the same time, other friends may be a good fit because of how different you all are. It may be harder to agree on what movie to see on a Friday night with this group, but those relationships can be just as rewarding (and just as necessary). Both types of friends challenge you, but each in different ways.
One of the people who has been challenging me lately is my friend, Max Lucado. While I’ve known the popular Christian author and Texas-based pastor for a long time, our busy schedules—not to mention the fact that we live in totally different states—made it difficult to connect. Finally, we went on the road together when he joined Third Day and me for the Come Together and Worship Tour. That extended road trip gave us a chance to spend a ton of time together and become closer friends. It was great because once we got together, we remembered just how much we love each other and how much we enjoy being together.
In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how much we would have in common, but Max has become an important friend in my life, and we connect in more ways than I originally thought. Even though the distance makes it difficult at times, I value all the good things he brings into my life. For starters, he’s a real encourager. He believes in me and speaks life in me. That means a lot to me, and I hope I do the same for him.
As a result, we continue to make time to see each other, or at least talk on the phone, regularly. Sometimes, like last Saturday, that takes the form of a golf game in San Antonio, Texas. Other times it’s a quick message on the phone. Whatever the means, we make it a point to connect.
Some friendships come about through a more interesting route. For instance, I love how being friends with somebody can lead to being friends with someone else. That’s how I met Bono from the band U2. Since he makes his home in Ireland, Nashville isn’t exactly next door, but he came through town in late 2002 to talk about an African Relief organization he helped found called DATA. I was at that meeting because I was interested in the cause, but I had no idea I’d come away with much more than some helpful information.
The charismatic musician-turned-activist was quickly becoming at home in the political arena in order to help raise funds for aid to African nations ravaged by AIDS, drought, and civil war. Through a strange series of events, I was already somewhat at home in that world, having established a friendship with the first President Bush and continuing to have a relationship with his son, George W. Bush, who now sits in the Oval Office. So because of my relationship with a president, I became friends with a rock star.
At first, I was simply asked to ride with Bono to his next stop. I quickly jumped in the van he was traveling in, and suddenly we were sitting right next to each other. In the beginning, it felt a little surreal, but soon enough we were deep in a conversation that lasted until we arrived downtown. At the time, I didn’t expect anything beyond that. Still, I couldn’t help feeling that God had somehow orchestrated our short time together.
Bono obviously knew I was friends with the president, and that was intriguing to him. I think he hoped that as a result of that relationship, I might be able to help him with his cause. While in Nashville, he was also stopping by the office of another friend of mine, Senator Bill Frist. So my connection to two politicians, unlikely friendships in their own right, led to my making another unique friend.
While Bono and I don’t spend a lot of time together, we e-mail occasionally. We’ve also managed to connect in person at least a few times since that first meeting, including a stop at his house for lunch when I was visiting his home country. Our lives are quite different, but each sees something in the other that we admire. I enjoy his sense of humor and the way he encourages me, while I think he was touched by the close bond I share with my wife and kids.
That’s how it is in true friendships—there’s give and take. Even when one friend is the President of the United States and the leader of the free world. While you might wonder what I have to give in a relationship like that (trust me, I asked the same thing), I think we really do have a genuine friendship. Part of that is based on the fact that, unlike so many others in his life, he knows I don’t want anything from him. That has to be a refreshing change for him. And it’s a balance I’m careful to maintain. While I have my beliefs and my causes, I’m careful not to push them too hard when I visit Washington. The truth is, that’s not why I’m in his life.
You may not have friends who regularly appear on the covers of magazines, but those relationships are just as important! And just like your relationship with God, these relationships need to be nurtured, too. Throughout your life, these are the people who are going to help shape you, who are going to challenge you, and who are going to provide insight when you need it most.
YIELD
On a scale of 1–10, how important are your friends to you? Are most of your friends a lot like you or are you and your best friend an unlikely pair? What can hanging out with someone different from you add to your life?
Just as friends can help steer you in the right direction, they can also lead you into all sorts of trouble. That’s why it’s important to pick your friends carefully. Having the wrong friends can be worse than having no friends at all. That latter option might seem lonelier, but you’ll also be pretty lonely if you’re spending months grounded, unable to leave the house.
In the same way, you can’t always tell who you’ll connect with based on your first impression or how much you have in common. Choosing friends from among your youth group or other kids who say they’re Christians doesn’t guarantee you’ll be free of bad influences. Also, people can change, especially during the teen years when it’s common to try on different styles and personalities to see which one fits. As a result, someone who was once closer than a brother can suddenly start doing things you’d never have dreamed possible.
So while I’m a huge advocate for friendship, you also need to take stock of those relationships every now and then. Ask yourself if the people you’re spending the majority of your time with are building you up or tearing you down. Do they make it easier for you to walk with God or harder to follow Him? The answers to those questions should give you a pretty clear idea of when it’s time to find a new crowd.
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND
Even Jesus needed friends while He was here on earth. John, Paul, and Luke—these men were His followers, but they were also His friends. Of course, Jesus could have gone it alone, but why would He? Why would you? Friends may not be a physical necessity like food or water, but they sure make life more bearable.